Preparing older sibling for new baby?

[hennaLisa]

I am 23 weeks pregnant and starting to wonder how to prepare my 2.5 year old for the new baby. Any comments on the following concerns would be greatly appreciated!

1. He doesn't know yet. My tummy is getting bigger and he's poking my protruding belly button, but I haven't explained the whole bun in the oven concept. When should I start and how? I figure a few months is a long time to wait for a 2.5 year old.

2. We cosleep. By that, I mean my son sleeps on my pillow facing my face so that our breath is like one breath and as much of his body is touching me as possible. He occasionally is willing to sleep on Dady's side of the bed for a few hours but usually if he wakes up and has migrated away from me, he comes and finds me or cries for me. He also hates for me to face away from him during the night and notices if I flip over so that my back is towards him. I can get away with it if he is in a deep sleep, for a little while. I've been indulging him because I love our night time closeness and know I won't be able to give him that if my second child is as much of a sleep-nurser as my first. Should I just continue to indulge him until natural forces require otherwise, or should I try to induce a transition? If the latter, what should I aim for?

3. Nursing. I actually think natural forces are influencing a transition in this area already. My nipples are sore and my son notices if I gasp slightly or stiffen up when he latches on (and promptly pops off to kiss my nipple). I try to hide my pain from him, but he can tell. I don't deny him the opportunity to nurse if he asks, but I am no longer offering. I do allow myself to encourage him to "cuddle Mommy" if it is hurting too much while he is nursing and he accepts this alternative. This often happens after just a few minutes of nursing. I don't think he is getting any milk. I didn't really ever have pain nursing him before becoming pregnant but his teeth are hitting me where my nipple starts to protrude, rather than on the areola and I've wondered if that is contributing. I've tried asking him to take a bigger bite, but he just opens his mouth wide around my nipple and says he doesn't know how, or it's not working and then he gives up. I do not mean to wean him, and have started crying while typing this (possibly suggesting that I'm not ready) but I will admit I am a little scared of tandem nursing. If my second child is as much of a marathon nurser as my first, then I'm not sure I could manage both. I remember when my first was 2 months old and still nursing non-stop, the lactation consultant told us he should nurse every two hours. He was doing this, but each nursing session lasted about an hour and fifty-five minutes! I would just hope to be able to sneak away long enough to pee and return to him. It was rare that he would accept any alternative to nursing.

[ArcticRose]

My DD will be 2.5 when our new baby arrives, and I started mentioning that I am "growing a baby in my tummy" to her occasionally. I also checked out a couple of pregnancy books from the library (for myself) and DD loved to look at the pictures, so we talked about what was going on. I don't know how much of it she grasps, but I think the idea will sink in as I get bigger and we talk about it more.

I can't really help with the cosleeping. DD coslept with us until about 18 months, but she was waking frequently and no one was getting any sleep, so we moved her to her own room and night weaned. We all sleep better now.

As for weaning or not. That is something only you and your son can decide. DD was down to nursing once or twice a day, and even that was killing me. It felt like someone was sawing my nipples off! So we are weaning... it's day six and, while I am a little sad, and she has asked a few times and been upset at naptime, all in all I know it's the right decision for us. But this is one of those things that is never the same for any two parent child pairs.

[lillymonster]

My daughter weaned when I was about 10 weeks pregnant, she was 3. It wasn't really her choice, but it wasn't forceful, there were a few times I said no, but she was also saying that it tasted funny and she would get upset. Unfortunately I had bad morning sickness it was much worse while she was nursing, when I had let down I would have to get up to throw up, so it just happened. I felt I needed to do it, because I was so sick. It's a hard decision to make but I felt it was the best decision at the time. Today I started talking about the feeding the new baby and nursing and she seems to have no memory that I nursed her and it was only 6 months or so ago! She kept telling me I gave her bottles and daddy fed her. That kind of hurt my feelings.

Anyway, I offered to give her a hug instead....because of that, now she needs to hug me or fall asleep on me at night. She is almost 4, so she is a little big, especially with my big belly, and I am not sure what I am going to do. We tried getting her in her own bed, and it was too hard and stressful, so I am hoping she will be okay with the baby and okay with sharing me at night. I feel like it's something I may need to figure out when the baby comes. It's possible baby #2 may be one of those babies that does better sleeping alone and doesn't nurse like my first (DD was also a baby that needed to nurse all.the.time for a long time)

[Aliy]

that seems like it may be tough. my son will be nearly 2 1/2 when the baby arrives this is number three and i'm expecting more jealously this time. I would try and give yourself a bit more space previous to the baby coming particularly with the sleeping arragements. Unfortunately it may not be easy and you're likely going to need daddy fully on board. do this gentley and tear free as possible.

I suggest this be done before the baby casue you don't want him to associate the changes with the baby. Cause from what it sounds like the process may not be enjoyable.

suggestions

create a bed time routine for him and daddy? Where daddy is the one to put him to bed and lays with him. I ended up having to do this with my boys. I found it gave them a much better relationship with daddy casue they had segmented daddy time everyday now. it was less stressful for them as they knew that a very busy daddy would always have time at the end of the day for stories and cuddles. my hubby loves this time with the boys.

Now for nursing, it's really up to you. My son has pretty much weaned but will still come to the breast if i offer it to him. And sometimes he'll ask on his own. I'm planning to go with the flow if tandem is what happens then thats what happens.. just remember. Baby first!!! This is a hard fast rule for tandme nursing. Also have a read of adventures in tandme nursing. I have been told it's a great book for tandem nursing moms.

We talk constantly about the baby and how i'm going to need their help with the baby and how we have to be gentle with the new baby. i have gotten them baby dolls and rock the baby and been around others with little babies so it's not completely forgien.