What options do you offer when kids refuse main meal you cook? - Page 2

[Llyra]

Mine are 6, 3, and 3. I don't cater to pickiness, but I don't force people to stay at the table and eat, either. I don't fix alternatives. I plan meals that include foods I know each person typically enjoys. If they, on that particular day, don't feel like eating those foods, that's fine. There's no forcing. My rules state that you can eat, or not eat, to please yourself, but you may not sit at the table and whine or complain about the food. Anybody who does that is asked to leave the room. If they still want to eat, I'll give them their plate in the kitchen, after everybody else is finished. But I don't offer alternatives like yogurt and sandwiches. If I did that, DD1 would live on nothing but the alternatives, which won't do a thing towards helping her broaden her food horizons. There will be another meal or snack in a few hours, and nobody's going to starve in that interval of time.

That said, we've modified our policy just a bit lately. My DD2 has a migraine condition called cyclic vomiting syndrome. One of the triggers of her symptoms is low blood sugar. If she sleeps on an empty stomach, she wakes up in a terrible condition. So if she doesn't eat her dinner, I will pull her aside before bed and offer her some bread and butter, milk, and raw veggies-- so that at least she eats something. She has a special need, and that needs to be accommodated.

And there is always a plate of raw veggies and fruit on the bottom shelf of my fridge, to which anybody is able to help themselves, whenever they want. So nobody's going hungry, in any case, unless they choose to go hungry, which is not my problem.

I don't start doing it like this until they're two years old, though. Younger toddlers do sometimes find adult foods difficult to manage, and so when I had one year olds I frequently offered more accessible alternatives. So like if we had pork chops for dinner-- DS as a baby couldn't chew those, no matter how finely I cut them. He tried, but he just couldn't. So I'd make a little ground beef, and dress it with the same sauce as the pork had, so he'd feel "included" in what we were all eating, but he had something he could eat without choking.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by *clementine* 

 Anyway, The4OfUs, I am copying your response to this thread and sending it to him in an email because you worded it in a way that I've not been able to. The gist of it being the entitlement part. I'm dumb struck by his behavior. I've pretty much ignored it, and made him fend for himself, which means he lives on cheeseburgers, but meh....

I'm sick of the extra expensive.

Oh and also, the part about food being fuel, I don't think he's ever heard that before. He wants every meal to be this golden experience. (I could GO ON and ON..............)

Anyway, he's getting an earful from me today.

Thanks.

(Mutters to self in disgust.)

  Thanks.  Awesome. 
 

Originally Posted by Llyra 

 But I don't offer alternatives like yogurt and sandwiches. If I did that, DD1 would live on nothing but the alternatives, which won't do a thing towards helping her broaden her food horizons. There will be another meal or snack in a few hours, and nobody's going to starve in that interval of time.

That said, we've modified our policy just a bit lately. My DD2 has a migraine condition called cyclic vomiting syndrome. One of the triggers of her symptoms is low blood sugar. If she sleeps on an empty stomach, she wakes up in a terrible condition. So if she doesn't eat her dinner, I will pull her aside before bed and offer her some bread and butter, milk, and raw veggies-- so that at least she eats something. She has a special need, and that needs to be accommodated.

And there is always a plate of raw veggies and fruit on the bottom shelf of my fridge, to which anybody is able to help themselves, whenever they want. So nobody's going hungry, in any case, unless they choose to go hungry, which is not my problem.

I don't start doing it like this until they're two years old, though. Younger toddlers do sometimes find adult foods difficult to manage, and so when I had one year olds I frequently offered more accessible alternatives. So like if we had pork chops for dinner-- DS as a baby couldn't chew those, no matter how finely I cut them. He tried, but he just couldn't. So I'd make a little ground beef, and dress it with the same sauce as the pork had, so he'd feel "included" in what we were all eating, but he had something he could eat without choking.

