Welcome MrsPP! I also drank fertitility tea during the month that I was trying--it wasn't too bad (minty)--but I only had it for a few weeks. What kind do you have?
January Queer Conceptions - Page 5
Mrs PP, very thorough intro, I'm impressed, so how old are you? I was a nanny when I got pregnant the first time. I made $400 a month and thought I was rich, but I was young and id release sperm was 160 a vial ici and 200 iui. Maybe it's just that back then money was still worth something. Regarding tea, I haven't tried that one, but I add peppermint tea to anything I want to go down.
Amanda, I hear you on not being the little hottie I once was. But really, why do kids make lesbians invisible? Perhaps they don't in large cities. I still have to come out every week or so. The other night when we were having baby making conversations I found out they all thought my kids were from "a previous (straight) relationship."
Isa, sounds like a plan solidly based on evidence! Do you know of a doc who will insem someone drunk beyond the point of consent? I think that would really up your chances! Oh, could you get the doctor drunk too? It couldn't hurt!
Not a thing over here. I kicked around the idea of trying this month, but remembered I wanted to chart a nice month really well.
Isa - We should totally try that path. I love the idea, and just the excuse to drink works for me. I can't wait to tell DP when she gets home. (I have accused her of 'shooting blanks' in recent months.)
Indigo - Yahoo for peak! Get those swimmers ready!
MrsPP - I sooooo love the idea of blogging, but I am just too lazy I've decided. Maybe lazy isn't the word. I used to write ALOT, but in recent years haven't done so. Mainly, I'd write for fun. I have a film degree so most of my writing was for screenplays, tv pilots, or short stories. Now, I mostly only write random thoughts on Twitter, which I love because it's like tourette's. Ha!
AFM - Today is a MUCH better day, and I no longer feel like Negative Nellie. Thanks to all of you for letting me rant. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support and the 'friendships' on here. I just got off the phone with the doc. I hope everyone is sitting down for this hair-brain plan for January - natural cycle, u/s on cd17, and trigger. Seriously? That's it? When I pressed for something more, the doc reminded me that we wanted to do 3 cycles of natural so that she can really get an idea of the best plan and how my body works. (I guess my hour long interview with her and detailed monthly cycles weren't enough info of what happens with me.) My OCS (only child syndrome) is seriously kicking in and wants something more done NOOOOOOW (insert whiny screaming child tantrum here). When I asked about fertility meds, she said she doesn't want me on anything this month so that if we move on to IVF I won't have to necessarily sit out a month. Good grief. Here we go - cd2.
Kgulbransen: I'm sorry. What a disappointment. I agree that it is incredibly hard when people who haven't been trying as long as I have been get pregnant.
2ez: I'm so sorry about AF. I'm glad you're feeling better today. Your puppy plan sounds exciting!
QOTD: What do you do to help yourself cope with this crazy and often unfair TTC process? Are there things you do or avoid to keep yourself sane? Do you have anything you always do when you insem or test or get AF that helps you cope? What are your strategies?
My answer: My wife and I try to do nice things for ourselves at the end of a failed cycle--special treats, watching tv in our pjs, etc. I tend to avoid facebook updates on pregnant people, and sometimes I ignore prenant people in real life too. I like to stalk Bitter Sushi Ladies (in the fertility forum) to remind myself that other people get that this process totally stinks. I don't have any great coping strategies.
Library: What a cute foot! I loved The Business of Being Born--it definitely made me want to have a home birth. They also have a book, which is decent. I hope your trip goes well!
Wehrli: How neat that you will be a sahm! I remember that you and your dp are planning to have several children, but I can't remember--are you planning to birth them all, or are you planning to take turns?
Isa: I may be insemming a bit before you, but my cycles vary a lot. I expect to ovulate between the 11th and the 15th. Maybe we'll be cycle buddies!
Starling: What a great story.
Indigo: Hooray for peak on the monitor!
Kara: Thanks for sharing your blog. I'll add it to my google reader! I drink the fertility tea recommended in Brill's book. I don't mind how it tastes.
