TMI question

[memz]

So I'm almost a year post partum and wanted to know if others were in my situation or any BTDT... When we DTD which is not often  it's always uncomfortable and then sore for a day or two. But the last 2 times I checked afterwards only to see that I had teared a tiny bit just enough to have a bit of blood on the toilet paper after.

At birth I had a 2nd degree tear which healed well and I'm still BF. I know that BF can cause dryness but that doesn't seem to be the problem...

[McGucks]

I'm 9 months out and it still hurts.  Possibly, as you said, due to dryness.  I get embarrassed to use KY (which I know I shouldn't be, but that' just the way I am), but the physical act of intercourse still is not a pleasurable one.  Aside from the zillion other reasons couples don't have as much sex afterwards, the fact that it is never a real "feel good" for me is one of them.  I had an emergency C-section, so tearing was not an issue for me.  I keep hoping things will eventually get better and am very grateful my DH doesn't pressure me.  Wish I could offer more help, but sounds like we are in kind of the same boat.

[prothyraia]

After my first birth- I had a 2nd degree tear-, it was *always* uncomfortable during intercourse (although I never bled).  I tore again with my second child, and haven't had any problems since then.   I think things didn't quite get put back together they way they should have been the first time...

[porcelina]

I had trouble with tightness after my first birth when I had a 2nd degree tear. DTD actually hurt at 3-4 months when we tried for the first time. We waited until something like 6 months to try again, I think, and I got through it. It didn't become enjoyable until about 18 months.

This time, I had only a minor, external tear, and we DTD at about 7 weeks, and it was totally like normal. I mentioned this to my midwife (in comparison to first), and she said sometimes with a tear they don't know exactly how tight you were in the first place, and it's hard to sew you up exactly the way you were.

So, they probably sutured you a bit too tight, and it will take your body time to adjust. It's not just about the dryness, but a physical difference!

[P.J.]

I also feel sore from sex, and I had a cesarean birth so it's not about tearing. I am not overly worried about it but I will definitely ask my gyn about it at the next visit, which probably won't be until summer. Until then...when we do actually do it, which is rare....lube and take it sllllloooooww.

[HappyMonkey]

It took me almost a year to feel normal.. I had a 2nd degree tear. At first it was like it healed too small (the skin half overlapping my vagina). About a year later things suddenly healed and it all looks and feels normal. I think it can just take time. I don't think I was stitched badly.. I just think my body needed time.

[TreeRose]

It's so challenging isn't it? I want to recommend a source that I respect and use: Good Clean Love . It's an all natural, almost completely organic lubricant that is a life saver for my relationship. DH has been gentle and slow and I've had the drive for it, though still tender. Don't know the degree of tearing I had - just know that healing has taken time and I wonder if I'll ever feel "the same" again. Good luck to you - it's a challenging place to be in. I feel like it's so important to the health and happiness of a relationship and sometimes (like with babies) it has to take a backseat.

[Dolphin]

I sometimes have the tearing too, and I had a c/s so it's not a healing thing. I have discovered that it's somewhat cyclical, a result of lower estrogen because of breastfeeding.  My hormones are still wacky.   Things don't get totally back to normal until well into the second year for me.  But it does get better, at least it has for my last two (my third is 6 mo now and still tearing/painful).

[northerngirl]

I had a 3rd degree tear (many stiches that took forever to get) with dd1 and it hurt to dtd for almost 2 years. It hurt inside and never bled. I was also so so sore for quiet a while after the birth. I don't think I lifted my leg to shave for months. Even though we used lots of lube it did not make that hurtness go away. We ultimately didn't have intercourse very often bc I needed to stop, it was so uncomfortable.  It just gradually got better.

With dd2 I needed 1 stitch. I was not sore for long at all, maybe a week. dtd at 7 weeks pp and it went fine and I was not sore inside. Things are pretty normal now at 10 months, except for the low drive and bfing.

I would just take it slow and use lots of lube. My dh laughs at me cause I go crazy with the lube.

[wombatclay]

Big hugs and BTDT sympathies!  I'm going to move this to Birth and Beyond since it's more about mama than babe.  :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Personally, I'm very sensative to hormonal shifts... during the first year pp I almost always need a few "doses" of Replense.  It's over the counter (in the family planning aisle of the grocery store), and it's a vaginal tissue moisturizer instead of a lubricant (meaning it's designed to help the tissue itself rather than just smooth the friction).  Usually replense + lubricant does the trick, and once I'm having fertile cycles for a month or two things even out (my cycles return around 9mo pp but they're not actually fertile cycles till around a year).

[memz]

Thanks everyone...at least I know that I'm not alone...although I don't wish for others to be in  the same situation...I guess time is key...but after a year of no libido, because of a) BF and b) ouch factor....I can't wait to be back to my old self!