Depending on the plan her friends it can cost them alot of money for her to call them. most people have free texting on their plans.
Last month my 12yo sent/received 367 messages.
Her friends can use a landline if they want to contact her..or email..or a social networking site if she is on. It really isn't her (or my) issue if it costs her friends money if they choose to call her on a cell.
I am glad to hear your DD does not overuse her cell.
To those of you who said "no" can you be a bit more specific on why?
It might help me process things...thanks!
I do agree it is her money...is there a dollar amount for a 12 yr old where you would go "no, wait, stop" if you thought it was an iffy purchase?
Kathy
I am of two minds on this.
On one hand, I think the idea of anyone having a cell phone just for texting is silly. I really tend to think of a phone as a tool, and I don't think texting, particularly as a teen/preteen, is really one of those things that is really functioning as a tool. But then again, I don't see much of a point in txting anyway. I have used it occasionally when I know that DH is in a meeting or in class, as opposed to when he can answer a phone call. But really, any other time, I simply dial the phone and actually make a call. So to me, having the phone JUST for texting is weird.
My dd did get a phone at 13, but it was for things like calling me if soccer practice finishes early or whatever. And she calls, she doesn't text.
On the other hand though, I think kids learn what they experience and the best way to learn how to properly handle a phone and a phone and texting bill is to handle it themselves. And if she's going to pay for it all herself, there's no better teacher IMO.
Interesting side note...my dd (who turned 15 today) just recently started hanging out with a new boyfriend. And he texted her last week, at midnight, just to tell her goodnight. She was NOT pleased with him at all. She didn't respond to the text and called him the next morning and let him know that that was way to late for a phone call or text. I haven't ever had any restrictions on her phone.
I do agree it is her money...is there a dollar amount for a 12 yr old where you would go "no, wait, stop" if you thought it was an iffy purchase?
no, especially since this is a monthly purchase not a big 1 time payment.
But then my 8yo bought herself a yoga jacket & capris for $100 last spring. It was her money she really wanted it & I explained several times that purchasing this meant she couldn't get anything else, that if she did not buy this she could buy several other clothes. Nope she wanted this. She has not regretted it & would wear it everyday if she could & it isn't even pink or sparkly.lol
My 12yo wanted an ipad or laptop for her birthday(nov). I told her fat chance & to save her money up. She had zero money at that time. Between birthday money, babysitting & christmas money she will have enough for an ipod touch(she changed her mind) tomorrow. Because of boxing day sales we purchased it for her on Sunday. Yeah we could have bought it for her for christmas but this was a money lesson we really wanted to teach her - you want something bad enough you use your own money & save for it even if it takes a while.
I would absolutely let my twelve-year-old have a cell phone with texting. Texting has replaced calling for tweens/teens, and I know that other kids don't talk on the phone anymore. I would also let my twelve-year-old email people (it's the same concept as texting).
ITA with this.
Hmm, I posted but it only shows the quotes. Let's see if I can do this again.
For starters, 80 texts a day.... That is 40 texts in and 40 texts out. Have you seen what these texts look like? The are typically 4 to 5 words each... little snippets of conversation. You don't think you could have said 40 lines to your friend on the phone when you were a teen? My own DD did this much the first couple months she could text but then it dropped to half of that. She's about 20 lines in and 20 lines out a day average. As long as it's before 10 and night, I see no problem with that. Wouldn't you say that the concerns the pyschologists are having could be reflective of MANY factors in the modern child's life today? Anxiety? Sleep Deprivation? Falling Grades? Do we really feel this is all texting? You don't think we can't pinpoint 20 other factors contributing to this?
I'm surprised that you are ok with facebook but concerned about texting. To me, facebook is more problematic and we only let my eldest start when she began high school. With texting, you at least know when, how much and with who they are texting. On facebook, chat is blind and you aren't going to find a record of who they communicated with or when. There is even a way for them to choose who sees them available for chat and who doesn't. Unless you are friends with ALL of their friends AND their friend's friends, what your child has written and has had written to them won't be on their wall or your newsfeed. Children have FAR more exposure to people you don't know (and they don't know) than they do with texting. I'm not saying you haven't kept tabs on how your child is using facebook at all. I'm just saying that between the two, texting is easier to track as a parent.