Totally agree with this.  If either of my kids showed true distress at being "made" to eat family meals and it seemed to be a genuine problem or a medical issue, then we'd modify things...and when they were little we made things very friendly to their palates and abilities.  As it stands, it's just pickiness.  I know picky.  I was a picky kid; if you would have asked me I would have lived on mac n cheese and bologna and green beans.  But I still ate almost all of what my mom made, because I would never think to as for something else, it seemed ungrateful to me.  So I didn't really like it?  Oh well.  It was nutritious, well planned, and well cooked, and my mom made it for me and she loved me and I ate it.  I had food that was my favorites at breakfast and lunch, and at many dinners...so when we had things I didn't like, I just ate around them and got what I did like in me, but I didn't ask for a sandwich or something completely different (even if I made it myself).

And the whole, "you wouldn't force an adult to eat something they didn't want" thing just seems weird to me.  Adults have been going to dinner parties for centuries and I'm sure that there are regularly adults who are served things they don't like but they eat anyway - it's called good manners.  My husband makes several dishes that I wouldn't pick out to make myself, but I eat them anyway.  I make several things he doesn't care for, but he eats them anyway.   I have never had an adult ask at my parents' house, or ask at my house since I've lived on my own, to get them something different from what I'm serving.  I ask guests if there are allergies or intolerances, and ask if they have any favorites, and then plan things from there.  I can't imagine a person saying, "can I have a bowl of cereal instead?  I'm not in the mood for that."  And so within the parameters of age appropriateness, we expect the same of our kids.  They get input, we don't force them to eat things they truly, truly dislike and are grossed out by, but "I'm not in the mood for that" isn't a legit response in our house, for *anyone*.  We all eat the family meal that was prepared by either me or DH. 

As I said before, I can understand having a few true dislikes that make you grossed out; I do, my husband does, and my kids do, and we don't force anyone to eat those kinds of things.  But the run of the mill "I don't wanna" kind of thing done regularly just seems soo.....privileged to me, it rubs me the wrong way.
 

[A&A]

I thank my lucky stars that I have bountiful food supplies in my house to share with my children, and therefore I'm always happy to give them an alternative.  I do insist that they eat some sort of protein if they're not eating dinner--so cheese, yogurt, soup, whatever. 

[Tigerchild]

No alternate meals at dinner here (lunch is/was a la carte--now they get what's made for their lunchbox, but they have input on that and it tends to be different for each kid).

I do however have a main dish, a side dish, and a starch.  We don't always have dessert at every meal, so if dinner is eaten they get a portion, if they don't eat main dish and veggies they get a "no thank you bite" of dessert anyway.  I don't care what they eat at dinner, and after toddlerdom they serve themselves.  The only stipulation is that you may not serve yourself seconds if you've not eaten what you were served for firsts (of that specific item--so if you want second helpings of salad, you need to have eaten your first helping of salad) and that habitual offenders of wasting food are only permitted a specific size serving until their eyes are better gauges of what their stomachs are hungry for.  (IMO that is a learned skill, so it's not done in a puntive way).

Leftovers are eaten for lunch around here, but we strive to not have leftovers period (except for rice, since the kids love fried rice for lunch) so they are minimal.

[A&A]

And this is a really fascinating show about the genetics of picky eating:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/science-picky-eaters.html

[no5no5]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

And the whole, "you wouldn't force an adult to eat something they didn't want" thing just seems weird to me.  Adults have been going to dinner parties for centuries and I'm sure that there are regularly adults who are served things they don't like but they eat anyway - it's called good manners.  My husband makes several dishes that I wouldn't pick out to make myself, but I eat them anyway.  I make several things he doesn't care for, but he eats them anyway.   I have never had an adult ask at my parents' house, or ask at my house since I've lived on my own, to get them something different from what I'm serving.  I ask guests if there are allergies or intolerances, and ask if they have any favorites, and then plan things from there.  I can't imagine a person saying, "can I have a bowl of cereal instead?  I'm not in the mood for that."
 

