nap questions

[jerabelle]

ok, so i know the parents are the ultimate right/wrong, good/bad, yes/no vote for their children, but we need some help on this one please ...

DS is 5mo and a pretty random napper - only napping when held or nursed to sleep.  he needs to be on more of a routine by now, therefore have begun the 'nap training' thing.  after much resourcing and researching, we now lay him down 3 times/day during his obvious 'windows of tiredness.'  it's only been a few days, so i'm not frustrated with the lack of results, i just want to know we're doing the right thing.  he literally cries the entire hour we lay him down.  we do go into his room every 10 minutes, tell him we love him and that it's ok, then leave. he has all the comforts he could possibly need (crib music, humidifier, fan, etc) minus his dear ol mom & dad, so we know he's not uncomfortable, hungry, or wet.  we know we're doing it FOR HIM, not TO HIM, but that still doesnt make it any easier. 

also, what to do if he hardly naps for that hour we lay him down, but wants to nap when we are holding him later?  does this cancel out all of the training we are trying to do? 

:(

Edited by jerabelle - 12/30/10 at 12:48pm

[Chamomile Girl]

Your baby does not need to be on a schedule.  Sleep training for infants is crappus.  What you are doing basically amounts to CIO (something that you will not get any support for on this board FYI).

Do you nurse your babe?  I always found that side-lie nursing and then rolling away was the easiest way to get my kid to nap.  At five months he really only slept for about 20 minutes at a time though.  It was hard, but we got through it, and now at 18 months he sleeps for about 2.5 hours.

[Asiago]

Those feeling of guilt and heart strain you and your husband are having are actually good, it means something is wrong and your body is trying to tell you that. Whereas when you nurture, things seem smoother, baby seems more content and everything is not a struggle.

Toss the books and go with your maternal instincts. No need to rely upon baby trainers. The so called baby trainers became popular because of the push this last century for babies and children to become independant before they are ready to do so. This led to many babies crying. Crying a lot is thought to be the norm for babies but in many cultures babies do not cry excessively. These are often cultures that do not leave infants alone, they are with mother or a caregiver, so infants feel secure and safe.

You'll find that nurturing (as you were doing before with the holding and nursing) will yield much better results in the long run than the cry it out method. Human babies have deeply engrained survival needs of comfort and security. Even though we now live in modern times, these needs do not go away. A dry diaper and full belly are often only half of the equation, the other is comfort and security, which often means close proximity to mom. In time as baby feels secure, the need will lessen. My son is 14 months and up until recently he needed me to be with him in order to nap. I followed his lead and gave him what he needed and now he naps for a while on his own.

Do what works and feels right. If your baby is calm and content with you then you're probably addressing his needs. You'll find that the more security he has now- the better his confidence and trust will be in you later.

He will know that you are there for him when he needs you and that he can count on you.

Edited by Asiago - 1/1/11 at 1:12pm

[Mom2M]

ugh, I totally agree with the PP!

I nursed my babies to sleep for a nap and then they took great naps, usually an hour or two.  If I had tried to lay them down like that, they would have cried the whole time too.

DD1 is an awesome sleeper now, we don't know about DD2 yet because she is still a baby, but my point is that nursing to sleep is not bad and doesn't set a baby up for bad habits down the road.

Throw that schedule out the window! If he shows signs of wanting to nap, let him sleep on his own schedule.

[jcent]

Originally Posted by jerabelle 

he has all the comforts he could possibly need (crib music, humidifier, fan, etc) minus his dear ol mom & dad, so we know he's not uncomfortable, hungry, or wet.  we know we're doing it FOR HIM, not TO HIM, but that still doesnt make it any easier. 

 He doesn't have everything he needs though, or he wouldn't be crying for an hour.  He needs to be held my his mom and dad.  That is waht babies needs.  Cribss, musics, and fans, they can live without.

Your baby isn't dumb, he knows when he needs to sleep.  And it sounds like he is telling you he wants to sleep being near you, so all you have to do is listen.

[elisheva]

No schedule needed for him (unless *you* need a schedule for him, but that's another issue). To get my kids to nap, I've always nursed them or rocked them to sleep (laying down in bed, generally). They go through periods where they'll nap around the same time each day, but just when you realize it, they change and want to nap at 1pm instead of at 11am. This is okay. It will not ruin them to not be on a schedule. There are loads of people on this forum who have napped their kids this same way and they have ended up with healthy sleep habits and generally do not still need mommy to lay with them when they are 15. 

[Marylizah]

Just want to say that you can get your baby on a nap schedule just fine while nursing him to sleep and sneaking away once he's deeply asleep. Leaving him to CIO is not the only way to establish a schedule! With DS2, starting at about 5 months, I was vigilant about putting him down for his first nap 1.5-2 hours after he woke up, 2nd nap at about 1pm, and 3rd nap at about 4. He settled into a nice routine just fine, and he bf'ed or was bounced to sleep every single time. Just know that there are many ways to do things, and if your  baby isn't sleeping, but crying, then naptime is pretty useless! I would try staying with him until he's asleep.