Play Preferences for Boys & Girls

[not_telling]

I know this topic has come up before...I'm feeling a little lazy about doing a search for it

I've been noticing how often people (family, friends) will be playing with my DS as he goes from activity to activity...e.g. pretend cooking, building with blocks or duplos, reading lots of books, playing with barn and farm animals, drawing with markers and crayons, making train tracks or using toy trucks, playing basketball, soccer, hockey...and when he starts playing an active sport-related game they smile knowingly and comment about how we certainly have a boy on our hands.  But they tend not to comment on the other stuff they've been watching him do.

Now, it's true that DS really likes to play soccer (DH is a HUGE soccer fan and still plays in a casual local league) and football and baseball and hockey and golf.  And he has been showing increasing interest in playing with vehicles and gets excited when he sees various kinds of trucks in real life. 

But, do toddler girls really not play these things (when given the opportunity)?  Do they like these things but have stronger interest in more "feminine" games/toys?  I tend to think of toddlers as very active and therefore would assume they all like throwing and chasing and kicking balls.  And trucks are just interesting and don't all kids like to look at them?  We mostly have been hanging around with toddler boys, though, and when we do get together with girls it's usually at the playground.

I'm interested in others' experiences/observations...

[MusicianDad]

My experience has been that every child, no matter how old or young, is a unique and different person from every other child. Just like adults. Some girls love all things girlie and some hate all things girlie and some (most?) like a little of both. Just like some boys will shun all things girlie and some love all things girlie and some (most?) like a little of both.

People are weird about gender roles though. Adults especially. A boy who runs around and rough houses and plays sports is "all boy" while a girl who does that is often thought to be aggressive. And even worse, a boy who likes dolls and playing house and play cooking and being gentle and nurturing is considered to be "that way" (you know, the round about way of saying he's gay and/or trans. Usually whispered and stressing the "that" as in "that way". Like it some big horrible thing to be.) No mention about how he's going to be a good father some day (unlike girls, who nurture and care for a doll will be told they are going to be a good mommy someday.) He's the one that is supposed to be violet and rough and unemotional, and heaven forbid he actually cries when he gets hurt (or even worse, when he hurts someone else). Heaven forbid we give him a hug and cuddle when he cries instead of telling him to just get over it. And for the love of god don't ever let your son wear pink, or purple, or clothes from the girls section, or dresses/skirts, or nail polish, or make up. It'll just confuse the poor boy and he'll grow up not knowing how to be the perfect, straight, macho man.

*sigh* I think I went a little overboard on my response, but I stand by what I said. As you can see gender role reinforcement is something I have strong feelings about. Even more since my son hates, hates, hates most things male and would be perfectly happy wearing dresses and playing with dolls every day.

[Eresh]

My son has a higher energy level than most, so does a lot of running around and horsing around with older boys.  He's also currently obsessed with planes and helicopters.  So he gets a lot of those "all boy" comments.  But he also loves playing in his kitchen and with BabyDoll.  And couple of weeks ago when we went into PB Kids at the mall he immediately grabbed the (pink!) toy vacuum and dragged it around the store.  Know what, PB Kids?  It's perfectly normal for boys to play with cleaning tools and kitchen appliances.  You don't need to gender stamp them and put them on the "girl's side" of the store.  Actually, having a girl's side and a boy's side of a store really annoys me.  What's even worse are the big stores that have the pink aisles, only girls are supposed to go in and the everything else aisles for both boys and girls. 

It's great that girls are "allowed" to play with things that were traditionally boys only, but it's only been in the last couple of years that the big toy companies have even come out with gender neutral play kitchens.  House cleaning play equipment is still determinedly girl stamped of course ...

[lifeguard]

I think it obviously is different from child to child - but that said my ds is as "boy" as you can get. He IS aggressive (we've worked very hard at teaching him to be gentle), & rough & high energy. He doesn't just prefer trucks, boats & horses to dolls he will NOT touch a doll (unless it is to swipe it from your hands & throw it to the ground). I am pretty surprised by it 'cause I honestly thought all children would like a variety of toys regardless of gender given the opportunity - but he has shown me that that is not necessarily true.

It doesn't stop me from continuing to have dolls available for him to play with or cuddling & being affectionate with him. Sure some things are natural but some come learned as well (I would have turned into a VERY "girly" woman if it wasn't for my Mom's guidance, instead I think I'm pretty balanced).

[not_telling]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad 

My experience has been that every child, no matter how old or young, is a unique and different person from every other child. Just like adults. Some girls love all things girlie and some hate all things girlie and some (most?) like a little of both. Just like some boys will shun all things girlie and some love all things girlie and some (most?) like a little of both.

People are weird about gender roles though. Adults especially. A boy who runs around and rough houses and plays sports is "all boy" while a girl who does that is often thought to be aggressive. And even worse, a boy who likes dolls and playing house and play cooking and being gentle and nurturing is considered to be "that way" (you know, the round about way of saying he's gay and/or trans. Usually whispered and stressing the "that" as in "that way". Like it some big horrible thing to be.) No mention about how he's going to be a good father some day (unlike girls, who nurture and care for a doll will be told they are going to be a good mommy someday.) He's the one that is supposed to be violet and rough and unemotional, and heaven forbid he actually cries when he gets hurt (or even worse, when he hurts someone else). Heaven forbid we give him a hug and cuddle when he cries instead of telling him to just get over it. And for the love of god don't ever let your son wear pink, or purple, or clothes from the girls section, or dresses/skirts, or nail polish, or make up. It'll just confuse the poor boy and he'll grow up not knowing how to be the perfect, straight, macho man.

*sigh* I think I went a little overboard on my response, but I stand by what I said. As you can see gender role reinforcement is something I have strong feelings about. Even more since my son hates, hates, hates most things male and would be perfectly happy wearing dresses and playing with dolls every day.

I absolutely appreciate your response...not "overboard."  We're fortunate, I suppose, that (I'm pretty sure) none of our family or good friends would say anything derogatory about DS's play choices, whatever they happen to be at the moment.  And that he's not expected to be "macho."  Sometimes I get the sense from my dad, though, that it's mildly...annoying?  disconcerting?....that DS has often been mistaken for a girl (longish hair, beautiful long eyelashes, "gender neutral" clothes).  I never mind it, though.  He has several purple items in his wardrobe and I just got him his first pink shirt (with a firetruck on it) because pink is one of the colors he seems to gravitate to (I'm not much of a pink person myself).  
 

[crunchy_mommy]

This reminds me of a rather... annoying... comment DS got from my uncle yesterday. He hadn't seen DS in about 6mos & said something like, "What? Who's this girl? Tell mommy to cut that hair off & give you a BOY haircut!" From some people that might just be joking but I don't think he meant it as a joke & it really irked me. DS looks adorable with his long curls & he loves putting them in pigtails at home when we're just playing around the house... and his favorite shoes are his (female) friend's shoes that she let us borrow, they are gray & pink & pretty 'girly' and he LOVES them. He's wearing them right now (and just a diaper lol).

Anyway, as far as play, my DS seems to gravitate toward 'boy' toys I guess -- he loved trucks and cars and tools even before he had any toy ones of his own. But he also loves vacuuming (which in our house is a boy (DH's) chore lol) and cooking and sweeping. He's not really into babies though and his favorite color is blue, he has no interest in pink but he's OK with purple I guess. He also loves crafts & reading is his favorite thing in the world -- he will sit happily for hours & still ask for MORE reading! He's not particularly active. I'm having trouble thinking of what girls would typically play with that DS wouldn't like -- babies seem to be the only things he's not interested in (though he WILL happily push a pink baby carriage around, sans baby...)