evening classes for mom vs. family dinner routine

[aikigypsy]

Before kids, I practiced a martial art, usually 3-5 times a week, mostly in the evenings. The dojo here, where I started, has classes from 6-7/7:30 two or three nights a week. I keep saying I'll get back to it, but I hate leaving the house in the evenings when the kids seem to be neediest (I have a 3-year-old and a 4-month-old) and when it feels like we should have family together time.

On a purely logistical level, I could go. DH is quite able to supervise the kids for the 1.5-2 hours I would be gone, if he's home from work on time. However, he doesn't believe in routines (although he's beginning to see their value), and often won't fix dinner until I'm back, at which point DD (the three-year-old) is in tired melt-down land.  I feel that I would be calmer and more collected with a stable end-of-day routine, and that it would also benefit the kids a lot.

I crave routine. We've been living with other people (my parents, roommates, another roommate, just us, and my parents again) since DD was born. It has been impossible to establish any kind of stable routine with so many adults and their disparate, irregular schedules. I feel that it will take a while to settle in, once we're in our own place.

The dojo used to be a big part of my own routine, and I'd like it to be again, but the schedule conflict (class vs. family dinner time) is getting in the way. Also, I'm fat and out of shape (20 lbs. over my usual weight) and a regular workout would probably be good for my health. I also think it's important to maintain a bit of non-mommy life, to be a person in my own right and stave off getting over-saturated with the world of small children.

Is it possible to establish a stable routine, if you're away at dinner time a couple of nights a week? If so, how? Or, should I just forget about it for another year or two?

[CarrieMF]

A) 20lbs over with a 4month old - you are NOT fat.

B) absolutely possible to have a routine if you aren't there.   Since the classes start at 6 can you have supper ready so all dh has to do is dish the 3yo up or have something light for her to eat around 5?  Do you have to go to all classes or can you start with one & work into a routine then add in more as you are more settled?

once you have it scheduled in it will become part of your routine.  If you plan on having your kids in activities later it's easier to start scheduling off days now so you get used to it.lol

I started going to a once a week meeting when my youngest was 3months old.  At the time Dh was working nights so while we could have spent the money on other things I spent it on childcare for my older 2 kids(15months & 3.5).  I took the baby with me because it was possible(for you it isn't).    When she turned 1 she went to the sitter too.

8.5 years later Monday-Thurs are off days where I am running with a kid or 2 & leaving at different times.

[Polliwog]

I personally wouldn't do it.  I prefer to have our evenings free to have dinner together.  The rule in my home is no activities during, or after, dinner time.  That will change when my kids become a lot older but while they are little I like to have us all together for dinner and the bedtime routine.

[Hey Mama!]

I think it is important for a mom to have some time to herself to pursue an interest/step out of mommy mode for a bit.  So, in your situation I would strive to have dinner ready at 5-5:30 that way your oldest can eat at a decent time.  Dh can then have time to play with the kids, give baths or whatever while you are gone. 

[liberal_chick]

Originally Posted by Hey Mama! 

I think it is important for a mom to have some time to herself to pursue an interest/step out of mommy mode for a bit.  So, in your situation I would strive to have dinner ready at 5-5:30 that way your oldest can eat at a decent time.  Dh can then have time to play with the kids, give baths or whatever while you are gone. 

ITA with this.

[Evergreen]

I think you'll be fine. You can always leave dinner in a crock pot  or something like that on the nights you go to the dojo.  I also think it's important for mothers to get out of the house and do something that they love. In a few weeks it will become part of the routine for all three of them. I wouldn't sweat it.

[lach]

Originally Posted by Hey Mama! 

I think it is important for a mom to have some time to herself to pursue an interest/step out of mommy mode for a bit.  So, in your situation I would strive to have dinner ready at 5-5:30 that way your oldest can eat at a decent time.  Dh can then have time to play with the kids, give baths or whatever while you are gone. 

This is all perfectly said.  Do this.

[ameliabedelia]

I would maybe do it two days a week.  Probably not three though.  It might also depend on if you do other evening activities.  I don't do any evening regular classes, but I do regularly (well on a monthly basis) do mom's night out, LLL meetings, homeschool group meetings, etc.  So, those weeks I wouldn't want to be gone 4 days a week. 

On those days, I would eat dinner early (at 5:00), before you leave. Or, if you don't want to eat before your class, feed everyone else dinner and you eat when you get back.

[crunchy_mommy]

I just signed myself up for evening step classes M&W and DH up for a long Tuesday evening yoga class. We need it -- we both really need to get back in shape & we're horrible about each taking time for ourselves away from the house & the stress. I don't know that I'd be willing to do that 3 or 4 days a week (I felt that 2 days was pushing it) but I think it will be good for us. :)

I think in your case I would make dinner early, and either eat together before you leave for the class, or ask DH to serve it at 6:30pm or whatever. It might just be hard for him to prepare dinner AND watch the kids simultaneously, so if you make it easy for him, he might better be able to stick to the family routine.

I think routines are helpful/important for many kids & the family as a whole... but I think it's also important to learn some flexibility. My dad was so strict about having dinner as a family at 5pm EVERY SINGLE DAY that if we were invited to an evening party we weren't able to go because it would interfere with family dinner. We had to rush home from our (rare) playdates with friends so we could be home for 5pm, and it was very stressful for my mom to be able to ALWAYS have dinner ready right on time. So if having a routine would create excess stress and/or resentment, I think being flexible is key.

[Linda on the move]

I agree about having dinner ready before you go. There no excuse to not start dinner for a small child until 7:30 or 8:00.

I think that it's important to balance time to one's self with time with one's family. What about starting back ONCE a week, and then taking if from there? May be just once a week would be the right amount for your family for now, may be twice a week would be perfect. Just take the first step, and let it unfold.

[mamadelbosque]

We do this, although our class is only 2 days a week (6:30-8:30 or so). I make dinner and have dinner ready to eat before we leave, then we all go - we take turns taking class and watching the boys (there are other kids hanging out while parents/older sibs take class to play with, so its fun for everyone). Totally worth it though. Even before Dh started taking class it was totally worth it. Do it. 

[aikigypsy]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I got out to the dojo tonight, and had a good practice. I think that, at this point, one evening a week is all I'm comfortable with, on the home front.  It won't be enough to maintain anything like my old standards, but it will keep me somewhat involved, and hopefully help keep things going for when or if I decide to get back into it more seriously. The dojo here is very small, and I feel somewhat responsible for keeping it going. I have to step back from that a bit for now. I did suggest starting a basics class (which I could teach) on Saturday mornings, but the head of the dojo was a bit hesitant about it -- possibly in the spring, though.

Some day, the kids and DH might join me, but for now the kids are too young and DH finds the martial art too formal and slow-paced for his tastes.  I'm having DH cook on the nights I go to the dojo. He only cooks one thing, which he says is his favorite meal from his bachelor days, but it's not too unhealthy and DD likes it, too.  It feels different to have practice slide to such a minor role in my life, but I think it's better than nothing. We'll see how it goes.