Who's having a planned cesarean birth?

[ComplexOphelia]

I've been going through this pregnancy thinking that I would have a VBAC, but after a conversation with my MFM yesterday, I'm joining you!

Logistically, a VBAC would mean uprooting from our small PA town and living in Pittsburgh for four weeks, possibly using up all of DH's paternity leave.  That's assuming that we could even find a supportive physician who'd let me transfer care since neither set of midwives who practice there will take me.  I'm already concerned about helping my son to transition into being an older brother, and I can't imagine that living away from home (while it'd be fun!) would reduce our stress level.  If I lived in Pittsburgh, or anyplace with a more supportive VBAC environment, there's no doubt as to whether I'd be having a natural birth - but that's not the case.  I'm sure it'll be different in five or ten years, but I'm living here and now, and so some of it is just "wrong place, wrong time."

When I talk to my doctors, especially my lovely MFM (who has an 8% c-section rate and says that if we were supposed to have so many babies via c-section, women would have been designed with zippers), I know that this is the best choice for us and our family.  After the way my last pregnancy went, just having my son be able to breathe when he comes out is going to be beyond amazing.  As he said, "You can be so proud of just being here at 33 weeks.  This is the right choice for you, and it's okay to be at peace with it, and anyone who disagrees just doesn't understand what you've been through."  

But it's hard to explain that to people who feel that VBAC is the most important, empowering thing to strive for, who just don't understand what we went through the first time and that just being here and having my body remain a safe haven for my child has been amazing and beyond empowering.  Unfortunately, my best friend and doula, while she's trying to be supportive, is very much in the VBAC camp, and says things like, "Well, what do you expect him to say?" when I tell her about my MFM being supportive of a repeat cesarean.  It's hard to explain how much I trust him after he worked so hard and literally saved my life last time, how he isn't even involved in the birth and just wants to have a healthy me and healthy baby at the end, how supportive he is of natural birth and how that shows me that I can trust him when he says that a cesarean birth is a good idea for me.  It's especially hard, because with all of my other choices, I'm very much a crunchy, hippie mama, and so it's awful to not find a lot of support for this choice among my friends, who are doulas and midwives and homebirthers and feel that no doctor can be trusted, especially if he would recommend a repeat cesarean to anyone.  Really, the adamant disapproval of my friends is the one thing standing in my way of being completely at peace with this.  I know it's not their birth, and it's not their baby, but it just makes me so sad.

So, anyway, there's a few questions I have for all of you!  What week are your births scheduled for?  My MFM says that he recommends 39 weeks, and when I asked if we can push it to 40, he said that we could, but he probably wouldn't.  Also, what do your plans for the birth look like?  Are you playing music, having immediate skin-to-skin, taking photos?  I found this article from a medical journal and am printing it to share with my OB's as examples of the choices I'd like to make for our birth and how they can be done: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2613254/.

Also, how do you mark the appointment on your calendars?  It seems like writing, "Birth - 9 am" seems a little weird (well, choosing our birth day seems pretty weird to begin with!).  I think this is an occasion and special appointment that calls for being marked at least with sparkly pens and stickers (...on my entirely black-and-white Edward Gorey calendar.  It'll be so out of place!).

[becca_howell]

DDCC VBA2C Mom here to say IT'S YOUR STINKIN DECISION! It's not about VBAC being the "best". It's about having the option to do so. Making the decision, not having the decision made for you. If you don't want to VBAC, don't! If you want to, fight for it! (Trust me, it is a fight!) Good luck!

[ComplexOphelia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by becca_howell 

DDCC VBA2C Mom here to say IT'S YOUR STINKIN DECISION! It's not about VBAC being the "best". It's about having the option to do so. Making the decision, not having the decision made for you. If you don't want to VBAC, don't! If you want to, fight for it! (Trust me, it is a fight!) Good luck!

It IS my decision and, without trying to be condescending, I'd appreciate it being respected.  Please re-read my post.  If you don't have anything helpful to contribute to what I wrote, I'd appreciate you keeping your opinion private.  Thank you.

[Mrs-Mama]

I'll be having c-section #3.  I have a vertical incision, and although, I did finally find a dr last time who was willing to let me have a TOL, in the end, DH and I were concerned with the possibility of a rupture and hysterectomy, and I'd rather have all my babies by c-section than not have the option to have anymore babies at all.

