New to it all. . . .

[StlRNMommy]

DD is 9.5 months old. I'm new at gentle discipline and trying to learn a positive way of doing things from the beginning. I know there is no way to discipline her at this young of an age, but I'm feeling like she is hearing "no" more than I'd like. Our house is very child proofed and we redirect like crazy. Am I worrying too soon?

I'd love some suggestions on books that are sort of "gentle discipline 101"

Thanks for your help!

[Tjej]

Saying what you want instead of what you don't want - "sit on chairs" instead of "no - don't stand". 

Playing fun games with your baby that encourage them to listen to you ( come here - they come, you snuggle/kiss/whatever.  rinse and repeat).

I personally think that discipline begins when a baby is very small - it's about guiding them and working with them in understanding, and that starts when they are born, IMO.

Tjej

[sydlou]

Yeah, I think one of the biggest ones, even at your DD's age is telling her what is ok, not what isn't. Children hear the action, so "don't stand", becomes "stand", but "sit down on the chair" gives them an action to do.

Also, save NO for the big stuff. So much of what we say No to, really is ok. So my rule of thumb is unless I have a very good reason, it's OK. Dumping the blocks might not be awesome fun for me to clean up, but really, I don't say NO to dumping becuase I don't want to clean them up. That's not a good enough reason in my book. Same for pulling DVD cases and such off the shelf... most of that stuff is cause and effect...

What kind of things are you saying no to? I'm having a hard time picturing at 9 months what would require a NO. Maybe give some examples to have a what to do next time. Dashing off into the street is one of those things that I have said/yelled No about, but the word carries much more weight in my family if they don't hear it for the little stuff.

[Tjej]

I agree that saying "no" to dumping things out and stuff isn't what I do - I save it for the big stuff too.  I do, however, not allow my kids to dump out my things or clear all the DVDs off the shelves.  It was a lot easier with just one kid, but I would catch them if they were about to do what I didn't want and redirect them, or get them to put things back if they had done it.  I'd explain "don't touch the DVDs" and then give them something else they could touch "here, these are your blocks - let's build with these".  That sort of thing.  I have pretty high expectations of the kids as far as behavior goes, and of course they are small and don't always do it, but as long as I'm consistent and kind they seem to learn. :)

Tjej

[sydlou]

I have pretty low expectations Tjej of their behavior! Well, more so with my 5 year old's, but my DS (12/30/08) is one of those kids that just needs to throw/dump/etc. He's my physical kid, and I really think he needs to do some of the stuff other people see as inappropriate or unacceptable. (I joke that he's the kid that taught me not to judge other kids because he was such a rough and tumbly guy from day 1, whereas DD was way more mellow and "easy" to parent in the early years.) He just doesn't redirect, so I found it was easier for my family if I changed my expectations ;)

OP, wanted to recommend 2 great books:

Dr Sears The Discipline Book (although he does use rewards & punishments which we try to steer clear of)

and Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (more about your child and your relationship and a why they do this)

[Tjej]

sydlou - I hear you on the second kid being sent from above to humble you/teach non-judgementalism... My DS is my second born and he has taught me many similar lessons. 

We're still a work in progess too, just a year farther down the road. :)

Tjej