X-mas was ruined

[becca_howell]

X-mas began happy. DS had a high fever, but was okay on Motrin. We decided to make the best of it and continue our plans to hit up both grandparents' houses and do our family tradition of going to our favorite sushi/Japanese restaurant for dinner. DD was so excited it was Christmas and she was going to open presents then eat "shushi" later!

We got to the in-laws and FIL was frying a turkey right next to the front porch (WAY too close to the house). They had all the windows and doors open because it was just a beautiful day. We were visiting with DD's cousin, my SIL and MIL. I tasted the first turkey FIL made. Five minutes later, my throat tickled. I asked MIL what the turkey was fried in and she said, "Peanut oil... that's not a problem is it?" Um... BIG problem! DD and I are allergic to peanuts! I was so irritated. I told DH not to give DD the turkey, but it was too late. The fumes from the fryer were thick in the air and about 20 minutes after arriving DD started breaking out. I sped down to the 24 hour pharmacy and picked up some Benadryl (packed EVERYTHING except!). When I got back, she was screaming and having a fit. Her face was swelling. For a split second, I considered the Epipen, but since she wasn't having trouble breathing (she did a bit as we were leaving though) I gave her the Benadryl and we decided to leave. We opened presents in about 2 minutes and left. FIL was holding her while she "opened" presents, and was upset. MIL said, "I just didn't think it'd be a big deal." In a rage, I said, "SHE'S ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS! Peanut EVERYTHING!! Nut, oil, powder, whatever!"

DH was beyond furious. When we got to my parents house, they were furious. DD was in and out of her "drug-induced coma" (what I call it when you're on Benadryl and passed out/half-awake) all day. She didn't want to open presents, DH and I had to help her. We ended up not going to the Japanese restaurant, got sushi for Mommy and Daddy to go and went home. DD threw up when we got home and passed out, slept until 9:30 the next day. She woke up and said, "Mommy, I feel better. We can do Christmas now!" She didn't even REMEMBER X-mas day! That made me furious even more. When we brought her toys out of the car, we had to tell her who got her what. She was happy, but it would've been a lot different for her to be happy in front of the gift-givers!

I can understand ignorance of the importance of allergies. If I hadn't lived with a sister severely allergic to shellfish all my life, I wouldn't have known what food allergies were like until I was an adult in the medical field. What I don't understand is the assuming. I mean, how easy would it have been to make a 60 second phone call to my cell phone, a phone number they both call twice a week or more? "Hey, can we use peanut oil?" "NO! No peanut oil!" "Okay, we'll use canola." That simple act would have saved our day.

I think we would've been a little more upset if FIL didn't feel so lousy about it. He was almost in tears himself, and he's not the type to cry (he's a rough n tuff biker guy). Still, now DH has forbidden me to let them watch her until further notice (we're avoiding the house for a few days anyway until the peanut fumes go away). His parents have GOT to learn that this is a serious allergy, and needs to be treated as such. They let my 6YO nephew eat peanut butter all over the house, it gets on the floor, he leaves plates of it on his table in his bedroom, she cooks with egg (DDand I are also allergic to egg), then acts "shocked" when I say DD can't have it. It's almost like they don't want to inconvenience themselves to help keep DD from having allergy attacks. My parents are a totally different story. They have peanut butter in the house, but it's kept up when we're there, my siblings aren't even allowed to eat it the day they know we're coming over. Their house is always cleaner, no food--especially food we're allergic to--is left anywhere. My mom keeps a container of the egg substitute in her cabinet for baking when we're coming over. I just wish there was a way to "educate" my in-laws, just to make their home safer for me and my baby girl.

Anyway, I hope you all had an allergen-free holiday weekend, and are looking forward to another allergen-free holiday weekend this weekend! Happy New Year!

[bodhitree]

Ugh. I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience! Maybe this will get your in-laws to finally "get it" that respecting the food allergies in your family is not optional.

[scsigrl]

Are you sure it was the peanut oil and not something else in it?  Every allergist we have been at (which is 4 now) has assured us that unless it is cold pressed peanut oil (which is $$$ and wouldn't be fried with in large amounts).  I only ask because I would hate for there to be other allergies you are overlooking.

