12 year old wants cell phone do she can text - Page 3

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by JulianneW 

My issue with it is this,

"Friends" will say things over text that they would never say to your face. Being a middle school girl not that long ago, I remember getting on MSN chat during sleepovers and girls saying terrible things to each other. Girls would log on and ask you what you thought about something or someone while the other person was there. Once a girl pretended to be a guy I liked and asked me out. Recently my friends middle school sister was at a birthday party, she gave her friends her brothers number and they started texting him anonymously from a friends phone.  It used to be call a number and hang up, it has evolved into anonymous texting ( texting a person from a phone number they don't know).

Personally, I feel for a 12 yr old its an unnecessary form of communication, that places added stress on children at a difficult time when they are most vulnerable.

This is called cyber bulling.  This can happen even if your child does not have a cell phone or Facebook or very strict internet action. 

ADL has a lot of information on cyberbulling -- http://www.adl.org/cyberbullying/ because your child does not have access to technology it doesn't mean they can't/won't be cyberbullied. 

They can call your home phone, ask for her and then call her bad names just as easy on the cell.  I forgot the kid's name I read about but there was a web site that had his name and said "I hate" everyone at school knew about it.  It was up for months before it was taken down.  Denying your kids cell phones and net access to prevent it -- really is putting your head in the sand about cyberbulling and how to handle it.  I would encourage all parents to look into the adl information and many other websites out there about bulling and cyberbulling. 

My 12 year old has a cell phone like many people in her class.  They get them taken away if they are caught texting without permission.  She knows to turn if off in movies and dinner time.  Or she looses the phone.  Her friends know we are mean about it. If it gets taken away at school we are suppose to come up and get it.  But she knows if it gets taken away at school she will get a new phone when she can afford to buy one.  

My son is 16 and a sophmore.  He knows the rules.  

They both have learned to ignore text and the phone. We ignore our home and cell phones when we eating or driving.  They know if they call while we are driving it will be ignored.  

[Arduinna]

short answer, no I wouldn't. I would give my 12 year old a cell phone, if I felt they needed it for MY convenience ( if I need to contact them regarding pick ups from school or outings ect) and it would come with rules. But there is no way I'm giving a 12 year old a cell just so he/she can text their friends.

[mamabeca]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

Originally Posted by CarrieMF 

It is cheaper to text than to call.

The landline we have is free for her to use 

I think it is a waste of money and has the potential for misuse.

It is her money, though....maybe it will not be a waste to her, or maybe she will earn a lesson about money management if it is.

If you are willing for her to make a mistake with it and not freak on her, I say give it a go!  She might be able to show you how reliable and trustworthy she is.  If you aren't willing for her to fall, don't let her jump.  She'll get there eventually.  ;-)

[littlest birds]

My dd has a free app on an ipod touch (not even a phone!) that allows her to text.  She has no account, no bill, and can text friends as much as she wants.  FWIW.  I was really surprised when I heard how it worked. 

[CarrieMF]

my dd got that too. If any of their friends have an itouch or an iphone they can make calls too on the itouch too.

[LilacRhodes]

From her first phone at the age of 14 through the first two years of college, I had my dd on our family plan.   We had a limit of X amount of texts per month, maybe 300? ~ if you went past the limit, it would be 10 cents per text.  We never went close to the limit for years.  We texted back & forth (I didn't text at first, but finally a coworker showed me how, and I took to it quickly) in the family, dd & her friends would text each other once in a while.  A lot of her HS friends live in a nearby area with no tower, thus no service.   With ds it was mainly between me & him, or him & his friends ("where are you?" "coming over" and an update to me whenever he changed location, which was an agreement between us at the time.

The first month dd went away to school I was surprised to see an extra $425 on my/our cell phone bill ~ 10 cents for every text sent or received, over the limit on our plan.  Of course, I changed to unlimited texting right away (I doubt that it was even 20 a month for the three of us combined ~ wish I knew beforehand that her texting habits would change, or that dd had known beforehand that it would cause a big bill~).  But anyway, that's part of the culture at her school (at least among her friends).  I think it worked out to 150 texts a day.  I was wondering how they had time for anything else!    

