Freaking out ... going back next week

[HeckedyPeg]

AAHH!!

I'm in the last half of my 3rd year in grad school, a 4 year masters program for Trad. Chinese Medicine. I took a leave of absence in May to have my DS and spend some quality time with him, and now I'm set to go back next week! I can't believe it. Time is going by too fast. I'm really having some anxiety and feeling kind of sad. Part of the reason is- we found a babysitter/nanny type to watch him, interviewed her, everything seemed to be going well, and then it fell apart. She never had us over to her house (where she'd be watching him), and some other things, and now we are scrambling to get childcare covered. Thankfully, I am taking mostly night classes this term, but on the other hand, DH still can't get our DS to sleep at night, and usually gives up after about 10 minutes (usually DS gets fed and then DH does the routine, and as he's putting him down DS starts screaming, and won't stop unless I go in there). DS will also not fall asleep for naps without some kind of snuggling. This is very frustrating and I've been reading the No Cry Sleep books and doing those things but it's not working yet. I have class 3 nights and 2 days, and I'm just so so worried that DS will completely melt down and be upset all day. I've been crying all week. I know that a lot of this is MY problem, and I'm having my own separation anxiety. I have tried to prepare DS by leaving him with family while I go out, he gets a lot of daddy time in the evenings, DH always does the bedtime routine, and I take a Sunday religious class that DH and DS are together alone for ... 

I guess ... I'm just freaked out. I know he'll be fine in the long run, but I'm dreading the "transition" period. Taking more time off is not an option, and I don't think it will really do anything except delay the inevitable. I'm also just nervous from an academic POV, I feel like I don't remember anything, and that I won't be able to study anymore! lol

[SaraJaneM]

hiya!! i'm a nerd too, and married to one!  i'm due with  my first in july (the 5, close to your oliver-- which is one of my favorite names!) and just BARELY finished a semester of my second grad program-- i was soooo sick and tired and nauseated all the time.  i'm now officially halfway done, and i'm feeling so much anxiety too-- taking a huge courseload next semester so i can just take 1-2 classes in fall when the creature is just a few months old, and so worried i won't be able to finish school with a kid and what was i thinking and oh my god.  but i see you're doing it, tons of women do it, and i know i can do it too. right?!  yes, i think so!  i think we can do it!  best of luck to you... and very exciting that you're almost done!!

[HeckedyPeg]

One of the things that keeps me going is the fact that other women have and continue to do it! One of my school friends finished up her internship with an 18 month old and pregnant, gave birth to a beautiful boy just two months after graduation. I figure if she can do it, so can I! 

I'm still freaked out though :-P

[inky leeuhhh]

i felt the same way when  i started back to work. it was really hard for two days, and then suddenly dd settled in and it was over. my concern at the time was that she would not take a bottle. we were feeding her from a syringe for the first two days until she finally took one from the dcp. i was so relieved. just do the best you can do. like you said, the transitional period is the hardest part, and that won't last forever. babies grow and become a little more flexible- and they grow fast. i am in college as well, and the worst part is not getting the sleep i'd like. i figure i have the rest of my life to sleep after kids and college. i just need to make it through the next few years!

[laurabfig]

I'm on mat. leave right now, and planning to go back in a few months and it is already starting to make me sad.  I'm trying to enjoy every day and just not think about it right now.  I can so relate to your post...I will be there in a few short weeks.

How has the first week back been?  I'm hoping for you the transition has been easier than you expected!!

[HeckedyPeg]

Originally Posted by laurabfig 

I'm on mat. leave right now, and planning to go back in a few months and it is already starting to make me sad.  I'm trying to enjoy every day and just not think about it right now.  I can so relate to your post...I will be there in a few short weeks.

How has the first week back been?  I'm hoping for you the transition has been easier than you expected!!

Today was day three, and the longest I had left DS - I got stuck in traffic and was  gone a total of 6 hours! He was with my in-laws, and did very well today and all week so far. I cried the first day, but knowing that he has been relatively happy and not completely freaking out has made it easier on me. He still won't take a long nap for anyone though, haha! He is full of big smiles when I come home every night too :-)

I hope this good streak continues!

[SaraJaneM]

I hope all is well, now that it's been a couple of weeks!  I finally hit 16 weeks and a few days and I have some energy for the first time since November!!  School starts on Feb 2 and I'm taking a huge courseload AND working so I can chill out with newborn this summer and take just 2 or MAYBE 3 classes this Fall.  Best to y'all! 

[HeckedyPeg]

Originally Posted by SaraJaneM 

I hope all is well, now that it's been a couple of weeks!  I finally hit 16 weeks and a few days and I have some energy for the first time since November!!  School starts on Feb 2 and I'm taking a huge courseload AND working so I can chill out with newborn this summer and take just 2 or MAYBE 3 classes this Fall.  Best to y'all! 

Ah, thanks for asking! :)

It's been an adjustment, more for me I think than him! He's been fine while I'm gone, the biggest issue is napping, since he loves to fall asleep at the breast, but people are getting him to nap. I've also been having some trouble keeping up my supply of breastmilk- I pump at school, but while the left is starting to produce more, the right seems to be producing LESS and that is worrisome. DS was sick the 2nd week of school (of course! haha! First illness right after mommy leaves), so I missed some classes that week. We had to supplement with formula last week (first time EVER!), I was so depressed about that, but I can't keep missing classes! :-/  Overall, it's been nice. I am glad to be back, a bit overwhelmed at times, but I'm recalling way more than I thought I would and it's nice to be amongst my peers again! :)

SaraJane: what are you studying? Seriously, all that nesting energy helps with school, towards the end of your semester you'll be hammering things out! ;)

[SaraJaneM]

Hello!

So sorry for delayed reply. It is great to hear that things are going well for you all... I study ecofeminist, process, and liberation theology. If that sounds like gibberish, just look up Catherine Keller, I'm aspiring to be a junior version of her, but to write more accessibly for a greater number of folks. It IS the end of the semester, and golly, all I want to do is eat and sleep... but I am managing to hammer out papers when I need to. (Which is now, and I'm totally procrastinating on this site where I haven't been in 2 months!!)

Peace,

SJ

[HeckedyPeg]

SJ,

Wow! That is quite the subject you've got ... thank you for providing me with material to read up on during my spring break :)  Seriously, that sounds incredibly interesting, and a little mind bending too! I hope you're feeling good as you get closer to the big day- I remember how I felt this time last year, hehe, it goes by so quickly. 

I'm on break now, between semesters, and I can't believe I made it through the Spring term in one piece. I felt panicked today, I got an email from the clinical supervisor about doing my clinical observations and how it's a lottery system and we have to do 4.5 hour shifts during the week, (on top of my classes! I thought I'd get to schedule it a bit differently.) but I think it's going to work out ... because it has too. I kind of want to fast forward to after graduation!