:hug  Sorry your holiday was ruined :(

[kjbrown92]

Sorry! That sounds like an awful experience. Maybe using the epi-pen on her instead of the benadryl  would have driven the point home a little more about the seriousness of it. Either way though. I think I'd bring all the food for her and you if you go back anytime soon and maybe that'll drive the point in a little more too. It's a life threatening allergy. And they NEED to understand that.

[changingseasons]

That is really frustrating.  :hug

I do think that staying in that environment to open presents while her face was swelling is NOT going to get the point across to the family that it's a serious allergy though... in fact probably the opposite.    

And really?  They fried an entire turkey in peanut oil?!  That had to cost some serious cash.

[Brees_Mama]

Oh goodness, how scary! So glad you're both okay :hugs:

[Brees_Mama]

Hmm.

:hug: *

[Brees_Mama]

smilie fail.

[FAmom]

You know, I have been debating replying ...... I think the experience you had was truly awful.  I am sorry that you and your family had your holiday ruined, and worse, that your child had an allergic reaction.  

The thing I wanted to kind of say, just from a different perspective, and, of course having the benefit of sitting and reading, not being in the moment, was kind of how a few things maybe, for the future, you might want to think about.

First, one of the hardest things is dealing with a variety of ways family approaches your child's allergy.  Some may be incredibly accommodating, like your parents, while others, not so much.... like your in-laws.  If you know that you are headed to a home where peanut & peanut products are allowed, and allowed to be eaten all over, we've found that eating beforehand, taking our own food, or just not going there, are options.  Plus, I know it is hard, but asking about everything, and asking to see labels, before eating a single thing, is really essential.  

And I say this, not to sound judgemental, but from having been in situations similar, especially with my own FIL who loves peanut butter and even tried a recipe cooking it into meatloaf.  I also still have seared into my memory the image of my sister-in-law holding a nut-ball cookie in her outstretched hand offering it to my first son, who is peanut & tree nut allergic, at a christmas back when he was a toddler (about 9 years ago now)...... she then went on to later spill the entire box of the darn things on the floor right in front of him.  

What has happened for us is we just don't go to my in-laws stuff at their houses.  It is a shame, but, they just don't get it..... and in some ways, people who don't live it, unless they really put a huge effort into it, just don't get it.  And for some, who might in earnest think of trying, just don't have the ability to truly grasp what you are trying to communicate to them, or understand what you need them to do.

Also, I'm with the other poster about using the epi-pen..... not only for driving home the point, but it sounded necessary with the facial swelling, trouble breathing and the later vomiting.... it made me wonder about a possible biphasic reaction. 

Anyway, I hope that eventually your DD has been able to enjoy her presents, even though she didn't remember opening them.  I know, as parents, we hope for different types of Christmas memories for our children.  It is hard when the holidays get spoiled with things like this.  

[texmati]

I'm so sorry. I'll be honest; I'm nmot familiar with peanut allergies either (just what I read on mdc)-- I never would have thought that frying peanut oil could cause a reaction.

[sbgrace]

How horrible. I'm sorry. My family doesnt' get it either. They served tree nuts through and through for xmas dinner. My son ate none of it. I have no clue what they were thinking but I'll have to talk to them (again) before next time. I generally don't let him eat away from home anyway after he had a reaction to a "safe" cake my sister made.

But...gently...your daughter was in anaphylaxis. Any two body systems is anaphylaxis. She doesn't have to have difficulty breathing to die. Kids who do die often got an epi pen--just too far into the reaction. And too far is counted in minutes to my surprise. She needed an epi pen immediately. And the throwing up later--sounds biphasic frankly. Biphasic anaphylaxis is a second (more deadly) round that often involves blood pressure drops, gastro, etc. hours after the first.

In that situation my son's protocol calls for epi pen, 911, bendadryl while waiting for ambulance.


I wouldn't leave your daughter alone with family who doesn't get it. I know that's hard.

You might want to talk to her allergist, though, about the signs of anaphylaxis and the protocol for use of the epi pen. All the plans I've seen would have called for epi pen with her the minute she had the second sign.

[an_aurora]

OP, I'm sorry, what a scary situation!  It's ridiculous that they didn't recognize peanut oil as a danger.  It's right there in the name, not like hidden in the ingredients.  
 

Originally Posted by sbgrace 

How horrible. I'm sorry. My family doesnt' get it either. They served tree nuts through and through for xmas dinner. My son ate none of it. I have no clue what they were thinking but I'll have to talk to them (again) before next time. I generally don't let him eat away from home anyway after he had a reaction to a "safe" cake my sister made.

