Schizo-affective, pregnant, and not doing well. I need some help/advice.

[CrazyCatLady]

Edited by CrazyCatLady - 1/27/11 at 4:00pm

[earthmama369]

It sounds like you've got a ways to go in this pregnancy? I don't think you should wait on getting help, but if your current doctor isn't working for you, maybe switch doctors. I know how it can feel where even looking into a new med is too much. If you can just get to a doctor you can work with, for now, put the burden of research on the doctor. I generally put a lot of emotional and mental work into myself, into research, etc., before starting a new med, but every once in a while, I need to just go to my doctor and say, "Look, I'm at the end of my rope. Here are the side effects I really can't handle right now. Here's the safety level I need. (Like being pregnant and needing a certain class of drug.) I need you to figure this one out and come back to me with recommendations."

[AtYourCervices]

First off, make a plan as to who will take care of your child. That way, if CPS does become involved, you'll be able to show that you have a support system in place.

Then, CHECK YOURSELF INTO A HOSPITAL. They should be able to help you.

Good luck!

[CrazyCatLady]

I would love a new doctor/clinic.  But my insurance is only accepted by one local place and she's the only doctor there I like.  Actually she is the only doctor I have ever liked.  Usually doctors fire me pretty quickly for questioning them too much, or for being so scared/difficult.  But she has been willing to put up with me no matter what for a long time now.  That's why I was so crushed when she started this calling CPS thing all the time.  It's so pointless and now I feel like I have no one to turn to.

I debated calling today, but was scared they would just lock me up.  I have no one who can take care of my daughter and locking me up really won't solve anything anyways.  I guess I have no choice but to call on Monday if I still feel this bad. 

Friends and family have told to me either "suck it up" or "smoke a bowl".  So not very much support going on there.

[AtYourCervices]

You're going to need a support network. Are there any MDC mamas in your area who may be able to help?

I find it interesting that you consider going to a hospital for treatment being "locked up" as if it's prison. Yes, you could be held there against your will... especially if you don't seek treatment for yourself. You can sign yourself in. Then, they can assist you finding a medication that both works for you and isn't contraindicated during pregnancy. I'm sure you're aware that some medications can cause severe side effects... it may be best that you're under watch during that time considering you are pregnant.

It's okay to step away.

By putting yourself in the hospital you can avoid quitting your job (or getting fired), and you can get a much needed break.

There's no shame in being hospitalized for a mental health issue.

[CrazyCatLady]

Um, I know.  I have been inpatient over 30 times since my teens.  I am very familiar with hospitals and what goes on while in them.  And when I am pregnant, there really isn't anything that they do other than keep me alive and fed.  They usually prefer to avoid meds if they think there is any way I can go it with out them.  They get mad about morning sickness and then accuse me of being bulimic.   And frankly it's just not all that safe of a place.  People rage there and innocent people get hurt sometimes.  I'd rather not subject myself or my baby to it if I don't have to.  And I don't think I have to yet...that's why I was here asking for any advice. 

If it's life or death, obviously I will go.  But I am trying to fix it before it gets to that point.

And I can't take time off or I will lose my job.  I am a nanny, they need me to be dependable or they will find someone else.  And I don't blame them for that.

[AtYourCervices]

But it is life or death when you're suicidal. You have time to get your affairs in order. Then get help. If it was any other medical emergency you'd find some way to get treatment. I fear you're carrying too much guilt for something that is not your fault, and that is causing you to avoid treatment. You've advocated for yourself in the past. Advocate for yourself now so you can get proper treatment.

[CrazyCatLady]

I know you are trying to help and I really appreciate it.  But your posts are confusing me.  They aren't making much sense or applying well to my situation here at all.  I am stepping away for a while.  Thanks again everyone and I hope you all have a good holiday.

[coyotemist]

Have you tried the GAPS diet?  There are a couple of stories there about a lady whose life changed immeasurably with it.  Not sure how appropriate it would be pregnant, and I've never known anyone personally who has used it for schizophrenia, but it might be something to consider.

It helps me to eat no processed food at all and to take 5000 iu of Vitamin D per day.  But then I only have "simple" anxiety and depression.

I really hope you can get the kind of help you need.

[provocativa]

In the book Dangerous Grains, wheat sensitivity is implicated in ALL of the illnesses you have.  My family is sensitive to wheat, and those members who refuse to quit eating it have psychotic breaks, bipolar, and some had electroshock treatment. 

Another great resource is www.alternativementalhealth.com  and here is Dr. William Walsh's commentary on nutritional treatment for mental disorders:  http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/walshMP.htm

[CrazyCatLady]

Edited by CrazyCatLady - 2/2/11 at 4:00pm

[a13xandra]

I'm glad you know the funk passes, and I hope you're having as pleasant a stay in hospital as possible while it does.  I'm schizophrenic.  Sure, many of those meds either have a percentage of harmful side-effects to babies in pregnancy or haven't been studied at all, but a dead mom has a 100% death rate in the foetus, so if you have to do meds you have to do meds.  Also, call those suicide hotlines whenever you need somebody to talk with.  They are anonymous, so nobody can call CPS, and they are good for getting people down from a crisis situation in the moment.  

