7 year old being spanked by father, how do I approach discussing alternatives diplomatically? - Page 5

[mmmmochi]

Oh I promised myself I wouldnt even look at the thread...

Seriously, this is what is WRONG with CPS.(Ex) Social worker thinks that `some of (the responses to probable child abuse) were really over the top.

Surely responses should be quick, decisive and as long as noone is hurt (Im not advocating vigilantism) there is no response to child abuse which is `over the top`. Wishy washy, lets wait and see is more time the abuser has to hurt that child.

I dont want to get into my personal experience here, its just not something Im comfortable with, but people were conservative in protecting, they did not do all they could do and the only one who lost out in that softly softly lets waste time approach, was the child.

Every child does not matter, clearly. If someone does not take a personal interest in the child and their safety, then well, that child is lost.
 

OK, I too am going to say a prayer to the Goddess that this child is watched over, and now mind my own business.

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

OP--I haven't read every single post and some of them were really over the top anyhow.  Yes, it is urgent that you see to it that your daughter is safe.  One thing you definitely can do, finances, and everything else aside, is call the school she goes to and talk to her teacher.  Explain your concerns to her briefly and just ask her to keep an extra eye out for anything that she feels is suspicious, and to please call CPS if she notices anything at all.  At the very least, there will be someone who sees your daughter every day who is a little more in tune to anything that might seem "off."  I was a social worker for many years, and especially in cases like this, teachers and other third parties who don't necessarily have some sort of motive related to their ex, can make all the difference in getting a serious investigation done. 

I hope you are able to ignore the manner in which much of the advice was given to you and still *use* some of it.  Your daughter really needs you now more than ever and the past really is the past.  You can make a difference for her starting right now.  Best of luck to both of you. 

[Bad Mama Jama]

This thread is being returned with the understanding that the members will not personally attack the member that came to the forum for help.

Keep in mind that personal attacks are not within the spirit of the Mothering community and are not allowed.

All such posts will be removed and alerted.  Thank you and I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. 

[APToddlerMama]

I am not an ex social worker for one thing.  I remain licensed.  Secondly, what is wrong with me that I find the responses over the top?  What is wrong is that I find it completely over the top to be personally attacking a woman who started a thread asking for help.  I am not sure how that makes me a bad person.  I also am not sure how anyone who attacks someone expects that person will take their advice.  Those who are concerned about this child would do well to express it in a manner that doesn't insult the person asking for help in the first place. 
 

Originally Posted by mmmmochi 

Oh I promised myself I wouldnt even look at the thread...

Seriously, this is what is WRONG with CPS.(Ex) Social worker thinks that `some of (the responses to probable child abuse) were really over the top.

Surely responses should be quick, decisive and as long as noone is hurt (Im not advocating vigilantism) there is no response to child abuse which is `over the top`. Wishy washy, lets wait and see is more time the abuser has to hurt that child.

I dont want to get into my personal experience here, its just not something Im comfortable with, but people were conservative in protecting, they did not do all they could do and the only one who lost out in that softly softly lets waste time approach, was the child.

Every child does not matter, clearly. If someone does not take a personal interest in the child and their safety, then well, that child is lost.
 

OK, I too am going to say a prayer to the Goddess that this child is watched over, and now mind my own business.

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

OP--I haven't read every single post and some of them were really over the top anyhow.  Yes, it is urgent that you see to it that your daughter is safe.  One thing you definitely can do, finances, and everything else aside, is call the school she goes to and talk to her teacher.  Explain your concerns to her briefly and just ask her to keep an extra eye out for anything that she feels is suspicious, and to please call CPS if she notices anything at all.  At the very least, there will be someone who sees your daughter every day who is a little more in tune to anything that might seem "off."  I was a social worker for many years, and especially in cases like this, teachers and other third parties who don't necessarily have some sort of motive related to their ex, can make all the difference in getting a serious investigation done. 

I hope you are able to ignore the manner in which much of the advice was given to you and still *use* some of it.  Your daughter really needs you now more than ever and the past really is the past.  You can make a difference for her starting right now.  Best of luck to both of you. 

 

[BettinaAuSucre]

Thanks to all the supportive and positive posts. I have called my daughter's school in Florida and had an extremely awkward and short conversation with the teacher. I think she had no idea who I was. I just casually mentioned that since moving to the new school and home, I wanted to ensure her safety and having been given untrustworthy information from her caregiver, I felt it best to speak with an unbiased third party. 

All I can do for now is stay the course. Follow through with the intentions I have and work towards my goals. Though I didn't really get the advice I originally sought, I feel extremely more empowered and confident that I can do what is in her best interest without having to involve her disorderly father. 

Thank you again for all the advice.

[kawa kamuri]

 Good for you! Some of the criticism you received here would have been hard for me to accept with the grace that you have. 
 

Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre 

Though I didn't really get the advice I originally sought, I feel extremely more empowered and confident that I can do what is in her best interest without having to involve her disorderly father. 

[meemee]

Originally Posted by BettinaAuSucre 

Though I didn't really get the advice I originally sought, 

mama you asked a question that has no answer or is difficult to answer. if there was an acceptable answer to it, it would surely make a lot of mamas very happy. 

when there is no good relationship established btw parents any kind of 'change your ways' comes across as criticism and makes them even worse. i was lucky dd was so upset she spoke to her teacher who called her dad and gave him a good earful. and her dad slowly stopped doing it. 

things for us has mellowed out thru the years. so time has been the biggest factor for us. 

and so what you are doing now is hte best way to go. to figure out how to move forward and look at long term goals. i think its a good idea too to talk or email the teacher on a regular basis to find out how your dd is doing - just to be present and a 'known face'. ask her for a copy of your dd's report card. will look good for you in future too as you try to change the custody.