I guess we have pretty different ideas of manners.  Or perhaps it's the fact that I spent the last 2 months suffering from major food aversions (and morning sickness) that leads me to disagree.  There are things I just could not eat, and I would not eat them, and I would expect anyone with whom I would eat to understand that and not be offended.  Normally, I don't have strong food aversions, though I do have dietary restrictions that often require that I decline food served at another person's house.  I've never felt that doing so was rude.  Of course I wouldn't moan and groan about how icky it is, but I certainly wouldn't eat something that I didn't want to eat just to be polite.  I don't normally ask for something else, but if I was unable to get something else for myself later in the day (e.g., if I was staying the night), I would bite the bullet and do it.  I have done it, at my parents' house and even at the inlaws' house. 

Also, as a host, I would be pretty upset to find out that I'd served a guest something he or she did not like but he or she had eaten it anyway.  I'd much prefer my guests feel comfortable enough to eat what they like and not what they don't, and ask for something else if nothing fits their needs.  I have had this happen (a guest with a mushroom aversion, for example) and I've never been offended.  I've just worked with them to find an alternative meal. 

[Swandira]

I don't do any forcing or insisting related to food. I always make sure there's something on the table that's a preferred food of my pickier kid -- I have one with a sensory processing disorder who will sometimes refuse certain stuff. I don't offer anything else other than what we're all having, nor do I let them leave the table and get something different. Meals, except for breakfast, are communal here, which encourages them to try new stuff. What's served is what's served, but I would never serve only stuff they don't like or aren't comfortable with. If I put something on the table just so we can have something everyone likes, I'll put some of that thing on my own plate too, just to show that we're all eating together. Sharing food is an important social skill and an important motivator for eating.

Just having a food on their plate or even on the table is a way of interacting with it, and the more a kid interacts with a food, the sooner they'll decide to try it, unless they have a severe medical problem of some sort that's preventing them from learning about food normally.

Nealy

Mama to Thales, 12/02; Lydia, 2/06; and Odin, 12/08

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by no5no5 

Also, as a host, I would be pretty upset to find out that I'd served a guest something he or she did not like but he or she had eaten it anyway.  I'd much prefer my guests feel comfortable enough to eat what they like and not what they don't, and ask for something else if nothing fits their needs.  I have had this happen (a guest with a mushroom aversion, for example) and I've never been offended.  I've just worked with them to find an alternative meal. 

That's my way of hosting dinner guests too. I would never be offended if someone asked for an alternative. No matter what the reason. If it's a big fancy meal I make sure I know what everyones dietary preferences/needs are.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by no5no5 

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

And the whole, "you wouldn't force an adult to eat something they didn't want" thing just seems weird to me.  Adults have been going to dinner parties for centuries and I'm sure that there are regularly adults who are served things they don't like but they eat anyway - it's called good manners.  My husband makes several dishes that I wouldn't pick out to make myself, but I eat them anyway.  I make several things he doesn't care for, but he eats them anyway.   I have never had an adult ask at my parents' house, or ask at my house since I've lived on my own, to get them something different from what I'm serving.  I ask guests if there are allergies or intolerances, and ask if they have any favorites, and then plan things from there.  I can't imagine a person saying, "can I have a bowl of cereal instead?  I'm not in the mood for that."
 

I guess we have pretty different ideas of manners.  Or perhaps it's the fact that I spent the last 2 months suffering from major food aversions (and morning sickness) that leads me to disagree.  There are things I just could not eat, and I would not eat them, and I would expect anyone with whom I would eat to understand that and not be offended.  Normally, I don't have strong food aversions, though I do have dietary restrictions that often require that I decline food served at another person's house.  I've never felt that doing so was rude.  Of course I wouldn't moan and groan about how icky it is, but I certainly wouldn't eat something that I didn't want to eat just to be polite.  I don't normally ask for something else, but if I was unable to get something else for myself later in the day (e.g., if I was staying the night), I would bite the bullet and do it.  I have done it, at my parents' house and even at the inlaws' house. 