AFM: CD 6. Just enjoying this low-key part of my cycle before I have to start worrying about timing. I'll start using the monitor on Sunday and probably start opks on Monday. Not too long now!
wow, sorry for the huge post for such a simple question...
may i ask all of you the same question as escher asked me??
EZ~ I think throwing a fit sounds perfectly natural under the circumstances. It's a shame that it doesn't sound like the doc listened to your detailed cycle info, but maybe the u/s and trigger will get you where you're going.
Seraf~ You're strong taking a cycle off by choice. I always felt so frustrated and aggravated when I had to take the month off. I hope it gives you the info you need.
Isa~ I really love your plan. If possible, you should have the doc insemenate your drunken self in the backseat of a car. Maybe that'll do the trick!
Ready to be done with the day! I'm still apprehensive about flying, but there's been so much techno-ignunce here today I don't care, I just want to be somewhere else and think about other things.
Escher - QOTD - we drink! I don't usually drink during the 2ww simply because it's a mental thing for me to try and be as 'pure' as possible. This cycle though was tough. Not only did I have my birthday, but NYE's too, so I drank red wine and champagne on those days - 8 & 9dpo. I absolutely told myself I wouldn't drink past 9dpo. Again, mental thing. DP has been REALLY supportive this past cycle. We had a blow up last month and I told her I felt she just went through the motions so she didn't get hurt when we got a bfn. I explained everything I have to go through in the month to even try, which didn't she realize was so much. Since then, she's been amazing.
Wehrli - We'd like to have 3-4 kids. DS is 6, which is about 2 years older than I wanted him, but we didn't start trying until I was 33, so we're a bit behind in the process. DP would have carried if I didn't have the desire to do so. We both really want kids, and I had a much higher desire than her, so we decided I'd carry all/any. Plus, I am 4 years younger than her, so that played a factor, although being younger certainly hasn't helped us much since I am not preggo. I'd give almost anything to have twin boys, but will gladly take whatever we're blessed with.
2ez- Sorry about AF showing up. I can say while puppies are a great responsibility they really do help with the nurturing instincts. They are also a great distraction!
Starling- I love your stories, you really have quite a knack for the details.
MrsPP- Welcome to the forum!
Speculums- I just wanted to remind everyone using speculums at home out there, they are great for IUIs and checking your cervix but if you are doing an ICI insem go without! Brills book explains the speculum can cup and hold the semen and take it out of you when doing an ICI. I found that out the hard way too! However, for at home IUIs they are necessary and we found a little head lamp at the hardware store that was great for shedding light on the matter.
Depression- For sure TTC takes its toll on our bodies and minds, we've all felt it after months of BPNs. I was taking care of myself by getting massages. Since I broke my ankle I have started seeing a therapist who does guided imagery and a month ago I started seeing an acupuncturist. All of these things are physical and mental things I can do to take care of myself. This last weekend I had a terrible case of depression, it was a combination of my ankle, TTC, PMS, my mother visiting, fighting with DP about feeling like a burden, and the holidays. I had an emergency session with my therapist on Monday and she did this Rapid Eye Movement technique that was really wonderful. I felt such relief after leaving her office it was startling. I have also been listening to a meditative tape on healthy pregnancy in my car. It was a gift from a friend and great excuse to try to drive with my newly working foot.
Puppies- I'm really glad we got our new puppy. Our other dog is only a year old, she is a cattle mix and she was and still is a lot work. Her name is Charlie and we have a dog walker come take her to the beach on days we work long hours. Our new 2month old one-eyed pug is named Ollie The Shark. He is sweet but deadly. He breaks out into these crazy shark fits where he uncontrollably bites everything around him. He has jumped up and bit me in the face a few times. Charlie loves playing with him though so they bite and play tug of war with each other then collapse to take naps for a little while. We're doing all pee training and screeching when he bites us now, I think he'll grow to be a good little family dog.
AFM- Cycle day 18, I'm counting down when I can start my IVF cycle~! I have an xray scheduled for tomorrow to make sure my ankle is ok but I have been testing the waters for almost a week now. I hobble around my house a little without my crutches just to get used to it.