[abbylotus]

Originally Posted by AtYourCervices 

First off, make a plan as to who will take care of your child. That way, if CPS does become involved, you'll be able to show that you have a support system in place.

Then, CHECK YOURSELF INTO A HOSPITAL. They should be able to help you.

Good luck!

Ditto!!! I have Bipolar and Schizo-effective disorder and I get all the help I can get.

[Jane]

Congratulations on your new pregnancy! 

I don't have any real advice for you.  I wish there was a better doctor/support system.  You know you're probably not "curable" if it really is schitzo-affective.  But you deserve sane(r).  There is a huge place for medications in pregnancy in some cases.   I get so frustrated with professionals who do not understand this.  Things like "Oh, you're on a lot of medication - have you considered dropping them?" is not helpful from the therapist when the physician and patient have carefully figured out something that works. 

I would have lots of suggestions if you lived in Seattle.  But perhaps accessing the post partum support int'l for referrals?  I know you're not dealing with PPD, but they have the handle on doctors who are supportive and which ones prescribe medications that work. 

You might end up inpatient for a few days while they work on you.  Can you pre-arrange a good place for your beautiful daughter? 

I'd love to see you with paid support - a chore worker 3X a week in the AM, a living placement that offers cooked food for you and your daughter, or daily check in's with a counselor, for example. 

Jane (formerly Apricot)

[CrazyCatLady]

Thank you Jane.  I never did go inpatient.  Like I said, I have been there done that before many times here while pregnant and it really is pointless.  The only hospitals I can get into with my insurance are crisis only.  So very short term, they don't recommend drugs for pregnant woman anyways, there is no therapy offered, and they always call CPS on me.  I just couldn't justify going.

I am very aware of all the services offered here and for the most part I am connected with just about everything available to me.  I just have to be careful, because the more help you seek, the more they call CPS...which doesn't help anything obviously.  And I'm not saying anything that gives them any good reason to call CPS either.  They just seem to figure that with my diagnosis and current stress level, that there is no way I am not abusing or neglecting my child in some way.

So I am at the point where unless I think I am going to kill myself right.this.second. I really would rather not reach out to anyone here.  They never have much to offer but the grief of me putting up with more social workers wanting to scrutinize my parenting.  The suicide hotlines have never been all that successful for me in the past either.  It was awkward and they never had anything to say really other than "seek help", "sounds sucky to be you", or "it will get better eventually".

I may ask the mods to remove this thread because I guess there is really nothing anyone can say.  I'm stuck in a bad situation with a terrible support system that I can't really access much anyways if I want to keep my kids.  It really sucks.

[frugalmum]

I have a similar diagnosis and also can suffer from psychosis, delusions, paranoia, and suicidal tendencies when I am pregnant (and interestingly I never get PPD).  Some pregnancies have been ok, some haven't.  I don't blame you for wanting to avoid the hospital, they are not safe places spiritually or physically.  You need to just get through it somehow without the meds or hospitals, reduce your responsibilities to nothing more than the basics if possible-- can you stop working and still have a way to get by financially?  You need to wear clean clothes, feed yourself, stay alive, bathe, and make sure your daughter is taken care of.  There is nothing you can do but push through it until you are on the other side.

[Jane]

I didnt realize it was an old thread.

We m/c at the sane time before. Maybe I will be pg again and we can share a DDC. Well. One after yours for me.
Man it sucks. I know you're a good mom.

[CrazyCatLady]

You are so right.  There really is nothing that I can do other than just get through it.  Thank you so much for posting cause you really seem to understand.  I do wish I could quit my job because the stress has been very bad for me.  School on the other hand has really been helping me stay sane.  And the hospitals here just are not safe for pregnant people.  People rage and hurt others there.  Doctors try and bully me into abortions.  Weirdo people always want to touch my belly and stuff.  It's just something I want to avoid if possible.   

Thanks so much.  I will think about if there is a way to possibly reduce my responsibilities so my stress levels can lessen a bit.  Cause this will all get better when the pregnancy is over.  It always does.  Getting to that point is long and scary though.
 

Originally Posted by frugalmum 

I have a similar diagnosis and also can suffer from psychosis, delusions, paranoia, and suicidal tendencies when I am pregnant (and interestingly I never get PPD).  Some pregnancies have been ok, some haven't.  I don't blame you for wanting to avoid the hospital, they are not safe places spiritually or physically.  You need to just get through it somehow without the meds or hospitals, reduce your responsibilities to nothing more than the basics if possible-- can you stop working and still have a way to get by financially?  You need to wear clean clothes, feed yourself, stay alive, bathe, and make sure your daughter is taken care of.  There is nothing you can do but push through it until you are on the other side.