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My Exit Strategy

post #1 of 108
Thread Starter 

I don't think I can handle living with my MIL anymore.  I don't think I can handle living in a cold, mold ridden, lead paint having basement any longer.

 

We're getting our taxes back next year so that's basically all we have to work with.  We still have a considerable amount of debt but that is getting paid down.

 

Last year we got about 9k back in taxes IIRC.  I worked part-time for I think 8 months out of that year. I didn't work at all in 2010 so I'm expecting we'll get back about 6-7k.  I'd like to put half of whatever we get into bills, and half into moving somewhere else. So say $3000 can go into this move.

 

My DH works for Sears in their Auto center, he's a commissioned sales associate.  I know that he could probably be transferred to a different location if need be. 

 

I don't know what our options even are... I really would love to get out of state and FAR away from MIL and DHs family in general.  I don't know how much it would cost to move.

 

 

About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us?  My DH also knows of someone who has asked to buy his Escort.  He's contemplating selling it (I told him to go ahead since the person was offering $2k for it!  Even if he ends up getting 1k that would be great for us..)

 

So anyways, I'm in need of a nap with the kiddos... thoughts, comments, questions.. ideas of places to move that have a sears auto center and a lower cost of living than dear 'ol Chicago.... :) Thanks!

 

 

I plan to do some more in depth research, but I just wanted to know if anyone knew anything off the top of their heads. :) TIA!

post #2 of 108

I know it's very tempting, but personally I wouldn't stiff your MIL on the rent. It could possibly come back to bite you in the you know what later... Even without a lease, she could legally take you to court over that. 

 

If you're looking to move far away, start looking for work in that area now. Save whatever money you have left from your tax return and use it for a deposit on a new rental. 

 

You're not stuck. There's many options out there.

post #3 of 108

I agree -- to stiff your MIL is just not right!

post #4 of 108


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

I know it's very tempting, but personally I wouldn't stiff your MIL on the rent. It could possibly come back to bite you in the you know what later... Even without a lease, she could legally take you to court over that. 

 

If you're looking to move far away, start looking for work in that area now. Save whatever money you have left from your tax return and use it for a deposit on a new rental. 

 

You're not stuck. There's many options out there.

Well her mother in law would not win a lawsuit over the rent - the apartment is illegal.  But there is karma to consider and good familial relations.
 

post #5 of 108



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us? 

Are you planning to ask your MIL to gift you her car before or after you stiff her on the $3000 rent?
post #6 of 108

 

 Personally I could never "stiff" family, especially one you are asking to give you a car for free. Sure there is no lease and it is an illegal apartment but you did agree to the terms so it's a little late to complain about it now. If this woman is bad enough that you would "stiff"  you probably shouldn't have agreed to live there. 
 
From your other posts I understand that you don't especially like/respect your MIL.  What does you husband think of this plan? What kind of relationship doe he have with her? Any chance she would agree with your plan for a fresh start and would gift you the $$ or agree to promissory note to pay her back once you get back on your feet??  
post #7 of 108

My thoughts are that the only way to 'politely' not pay the rent you owe your MIL is, perhaps, convincing her that your dh is being asked to move (instead of it being your choice to do so) and paying at least part (say half) of the owed amount AND her being okay with that - which is totally out of your control.  

I think, given time, you're better off eventually paying what you owe her in rent (though if she's able to be flexible to your benefit, you're okay paying her over time instead of all at once and therefore okay using some of your expected income to move instead of paying her right away - if you get what I mean by that).

 

I don't know that I'd bother about the car situation, personally. . .

post #8 of 108

This is probably what I would do:

 

  1. Talk to your MIL (or have your DH do it) about paying her the rent and getting the car.  I might ask for a $500 break if you think she would be open to it, especially since $500 sounds like a lot for what you're getting, depending on the area in Chicago. 
  2. Sell your DH's current car for 2K.
  3. Put together a plan.  (I know, vague.)  But, if you can stay where you are, it might be best until your debt is paid off.  I still think you could put together a plan on where you want to move long-term and how to accomplish it.

 

 

I would have your DH talk to HR about how to find job openings with the company.  (Is there an intranet he has access to?  Or, just a public site with openings?  This will allow you to see what is available.)  Also, research places you may want to live.  If you're looking for cheap and warm, I would look in the South.  However, if it is a possibility to find an apartment for slightly more than what you are paying now, it may be worth it to stay in the Chicago area, pay off your debt, and just move out of your current place.  I have had a good amount of luck searching Craigslist for apartments in the past.  It's been many years, but it may give you an idea of what's out there.

post #9 of 108

Do you owe for July-Dec 2010?  Or July-Dec 2011?  If its 2010, she could, and likely would win a lawsuit to get the money.  Illegal apartment or not, you made a contract and you are liable for your end.

 

I would not stiff your MIL on the rent.  Is there a reason you can't move out without doing that?  Do you need to move far away?   Why can't you get on public assistance, food stamps, etc, so that you can move out on good terms? 

post #10 of 108

About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

That would be rather unethical.  Lease or not, it's not ethical to enter an agreement on someone, and then when you *owe* them decide the agreement shouldn't have happened.  It's "worth" whatever you agreed to pay because you needed it.  If you could get into great places for less money, why did you move into what you now consider a totally crappy and overpriced apt?  From your description, I'm not sure the apt is necessarily illegal for you to be living in either.  You're trying to justify stiffing your MIL who has not tossed you out on the street when you haven't paid for 6 months.  Now, because she unwisely failed to do everything on the legal/paperwork side of things, you might get away with it.  But that wouldn't make it the right thing to do.