AmandaHope - I would love that too! Let's try and put something together!
Isa - I like CWHC a lot. The actual office is really warm and inviting - lots of couches and pillows and rugs - it feels like someones apartment. We had to do an initial consultation back in September - it was basically an information gathering session for them and for us. We go back in a few weeks for the second consult where they will look over my charts to make sure things look good and fill out some more paperwork, tell them our top donor choices and stuff like that. Then it's go time! I do love "my kids" - they are so sweet and wonderful. This is also the perfect job for me while I am in school and while we are TTC - if I do get knocked up I will be able to nap when they do! Score! And yes, here's hoping they loved Nicki so much they cancel all other interviews and give her the job!
lisedea - Hi and thanks for the welcome! I have been using this kind - http://www.fertilitea.com/ and it's when I brew it hot that the mint taste just goes away and I feel like I'm drinking brown water. I think adding a little peppermint like Seraf said could help. When I drink it cold it tastes a lot better I think because I brew a whole bunch at a time in a huge soup pot, wait for it to cool, then put in a very large pitcher - so it ends up brewing a whole lot longer than when I just make it by the cup - which makes sense that it has a stronger flavor. Did I read way back when that you're from Michigan? DW grew up in Grand Rapids and we got married in Saugatuck!
Seraf - Thank you - I tried to be as thorough as possible but of course I left out something as simple as age! Gah! I am 29 and will be 30 in June.
EZ - I am happy to hear that you are feeling better today! I really like having our blog - it does sometimes seem daunting to come up with something to write about especially since we haven't even started trying yet, but I think it will be neat to look back on it someday and see what we were up to. My DW also has a film degree! She gets crap about it all the time when she's interviewing for attorney jobs some folks think it is really neat and others are just plain rude.
wehrli - by way of escher - I have always been the one that longs to actually be pregnant and birth the child(ren). I have that totally empty feeling, the need, the urge...you understand. DW says she wants children just as much as I do but she has no desire to do it herself. So it's perfect! HOWEVER - I would never say never...
Max - Hi and thank you for the welcome!!! Your new puppy is SO adorable!
QOTD, I really don't do anything special. I used to promise myself things like a tattoo if I'm not pregnant, something you can' t do pregnant. Never followed up tho.
escher's question to wehrli: We are talking about 6 kids right now. We are saying, you can fit 6 in a vehicle, but we're also saying, eh, we can just buy a bus. I have birthed 2 already, just out of dumb luck, really. After Osh, their other mom tried a few times, found it painful and then unwise because she was working and I was in school, thought it would be better for me to go again. Then after Ari she tried for almost a year before she left me and gave up, on the same day. LOL. So I'm willing to try 2 more times because I want a baby, but I don't really care where it comes from. So a pregnant Sara is just as good in my eyes (I started trying because I thought I would get pregnant quick and easy like the first 2, and she was waiting a year to try). It would be nicer if I could nurse that baby, tho, so me getting pregnant is still good. (I sound ambivalent, perhaps I'm not coping so well as I ought, haha. I would be thrilled with 2 babies, I would be thrilled with 1 baby. I'm going to give it 2 more good tries and be happy either way) Sara wants to get pregnant 2 times minimally. I just asked and she said 3 or 4. I was thinking we would adopt eventually (possibly between babies 4 and 5? If I'm not pregnant by April, I will start the adoption process and wait and see how it goes for Sara. She will get pregnant. She is young. Our house has 3 bedrooms but could easily be converted to 5 or 6 (I am of the opinion that kids should share bedrooms, but 4 in a room would be tight. We have an enormous living room we don't use, we could also put an addition up on the roof. If we have 7 kids, I will put in a second bathroom for sure.) It would be fair to mention that neither family is supportive of us having that many kids.
Number of children: We want to have at least 2 children. Honestly, I would love to have 3 or 4, and my wife would love to have even more than that, but we live in a city, and neither of us have a terribly high-paying job, and we're not sure that more than 2 will be practical for us. If we have just two, we can theoretically stay in a two-bedroom apartment and have them share a room, but if we have three I think we would have to go bigger, and that is expensive and hard to find. So we'll see! The plan is that I'll birth the first and my wife will birth the second and then we'll have to figure out if we want to go for more. But who knows what will actually happen. If I can't ever get and stay pregnant, maybe she'll get pregnant or maybe we'll adopt.