I have found that with every OB, you get a different opinion.  My OB called over to maternal fetal medicine and spoke to a dr who said that I could schedule at 40 weeks as long as I was not showing imminent signs of labor at 39 weeks.  The OB I saw at my office last week nearly ripped me a new one over not wanting to schedule at 37 weeks.  She even played the dead baby/dead mama card.  Scare tactics...nice.  Then I saw my OB yesterday and she said she was comfortable with us scheduling at 40 weeks and of course I would just go to the hospital immediately if I go into labor earlier than that (like last time).

DD was scheduled for 39w2d and ended up coming two days earlier.  She had no issues when she was born (apgars were 9 and 10), so she stayed with me in the OR for a while and then went with DH and the ped to my recovery room until I was out of surgery.  I had requested no bath and no nursery before I nursed her and held her.  I go back and forth on that a little bit, because it seems like it would be nice to use the time that I'm in surgery to get her bathed and ready, but I really want her to smell like BABY not Johnson & Johnson body wash, and I'm also afraid of the baby disappearing into the nursery for 4-6 hours just because, and now they need to give formula, etc, etc, etc.

I'm mostly at peace with the c-section, just not so much the scheduling aspect of it all.  I'd prefer to go into labor first so the baby can choose it's own birthday.  But, I figure if I go into labor on my own, then it's meant to be, and if I don't, then it's not meant to be.  Also, I don't really pick the c-section date.  The dr and I have chosen a week, and she will choose the day. I don't want that job :)

[texmati]

DDCC as well. It is awful not to find support for your birthing choices. My son's birth was a mess (though he was born healthy, for which I'm thankful). It has taken me a long, long time to realize that in the end birthing decisions are my own (and my husband's for some of it). The long and short of it is that others just can't walk in your shoes-- they can't and don't know what you've been through. It's hard when the people who are supposed to support you make you feel abandoned. I really, really, wish you the best, and hopefully your friend will come around.

Your MFM sounds like a dream, btw!

[BaileyB]

I am in my second pregnancy. My first ended in a stillbirth for know known reason that they could find, possibly a cord compression. I just found out that I will probably be having a c-section because this baby is breech and I'm perfectly fine with it too. Everyone wants to know why I wouldn't want to try to turn her and then be induced, but for obvious reasons I am nervous about possibly having her cord wrap around her neck and then having to have an emergency section. I just feel like a healthy LIVING baby is my priority. I don't feel like I have to prove to anyone that I can give birth vaginally. I agree it is really frustrating to hear family and friends act like I am trying to take the "easy" way out and just have a c-section. I feel like I had the hardest way last time (having a stillborn at 38 weeks) and this time I just want to ensure she makes it here. I was suppose to be induced at 39 weeks this time but at my appt tomorrow I am going to push to have her at 38 weeks since it is going to be a c-section anyway and it works 1,000X better for my husbands work schedule and he can be home with me longer. The more times I am pregnant the more I find it is better to keep most of the details such as due dates, position, gender, etc. to myself because so many people think that they should tell you how they feel about your baby, uterus, birthing choices, and family situation. Keep your head up.

[Mrs-Mama]

Originally Posted by BaileyB 

The more times I am pregnant the more I find it is better to keep most of the details such as due dates, position, gender, etc. to myself because so many people think that they should tell you how they feel about your baby, uterus, birthing choices, and family situation. Keep your head up.

Yes, this exactly!!!!

[LSUtwinMama]

((hugs)) Good for you, ComplexOphelia!

It's so great to see another high risk mama doing well.

I'm dealing with a similar choice at the moment. OB is supportive of a VBAC, but baby continues to stay breech (32 weeks, there is still time for him to turn, I know) and my BP has been slightly elevated the last couple weeks (120/80 vs "usual" 110/60). Thankfully no other signs of pre-e this time which is huge relief...

[rainbow_mandala]

I can't totally relate to what you're going through, but I can understand how it feels to be judged by those close to you.  Most people don't understand why I'd choose to give birth unassisted (last time and this time as well), and it's nearly impossible to help them see things from my perspective.  So I either don't talk about it or if it comes up I tell them that it feels right to me and I understand what I'm getting myself into.  That satisfies people enough so that they don't keep trying to talk me out of it...they still don't really understand but at least they accept it. 

Also, from the sounds of your post, your friends might be worried that you are placing too much trust in your doctor...that maybe you're not doing enough of your own research (I don't know if this is true or not, of course, it's just what I gathered from your post).  Maybe they think you were so thankful for his help last time that you are not seeing 100% clearly this time around...this is very easy to do and very understandable in extreme situations.  It sounds like they're looking out for you and your baby...they don't fully understand, just like the people who are looking out for me, but if you make it clear to them that you are 100% happy with your decision then they will have no choice but to leave you alone. 

