Holiday gifts--how did it go?

[nilatti]

There were a few threads on here about how to communicate to your baby's grandparents that you don't want lots of plastic crap that lights up and plays "Mary Had a Little Lamb." Lots of people seemed concerned about this.

So, I want to know: 

1) What did you end up telling your family or doing about this issue in advance?

2) How did it go?

3) What will you do about toys that are outside of the realm of ... "approved"?

Here are my answers:

1) I sent out an email, written as a "letter to Santa" from the baby. In it, I framed the whole thing as the baby complaining about me liking "toys that your elves could literally make in their workshop. In 1860." I tried to keep it funny and light, while still making sure they knew where his Amazon list (full of wood and cloth toys) was and also that he would appreciate contributions to his 529 plan.

2) Well, I got some ribbing for the email, and it was probably deserved. Most of the family thought it was cute. Some of them really GOT what I was saying. There weren't any Haba toys under the tree for him, nor any handcarved maple teethers (just ordered one on Etsy myself!), but the family did pretty well. His aunt made him a "soctapus," which he LOVES, and he got some wooden stacker toys, one of those things that you push the beads around, and some (plastic, but at least battery-free) rattles. He also got lots of books and a few generous contributions to the college fund. The only really appalling presents were a "Singamajig" from my step-mom (have you seen these things? They sing when you press their bellies. Apparently if you have a couple of them, they do something cool together, but I haven't figured out what. Oh, and they're hideous. And loud. And my dog is terrified of it.), and a VTech "interactive zoo" from my MIL. I won't waste space describing it-- you can see it here. http://www.amazon.com/Vtech-Learn-Dance-Interactive-Zoo/dp/B001HOIZGO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1293766033&sr=8-1 . It's EXACTLY the kind of thing I don't want him having. Among other things, when the battery dies, it won't be any fun at all. At least dolls that talk or sing are still dolls when the batteries die. She kept gushing about how she had VTech things for DH and his sisters when they were little, "and they can learn so much from them--from colors and animals all the way up to addition and things like that!" I work in the edutainment industry, specifically in research on pedagogy...I know what an eduscam looks like, and this is one.

3) Well, I don't know. Mostly I'm relieved that it's only 2 really awful things, and lots of very sweet, utterly perfect things. The Singamajig will probably go on the toy shelf, high up and in the back, and probably, ultimately, will go to the Goodwill. Maybe it won't even make that stop on the toy shelf...he has lovely toys there, and this would really ruin the effect. I'm thinking something similar will be the fate of the VTech thing. My only real concern here is that my MIL likes to have patterns of what she gives people for Christmas. For example, she gave me Boyd's Bears figurines every year for about five years...even though I am NOT a tchochky person, *at all*. I just hope that getting baby a VTech thing doesn't become her annual present to him, and I'm a bit concerned about how to indicate to her that I don't think these things teach. In fact, I believe that, like Baby Einstein, they may be detrimental. Want the kid to learn addition? Cool. Get him a set of cuisenaire rods. Want him to learn animals? LIVE ON A FARM (which we do!). They're awfully expensive for something so freaking useless--and I guess the same could be said about the Singamajig. I'm trying to focus on the positive, though. He got lots of things that I'm very happy about, and my SILs were all *shocked* and appalled that my MIL got him the VTech thing (they actually said things to me about it, unprompted, individually). I'm happy (and surprised) that they *get it*. I may have to enlist one of them next year to head off any similar purchases.

So that's my story. How did you do?

[mommariffic]

It can be frustrating to get gifts from those that "don't get it.." but I try to remind myself that whatever the gift (plastic or not) it came with love. It wasn't bought to spite our eco-wishes, and whether I let DD/DS play with it or not doesn't mean I can't be thankful. 

When asked what the kids want, I normally do basic things. DK books (easy to find) for DD, snow suits, sleds, etc. For some people gift cards are just easier, and we can go get what we want. So this year we got all those things I mentioned, and some unsavory things like a Barbie Scooter. What will I do with it? Return it (or attempt to) and if that doesn't work I will just donate it to someone who would probably adore a Barbie Scooter. We would prefer a wooden one, we didn't get it, and that's totally okay : ) I've kind of learned, this holiday especially that family means well. 

[SpuglyRoo]

1) What did you end up telling your family or doing about this issue in advance?

