We made it a year...I thought it would be easier

[Julia'sMom]

So, we passed the babies' birthday.  Both are happy, healthy kiddos.  Sarah is walking about, faster every day and Benjamin is still crawling, but determined to master the stairs.  Once they turned one, it was like something clicked.  Now every cabinet, drawer, dresser, shelf, etc. that is within reach has to be emptied.  My house is a disaster!  I've childproofed like crazy and now I'm going to start decluttering as much as possible.  To top it off, they're not great sleepers, not horrible, but coudl be better.  They each wake anywhere from 2 to 4 times a night, which means I'm up from 4 to 8 times.  Ugh.  That is the worst part.  I'm not handling teh sleep deprivation so well anymore.  I'm cranky and short tempered almost all the time.  All of my patience goes to the kids, which means I have almost null for any adults. 

Has anyone else been there?  I totally expected life to be easier at this point, but instead it just got harder.  I have to run faster and do more each day, while still parenting all night.  I think it's the ruined expectations that are adding to the overwhelming feeling.  If I had expected to still be struggling, I'd probably be more happy about the good points of this stage.

So...when does the sleep deprivation end?  When do you get time for yourself again?  When is the house respectable again?  Oh, please give me hope (but not too much or I'll be disappointed when that time comes.  :) )

[QueenEsther]

I have no specific words of advice with handling twins...but I do have 4 already, all under 10, and am pregnant with possibly twins on the way. Some of my younger ones, especially the second to youngest, still wakes up several times a night screaming with night terrors. Most nights, I am sleep deprived, especially being pregnant and feeling exhausted already. Being able to be there for my children during the day, teaching them all sorts of things and watching them grow up right before me has really become the best thing ever. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I just take the bad with the good because there is no perfect parenting life. There will always be challenges. 

Is there a certain place of the house - like your living room - that you can block off and totally, completely childproof for them to play in? I mean, nothing in drawers, no decor on tables, nothing. Just basic furniture and a toy box full of goodies. When my first child was a baby, he literally barely slept for the first 1.5 years of his life. To say that I was sleep deprived was a vast understatement. I had to catch up on sleep during the day whenever I could and so I did that with our living room. It was a rough phase, having to let him play quietly on the floor (this was when he was closer to 1 year old) with Blues Clues and other Nickalodeon shows going on the TV while I caught several naps. It was the only way I survived. And heh, don't put too much thought into 'expectations'. As soon as I always thought that things would go one way with my kids, it always went the exact opposite (just to spite me??). My advice there is just to keep taking it one day at a time and when 25 million things all go wrong in one single day, learn to laugh, or at least chuckle it off. 

One last thing, do you have anyone you trust who helps with the babies? I am thinking that it would be excellent if you could get off one morning or one evening a week to completely take care of yourself and pamper yourself. Even if it was only for an hour, just to be able to put that time back into yourself is an investment in your health and sanity and parenting. 

Just wanted to encourage you and say that you can do this thing! Though it's true that I can't say exactly when things will move to the next stage, I do know that they won't be little forever and before you know it, you will be looking back wondering where the time went. Don't know if that helps at all, but it was worth a shot. 

[skybluepink02]

I found that free one, it doesn't necessarily get easier, it just gets different. You don't have the every two hour eating, sleeping haze, but you have to chase them more. Ou don't have the learning to nurse worries, but you worry if they are eating enough solids.

It did, for me, get easier around 18 months. That's when I got able to let them play independently for a bit while I loaded the dishwasher, or swept. They got a lot more enjoyment out of each other, and started playing with each other and entertaining each other. but, on the flip side, they are more jealous of each other now and are starting to hit each other, so maybe not easier, just different.

[mumm]

I found one year to be really hard.  For multiple reasons (pun intended!)  First, everyone says the first year is hardest.  And it is (or was for me) but it doesn't magically get easier. Like someone said, just different.

And the exhaustion!  oh, the sleep deprivation.  My heart goes out to those suffering from it.  I found myself angry and resentful and fed up and mean and blamed it all on the sheer physical-ness of life.  Mean to me, to my spouse and my kids.  I saw my doc for help and she treated me for ppd.  I wasn't depressed I kept saying, just angry!  But being treated for depression helped me be kinder to everyone! 

I must say, for me, twins became fun 95% of the time around age 2.5ish.  There are some clear advantages to having a built in, same age playmate in your own family.  I'd even say that having twins is easier now (3.5 years)  than having two singletons close in age.

Hang in there.  Do what you can to improve their sleep.  I'd say night wean if you are comfortable.  Sometimes you can't do it all and you need to find a happy medium.  If working on improving their sleep helps you to be  a better parent during the 18 hours you are awake then I think that is something to think about.

Hang in there.  It is hard.  It does get better.  Today my family went out to eat.  And actually enjoyed it.  I got to look my spouse in the eyes across the table once or twice.  We exchanged a few words.  And I didn't have to come home to make dinner because they "couldn't find anything to eat" at the restaurant.  This will happen for you someday.  Soon I hope!

