Need ideas for helping 4 year old dd feel more in control.

[chattyprincess]

Dd is coming off a series of oral steriods for breathing problems and is on a set of nebulizer steroids for the next few weeks. So she is having a really hard time with self control etc...which I totally get and understand yaddy yaddy yadda. We have been extra gentle and understanding but the reality of the situation is that this behavior goes hand in hand with the steroids.

The past week has been screaming fits of "I HATE YOUR RULES" "I WANT ONLY MY RULES" and on and on about how her room her rules, her toys her rules, etc. I think she is feeling super out of control (the rules have not changed nor have our enforcing behavior...but the steriods have changed).  I am now a mean mom every time I say anything about anything and this loveliness is accompined by hourly meltdowns and screaming fits (this part is competely related to the steroids...and has only been a factor in the last week).

To say the least we are exhausted mentally from the constant struggle of patience and understanding and the reality of just wanting to put her in a rubber room until the steroids wear off......

So besides the emotinal/physical fits that are competely related to things beyond my control. Are there any suggestions for helping her feel less helpless? Any way to help her feel more in control when she is so out of control (which we can't control until she is off the meds in a few weeks)??? 

(x posted in childhood years)

[sydlou]

Can you do a "YES" outing?  Go somewhere, and she can choose everything to do? Sometimes we do that at a park, or the beach, or the library (check out as many books as she likes- once we had like 5 variations of Cinderella...and I destest Cinderella ;) ).

Or have her make a meal with you if she likes to cook. One of my DD's favorite creations she's in control of are Pita's. And OMG hers are gross, but she chooses everything that goes into it and EATS almost the whole thing (sunbutter, mayo, cheese, broccoli, carrots and chicken was the last one.)

Is she big a crafter? Go to the craft store and have her plan something out...

Hugs momma. Poor baby girl, but man that sounds emotionally draing.

[chattyprincess]

I would like to add to the equation a raging ear infection lol....what a month!

sydlou. I like your yes outing idea.dd and I did cookies and cinnamon buns on christmas eve and that was the most peaceful day we have had yet so yes maybe a call into a lot more of things like baking food and what not.

I love the idea of baking and the crafting. Because of the steroids we are avoiding the public AS much as possible since it weakens the immune system majorly...plus we didn't want to happen what did happen...her getting sick immediatly after the steroids were done. Sigh.

I think tomorrow we will head to the craft store and come up with some fun ideas to keep her super busy lol.

[thelocknestmother]

One...steroids plus young children is wicked. Sorry.

Two...what about playing "power" games with her?  Lawrence Cohen speaks about this in Playful Parenting...

Example...Hug her tight and say, "I bet you can't get away...I am so strong"...then resist enough for her to feel strong when she gets away, but not so much that she gets frustrated...Does that make sense?  

[puffingirl]

We had some similar issues when DD was on steroids and lots of other meds for breathing probs too.  What helped her was an outlet for the aggression she was feeling---we have little beanbags and we played lots of games where she threw them as hard as she could at a target.  I also gave her stuff to try to smoosh as hard as she could--everything from playdoh to shaving cream (that one done in the tub), and we ripped stuff up into tiny pieces.  She is usually such a mellow kid that she had NO IDEA what to do with the impulses in her body and brain from all the meds so the directed activities seemed to help her a lot.  HTH and good luck!

[peaceful_mama]

Find absolutely any way you can to say yes to not EVERYTHING she wants in EVERY moment, but as many things as you can.  Also "no, but you CAN have..."

When I started really focusing on this, in addition to a few other things, I went from having children who all (there are 3 of them ages 6, 4, and 2) zinging around the house like a bunch of craziness to having children who still create messes, still argue some with me and each other, still get into my stuff they're not supposed to have....they still do all those crazy things.

And when it gets just way too crazy, I find *something* I CAN change about the situation--for example, if the TV is on, use it to get their attention, address what I think a real underlying issue might be......or just simply tell them that the TV is not coming back on until XYZ STOPS NOW.  And I *have* started using a room, sometimes ANY room, whether *I* am the one who leaves or one of them who is bothering me is the one who leaves, just to get them apart, just to get myself away from them, whatever I might need in that moment to regain some sort of sense of control over what is happening until I can decide what I might need to do next.

Oh and that is another thing I've found works "Maybe later."  My kids seem to like even the *possibility* of later.

[chattyprincess]

Thank you guys so much .You have no Idea what it means to even just have these ideas and to have some type of feedback. Dd is 4.5 and is just having a super hard time with it so I need alot of good ideas! Thank you thank you thank you.

[sydlou]

Hugs momma!

Honestly too, I found the span of 4.5-5 hard. Such a spurt of intelligence development, that her emotional development seemed to some how pay the price of her little mind growing so fast! Don't know if that makes sense....

How are you doing now?