I'm sorry if this is long but I want to give as clear a picture as possible. TIA if you get through it all and can offer some advice.
Everyone in my life is starting to get pretty hostile towards me when it comes to money matters. Both DH and I come from families that live way beyond their means using credit and debt to get them there. So, when we got together we followed the same pattern and lived that way for quite some time.
Problem is - I've changed and no one else has. It was a slow process but I've built up to trying to live simply, frugally and without waste or debt in the last couple of years.
DH has come along for the ride but very begrudgingly and we've been fighting a lot lately. He says he is miserable and it's all my talk and pressure about not spending that is causing it. My family and my in laws are also giving me the same issues. They complain that I won't spend money on gifts or to travel with them.
I really don't know how to make everyone happy while not giving in to spending needlessly. The way I see it we really can't afford to. We have zero and I mean zero savings. No bank accounts, no home equity (we rent), we are still paying on both our cars, and no investments - NONE- neither of us even have money in a 401k (and we are in our late thirties).
To me that is a pretty bleak financial situation and to be honest I'm kind of proud of myself that instead of sticking my head in the sand and pretending it's not happening or just sitting and crying about it, I have found ways to try and make it better. I've spent the last two years figuring out how to make more and spend less. I was a SAHM and I now work two jobs opposite dh's schedule so we don't have to pay for childcare. I've learned to use less energy, cook from scratch, find things we need used for cheaper or do without, negotiate lower prices for things, etc. It's been really hard but it's really paying off. If things go as planned all of our cc debt will be gone by the end of March. That's really saying something being that we started off at 25k.
Anyway, I don't want to have to choose between being financially secure and having healthy happy relationships but I don't know where the compromise should be. I look at it and think - how can I possibly justify putting thousands of dollars on a credit card for a family vacation that will last seven days when it will take me months if not years to pay it off. They look at it and think - you can't take it with you so spend, spend, spend. Then I struggle with DH on the day to day things - eating out, buying this and that, etc. and I'm so exhausted saying no to everything that I want to just say fine go ahead and buy it but that money is coming from time that I have to spend away from child and life and family. There's no food or gadget in the world worth more than time with my dd but no one else in my life wants to see it that way.
Eeek! I'm rambling. How do you handle this with your SO and your families?