I don't scrutinize their phone use closely (actually dd has her own plan now anyway, I'm only paying for the ds's nowadays).  If I saw a pattern of it being abused - i.e. texting instead of sleeping, or paying attention to the teacher - I would probably restrict it, after a warning.  

The cell phone and the older guy are different issues.   Thirteen is very young, chronologically, but not everyone develops at the same rate socially, intellectually, physically, etc.  I don't think texting is what causes the problem.  When I was younger we didn't have cell phones.  My boyfriend in high school was seven years older than I was (22 when I was 15) my parents knew him socially & didn't like him one bit.   They tried forbidding me to see him, making me stay home, calling my friends' houses to check up on me and so on.  The result ~ as soon as homeroom was over most days, I was out on the highway hitchhiking the ten miles to my boyfriend's place, & cutting most of my classes, if not all.  Somehow I managed to graduate. . . I got married when I turned 18 (he was 25) & moved far far away with him.  My parents and I were estranged for years over this.   

Just my experience  ~ I mean, this sort of thing has been going on since the time of Romeo & Juliet (probably longer).  And she was only twelve!  (almost thirteen).  As I recall, Romeo was about 17, and the guy Juliet's parents wanted her to marry was older than that.  I realize that's fiction, and was written centuries ago.    

[2xy]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle 

"Spurred by the unlimited texting plans offered by carriers like AT&T Mobility and Verizon Wireless, American teenagers sent and received an average of 2,272 text messages per month in the fourth quarter of 2008, according to the Nielsen Company — almost 80 messages a day, more than double the average of a year earlier.

The phenomenon is beginning to worry physicians andpsychologists, who say it is leading to anxiety, distraction in school, falling grades, repetitive stress injury and sleep deprivation".

That does not mean my child will develop misuse issues - but they got those stats from somewhere, and I am not so naive as to think my child is immune, either

I work with a lot of twenty-somethings who are unable to ignore their phones. Seriously. We're not supposed to have our cell phones out at work. If they feel their phones vibrate because of a new text, they absolutely freak out until they can check it. It's like everything their friends have to say is some sort of emergency. It baffles me. They will leave the main floor in a complete tizzy or hide in a dimly lit corner to check their messages.....every five freakin' minutes. I find it a pathetic state of affairs and am glad that our own personal lifestyle has lent itself to no need for texting.

[whatsnextmom]

Juliet was "not quite 14" and they never say how old Romeo is but certainly, times were different back then. There was no "teenager." You were a little girl and then a married woman. Ford is actually credited for creating the "teenager" in the way that we know them now due to the advent of the car. With cars, teens started to hang out together and without their parents. Before, you were home and then you were married. Of course, you didn't live nearly as long either lol.
 

Originally Posted by LilacRhodes 

From her first phone at the age of 14 through the first two years of college, I had my dd on our family plan.   We had a limit of X amount of texts per month, maybe 300? ~ if you went past the limit, it would be 10 cents per text.  We never went close to the limit for years.  We texted back & forth (I didn't text at first, but finally a coworker showed me how, and I took to it quickly) in the family, dd & her friends would text each other once in a while.  A lot of her HS friends live in a nearby area with no tower, thus no service.   With ds it was mainly between me & him, or him & his friends ("where are you?" "coming over" and an update to me whenever he changed location, which was an agreement between us at the time.

The first month dd went away to school I was surprised to see an extra $425 on my/our cell phone bill ~ 10 cents for every text sent or received, over the limit on our plan.  Of course, I changed to unlimited texting right away (I doubt that it was even 20 a month for the three of us combined ~ wish I knew beforehand that her texting habits would change, or that dd had known beforehand that it would cause a big bill~).  But anyway, that's part of the culture at her school (at least among her friends).  I think it worked out to 150 texts a day.  I was wondering how they had time for anything else!    

