How many of you live in seperate places than your SO/spouse due to a job and have double bills?

[Thystle]

For example I now live hundreds of miles from my dh due to a job, and we are unable to move again so soon (it would make move #3 in 9 months for work and I am talking a couple of states here)... so he went alone. The "double" bills nearly cement no one living together again anytime soon and make a bit of a "vicious" circle.

(Ofcourse I do not mean military deployment as ofcourse everyone lives apart but the deployed's living expenses are paid.)

Anyone else???

[texmati]

we don't, but my parents did for a while as a child. My dad ended up rooming with another family for a certain amount per months. But still, travel costs, phone etc does eat up a lot of the budget :hugs.

[MsFortune]

Not exactly, but we support my MIL (all living expenses) in exchange for childcare.  So we do have two households.

My cousin and his wife did what you describe.  To hold down costs, my cousin just rented a room in a house from a family (as opposed to his own apartment).  

[Thystle]

I am going to guess this has been happening alot more in the current economy than many people think. Sigh.

[mamalisa]

We did it from Feb. until Oct.  It wasn't too bad, we found dh the cheapest apt. possible and he worked a lot so electric and whatnot weren't too expensive.  He ate cheap!  The biggest cost was gas for him to come home and go back every weekend (8 hour round trip), that was a killer.  He was so unhappy though and ended up taking a 40% pay cut to move back home.  Things are TIGHT, but thankfully we dropped a tax bracket and don't have the extra expenses so it's been close, but ok.  

[Smithie]

We did this for a few months in 2009. It was very hard on my oldest. Financially, it worked out OK because DH lived with a friend rent-free, and the friend already had Internet, cable etc.

I think that men living alone have a huge range of housing options, and a full-on apartment with a separate set if bills is a terrible idea. OP, maybe you can make a plan with your DH that he moves into a room he finds on craigslist or something, and the money you save can be used to move his family to join him at the end of the school year, assuming that the job is still stable?

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by Thystle 

For example I now live hundreds of miles from my dh due to a job, and we are unable to move again so soon (it would make move #3 in 9 months for work and I am talking a couple of states here)... so he went alone. The "double" bills nearly cement no one living together again anytime soon and make a bit of a "vicious" circle.

(Ofcourse I do not mean military deployment as ofcourse everyone lives apart but the deployed's living expenses are paid.)

Anyone else???

From November 2009 to very end of September 2010.  It sucked @$$.  Hubby rented a room in a place (rather than an entire house that'd be/stay empty) and the kids and I stayed put up here while our house was on the market.  We visited once, he came back home every 2, 3 or 4 weeks for the weekend, depending on the work schedule.  He got home an hour after babe #4 was born.  :(  If he drove with one pit stop, it was a 6 hour drive on the freeways.  If I drove, it was 8-9 hours because of the kid factor (and I drive kinda like a granny - no speeding tickets for me, thank you).

Anyway.  Yeah, him renting a room in a house for $400/mo (utilities included) vs. a studio for $700+/mo in addition to utilities was a no-brainer.  He ate fairly cheap, and I'd send him back with things from our pantry (yay for the pantry again!) so he wouldn't have to go pay full price in that giant metro area. 
We didn't end up being able to add to our savings because of the 1.5 households we were basically floating.  Luckily we ended up about even when all was said and done.  That company didn't treat him well so we took a leap of faith and he ended up quitting and coming back home - since his room rental was month to month, it was easy peasy and his landlord was nice and understanding.  Luckily it panned out and now his "commute" is stumbling downstairs to the basement to get to work (he works from home now!), so yay.  That year still totally sucked, and has taken a major toll on me physically and emotionally/mentally.  It'll probably take me another year or two to get up to 90% of where I was.  :(

[VisionaryMom]

We have not but are planning to. In May 2012, I'll be making the move to NC without DH OR the kids. It's the situation that makes the most sense for us, but I'm a little nervous about it. The kids won't be with hubby more than through the summer because they'll start school in NC that fall, but I'm not sure how it will go. My plan is to stay in one of those extended-stay type places. I found one with a furnished studio, basic utilities included, for $180 a week. That works for me. I'm sure if I were there, I could scout out some cheaper places, but from halfway across the country, that's the best option. Of course, it's only weekly, so if I wanted to stay somewhere else, I could. Unless we really have to financially, then I'm going to go with that.

I do think it will cost DH more to live here without me, and I don't know if others have experienced that. He's already said that he intends to send out laundry or at least go to the laundry mat just for the convenience of spending 3 hours one night a week on laundry. I imagine he'll also spend a bit more on convenience foods & probably a weekly sitter or something. Still, the long-term benefit for us should be significant - both financially & emotionally, and it should be only for a few months.

[Momsteader]

Yes, we did this from May until November this year and are about to do it again. It makes the budget very tight for sure!! I've been browsing lots of frugal tips to try to keep everything in check!!

[Chamomile Girl]

We have done this twice.  Once I was in Los Angeles and DH in Washington DC and the second time I was in LA and DH was in London.  The only way it worked was to take in roommates.  In the case where DH was in London he took in short-term travelers (he advertised on Craigslist so got all Americans LOL) and I stayed with my mom.  Both times were pre kids and I think now it would be much harder.

