PLing is stressing us out

[Eresh]

Okay, this is mostly a vent, though if anybody has any brilliant ideas, I'd welcome them.

We've been PLing for a month or so now.  DS has been doing REALLY well with peeing in the potty -- going days with no wet pull-ups or accidents -- but it's really stressing him out.  He's started holding his pee now until he's running around screaming "no pee!  no pee!  stop pee!  stop!"  If I tell him it's okay to pee in his diaper if he needs to, he says "That's a no-no!  Peeing in the diaper is a no-no!"  I've NEVER told him peeing in the diaper is a no-no.  I've told him that big boys learn how to use a potty but learning boys sometimes pee in their pull-ups.  He also gets really stressed at the idea of using a big flushy toilet -- I'm not sure why exactly, but he refuses to use one.  So when we go out he has to use his diapers, which involves the running around freaking out thing.

This morning he ended up having a complete melt-down when I took him to his little potty when he was doing the running around routine.  I talked with him about how hard PLing can be and told him if he wanted to take a break and use diapers for a while, that would be fine.  He agreed but then when we went to the "frostival" today he freaked out when he needed to pee.  He's also been having problems with constipation, I think maybe because he's withholding.  We've had to give him some gentle stool softener but it seems to be really stressful for him whether he poops in the potty or his pull-up. 

I've been reading "How to talk so kids will listen ..." and realized I need to change how I'm praising him for using the potty since that was probably adding to his stress.  Bu I'm really not sure how I can help my poor boy get through this.  :(

[K1329]

[K1329]

I'm having issues with the edit feature... anyway, I realized that your ds just turned 3. This is when both of my kids learned to use the potty, but, we did have false starts with both kids. When it became stressful, I backed off and went back to diapers for a couple of months. Then, when they were ready, it was so easy. They both literally learned in less than a week. Maybe back off and try again in a couple of months? Hopefully, you'll get some more tips, too. Good luck!  

[dejagerw]

DS1 basically trained himself at 22 months, but he had some issues with poop.  Like your son, he knew poop goes in the potty, but he was nervous about it.  Whenever he'd need to poop he'd say he wanted the potty.  Then 2 seconds later he wanted off and he wanted a diaper.  I'd comply and then 2 seconds later he'd scream he wanted the potty, then his underwear, then a diaper... on and on and on until the poop finally came out somewhere.  It was very frustrating.  It got better after a couple weeks.  I found distraction to work best with him.  He seemed really determined to want to learn and upset when he made a mistake (he put this on himself, I was not pushing).  Reading to him on the potty, or singing his favorite songs when he got upset they worked well.  Sometimes we'd get the little potty out and put on a show or Starfall on TV to distract him.  Eventually it got better.

Good luck!!

[crunchy_mommy]

I have no idea if this will help (my DS is not potty-learned yet, doesn't like to poop anywhere but his diaper!) but what if you got him one of those travel potties? My friend has one that folds up or something. It sounds like he doesn't want to pee in his diaper so I'd find other alternatives to big adult toilets if possible, I don't know if it's acceptable to let him pee behind a tree or something???

[Eresh]

Well, he's totally in diapers again =\  I asked him this morning if he was ready to pee in the potty again and he said no.  He's not freaking out about peeing in his diaper anymore but this morning he did narrate getting down off the bed to pee and the pee didn't go down his legs (complete with him feeling his PJ legs for wetness).  So I think we're going to back off the PLing for a little while.  I'm still hoping to have him mostly in underwear when we visit my in-laws in CA in March!

ETA: um .. apparently in my original post I forgot the part where he's refusing to use a potty at all, not just big flushies, but his little potty as well.  I'm not putting him in a diaper when he really wants to pee on the potty ... lol.  He just doesn't want to use a potty but was also freaking out about peeing in his diaper.

We have cleared up his constipation, at least for now, but he shows no signs of wanting to use the potty or wear his big boy underwear =\

[mama Adhiambo]

when I PLed my daughter I never used pull ups or diapers. I switched to padded underwear. She started showing interest in PL in March but we would try it every now and then and I could see that she wasn't ready. When she first started showing an interest a friend told me about the 3 day method. I can't find the link she sent me and when I searched it all I got was people trying to sell books so I'll give you the condensed version: day one - no pants(bare butt) on kid and potties in every room. Every time kid starts peeing, put kid on potty. This means an adult needs to be with the kid at all times. If the child is ready for it they should figure PL out eventually. Day 2 - same as day one with one short excursion out of house with easy pull on/ pull off pants on. Day 3 - same as day one and two except outing is longer. If kid doesn't PL by end of 3 days kid isn't ready and you should wait a couple months while continuing to talk about it (ie books, video, reality) . In the beginning we didn't even make it a whole day with PLing because even if she was understanding the concept and telling me, she couldn't hold it long enough to get to the potty. After a couple tries at it months apart I decided to wait indefinitely because I didn't want her to feel like she was failing since this is the first big thing kids "succeed or fail" at because of all the pressure parents put on it.Then, in the fall she was telling us after she soiled or wet her diaper. Also, she started being bothered by the coldness on her butt caused by the colder weather combined with wet diaper. I decided to try again since I had 3 days off in a row and both me and the daycare were getting low on diapers. I started out by telling her Mama didn't have any more diapers. She didn't have any accidents that first day. The next couple days she only had accidents when she had pants on. I suppose she forgot that she didn't have a diaper on since she had something on her butt. After the fifth day the only accidents she has now rare sleeping ones so we use padded underwear and a cover ("plastic pants") when she's sleeping. Oh but she couldn't wear underwear for a couple weeks because I suppose it felt too much like a diaper to her. We potty trained her over thanksgiving week and she wears underwear no problem now. With pooping I did have to resort to a little bribery. She was nervous about it and I could tell that she was holding it in and sometimes she would poop in her underwear. I decided I better do something before she decided that pooping in underwear was perfectly normal and acceptable. I told her she could have a piece of candy if she pooped on the potty. After that no more problems with pooping and after a couple days she wasn't worried about it. I would recommend checking out one of the lists of toilet readiness and give it more time. Also, remember that people need about a month to adjust to any major change so try to allow enough time in life so that PL doesn't overlap something else big in your child's life. Plus, people always say boys PL later than girls.