I don't scrutinize their phone use closely (actually dd has her own plan now anyway, I'm only paying for the ds's nowadays).  If I saw a pattern of it being abused - i.e. texting instead of sleeping, or paying attention to the teacher - I would probably restrict it, after a warning.  

The cell phone and the older guy are different issues.   Thirteen is very young, chronologically, but not everyone develops at the same rate socially, intellectually, physically, etc.  I don't think texting is what causes the problem.  When I was younger we didn't have cell phones.  My boyfriend in high school was seven years older than I was (22 when I was 15) my parents knew him socially & didn't like him one bit.   They tried forbidding me to see him, making me stay home, calling my friends' houses to check up on me and so on.  The result ~ as soon as homeroom was over most days, I was out on the highway hitchhiking the ten miles to my boyfriend's place, & cutting most of my classes, if not all.  Somehow I managed to graduate. . . I got married when I turned 18 (he was 25) & moved far far away with him.  My parents and I were estranged for years over this.   

Just my experience  ~ I mean, this sort of thing has been going on since the time of Romeo & Juliet (probably longer).  And she was only twelve!  (almost thirteen).  As I recall, Romeo was about 17, and the guy Juliet's parents wanted her to marry was older than that.  I realize that's fiction, and was written centuries ago.    

[Sharlla]

We got DS1 a cell phone last summer since he goes out and plays a lot and also we dont have a land line,  we have family text anyway so all we pay is $10/month for the additional line. I remember when I was a teen  I lived on the phone, my family had to pay extra for call waiting LOL  at least texting is free and if we need to get a hold of him at any time we can. 

[weliveintheforest]

This is a hard one!  I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't really feel like I could say no either.  Something that might be good is to ask her to wait a couple of months, and save the money she would be spending each month, just to be sure she can afford it.  It's one thing to plan on using 3/4 of her allowance, but in reality it might be hard.  

I'd also talk about what kind of limits she thinks are reasonable and would work for you, like maybe she leaves the phone with you when she goes to her room for the night, or has it turned off during certain times, or whatever.

[Anastasiya]

I agree with 2xy. This easy technology has become so much of an addiction for some people....constantly texting, twittering, face booking, etc. I find it absurd. Even most of the adults in my life will drop everything to respond to those annoying, incessant texts that are constantly rolling in. They interrupt everything - work, eating out, birthday parties, etc. It's an obsession.

It seems to me sometimes that today's kids are growing up with such artificial connections to people. Used to be we talked face to face, then we started only talking to others over the phone. Now we talk only through typing. Where has the human connection gone?

Anyway, no, my kids will not have cell phones explicitly for the purpose of texting.

I also agree with another poster in that friends don't need to be a constant part of one's daily life, at least in our home.

As for me, I only text DH when I cannot reach his cell. And I text through email.

[Kristine233]

It baffles me that people think 100+ (or even more) texts are a lot. One of our rules is I get full acres to her phone and can check messages whenever I want (which is rare lol). Her conversations go like this:

Dd: hi, what's up?
Friend: nothing
Dd: oh
Friend: my dog just rolled over
Dd: so cute!
Dd: my dog is sleeping
Friend: lol

Really, most are so pointless but thats just how kids talk lol. And the majority of the messages are 1 or 2 words, so it's not like they are long and taking up a lot of time. Texts add up fast! We have dd added for $10 a month and unlimited texting. She started out on a cheap phone and when she decided she wanted to text more she saved her money and bought one with a keyboard pad thing. No one really has land lines here anymore, they cost more than cell plans because everything more than 10 miles away is long distance. So most parents here allow their kids to have cells and limit them to texting because the family plan has unlimited and mom and dad use the minutes. The school has strict cell policies and enforces them. Dd won't even call me from school and instead uses a school phone just to make sure she doesn't break policy. At first she always had her phone with, then as the newness wore off she didn't as much. She only grabs it if she is expecting a text for making plans with a friend now. It just hasn't been that big of a deal. We also enforce rules and she follows them.