Seraf: How neat that you're considering having so many kids! That sounds like fun.
Krista: I'm sorry. What a disappointment. Are there other things that you can add to make it feel more hopeful (acupuncture or massage like Max is doing, or a new fertility supplement or something?), or is that not something that you want to do right now? I know sometimes that kind of thing is helpful for me, and other times I just can't deal with adding one more thing. Anyway, either way, I'm sorry that you're dealing with cysts and that your stupid RE won't let you do injectibles.
Max: Your new puppy sounds like a lot of fun, and a great distraction. It's exciting that your IVF cycle is so close now! I hope that your xray goes well. What pregnancy CD are you listening to? I listened to the Belleruth Naperstak pregnancy CD when I was pregnant last summer, but I haven't listened to it since my miscarriage.
Wehrli: That sounds like a hard decision for your DP about if she wants to carry a child. I hope your MIL can give her some space to figure it out. By next fall, do you mean Fall 2011? As in you might be TTC #2 this year? If so, how cool!
Krista—I’m so sorry. This whole situation really sucks. I hope that things improve soon.
Max—I could just eat that dog, he’s so cute! Although the biting thing sounds a little worrying, I imagine that in a puppy it’s really adorable. You should make him a little fin to wear around…
MrsP—I think brewing it stronger and then re-heating is probably the best way to get the herbs to work. I used to work for a medicinal herbalist back in high school (weird job, that). And she would say to steep the tea for at least 10-12 minutes, but longer if possible.
Seraf—that’s going to be a crazy house! And you’ll probably want a bus, now that car seats are so big and all…
QOTD—Oh, how I wish I had strategies! Mine so far seems to be taking sick days and drinking. Not that it’s helping. We did get through the weird day by going out and seeing exciting cultural sites (anyone in Chicago should seriously check out the Bahai’i Temple in Evanston! It’s gorgeous!). Still, there are limits on that, especially during the work week.
Oh, hey, QOTD2—I’m the only one interested in having the babies. DP has always said that she expected children to be in her life, but that she never thought they’d be her bio-kids, even when she was dating men. Apparently her dream as a teenager was to meet a hot widower and help raise his already existing children, or something. So, it’s just me, which I think is less pressure in some ways. If it turns out that I can’t carry she will do it (or at least try) but it isn’t something she’s excited about. We go back and forth over having 2 or 3. I am not-so-secretly hoping for twins, so that would be 2 pregnancies, although at this point I’d love to be able to get whatever comes.
Max~ I'm so excited about your forthcoming cycle! It seems like we've all been waiting with you for so long, I'm even excited that it's almost here. Same with Indigo's DP, it's like 'Woohoo! Almost time!' Your puppy's so cute in the pic, and the little shark story is hilarious. I agree that pups are best for nurturing~ kitties are pretty self-raising right from the start. But they are mighty soft n snuggly (I have a lapful right now...)
Krista~ I'm so sorry. That's crap news for sure. I can't believe your RE won't let you do injectibles. What's his/her reasoning? Biggest hugs~ let us know what you're thinking of doing as you move forward x
Seraf~ 6 or 7! Yowza!! I love the idea, but that'd be too much for me. Good for you ladies, though, and thank goodness you've a young partner.
MrsP~ What was your focus in film school? I thought about a film minor (I have an English degree) and absolutely love the medium. It's cool your partner has a film major and then a JP. What a great combo!
Isa~ I wanted twins too, so I hope you have better luck. I love the idea of a built-in playmate, and I also was hoping they'd be identical and make up their own language (I'm odd).
AFM~ I thought DP and I would have two, one each, but lately she's been saying she might want to have two. Maybe she'll have our twins! And as for coping mechanisms, booze for sure!!!