I was being mocking with the atari comment... not towards you but to our culture as a whole. We tend to be alarmist and often we worry about the wrong things. Our media latches on to whatever sells and they rarely tell the WHOLE story. Yes, there are going to be kids who get in trouble with texting but those kids tend to have a whole host of risk factors attached to them. Reporting that parents need to be more involved doesn't sell papers.Wouldn'WoulnWoud
Yes, absolutely you should look into things before bringing them in the house. This is why my kids didn't watch TV when they were little and why we didn't have a video game system until last year and still only with totally family friendly games. I didn't want those things to be prominent figures in my kid's childhood and so I ommitted them until I knew they found LIFE more interesting than screens. However, I recognize this as my own preference. I'm not going to suggest it's wrong for ALL children and that those who let their kids watch TV and play video games are allowing them to be corrupted.
I've been working under the assumption that you are a good parent. I'm guessing you talk to your child, have meals together, communicate with the school, know your child's friends, encourage them to be involved in activities that require dedication, focus, team work, positive peer interaction... activities like sports, music, theatre, community service groups, ect. If I'm correct and you ARE this parent, texting isn't going to be powerful enough to corrupt your child. If you don't want it, I'll be first in line to support you! Let's just learn from our own history that this is an argument that will never end. There will always be SOMETHING the media is telling us to fear... let's just take a step back and really look at things in reguards to our own circumstances.
By limiting your child to the landline, well, they aren't going to be communicating much with anyone. If this is what you prefer then that's fantastic. It's not what we prefer.
Fact is, this debate has been going on since the phone was invented and will go on with whatever new form of conversation follows. There was a time when no one thought a home computer would be useful lol. It's just amazing we all survived the the Atari and private phone lines like IN your own room lol.
I think it is quite a jump to say if we limit them to landline they will not be communicating much with anyone. Maybe it is a regional thing.
My DC do talk on the phone. While I am not a fan of Facebook or MSN, DD uses those as well. I also do not think people need to be able to contact their friends 24/7. The teenage years can be peer based enough without adding this element to it.
Bolding mine. I must admit I find your second paragraph a little mocking. We are not techie junkies - not do we abhor all technology. I think the culture I live in has a tendency to glom onto new technology and buy into it - whether or not it is a good idea. I think it is very reasonable to analyse new technology before letting it into your life. There are regular discussion on MDC on whether TV and video games are bad - I tend to think they are not, but I hardly mock posters who question them.
To quote the NYtimes
"Spurred by the unlimited texting plans offered by carriers like AT&T Mobility and Verizon Wireless, American teenagers sent and received an average of 2,272 text messages per month in the fourth quarter of 2008, according to the Nielsen Company — almost 80 messages a day, more than double the average of a year earlier.
The phenomenon is beginning to worry physicians andpsychologists, who say it is leading to anxiety, distraction in school, falling grades, repetitive stress injury and sleep deprivation".
That does not mean my child will develop misuse issues - but they got those stats from somewhere, and I am not so naive as to think my child is immune, either
Oh, and I have never had a phone line in my room.
Kathy
Whatsnextmom...I think you quoted me, but did not comment, lol. It seems apropos to blame new MDC technology on it. (see..technology is bad...just joking 
)
Yes, it didn't post the first time but I've fixed it. Unfortunately, it won't let me edit again for the typos but ah well.
Whatsnextmom...I think you quoted me, but did not comment, lol. It seems apropos to blame new MDC technology on it. (see..technology is bad...just joking )
I would absolutely let my twelve-year-old have a cell phone with texting. Texting has replaced calling for tweens/teens, and I know that other kids don't talk on the phone anymore. I would also let my twelve-year-old email people (it's the same concept as texting).
Thanks, whatnextmom...that last post had a lot of food for thought.
On the facebook thing...sigh. I resisted as long as possible. Her and a friend set it up in the library one day. They were upfront about it. I know she does not go on much. The only computer in the house (she does not have a laptop) is in the living room. She may go on elsewhere (library) but it is in a moderate amount.
I am leery of technology as a whole - or leery of the amount of it we let in our lives. We already have mild overuse of computer/tv/video games in our house...and now another person wants another thing. I think this is at the root of it for me - it isn't the texting per se...it is yet another "techie thing". I am a bit of a simple live-r at heart - I am not sure if this is something that is appropriate to push on my children or not. I can (and do) certainly role model it - but at her age she probably can make this decision.
Agreed. It is really odd to me that people are against 12 yr olds texting but would let them call someone on the phone. It's about to be 2011 - texting has replaced most phone calls for teens, and a 12 yr old is a preteen, so I don't see the problem. If you'd trust them enough to communicate with friends using other methods,IMO texting should also be allowed.I added my DD to my plan for $10 a month and we have an unlimited texting plan that is $20 for both phones. It means we can get by with the smallest number of minutes offered (we don't have a landline, so all calls are on cells).