[becca_howell]

Originally Posted by ComplexOphelia 

Quote:

Originally Posted by becca_howell 

DDCC VBA2C Mom here to say IT'S YOUR STINKIN DECISION! It's not about VBAC being the "best". It's about having the option to do so. Making the decision, not having the decision made for you. If you don't want to VBAC, don't! If you want to, fight for it! (Trust me, it is a fight!) Good luck!

It IS my decision and, without trying to be condescending, I'd appreciate it being respected.  Please re-read my post.  If you don't have anything helpful to contribute to what I wrote, I'd appreciate you keeping your opinion private.  Thank you.

Um, apparently you didn't read my post. Maybe I wrote it wrong, IDK. I am respecting your decision. That's my whole point. It's your decision to make. Sorry I offended you.

[ComplexOphelia]

Ladies, I'm seriously in tears.  Thank you so much for the outpouring of support.  It really means the world to me to have a safe place to talk about this!  It's also reassuring to see other intelligent mamas making this choice for their own reasons, just as I'm making it for our reasons.  I appreciate so much the reminder that I don't need to prove anything to anyone, and that I am doing the best thing for myself and my family, and that I know what I'm getting into (not trying to preserve my "honeymoon vagina" or any of the other crazy reasons that I hear people choosing surgical birth for).

rainbow_mandala, thank you for your suggestion that they're just worried about me placing too much trust in my doctor and doing whatever he says.  It's so hard to feel like if I tell them my doctor thinks it's a good idea, some of my friends automatically take the opposite position JUST because he thinks that way!  I am grateful to have a care provider I can trust, but he's definitely not the decisionmaker - DH and I are.  I regard him more as a trusted and valued consultant than God Almighty, you know?  If he were suggesting something that I thought sounded crazy, I wouldn't go along with it.  Luckily for me, he's never said anything crazy - and was, in fact, talking with me about how exactly I'm going to be eating my placenta based on the things that he's seen from other moms ("Are you planning on boiling it?  Cooking it like a steak?").  Basically, he is the crunchiest MFM doctor ever - we feel so lucky to have him!!

LSUtwinmama - I'm so glad that you're doing well too!  You're right, there's plenty of time for him to turn.  After going through the NICU, I never say, "Everything happens for a reason," but I do believe that (most) clouds have a silver lining, and that even unexpected situations can be joyful and wonderful in their own way.  Isn't it pretty normal for BP to start climbing around now?  I think we need to do another high risk mama check in to see how we're all doing - I'll go start one right now ;).

[rainbow_mandala]

"honeymoon vagina" I've never heard that term before!  Way too funny...especially for me because I became pregnant with my first on my honeymoon

[ComplexOphelia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow_mandala 

"honeymoon vagina" I've never heard that term before!  Way too funny...especially for me because I became pregnant with my first on my honeymoon

I know, isn't it hilarious?  And also terribly sad, considering that some people actually choose a c-section based on it - sheesh.  That's really responsible medicine, allowing THAT to be the reason for major surgery!

[rainbow_mandala]

Originally Posted by ComplexOphelia 

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainbow_mandala 

"honeymoon vagina" I've never heard that term before!  Way too funny...especially for me because I became pregnant with my first on my honeymoon

I know, isn't it hilarious?  And also terribly sad, considering that some people actually choose a c-section based on it - sheesh.  That's really responsible medicine, allowing THAT to be the reason for major surgery!

Especially since it's not as if the vagina gets really loose after childbirth...it's designed to expand and contract as necessary I don't know about other women, but mine is pretty much the same as before.
 

[trekkingirl]

I think mine is actually better since having given birth, LOL!

[lach]

DDCC to also give you some support.  It's so unfortunate that some people seem to hear "C section rates are too high" and process it as "there should be no C sections!"  It sounds like you are very, very lucky to have such a great doctor!

I had 2 planned Cs after my first emergency one, due to some health issues that I only learned about as I was going into cardiac arrest with my first labor!  What a way to find out.  I did not do a birth plan.  Unlike an emergency C, it's really very calm, and DH and I just chatted.  It doesn't take terribly long.  There are a bunch of people in the room the whole time, so you're talking to them too.  I know you've already had a C so it seems like you know this, but I found my planned Cs to be sooo much different than my emergency C.  Of course, I don't know what your first C was like, but mine was a big emergency with a lot of people running around like headless chickens and I was hysterical because I didn't fully understand what was happening but only knew that I didn't want a C.  To me, at least, my planned Cs were so surreal that it was all just very calm and peaceful.

