How serious is the "have kids before 30" thing? - Page 3

[raelize]

  i have always thought that if you had your first before 30, then you would have an easier time, in general.  most women who were post 35 that i knew had a whole brood of kids - almost like their body knew what to do cause they kept using it.  for example, my MIL started when she was 20 and had her last when she was 45 (13 kids total, but 5 died in early childhood)

then i met a woman who had 4 kids - a single, twins, a single - at ages 40, 42, 44.  so....i think, as people said, in general, fertility declines, but you really don't know where you will fall until you start to try.

[seasiren]

I think it is so different with everyone. When I was married at 31 and my husband 49 we still didn't feel completely ready with our business and home. Everyone told us to wait a year and enjoy married life without children. We waited the year and just played and adjusted to being married. We basically never really did more than FAM for BC, but never tried. Then when we felt emotionally ready we went for it, it still took nearly a year to conceive. Our son waited until we were more financially stable actually. Now I would like to wait till ds is in preschool and out of diapers before we start again, but we had an accident this month and its entirely possible we could have our little accident.

If you are ready then go for it. Your life will change completely so be ready to give up your old life, if you and DH are ready then still wait till you have been married a year then go for it. Thats my advise.

[Adaline'sMama]

I had DD right after I turned 26. Id like to have another one before Im 30, maybe even two more by the end of my 30th year. After 35, the fertilitly rate decreases and there are more risks involved.

That being said, the main reason I want to have mine before 30/ in my early 30's because I think any more than that and I personally dont feel comfortable with a bigger age gap. My parents are both very young, but DH's mom is almost 40 years older than his sister and she is totally out of touch. I know it makes a huge difference depending on who you are, but I dont want to be dealing with kids in high school when Im almost 60 if I can possibly help it.

[slylives]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleOsMom 

The only problem with this is you don't know where you are on the slope until you find out you're having problems.  How I went from no problems at 30 and infertile a couple years later, nobody can say.

That was my experience, too. Our daughter was conceived the month after I stopped birth control, when I was 30. She is now about to turn 3. I am pregnant and everything appears to be great, but it has taken an ectopic pregnancy, 2 miscarriages, 3 rounds of clomid and $30,000 in IVF treatments to get here.  My RE's only explanation as to how things changed so rapidly in two years - "you're two years older."

 

[sparklett]

I feel rather like I'm beating a dead horse here, but here's my two cents.

I knew that I absolutely did not want a child in my 20s.  Instead, I spent that time in school, buying homes, working on my career, saving money, etc.  I decided I wanted a baby at 30 and we got pregnant on our first try.  I am now 33 and we tried again a few months ago and got pregnant again on the first try, but had an early loss due to a disorder.  We're going to give it a shot again in September (I'll be 34!) and I'm pretty confident we'll get pregnant quickly. 

To me, having my life in order took precedent over maternal age and I'm really glad I made the choices I did.

[insidevoice]

I had my first at 23, then there was almost a seven year gap before # 2, and just over a year before #3 (I conceived while breastfeeding.)

Pregnancy and parenting a very young child were much easier on me when I was closer to 20 than 30 and over. As a parent, I have better perspective as I am a little older, and greater patience. I am also able to be more stable financially and emotionally. 

We are thinking about TTC #4.  Having been hospitalized for hemorrhagic uterine bleeding a few months ago, and diagnosed with adenomyosis, while I would like to space another year, we will not be preventing as of this summer.  There will be 2 1/2 years IF I become pregnant immediately. 

Here's the kicker. The bleeding and adenomyosis diagnosis happened in November- I had been bleeding since August, and was hospitalized and in need of transfusions in November. I was given progesterone and after 5 days of progesterone, had bleeding for about a week. It is February, and I have not had any ovulation/bleeding since. 

Whether or not we can have another child, or whether I can carry a pregnancy to term is, at this point, very uncertain.  

There is no easy answer- my feeling is that while enough stability to have a place to live and food on the table matter- having huge amounts saved doesn't matter so much. 

[Simonsez2u]

This is my personal experience TTC in my thirties.  Of course everyone is different. My DH and I met when we were 30 and married when we were 32.  We got pregnant two months after our wedding not really trying but not preventing.  We were surprised because we really thought that it might take longer due to our age.  We got pregnant with #2 at 34 on my second cycle and I gave birth right after my 35th birthday.  Both pregnancies were complication free and dare I say fairly easy.  Would I have started a family earlier if I had met my husband in my twenties?  Maybe, but I had my own agenda then i.e. school, parties, work, no money, and just figuring myself out etc...  I like being a parent in my thirties.  I feel ready, confident, and willing to give freely.  My only regret is that due to my age I may miss out on some milestones that younger parents get to enjoy as their children grow up to adulthood or at least not enjoy them as long.  I'll take what I can get though and love every minute of it.