We have one phone. Of course she can use it. It is a cordless, so she can bring it to her room if she wants privacy. She does on occasion. No biggie.
The difference is the phone is not always in her pocket. She cannot call/text people during class time. She cannot call/text people in bed. She does not call people at restaurants or in movies, etc, etc. A friend of my sons does all of the above - he texts everywhere and anywhere...that is the difference between a landline and and a cell phone.
The argument that "letting people talk on the phone is the same as texting" does not hold with me.
I think whenever you tell a child no you can't have or do something all of there friends do it becomes the forbidden fruit and it's all they can think about. We have close family friends with 2 boys. Mom is very stricked about video games, they are very controlled and limited on the time they are allowed to play them. When ever the boys come to play at my house it's all they want to do. My ds who has less restrictions wants to do other things. Yesterday the boys came over, brought their own DS games and sat on my couch for 4 hours and played their games while my ds played alone. I kept telling them to put the games down and go play they would and as soon as I turned my back they were back out there playing. My dd has a cell phone with unlimited texting. She uses it very little. Her friend who does not have one uses her phone all the time, probably way more than my dd. I'm not say let your kids have a free for all, but It seems to me that the tighter you hold onto the "forbidden fruit" the harder your kids are going to pull.
The difference is the phone is not always in her pocket. She cannot call/text people during class time. She cannot call/text people in bed. She does not call people at restaurants or in movies, etc, etc. A friend of my sons does all of the above - he texts everywhere and anywhere...that is the difference between a landline and and a cell phone.
The argument that "letting people talk on the phone is the same as texting" does not hold with me.
Chances are her school has a strong cell phone policy and enforces it. The school my neices go to sure does.
I believe that having a phone is a privilege. I believe that many parents should be limiting texting during certain times and situations. But, I also see this an a really great opportunity for you and your daughter to work together to find a mutually agreeable solution.
The difference is the phone is not always in her pocket. She cannot call/text people during class time. She cannot call/text people in bed. She does not call people at restaurants or in movies, etc, etc. A friend of my sons does all of the above - he texts everywhere and anywhere...that is the difference between a landline and and a cell phone.
The argument that "letting people talk on the phone is the same as texting" does not hold with me.
Chances are her school has a strong cell phone policy and enforces it. The school my neices go to sure does.
I believe that having a phone is a privilege. I believe that many parents should be limiting texting during certain times and situations. But, I also see this an a really great opportunity for you and your daughter to work together to find a mutually agreeable solution.
This is where I am heading. It is her money, and she is free to do with it what she wants. I have called the provider she wants- and they maintain there are no extra charges, but we shall see (where I live there are always hidden charges). There is tax as well. She is to be 100% responsible for this. If she messes up she will be in financial debt to me for a long time.
I will not let her text after she has turned in for the night. I do not think she will want to - she is fond of her sleep. I am not sure I will put this out as a rule - I will more see if night time texting develops and take it from there.
I will be firm that I do not want random texting at meals or on outings. We do not allow phone calls during meals very often, likewise people have to break away from the computer or tv to eat supper. The same holds for cells.
She can take her cell to school if she wants (and she will) but I will explain to her all the reasons it might not be a good idea, and let her make up her own mind. The school may have a policy as well. She will need to decide whether to abide by it or pay the consequences.
We have one phone. Of course she can use it. It is a cordless, so she can bring it to her room if she wants privacy. She does on occasion. No biggie.
The difference is the phone is not always in her pocket. She cannot call/text people during class time. She cannot call/text people in bed. She does not call people at restaurants or in movies, etc, etc. A friend of my sons does all of the above - he texts everywhere and anywhere...that is the difference between a landline and and a cell phone.
The argument that "letting people talk on the phone is the same as texting" does not hold with me.
I'm actually with you on the tech. I don't like that push to always have the latest and greatest. Frankly, we are always out-of-date largely because I would rather spend our money on travel than gadgets lol. I am also leary of anything that distances yourself from "real" interaction and fosters anonomous society. I just don't feel it's the root of all evil that the media routinely bombards us with ironically. Fact is, the lives of American children have changed in MANY substantial ways. Half of marriages end in divorce. Our economy is such that it's difficult to make ends meet without 2 fullt-time working parents. We tend to live far from extended family and so more iscolated, less of a support network. Kids are spending more hours in school and daycare and less at home. They are aggressively marketed too in a way even we didn't see as children. Higher education has become both more neccessary and less available. It's tougher to get into universities and even tougher to pay for which makes the whole process stressful. Of course, on an individual basis, these changes can be neccessary and even beneficial but we also have to acknowledge that technology is just part of what is different today.