[~bookcase~]

It really shocked me at that point that it was still ssooooooooo harrrrd - I thought the light was at age 12 months exactly!!!

My light has come around 2 years of age, but it got increasingly light from maybe 18 months. It still shuts out sometimes, but mostly even at those times there is a glow to remind me we are past 18 months ~ hang in there mama, brighter days are coming

[mauri456]

awe, im  getting scared reading this thread!!!  

[Spring Lily]

Everyone we knew or met with twins told us "if you can survive until they're 2, you'll be ok." It really was age 2 for us. I wish I could say sooner, because that means you're only halfway there! But between age 1 and 2 came all the major separation anxiety, the fighting (biting, hair pulling, hitting, kicking, toy stealing, "don't sit on your sister's back and pin her to the floor!" , etc). Plus, they're getting more independent, so then it's really hard to take them places because they constantly want to get "down!!" from the stoller all the time and you don't want to be stuck in public with them running 2 different directions while you're chasing them with the double stroller! And then there are the tantrums.

The reason you survive is that the challenges change during those 2 years. The reason you almost don't survive is that things are no easier, just different.

And now for the light at the end of the tunnel! At age two my twins are now STTN and able to play the majority of the time independently with each other and their big sister. I'm still jumping up very 5 minutes when I try to sit down, but it's not quite the same. The sleep and independent imaginative play does make it slightly easier on me, though. I think 3 may be nice, when they are better at communicating and diapers are a thing of the past.

[Julia'sMom]

Thanks for the replies.  I suppose I'm glad that I am not the only one to feel this way.  It is definately more fun, but oh so very tiring.  My house is a disaster and I can't keep up.  I feel like I'm runnign all day long just keeping them out of trouble and picking up after them.  Then I still stay up late to do more laundry, dishes, etc. and I just can't get ahead.  I think I'll try and majorly declutter, especially toys and lock down as much as possible until this stage is past.  It scares me that only one is walking/running.  Just wait until both are.  :)

[SunshineH]

I too thought 1 year would be a magical getting easier point, but it wasn't for us either. Mine are 22 months now, and I can safely say it's much better. They sleep (that got better about 18? months), play together (lots of hilarious moments!), we don't need the gate for the stairs and they can't open doors yet, and can definitely let me know what they need. I had it in my head to have a big 1 year birthday party for the twins - hah. Another thing I let go, and I'm OK with it. The biggest thing for me has been learning to be OK with letting things go. If everyone has food, there are clean dishes and clean laundry, you are doing great.

[Spring Lily]

Originally Posted by Julia'sMom 

Thanks for the replies.  I suppose I'm glad that I am not the only one to feel this way.  It is definately more fun, but oh so very tiring.  My house is a disaster and I can't keep up.  I feel like I'm runnign all day long just keeping them out of trouble and picking up after them.  Then I still stay up late to do more laundry, dishes, etc. and I just can't get ahead.  I think I'll try and majorly declutter, especially toys and lock down as much as possible until this stage is past.  It scares me that only one is walking/running.  Just wait until both are.  :)

Yeah, I'd love to know when that will change. Unfortunately, as they get bigger, they just seem to make bigger messes that take longer to clean up. We're in the middle of them learning to go potty, too, so running after them and cleaning up accidents takes a huge part of my day.

So yeah, we haven't hit that point yet where I can keep up.

[SimplyRochelle]

Hey! No advice, obviously, just wanted to say I can not believe they're a whole year old now! Sorry things are so tough right now but you are doing an amazing job! Even if you don't feel like you are. Your house doesn't have to be clean, dishes can fill your sink, etc... and that doesn't make you any less of an awesome mom! Lots of love and strength your way!

[at-home]

I hear your plea for hope and encouragement and I understand!  I am amazed to see that several have said that age 2 was so much better.  My twins are age 4 and I am just now starting to feel some normalcy.  I am not trying to discourage you, I just want you to know that it may take longer than 2 years.  Things *do* improve as you go along as far as sleep and getting a rhythm.  However, my girls didn't sleep all the way through the night until around age 3 (sorry!).  They only woke up once or twice, though, after age 1.  But the twin dynamic just makes things challenging.  There are fun moments and they are cute and sweet, but it's a lot of work.  Its hard to get anything else done and the housekeeping does suffer. The first time I actually had an enjoyable shopping experience was when they were 3.  My advice would be if you can get any help at all, do it!  Perhaps a teenage girl could come in the afternoons after school to help you take a break (nap!) or do you know any homeschool families with a daughter that could come in and help during the day?  Just ideas that might not cost too much.  Otherwise, just get through today, pray for grace and strength and take lots of pictures!  You will be so glad to have the pictures when you look back upon the "blurred years" to see all that you have gone through to help your babies grow and thrive and see how cute they were.  If I hadn't taken pictures, a lot of that would be lost.  God bless you as you make it through another day! Hugs!!!!