[Masel]

We started TTC a month before I turned 28 and we didn't conceive until I was 38.  In that 10 years we had many adventures including adopting.

On thing I didn't really think about in starting a family this late is that my main support system is aging. Both of my parents were surprise babies when my grandmothers were in their late 30s. (And my mom had my baby sister when she was 40). My parents and inlaws are all around 70 and some would like to help more with my kids but physically can't. 

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

 I know it makes a huge difference depending on who you are, but I dont want to be dealing with kids in high school when Im almost 60 if I can possibly help it.

I'm not looking forward to that, myself. I'm older than any of the parents of the same-age friends dd1 and ds2 have. Mind you, I'm also the only parent in ds1's crowd that has really young kids. I managed to make myself fit in poorly everywhere...a fact that was highlighted in some ways when two of ds1's classmates, one of whom I've known since he was six, had a baby last summer. Eek.

[happysmileylady]

I got pg at 17, delivered when I was 18, we had been using protection at the time of conception.  I got married at 25 and began ttc right away, and was unable to conceive for 6 years.  Then, one year after she was born, I got pg a third time, despite really irregular cycles due to other meds.  Fertility is a fickle thing.

However, what makes me wish that I could have had my younger ones when I was younger was how the pg affected me.  When I was pg with my oldest, I felt it, but I never realized how little I felt it, until I got pg again, 13 years after my first pg.  For me at least, pregnancy was a WHOLE other ball game at 30 than it was at 17.  It was SO much harder on my body.  I didn't have any major complications or anything, it was just so much more exhausting, more pains, etc etc.  I just had my third 5 months ago and again, it was just harder. 

[Agatha_Ann]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady 

I got pg at 17, delivered when I was 18, we had been using protection at the time of conception.  I got married at 25 and began ttc right away, and was unable to conceive for 6 years.  Then, one year after she was born, I got pg a third time, despite really irregular cycles due to other meds.  Fertility is a fickle thing.

However, what makes me wish that I could have had my younger ones when I was younger was how the pg affected me.  When I was pg with my oldest, I felt it, but I never realized how little I felt it, until I got pg again, 13 years after my first pg.  For me at least, pregnancy was a WHOLE other ball game at 30 than it was at 17.  It was SO much harder on my body.  I didn't have any major complications or anything, it was just so much more exhausting, more pains, etc etc.  I just had my third 5 months ago and again, it was just harder. 

This is similar to my experience, our kids were born when I was 18, 21, 24, 26 and I'll be 28 when I have this one. Baby one and two were a cake walk. The next two I felt a little more text book pregnant, tired, a little sick, but nothing to write home about, this one is a whole new world! There are days that I am so exhausted and sick that I am completely useless! Comparing how I floated through number one with my only major complaint being wardrobe restrictions to this is insane. I went to my DH crying one night because I knew something must be wrong with me because pregnancy has never been this hard.

My best friend is 29 and pregnant with her 6th. We recently had this same conversation, concluding that we totally understand why women who have their babies starting in their 30s only have one or two. It is dang hard!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady 

However, what makes me wish that I could have had my younger ones when I was younger was how the pg affected me.  When I was pg with my oldest, I felt it, but I never realized how little I felt it, until I got pg again, 13 years after my first pg.  For me at least, pregnancy was a WHOLE other ball game at 30 than it was at 17.  It was SO much harder on my body.  I didn't have any major complications or anything, it was just so much more exhausting, more pains, etc etc.  I just had my third 5 months ago and again, it was just harder. 

This. My last four were all in my 30s, except dd2, who was just after I turned 41. OMG. The difference can't even be described. Honestly, with ds1 (I was 24), I was beyond exhausted in my first trimester, and then I was amazing! With the others, I never shook the fatigue, and it got worse every time. With dd1, and even ds2, I was still functional, just tired. With ds3 (Aaron), I was really, really tired, and had trouble doing almost anything. With dd2? Ugh. Just...ugh. I can't even describe the degree of exhaustion, brain fog, etc. that just never went away.