Also, as a host, I would be pretty upset to find out that I'd served a guest something he or she did not like but he or she had eaten it anyway.  I'd much prefer my guests feel comfortable enough to eat what they like and not what they don't, and ask for something else if nothing fits their needs.  I have had this happen (a guest with a mushroom aversion, for example) and I've never been offended.  I've just worked with them to find an alternative meal. 

I would hope if a person had an aversion to a food, and were dining with me and I had asked if they had any allergies/intolerances/dislikes or preferences, they would mention that - it's not hard:  "I'm actually not crazy about mushrooms" - I've said it numerous times to people about fish when I'm invited and they ask - "I keep trying, but I just don't like fish; any other meat is fine!".  If they're uncomfortable saying it after being directly asked by the host, then that's on them.    I've been served foods I'm not crazy about (not an aversion, but don't like), and I take a very small portion of it.  That, to me, is good manners.  Not liking something is different than being averse to it.   I had a strawberry and pineapple aversion while pregnant the first time, I couldn't even look at it - and they are some of my favorite non-pregnant foods.  I get aversions.  This is not what I'm talking about.

I TOTALLY understand allergies/intolerances/sensory issues, and aversions, and am not offended by them; I ASK people when I invite them if they have any of the above...so, they have ample opportunity to mention it.  What I'm talking about is NOT this.  What I'm talking about is someone being served something they're not particularly in the mood for or isn't a "favorite" food, and asking for something different...which is what I'm getting at with my kids, too - true dislikes or aversions, I won't force them to eat.  But "I'm not in the mood for that" or even "that's not my favorite" isn't an option for anyone in our house, kids or adults.   

[no5no5]

The thing is, when I am pregnant, I often adore a food for a few days and then can't stand the sight of it for a few months.  In other words, I can't always predict what I'll like and what I'll hate.  And I think most of the time it's the same for kids.  A child may even specifically ask for a certain food and then, when given that food, realize that it doesn't taste how they'd expected--and that, instead of being delicious, it tastes disgusting.  I don't think that child is being inappropriate or greedy or rude.  They just don't always have good insight into what they like.  And I don't think they should be punished for having changing tastes or having poor insight.  Now, I also don't think that I should be punished by having to cater to a child's every whim, which is why we have a variety of healthy alternatives for DD to choose for herself.

Now, if I had a child who refused to ever eat anything other than his or her favorite, that might be different.  I guess if that were the case, I would wonder if there was some sort of genuine problem (medical or psychological).  At any rate, I don't think that is the norm or what most people are dealing with.

[The4OfUs]

I gotta say I'd consider a pregnant woman in the same category as a 'special need' as far as food goes and would give a pregnant woman a total pass on a day by day food aversion.  But really, for a neurotypical, no medical or sensory issues, past a preschooler age person, the whole, "I like a food today but I won't tomorrow" can get a little old.  Aversions are one thing - something not being what you thought it was going to be is another.  I guess I just feel like it's food.  It's good for you, it's not totally grossing you out and making you gag, just eat it even if it's not what you really wanted.  I do it all the time without feeling resentful or upset about it. I get plenty of opportunities to eat plenty of foods I love, so I don't sweat it when ones I'm not thrilled with crop up.

It's probably just going to have to be an agree to disagree thing.  I'm really a kind person in real life, I feel like I'm coming across as a hardass jerk in this thread.  I'm not, I promise.  I've happily made special foods for guests at my house based on their stated preferences and dislikes.  I've stated my own personal aversions to hosts when asked.  But on the every day, "oh, you made that?  I wasn't really in the mood...." or, "huh, I'm not crazy about that" dishes, I'll contentedly eat it anyway instead of making something else.