Now, I was also lucky because I knew my hospital and I knew that they are VERY pro-BFing and that those nurses would have the baby latched on within a few minutes of being sewn up.  And I knew that you have to sign about elleventy million pieces of paper about each shot and eye ointment and pin prick and whatever else they do to the baby, so I really wasn't worried about writing out what I wanted and what I didn't.  These sorts of things depend on the hospital.

As for what I wrote on the calendar... well, back to that whole surreal thing!  I think I just wrote BABY - 1pm.  LOL.  It made me giggle every time I looked at it, because it seemed so surreal and just, well, WRONG, to schedule a baby along with all the playdates, appointments, meetings, and other random minutia that clutters up my calendar  It's all very absurd.

I would like to say that I think you were a little bit rude to Becca :(  She was trying to be supportive.  Planned Cs can get very political on this board, and I think that sometimes people who have had them want to support others who don't have a choice.

[ComplexOphelia]

Originally Posted by lach 

DDCC to also give you some support.  It's so unfortunate that some people seem to hear "C section rates are too high" and process it as "there should be no C sections!"  It sounds like you are very, very lucky to have such a great doctor!

I had 2 planned Cs after my first emergency one, due to some health issues that I only learned about as I was going into cardiac arrest with my first labor!  What a way to find out.  I did not do a birth plan.  Unlike an emergency C, it's really very calm, and DH and I just chatted.  It doesn't take terribly long.  There are a bunch of people in the room the whole time, so you're talking to them too.  I know you've already had a C so it seems like you know this, but I found my planned Cs to be sooo much different than my emergency C.  Of course, I don't know what your first C was like, but mine was a big emergency with a lot of people running around like headless chickens and I was hysterical because I didn't fully understand what was happening but only knew that I didn't want a C.  To me, at least, my planned Cs were so surreal that it was all just very calm and peaceful.

Now, I was also lucky because I knew my hospital and I knew that they are VERY pro-BFing and that those nurses would have the baby latched on within a few minutes of being sewn up.  And I knew that you have to sign about elleventy million pieces of paper about each shot and eye ointment and pin prick and whatever else they do to the baby, so I really wasn't worried about writing out what I wanted and what I didn't.  These sorts of things depend on the hospital.

As for what I wrote on the calendar... well, back to that whole surreal thing!  I think I just wrote BABY - 1pm.  LOL.  It made me giggle every time I looked at it, because it seemed so surreal and just, well, WRONG, to schedule a baby along with all the playdates, appointments, meetings, and other random minutia that clutters up my calendar  It's all very absurd.

I would like to say that I think you were a little bit rude to Becca :(  She was trying to be supportive.  Planned Cs can get very political on this board, and I think that sometimes people who have had them want to support others who don't have a choice.

We are working really hard on having a peaceful birth.  My first was beyond crazy - I wasn't in cardiac arrest, but was crashing with severe pre-eclampsia, so I was on an epic amount of blood pressure meds and also mag sulfate.  Honestly, I don't even remember most of it - it was just so bizarre and had that surreal quality of a nightmare.  I couldn't believe I was there - I was planning a homebirth, for cripe's sake!  So, I'm looking forward to making this birth into a lovely, peaceful experience, where no one is in danger and we can welcome him gently instead of into an emergency!

Feels totally wrong to schedule a baby to me, too!  We thought we had a name, so I was going to write, "Eliot joins us!" - but now we don't have a name anymore, so maybe "Baby joins us!" will go on instead ;).
 

Yes, my response to Becca was very defensive and not very nice!  Instead of seeing her saying "It's your decision" as empowering, I saw more of "If you wanted this badly enough, you'd fight for it," which is an attitude that I sometimes encounter.  It's one of the unfortunate things about the Internet, that I put my own tone onto what she wrote, but I realize now that she was being supportive of the fact that I'm making this decision and what my friends/family/whoever think doesn't matter.

[smeep]

Mama... I want SO bad to just tell you all the reasons you should VBAC and just do it because it will be easier in the end and .

But, I know that will only make it harder for you. And that is the last thing you need. So, instead, I am sending you lots of love and support.  Check out the Birth and Beyond forum and look for threads on cesarean birth plans...so your baby may not be arriving in the ideal way, but you can still make it a positive experience. 

And, if 39 weeks comes and you feel comfortable waiting a little longer, you can always "oops, gotta reschedule!" to give baby a bit longer to pick his/her own birthday at least. You know, if you want to. It's always up to you. And I'm glad that you are making it your decision in the end.