 

Also, who are you going to use on a rental app as former landlord?  I imagine you'll be looking for a legal apartment this time, with everything done properly.  Most landlords want to be able to call the person you rented from last, to know if you're a good risk to take as a tenant.  I wouldn't rent to anyone without such a reference, and I would be curious if there was a huge gap in the timing--like they left out the most recent landlord.  If you are ever wanting her good references for a new place, or for anything else, this is the way to make sure that doesn't happen.  Also, are you planning to pay rent monthly and in full when you move to a new place?  Because you likely wouldn't be allowed to build up that much in unpaid rent without serious consequences.  Like, eviction and court procedings.  If you cannot financially manage that, you may hate her, but she's doing you a kindness by not insisting on being paid monthly and in full, and waiting around 'till your tax refund comes in.  Landlords who make their living and feed their kids on the rents that come in are not going to be so understanding.

 

It's also likely a good way to put strain on your marriage.  Does your husband get along with his mother?  If so, I'm hard pressed to imagine that he'd be thrilled about going with your plan.  He might do it to keep the peace with you, but unless he hates his mother, he is going to be upset with cheating her like that, and since it's your idea, he's going to be upset with you.

 

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us?  My DH also knows of someone who has asked to buy his Escort.  He's contemplating selling it (I told him to go ahead since the person was offering $2k for it!  Even if he ends up getting 1k that would be great for us..) 

 

Perhaps, after you pay up on the rent, you could ask her politely and respectfully if you could have it.

 

 

If you are this desperate to get away, let the debt sit a few more months and use your tax refund to pay what you owe on rent, and then make the move. 


Edited by cappuccinosmom - 12/31/10 at 12:31pm
post #11 of 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint Leaf View Post

I agree -- to stiff your MIL is just not right!



I would generally agree, except for the fact that I have read your previous posts about your mean MIL!!  Ultimately I would let your dh decide whether or not to give his mother the money.

 

And get away from her already!!

post #12 of 108

Um, yeah - that's a no on stiffing the MIL. Feel free to try to negotiate future rent but I wouldn't even consider stiffing her.

 

I assume you need a car to move, therefore I assume the car is worth more to you than $1k or even $2k. If your MIL is willing to give it to you.

 

Yikes, this is not good. Work on a plan to become unstuck, pronto. Can your DH get a job delivering pizzas or something on the side? Can you take in children to babysit? Relying on your tax return to pay half your year or considering running out on your rent just aren't feasible solutions.

post #13 of 108

From everything you have posted about your MIL and your living conditions ( the lead your kids are exposed to ect), you need to get out of there. ASAP.

post #14 of 108

So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

 

I think you need to sit down and figure some things out.  From what you posted about your husbands income you are going to need to figure out a budget and it's going to be tight.  Any landlord that isn't your MIL is going to expect the full months rent every month. 

 

 

I agree you need to move out both for your mental health and the physical health of your children but you need to figure a whole bunch of stuff out first, and stiffing the MIL isn't the first step.

post #15 of 108

 

Quote:
 

I agree you need to move out both for your mental health and the physical health of your children but you need to figure a whole bunch of stuff out first, and stiffing the MIL isn't the first step. 

 yeahthat.gif

post #16 of 108
Quote:
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post

 

It's also likely a good way to put strain on your marriage.  Does your husband get along with his mother?  If so, I'm hard pressed to imagine that he'd be thrilled about going with your plan.  He might do it to keep the peace with you, but unless he hates his mother, he is going to be upset with cheating her like that, and since it's your idea, he's going to be upset with you.

Good point. OP, how did your husband react to the proposed plan? Did he think it was a good idea?
post #17 of 108


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post

So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

That's the thing that bugs me the most. I'm trying to raise good children, so I have to be a good role model first. Stiffing anyone, especially family, seems like a very bad start on raising good people.

post #18 of 108



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post

So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

That's the thing that bugs me the most. I'm trying to raise good children, so I have to be a good role model first. Stiffing anyone, especially family, seems like a very bad start on raising good people.


Well, the OP's DC is getting a lesson in how Daddy treats his Mommy, I guess, if this plan goes through.
 

post #19 of 108

PM me if you want to know where I live.  We have several Sears auto services in our area.  And Im about a 12 hours drive from you.  And we do not live in a high COL area, and its no where NEAR as big as chicago.  We also have a fantastic public tran system, that would allow you to not need a vehicle of your own.  Its pretty cold in the winter with plenty of snow, but no worse then chicago, thats for sure. 

 

As for the rest of the stuff, no, I would definetly NOT stiff your MIL, no matter how awful she is.  But I would see about buttering her up to maybe wave the back rent charge.  She is, after all, family.  Right?  winky.gif

post #20 of 108

Say you get 6k back from taxes and sell the escort for 2k. That is 8k. Pay MIl the 3k you owe her . Then ask her nicely for the car. If she gives it to you, move! You will have 5 k for debt and moving expenses. I know from previous posts that you hate living with MIL so you have to figure out if moving is worth the extra time it will take you to pay off the debt. You pay her 500$ per month, I"m sure you can find a place in another city for that price. My mom paid 410$ for her two bedroom in Kansas.  (Not best part of town, but not worst either)

 

As for your dh's job,  does he have to continue work at sears or is that just the easiest option. Can he work at another automotive center? Car dealership or walmart even?  I would start with that honestly. There is no point in even worrying about moving if he can't get a job in another city. Look at your budget, moving into another apartment will mean that you have to pay rent each month, can you swing it?

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