We have spoken to family about our desire for toys without flashing lights and batteries for inane sounds in the past.  I have told them I don't want them and if the kids recieve them they will either disappear or be altered by having the batteries removed.  For birthdays when several people are going to be buying presents I try to coordinate some sort of large gift that everyone can chip in towards, like my DS's sand box that he got in July, that way I can avoid two issues: unwanted gifts and too many presents!

2) How did it go?

Some are better then others.  My side of the family totally gets it and will just ask me specifically what to get and so I give them options which they select their favorite from.  When they deviate it is always an acceptable gift.  My in laws on the other hand don't get it.  We draw names of which nieces and nephews we will be shopping for each Christmas and if my BIL gets our kids I know I am safe because his wife  is in agreement with me, but if either of my two SILs get our kids it is pretty certain I won't care for there selections.  One of them has kids but works full time so she isn't home much dealing with the results of the sounds and lights and dying batteries and the other has no kids and little experience with them.  My MIL had a brain aneurysm and so she forgets things so when she bus something for my kids that I'd rather not have I don't blame her, I blame her husband.  He thinks its funny that I find those kinds of toys annoying and laughs about it.  I used to watch my SIL's kids and he would tease me about finding them the loudest toys for birthdays and Christmas because he knows it will drive me crazy.  Because they aren't my kids or my toys I couldn't get rid of them so I would simply tell him that it was fine with me, I would just stick them in the closet while I was there and they wouldn't get to play with them unless their Mom or Dad pulled them out again.  Most of those toys were in there for weeks at a time as far as I know, unless the parents were pulling them out and putting them back in again, which is unlikely.  What a waste of hard earned money.

3) What will you do about toys that are outside of the realm of ... "approved"?

First I try to return it.  If I can't do that and it is still a usable toy without the batteries then we simply remove them (like the shape sorter that sings my DD received, it doesn't need the batteries to be interesting so we will keep it).  If it is dependent on the batteries I will donate it to the church nursery or some similar place.  Unfortunately DD got three undesirable presents for Christmas and before I could say anything my SIL had taken all three of them out of the packages so I couldn't even try to return them or exchange them.  Oh well.  Two are usable the third is a lame singing book with only one page to turn, it will be donated.  Oh well.  I say thank you for the thought and don't dwell on it.  In the long run this is such an insignificant issue that even though it irks me (especially FIL's amusement) I'm not going to let it bother me.

[lrgs]

We have the same problem as pp...........all the gifts get taken out of the package so it isn't even possible to return anything. I feel terrible donating gifts.....and we just have too many here, I've become like a toy hoarder. Having said that........we did pretty good or as good as possible. I'm not overly strict about the plastic toy issue for my 3 year old but I do get very sick of everything requiring batteries so I mostly let those batteries die and don't replace them. The baby I prefer to have more natural toys since she eats everything.......and she's enthralled with simple things like her feet, so lights and noise aren't required. My family (mom, dad, step-dad and IL's) outright asked me for a list for the girls so that eliminated the problem of how to approach it. I sent the list and explained that our house is already overflowing with plastic toys and we would really prefer wood or fabric toys. My parents and the IL's did okay. My mom did get Ainsley a loud, light up caterpillar but it has a mirror and Ainsley loves to look at herself so when the batteries die (or are removed) it will be good. Mya got a few My little pony cars, planes, etc......the plane is remote control and so, so, so annoying but she loves it. Ainsley actually got wool footies and sbish flats for Christmas! We got Mya a wood kitchen from Ikea with fabric food but the IL's bought a set about about 3000 tiny plastic food items........we'll see how long those last. My brother has become the king of buying lots of loud, big, plastic gifts...........he's young and gets excited to buy this stuff for the girls. He did get Ainsley a pretty cute penguin that blows up and can't be tipped over.......it needs batteries but is fine as it is so we just didn't put them in...........of course no one understood why we wouldn't put in the batteries but that's okay.

[MamitaM]

I only had one friend who isn't understanding of why I don't want plastic crap as gifts, but she wasn't really in touch with me for a while and we were kinda on the outs, so I took her off my facebook and she didn't even notice. So I avoided getting the gift she said her mom got for us, she warned me it was BIG and I was scared I'd have to say no to it anyway since my place is so small. I also avoided any cheap $store gifts she may have gotten for us. I'd decided that if she brought the BIG gift me that I'd show her that there was no room for it and tell her that she'd have to keep it at her place for me until I moved to a bigger place, which could be a year from now. I all ready have 2 smaller things that I need to donate that she gave me to me, a small teddy bear that's for ages 3 and up and a cheap decorative pillow with a slot for a picture that say says 'It's a Boy" she got from the $ store and brought to the hospital when my babe was born.