[EFmom]

There are no meal alternatives.  There is one dinner, with a few sides, and they can eat it or not eat it, their choice.  They may not go foraging for something else.  There is always something that they can eat, like rice, bread, salad or raw veggies on the table, and there is always fruit after the main meal.  My kids are great eaters and we don't have power struggles.  They are now 13 and 10, but I've gotten many comments from friends' parents about how nice they are to deal with at the table.

I just had to deal with a niece over the holidays.  Her parents let her have PB&J or yogurt when she turns her nose up at just about every meal.  She's a major league whiner about food, and I think they've created that monster.  She wanted to stay at my house one evening, but I let it be known up front to her and her parents that my food rules wouldn't change for her.  Oddly, she managed just fine without the alternative meal when she knew that the issue was non-negotiable.

SIL asks me all the time why my kids are so pleasant at mealtimes.  Then she plugs her ears and hums loudly when I tell her.

[no5no5]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

I gotta say I'd consider a pregnant woman in the same category as a 'special need' as far as food goes and would give a pregnant woman a total pass on a day by day food aversion.  But really, for a neurotypical, no medical or sensory issues, past a preschooler age person, the whole, "I like a food today but I won't tomorrow" can get a little old.

And I guess I was thinking of preschool-aged (or perhaps K-aged) kids.  I thought that's what the thread was about.  I have absolutely nothing to contribute wrt older kids, as I've not yet parented one.   

[geekgolightly]

I no longer give meal alternatives. I used to, but my DS became used to demanding exactly what he wanted when he wanted it and never touched vegetables. It was always soup or PBnJ or hot dogs etc. The closest he got to healthy was sugared yogurt.

So I no longer buy the foods that are the worst offenders, limit the sugared yogurts and I started telling him that he could eat what was served or wait until snack time/next meal. I also never make him sit at the table and eat if he says he isn't hungry.

Since doing this, he now eats salads which is a *major* breakthrough. I found a sweet dressing he enjoys and will eat raw veggies. He eats roasted veggies and has even commented that he likes some veggies. Broccoli, roasted brussels sprouts, corn, carrots.

I think some kids might need to be catered to, but in other kids, it only encourages unhealthy eating patterns.

[UnschoolnMa]

In our home there was never any food or meal requirement. You ate when you were hungry, and if the meal that had been made wasn't your deal there was likely something in the kitchen that suited better. :)

[octobermom]

 I have 2 LO the oldest is 8.. The youngest is 9 months obviously she is not food restricted like my older for her I simpily no longer make alternitives. Shes always been a severly picky eatter. There is some medical history to why I acknowlege it  Ihave some understanding and even grace and sympthy but I no longer kill myself trying to keep her "happy" the way she assumes things should be. I make meals that are aprropiate in nutrution and portion I consider prefrences and always try to incorporate something that pleases all keeping the first 2 in mind.. Still despite this at least 10 meals or so a week I get whine whine whine..

 I dont force food I dont force tastes cause its pointless I do have rules on manners and thankfully now that shes is older she is a LOT better on atleast attempting certain things, but its encouraged not required...

 Dinner (or any sit down) meal rules are basically.

1) we sit poliety we dont go Eww point and say this is gross or anything else

2) you will be given a little bit of everything unless I'm SURE its something you don't care for where as it will be offered verbally but not forced upon your plate.. If its a food I KNOW you love a little extra might be given if appropiate (see mamas not all mean)

3) If you finish an appropiate amount of whats on your first plate you may ask for seconds of any portion if however you choose to ingnore the majority then you must wait or ask others before serving more of something.. example tonight we had fish (just enough for each to have 1 serving) wild rice spinach and rolls. DD did fine with the fish kinda pushed the rice around ingnored the spinach and ate her roll before everyone even got served.. She wanted another I told her she needed to wait that she still HAD the rice (which she normally loves) and spinach and it was her choice not to eat it... In the end she did get another roll but shes did have to wait. I do this to prevent her from jsut eatting up all of one thing and preventing anyone else from having any.