It was harder for me to allow Facebook. But I know kids can find ways around getting permission so I was proactive and agreed under the agreement that it uses my email and i have the password (she doesn't know it). Thus, it is always signed in on our spare laptop for her to use, but she cant access it elsewhere. And i get email notifications for all friend requests etc so I know what's going on. I give her privacy to her conversations with friends but i know what friends she is talking to and who has access to her info.

With all things, i think it's just a matter of setting rules and having good communication.

[ecoteat]

I'm the tech coordinator in a school that has middle school kids in it and parents are always asking me for advice. I always send them here:

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/cell-phones-tips

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/responsible-text-messaging-tips

My dd is only 4, so I don't feel like I can offer much practical advice, but I can do a little of the legwork for them and find hopefully helpful resources. As long as you have clearly understood rules for how the phone is used and stick to them, it will be fine.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by Kristine233 
At first she always had her phone with, then as the newness wore off she didn't as much. She only grabs it if she is expecting a text for making plans with a friend now. It just hasn't been that big of a deal. We also enforce rules and she follows them.

It was harder for me to allow Facebook. But I know kids can find ways around getting permission so I was proactive and agreed under the agreement that it uses my email and i have the password (she doesn't know it).

For us, texting is not necessary and I'm not willing to spend the money on either the phones or the texting plans. My cell phone is a bare-bones Tracfone that I spend about $20 on, and we have another Tracfone that one or both of my kids will take with them on outings or to work. I probably spend about $20/month on minutes. My husband does not feel comfortable NOT having a landline, so we will probably always have one. The only time I text people is if I'm trying to get ahold of someone whom I know is a text freak; that's often the only way to communicate with them, and I have a couple of friends who qualify. Out of my kids' close friends, only one or two are text junkies. One lives two houses over, so he just comes over if he wants to talk to someone. Sometimes he calls. He knows that our cell phones spend most of their time collecting dust or turned off, so texting us would be an exercise in futility.

I understand where you're coming from, but I strongly feel that if I can't trust the situation, my kids shouldn't be in it. I didn't want my boys growing up with me rifling through their messages and hovering over their conversations. My boys have played games online (like World of Warcraft and other MMORPGS, XBOX online, etc.) and have had Facebook for years now. I didn't and don't snoop through their conversations, though I do have the advantage of knowing all their IRL friends very well, since most of their friends are the children of my own friends...and their FB profiles are public and they are my FB friends, so I can see everyone they accept as a friend.

[nextcommercial]

I probably would allow it.  It's how kids socialize these days.  I don't like it, but it's reality.  (i'd probably add her to our family's plan though, and have her pay for her phone)

It does suck a LOT of time though.  My daughter could get her work done in HALF the time if she'd stop texting. 

[fairejour]

I say let her have the phone, but do NOT give her one with a camera or the ability to send or receive pictures. There is nothing good that can come from a teen having he ability to take and send pictures.

[2cutiekitties]

I am just curious to all those saying yeah were you a family that restricted television or plastic toys when they were younger?

[Dar]

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties 

I am just curious to all those saying yeah were you a family that restricted television or plastic toys when they were younger?

Nope. Same basic philosophy for almost 18 years...

[2xy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dar 

Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties 

I am just curious to all those saying yeah were you a family that restricted television or plastic toys when they were younger?

Nope. Same basic philosophy for almost 18 years...

And I'm one of the naysayers, but we didn't restrict TV or toys, either.

[mamazee]

I would let her have it, but I read in Queen Bees and Wannabees that it's a good idea to take the phone away at night when they go to bed and give it back in the morning, as overnight is when a lot of social problems (like bullying) with cell phones happen, and also that it can seriously interrupt their sleep.  So I'd probably do that.