[aphel]

I didn't bother telling family what we consider a "desirable" gift, except my own parents, who kindly asked me what I wanted for the baby. MIL sews and knits like some kind of supernova, so I did ask for a few things for the baby that were handmade, and are probably going to be the most used gifts we got.

I have absolutely NO problem with donating the gifts I don't want/need, which being honest, are a good percentage of them. Lots of $store items, some itchy clothes, silly light up toys. I won't use these things, but there are children who get nothing every year, and I'm hoping these toys can make someone happy!

DH has a biiiiiigg family, and this year I was just really pleased that so many people thought of DD. Unfortunately, I do feel badly that I am donating things people picked out for DD without even giving them the heads up that we don't want certain things . . . . But it's a really touchy subject, and frankly I'm just not sure how to "request" a certain style of toy tactfully. There are surely people in DH's family who would simply think that I'm nuts, anyway. I like the idea of doing an amazon list though,  and we may consider that in the future, at least for immediate family.

[eleonrauis]

I don't have a lot of rules about what is acceptable.  It mostly comes down to what DS1 will actually play with and which clothes seem comfortable and fit my tastes.  DS1 loves loud toys and anything that makes music so I let him play with them, but rarely replace batteries once they wear down.

My family always asks what we want, and my grandparents actually prefer if I tell them something specific and where to buy it.  Most of what we got was fine, but anything we can't use (for example, a girly sleeper for DS2 and a game that is too complicated for DS1) is sitting in my closet until I figure out what to do with it.

[northerngirl]

1)Dh's mom asked for a gift list right after halloween...it gets earlier every year! She wanted to get the girls on big gift instead of a bunch of smaller ones. I emailed her links to specific items for the girls. She will usually get items from the list/email along with one or two other things. My mom (who lives in my city) takes me shopping for the girl's gifts or asks exactly what I want, she does get additional items that were not approved. I think my mom gets closer every year to really understanding what fits our life style. Dh's brother and wife will ask what they want/need and usually get that. The rest of our family is hit or miss. Some of them have refrained from getting the girls plastic toys and instead go for books or clothes. When they come  to our house or we bring toys with us they see that we don't have what the majority of kids play with.

2)Dh's mom got dd1 a kettler balance bike (on the list) and dd2 a wooden highchair (on the list). They also each got an outfit and a pillow pet (not a fan). She also got dd2 a lightup music plastic book thing...not a fan....but dd1 apparently loves it and will notice if it disappears right away. So I'll need to wait awhile to put that one away.

My mom got the dd1 ballet lessons, a barbie and barbie case, an outfit. Dd2 got a radio flyer push wagon, some warm sweaters, and an outfit. Dd1 told my mom she really wanted a barbie and barbie case, so of course she got it for her.

From the rest of the family dd2 got a few other plastic light up music toys, icky polyester pjs, stuffed animals, another pillow pet, some outfits (with gift receipts), books.

DD1 got some plastic items, itchy clothes not the right size, polyester pjs, books, and some other things I can't remember. 

3)If I could return it I would, but most don't come with receipts. Since we went out of town for xmas we just didn't bring the stuff we didn't want into the house, it went directly into the garage. It will eventually be donated/freecycled.

When we buy gifts for family we usually get something that is useful to them and for kids we opt for books, wooden toys, cloth toys, or clothes. This year we got my nephew this wooden car track switchback thing, he's going to be two soon, and he played with that thing the whole weekend we were there. He was pretty fixated on it, made us feel good about the choice in more than one way.

Then at dh's parent's house they had a "gift exchange" for the first year. You were suppose to bring a gift and then names would be drawn. We opted out, which I was glad for.

BUT the best thing I got for xmas was a fricken COLD!! When we got to dh's parents house both of them were coughing (and coughing INTO THEIR HANDS). She said "oh I had larengytis (sp?) last sunday so I couldn't sing at church". Thanks for the heads up. URGH!!!! (sorry for the rant)