  I also do not allow her to jsut get up and get a bunch of food on her own its rude and wastefull BUT she is also not locked out of the kitchen we keep fruot out on the table at all times and that is free range shes is capable of opening things if she REALLY wants. She jsut knows better than to tell me I NEED to make her something else or shes going to starve or to refuse a meal then raid a cookie jar.

 Her eatting has gotten a LOT better since we started this a huge part is simpily age another is consistancy shes understands what to expect. 

Deanna

[octobermom]

 
I will say though 

Originally Posted by EFmom 

There are no meal alternatives.  There is one dinner, with a few sides, and they can eat it or not eat it, their choice.  They may not go foraging for something else.  There is always something that they can eat, like rice, bread, salad or raw veggies on the table, and there is always fruit after the main meal.  My kids are great eaters and we don't have power struggles.  They are now 13 and 10, but I've gotten many comments from friends' parents about how nice they are to deal with at the table.

I just had to deal with a niece over the holidays.  Her parents let her have PB&J or yogurt when she turns her nose up at just about every meal.  She's a major league whiner about food, and I think they've created that monster.  She wanted to stay at my house one evening, but I let it be known up front to her and her parents that my food rules wouldn't change for her.  Oddly, she managed just fine without the alternative meal when she knew that the issue was non-negotiable.

SIL asks me all the time why my kids are so pleasant at mealtimes.  Then she plugs her ears and hums loudly when I tell her.

I will say though. we have ALWAYS had the no meal alternitve when my DD was maybe  2 I'd sometimes make sure shes got in something before bed if shes didn't eat at a meal but we never made seperate meals and  what shes got was say an apple or a bannana which my kid can today have free range of at any time.. 

 Yet we still get  whinning its better yes but even 8 years latter it is there..its imporved 10 fold with age but honestly its not made her a great eatter....

 Her sister is going to be the clear opposite shes is my happy eatter there is very little in which I offer shes refuses to at least try and enjoys most anything... Doesn't care for things with heavy garlic and really dislikes peaches as I found out today LOL but thats about it. So I think a LOT of it is just personality.

Deanna

[The4OfUs]

The other thing I thought about this morning is that we don't force cleaning plates, people are welcome to stop eating or not eat whatever they want to or don't want to....but there is no alternative until the next snack or meal.  And the serving sizes we give htem are very small, so as to not overwhelm them - everyone is welcome to refills when they're done.  So it's not like my kids are being forced to sit at the table and clean a mountain of food that makes them gag every night or go without anything.  They always have *something* available in the meal that they like/will eat (because that's how we plan our meals), and they don't have to clean everything we serve them...theyr'e just not allowed to decide that's not what they're in the mood for and fix something else....but then again, neither are DH or I, we eat whatever the person cooking made.   This way of doing things has significantly broadened their food horizons such that my son asks to pack sushi to school for lunch (and getting all sorts of weird looks from friends, but he doesn't care), and my daughter's new favorite vegetable is roasted zucchini.....if you would have known these kids a year ago, this is huge. When we started this a little over a year ago, my kids were in fact choosing alternate meals every night.  And DH and I were just burnt out on it.  It felt rude and entitled, so we made some gentle but firm boundaries and it has improved our dinnertime greatly...we were actually starting to dread dinnertimes, and now they are enjoyable again.  And the kids are happily (as in, definitely enjoying and taking seconds) foods they would have cringed at a year ago.

[sublimeliving]

I never force feed my children (one or two more bites). Also, my youngest is seven years old and has many allergies to food. I noticed that she didn't want to eat those foods (before we found out she was allergic). I can't imagine if I'd have forced it upon her. One thing that we do is have the kids help prepare the meal and help with the menu. 