But...gently...your daughter was in anaphylaxis. Any two body systems is anaphylaxis. She doesn't have to have difficulty breathing to die. Kids who do die often got an epi pen--just too far into the reaction. And too far is counted in minutes to my surprise. She needed an epi pen immediately. And the throwing up later--sounds biphasic frankly. Biphasic anaphylaxis is a second (more deadly) round that often involves blood pressure drops, gastro, etc. hours after the first.

In that situation my son's protocol calls for epi pen, 911, bendadryl while waiting for ambulance.


I wouldn't leave your daughter alone with family who doesn't get it. I know that's hard.

You might want to talk to her allergist, though, about the signs of anaphylaxis and the protocol for use of the epi pen. All the plans I've seen would have called for epi pen with her the minute she had the second sign.

I am sorry to derail, but can you go more in depth here?  I ask because my son has been diagnosed with anaphylaxis allergies (to eggs, peanuts, cashews and the most severe is garlic) and given an EpiPen, but the only thing we were told about when to give it is if he has anything other than hives (ie drooling, but what baby doesn't drool? or trouble breathing, etc).  There have been numerous times that we have given him Benadryl (when he gets hives we generally give him Benadryl) but I would hate to fail to recognize him needing an EpiPen...it would take an ambulance at least 10-15 minutes to arrive (and we live 7 minutes from the ER).  It's scary.  He had hives for 2 days after eating a single Sun Chip with garlic listed way down on the list of ingredients.

[becca_howell]

Thanks for all the sympathy and support... I just don't know what we're going to do. We live on the 3rd floor of the apartment building until Feb and his dad can't make it up the stairs. He won't go out to eat with us, so we may just not see him until we move. DS's birthday party (smack in the middle of us moving) was supposed to be over there... NOT NOW!

Those of you who wrote that she was in aniphylaxis... thank you for the (scary) info. Our health insurance kicks in in 16 hours (lol) and the first appointment I'll be making is to her allergist to discuss what happened and a case plan for future experiences.

[sbgrace]

I am sorry to derail, but can you go more in depth here?  I ask because my son has been diagnosed with anaphylaxis allergies (to eggs, peanuts, cashews and the most severe is garlic) and given an EpiPen, but the only thing we were told about when to give it is if he has anything other than hives (ie drooling, but what baby doesn't drool? or trouble breathing, etc).  There have been numerous times that we have given him Benadryl (when he gets hives we generally give him Benadryl) but I would hate to fail to recognize him needing an EpiPen...it would take an ambulance at least 10-15 minutes to arrive (and we live 7 minutes from the ER).  It's scary.  He had hives for 2 days after eating a single Sun Chip with garlic listed way down on the list of ingredients.

I was so glad my son didn't have his first anaphylaxis until he was older. It would be so hard with a baby who can't tell you of those early signs--and doesn't know not to eat things and keep hands out of mouth and etc.

Do you have an allergist that you could talk specifically to on this topic? All the protocols I know say any two body systems or any known ingestion of the anaphylactic allergen (some call for any one symptom with ingestion perhaps...my son's is any ingestion). The reason I'm saying speak with someone is that, with a child that young, how would you know if there was something like throat swelling along with those hives? I don't think you would based on the way the throat swelling has usually played out in my son and father who both have anaphylaxis. The baby didn't have an allergy to pistachio or sesame? My son has those with his cashew as they share proteins.

Do you have more than one pen? You may need more than one to stop a reaction of course but beyodn that with that sort of wait you may need more than one to sustain until you can get help. We're 20 minutes from the hospital by ambulance I think. I need to see if they carry life support to handle anaphylaxis. You might check the same.

[an_aurora]

Yes we have several EpiPens (they gave us a script for 7 two-packs) as I have heard they only last 4? minutes before symptoms return, so we have several in case we need to give him one.  

Our allergist is the one who prescribed them, but she just said to give them with anything other than hives.  I'll have to look into it more--so far we haven't given him one, and in hindsight he's never needed one, as he recovers just fine with Benadryl, but it's hard to tell how he's going to react until afterwards, KWIM?

And I don't know if they tested for sesame or pistachio--I don't think they did.  She just told us to avoid all tree nuts, just in case (and I'm allergic to tree nuts but can have cashews, odd huh?).