"accidents" when angry

[catinthehat]

We have been experiencing some major 4yo defiance lately, and it has included dd urinating on the floor when she is angry about something.  I have reacted pretty strongly up to this point, and I am thinking now I should probably just have her clean it up, and calmly say,  "we don't pee on the floor",  and let it go.  I think it has def become a power move for her.  Is this normal?  Should I be concerned?  Any suggestions?  Thanks in advance.

[goodygumdrops]

My son has done this a few times when I put him in time out.  He knows better but he's using it as an act of defiance.  He has also make himself throw up a couple of times....it really irks me because I know he's doing it on purpose.  I have no advice but I can commiserate

[eepster]

It probably started out as simple accidents.  The emotional turmoil may have distracted her from her physical needs and crying hard may have caused her to squeeze her abdominal muscles, resulting in accidents.  As she saw how much this bothered you, it will have evolved into a way to express her anger.

At this point the best way to help her move past this is to react to it as blandly as possible.  If this really pushes you buttons, the try to remove yourself as much as possible from the situation as much as you can (physically if you have that option but emotionally if you don't.)  

If you can have her simply clean it up without starting a power struggle over the clean up, then do.  If clean up is going to be a power struggle though, then I would have her be somewhere else while you did the clean up.  I would not clean it up while she is present, make sure she is somewhere safe but not overly entertaining.

[catinthehat]

Thanks for commiseration and advice.  Nice to know someone else's kid does this too.  I think she actually learned it from the dog!  They are pretty tight.  ;)

I am going to try not making a big deal of it as you suggest.  It doesn't make me too upset really.  I just made a big deal of it the first couple of times thinking that would stop her from doing it in the future.  That backfired!  

Four year olds are tough!