Things to never say to your child at a meal

http://www.creatinghealthyeaters.com/articles.html

"One more bite.  I hear this phrase a lot.  A parent requires that a child take one more bite of something before they can leave the table.  Is this requirement made to insure enough calories or nutrients that the child needs?  That may be the intent, but the reality is that the amount of calories and nutrients in that one last bite will not make or break a child’s health.  So what this decree of one more bite says to the child is: I  (the parent) know how much you need to eat, not you, but I (the parent) am in charge here and you don’t leave until I say so, or perhaps, I (the parent) have the power here, so eat if I tell you to.  All of these messages leave a child with mixed messages about food and an opening for a power struggle with a parent."

"You need to eat your vegetables before you can have more bread.  Many parents believe that certain foods need to be eaten at each meal.  Some of us are concerned that if we let our children fill up on one food, they won’t eat the other foods offered.  There is some truth to this, but if all of the foods offered are healthy foods, why do we care which foods they eat more of?  Even if they choose to fill up on bread, don’t worry.  They will eat vegetables or fruits another time.  You can also discourage over eating of a fun food by only put enough of the fun food on the table for everyone to have a serving.  When the bread is gone, it is gone.  If your child says that they are hungry and they want more bread, calmly point out that the bread is gone but there is still chicken and carrots.  If they are hungry they will eat, they may even try a new food!"

"Are you a food micro-manager?"

"We all want our children to eat healthy foods and there are many ways to allow this to happen.  Our first job is to offer healthy foods often.  A hungry child will eat, so the more often healthy foods are offered, the more of them will be eaten.  But children are sometimes fearful of food, not hungry, or more interested in trying to get you what they want instead of eating.   All of these actions can lead to the same disastrous result: a power struggle of over who gets their way.

We can avoid this struggle by not over managing how much and what our child eats.  Remember, you offer what you would like your child to eat.  Then the rest is up to them.  They can eat and nourish their body or choose not to eat with the consequence of hunger coming very soon.  The beauty of this is that you were not the “bad guy” in this scenario.  Hunger caused the discomfort, the result of them choosing not to eat. 

But some parents can not let go of this managerial stance and let hunger and fullness do it’s job without them.   They micro-manage a child’s eating.  These are the parents that you see deciding for the child what food should be eaten first.  Supposedly this ensures that nutritious foods will be eaten first when the child is most hungry.  Perhaps, but a child given a variety of food over time will in fact choose foods that meet their nutritional needs.  Telling a child what they need to eat first undermines their need for some independence and their reliance and confidence in their own internal cues that guide them naturally.  

 I often hear “you need to take one more bite”, as if that last bite guarantees the exact amount of calories or nutrients necessary at that moment in time.  Or a parent who requires that a child finish a certain amount of a food.   A child instinctively knows how much food they need, the more we trust them the more they will make good decisions.  

Interestingly, there have been several studies that show that the more we manage our children’s eating decisions, the more likely they are to become over weight and have emotional problems with foods.  The study observed  parents eat a meal with their child.  Immediately after the meal the children were put in a room without parents.  There were activities in the room as well as a variety of snacks.  It was observed that the children whose parents had over managed their child’s lunch where more likely to eat again, right after lunch.   These children where also the ones who where already over weight."

Taken from http://www.creatinghealthyeaters.com/articles.html

I hope that article helps. : )

[SubliminalDarkness]

Eat what's there or you're just out of luck. When my kids can buy and prepare their own foods, then they can have alternate meals. Until then, it is what it is.

I do usually plan meals around what it is I know they like and will eat. But I refuse to make spaghetti more than once every couple of weeks and I won't make lasagna frequently(DH hates it). If the kids got to plan what they ate, it would not end up being a well-rounded diet at all. 

They do have autonomy to choose snacks and breakfast most of the time. But dinner is my domain. I do make a meal plan each week and it's posted on the fridge so they know what's coming. If they say, "But I don't want ____," well, oh well!