Here is a little background. I was a teen mom, my ds's dad has always been kind of in and out of the picture. For the most part, we never see him, Koeby is lucky if he sees him once a year other than Christmas, and he normally gets a call around his birthday. That is about all the contact his dad has. This really hurts ds. Every time ds sees his dad, he thinks things are gonna change, they never do, and no matter how much I try to explain to his dad how this is hurting him, I get the same answer, which goes something like, "well I love him and think about him all the time, I'm just busy." That is absolutely not acceptable to me especially because I know that he visits his mother fairly frequently, and she is not all that far away from where we live. It would not be difficult for him to see his son at all. I have even told ds's dad that if he can't see him to at least call or email so ds knows he cares, but he can't be bothered to do those things either. DS is now ten.
ds went to visit his dad this weekend for Christmas. When he came home, he started crying and told me that his dad barely spent any time with him and spent a good deal of time on the phone arguing with his girlfriend. He also got really angry at ds for something dumb that ds didn't even do (leaving a door open) and called him a liar when he said he didn't do it. This shocked ds because his dad has never really acted this way toward him. But the worst part was his dad left in the middle of the night to go back home (they were staying at ds' grandma's house) and did not even say goodbye to ds. DS told me that when he woke up he ran around the house and even to the barn looking for him and then when he realized he was gone, he just started crying his eyes out.
DS called his dad when he got home and told him how upset he was that his dad just left like that, and his dad blew him off like it was no big deal.
the time before this, when ds saw his dad, his dad's gfriend spend a good deal of time going on and on to ds' dad about how much she wants to have a baby. DS was really upset about this too, for obvious reasons, and when I asked his dad to talk to him about it, he told me he had too much going on to even call his own son and try to fix the mess his girlfriend made.
DS was so hurt this last time he told me he doesn't think his dad loves him at all. I feel like at this point sending him to see his dad the few times a year he sees him is doing my son more harm than good. Do you think there is a point, where you say, no more. I don't want him to hurt anymore and I would almost rather him hate me for not letting him see his dad, than be made to feel so worthless by his father. We have no custody agreement in place, his name is not even on the birth certificate, so it wouldn't be incredibly difficult to just tell him sorry you have hurt my child for the last time. I just don't know if that is the right solution. What would you do?
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