Off to San Diego in the morning for lots of book nerd mayhem with the queer librarians. I'll post when I can for sure, and be thinking of you all xoxoxo
MrsPP~ ! Glad that you have joined us. I hope that your stay is short and sweet. DW and I live 90 miles SW of Chicago.
Krista~ I hope things get better for you real soon. Hugs... .
Seraf~ I come from a family of 12 and DW comes from a family of 13. It was great (not that I know anything else) growing up in a house full...I'm #11 and my DW is #7.
Wehrli/Escher~ DW can't carry children and she has never wanted to carry them. She loves kids and she gets more upset when we get a BFN than I do. I have always wanted kids and I am excited to about carrying them, birthing them and BFing them.
Starling~ you had me on the floor rolling with laughter. My DW's nephews and nieces were breastfeed and when they wanted to nurse they would yell out "Mamma we want Ninnies!" Anyway...your story just made me laugh. I'm sure that the hot dyke thought that your DD was cute.
Max~ your puppy is soo cute. If I'm not preggo by the spring I might break down and get a one...I really need to nurture something/someone.
Library~ Happy flying...have fun on your trip and be safe. Same goes to your DP.
QOTD~ I actually don't do anything to cope with the crazy TTCing. I have wanted to start getting messages, or join a yoga/medication class , but I am just too crazy busy. Working 50-60 hrs a week plus going to night classes, being available and present to DW and ttc. That's probably why I haven't been able to get pregnant I got too many irons in the fire...but this is my life and it won't be settling down anytime soon...well not for the next 3 years...and I'm 38 so it's not like I have lots of time.
AFM~ Thanks everyone for your prayers and concern in regards to my brother's passing. Our trip was good and uneventful...as funerals go my brothers was good. He belonged to an African American Baptist church and his pastor practically danced and sang his way down the isle during his sermon. I think that my brother would have enjoined have his life celebrated the way it was. I wasn't feeling good on the way down to Memphis for the funeral, and the day after Christmas I thought that I was dying...but not to worry...I only had pneumonia. So, I have been on meds and on bed rest for the last 11 days or so. AF arrived today with a vengeance...CD1. I still don't know if we will be inseming this cycle...we haven't heard from the insurance company. I really hate to have to take another month off, but I don't think I will hear from them within the next 2 days...in time for me to start fertility meds. I guess that we could try to do an unmedicated cycle, but I kinda feel as if that is throwing away money. Sigh...what to do, what to do?!?
qotd - coping with bfns. i will say that we have been extremely lucky and it didn't take too long for either of us to get pregnant. my coping mechanism was to vent to dp and she just listened and agreed and told me our baby would come when he or she was ready. and she was right, of course. when it was dp's turn she was completely zen. she just knew somehow that she would get pregnant despite all her fertility issues. we did both do massage and acupuncture so maybe that helped? we definitely didn't start drinking alcohol or caffeine again. seemed counter-productive since we were about to head right into a new cycle.
qotd2 - this will be our last pregnancy. i won't say third baby because with fertility drugs there is no telling!!! if we do end up with four we are definitely ok with that. :) dp is convinced we will have boy twins next giving us four sons. eeep.
Escher, your words are always so sweetly supportive. You'll make a wonderful mom someday.
I know there will be some chaos, but we're looking at going 2 by 2. Well, half the time that's what we talk about. So Osha and Ari will be 8.5 and 6 when the next one is born, or 9 and 6.5. Then if we waited 5 years before having more, we would have teens, 5 year olds and babies. So probably never 6 under or something crazy like that (not that I would mind). Also that way I don't have to worry about paying for college for 4 kids in the same year.
Isa, I hear you on car seats! In Ohio they have to stay in boosters until they're 8 years old or 4'9". Osha will be 8 in March, but he is so tiny (3'11"), he will probably stay in a booster until he's a fair bit older. (my brother and I were the smallest kids in our class before puberty, I don't know if it's some evolutionary thing where our people came from, like stay small and eat less until you're ready to breed or something, but now I don't worry about having kids who hover around the 10th percentile). We are actually talking about getting a bus to conver to a camper. My little brother is a mechanic and fully supports us in this plan, emailing me every couple of days about busses I can buy.