To put my cards on the table, the main reason we started allowing DD (13) to text was because she's a different sort of kid. She is always well-liked and successful at school but she's intensely private and only really connects deeply to a handful of individuals. Unfortuantly, these individuals aren't found at school with her. They are kids she finds through shared interest activities and often it's weeks and months between when they have shared project. They are also as busy as her... get togethers are tough. Still, they are her life line, her sanity and where she feels totally accepted. Every kid needs that. We can fight it all we want but teens just don't use the phone. Like our generation pretty much dumped letter writing for the phone and email, this generation has dumped the phone and email for texting. We allowed video games for a similar reason. My DS (10) was SO out of the loop with other boys his age. It wasn't a big deal when he was 6 but when he turned 9 and was in 4th grade, he was routinely excluded because most conversations started about video games and he couldn't contribute. He didn't have that ice breaker that the other boys had. So, we brought it in the games in the way we felt most comfortable and school and making new male friends became easier for DS.
It is tough to be what seems the last hold out but you know your child and family best. You'll make the right choice.
Thanks, whatnextmom...that last post had a lot of food for thought.
On the facebook thing...sigh. I resisted as long as possible. Her and a friend set it up in the library one day. They were upfront about it. I know she does not go on much. The only computer in the house (she does not have a laptop) is in the living room. She may go on elsewhere (library) but it is in a moderate amount.
I am leery of technology as a whole - or leery of the amount of it we let in our lives. We already have mild overuse of computer/tv/video games in our house...and now another person wants another thing. I think this is at the root of it for me - it isn't the texting per se...it is yet another "techie thing". I am a bit of a simple live-r at heart - I am not sure if this is something that is appropriate to push on my children or not. I can (and do) certainly role model it - but at her age she probably can make this decision.
My issue with it is this,
"Friends" will say things over text that they would never say to your face. Being a middle school girl not that long ago, I remember getting on MSN chat during sleepovers and girls saying terrible things to each other. Girls would log on and ask you what you thought about something or someone while the other person was there. Once a girl pretended to be a guy I liked and asked me out. Recently my friends middle school sister was at a birthday party, she gave her friends her brothers number and they started texting him anonymously from a friends phone. It used to be call a number and hang up, it has evolved into anonymous texting ( texting a person from a phone number they don't know).
Personally, I feel for a 12 yr old its an unnecessary form of communication, that places added stress on children at a difficult time when they are most vulnerable.
My issue with it is this,
"Friends" will say things over text that they would never say to your face. Being a middle school girl not that long ago, I remember getting on MSN chat during sleepovers and girls saying terrible things to each other. Girls would log on and ask you what you thought about something or someone while the other person was there. Once a girl pretended to be a guy I liked and asked me out. Recently my friends middle school sister was at a birthday party, she gave her friends her brothers number and they started texting him anonymously from a friends phone. It used to be call a number and hang up, it has evolved into anonymous texting ( texting a person from a phone number they don't know).
Personally, I feel for a 12 yr old its an unnecessary form of communication, that places added stress on children at a difficult time when they are most vulnerable.
The thing is that OP's DD not having a cell phone is not going to prevent other kids texting about her - she will just hear it secondhand instead of receiving the text herself. It will just make her the one that is out of the loop, and eventually possibly out of the group, as she will not be able to use the primary form of communication of that group.
I think texting is just the modern version of passing notes, as we used to do when I was in school - shows how old I am, I guess.
Absolutely. :) Dd has unlimited texting just for this reason.
The difference is the phone is not always in her pocket. She cannot call/text people during class time. She cannot call/text people in bed. She does not call people at restaurants or in movies, etc, etc. A friend of my sons does all of the above - he texts everywhere and anywhere...that is the difference between a landline and and a cell phone.
Have rules & it will be fine. My dd doesn't use her phone at meal time. In the theatre it is turned off(she knows if she's caught she'll get kicked out of the theatre by them. At school, they have rules. At my dd's school they can have them on them but they are turned off/silent/vibrate to not distrupt the class. They CANNOT use them at all during class. They can use them before school, on their 2 breaks & at lunch. At the school dances they can have them but if they are caught using them(especially if they are caught taking photos) the phone is taken away until after the dance.
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