It was a good experience though because it cemented my decision to go along with DH when he got a one-year position 2000 miles away.  I had to quit my very fulfilling job to do so, but our son was conceived in that year (after four years of trying) so it was an alright tradeoff.

[Maluhia]

We did it for 9 months when DD was 2.5 years old and DH was in the UK while I lived rent-free with family.  His extra expenses (while deployed with the military I might add) out of pocket in the UK more than ate up any savings we would have made off the time where my bills were lower.  It was an odd military deployment to join another service so not like going somewhere that your room and board are taken care of, a great oppourtunity but thank goodness one half had minimal bills because (in our experience) a man living alone who is used to his wife's care ends up spending a lot to get the comforts of clean laundry and a nice place to stay, and does not tend to realize that all that home cooking costs a bit less than restaurants all the time. 

[velochic]

Dh used to do consulting during the summer, about 1300 miles away, but we were DINKS back then and made enough that it was no financial stress at all.  I even flew every single weekend to see him.

However, you don't have to have double living expenses.  Dh lived very, very simply.  We're minimalists, anyway, but he had next to nothing in an efficiency apartment that was inexpensive and included utilities.  No cable, no phone, no internet, etc.  I guess these days internet would be kind of necessary, but other than that, you can live very inexpensively when you're living as a single guy.  Dh is also an excellent cook, so he didn't eat out a lot.  Mostly because he prefers fresh food at home.  Eating out would probably have really increased the bills (we also don't eat fast food, so every meal is $10+/person and at those prices, we'd be talking another $1000/month). 

Best of luck.  I know this is probably harder emotionally than financially, as just being apart 5 days/week and seeing each other on weekends was hard on us.

[rcr]

We have been doing this for 3 years. It sucks. DH lives 120 miles away and comes home on the weekends. He has the cheapest apartment we can find, but the bills are killing us. He has no phone, internet , or TV, and I make most of his food for him to take back, so he doesn't eat out. It is not exactly double living expenses, but it is a struggle. He can't find a job where we live, and my job is nice and secure (much more than his), so I don't want to leave it.

[Thystle]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[spiderdust]

We're not doing this yet, but may have to this fall due to me transferring from a community college to a university.  I don't like it and am not sure if we can afford it at all, but the other option means a 4-6 hour daily commute.  Not sure which option is better.

[ameliabedelia]

We've done it in the past, and when DH moved back home, we were shocked at how much less we spent. It wasn't just the cost of rent in the other place, it was commuting expenses (dh would come back every weekend), food (it costs more to have the food spread out and dh ate more convenience foods), things like that.

[Alyantavid]

We have, sort of.  Dh worked one summer a few years ago about 2 hours from home.  It wasn't bad , though we did miss him. At the time I had a part time job and 1 kid and we could see him most weekends. 

This summer, he'll be doing clinicals about 100 miles away and hopefully be able to come home every weekend.  He plans to stay with a friend so housing costs shouldn't be much.  Food is what might kill us.  It's a very very high cost of living area (the highest in the state I believe) but we should be able to send lots of things from home. 

I'm really more worried about surviving this summer with 2 kids, a job and animals and having us all in tact when it's over than about the money part of it.

[SilverFish]

we did, prior to having kids. i was a student, dh got a job in a town about 9 hours away. it worked out quite nicely for us, really. but we were in a good place emotionally, had fairly few financial concerns, and a set end date in sight. we were long distance while dating (not supporting each other financially though) and that really was incredibly difficult. the year we spent apart after we were married though, was completely different. it was my last year as a student, i was in a town i really loved, so i was determined to have a really wonderful year and enjoy myself, and i did. poor dh didn't fare quite as well, since he worked a lot and didn't know anyone in the new town, but he did take advantage of his free time to work on a few hobbies (running marathons and photography). i cringe now to think of how much money we spent that year, as we both were living in nice apartments (although i had a roommate) and traveling to see each other, plus spending quite a bit on entertainment. now, with a kid? no, i couldn't fathom having to do that. i think i'd rather uproot all of us to stay together rather than not living together. unless it was a short assignment or something.

[annekevdbroek]

Well, we are military - but not in a deployment right now. However, DH got a one year assignement to Ft. Bragg, for his last year in service. We had no desire to uproot the family again (it would be my 10th move or so) and no desire to move again in another year after that, and asbolutely no desire to live in Ft. Bragg. So, we are doing two households. Fortunatly, DH was able to rent a room in someone's house pretty inexpensively and has access to cable and such. So, that has helped keep costs down. And the military doesn't pay for our two housing obligations, just one.

Mostly it is hard for me because I am basically a single working mom during this whole year (and he was deployed for 6 months prior to the Ft. Bragg assignment) and I am burned out.

[marimara]

We are military people too, but this isn't going to be about a deployment.  We know many, many military families who choose to live apart for up to 4 years due to being stationed somewhere the family doesn't want to live for whatever reasons.  Usually, this happens at the tail end of service, ie after having been in for 15 or more years and moved ALOT.  Usually, its because kids are in high school and don't want to move again, just for a few years. Sometimes, people get stationed at a place they like and decided they want to live there forever, then the service member gets orders somewhere else for a few years.  It happens often, and the military does not pay you for mulitple household costs.  Its a fact of life amongst military families that sometimes we are separated but that makes family bonds stronger, usually.  I'm not sure it's easier to live apart when kids are young, because they don't understand,  and they do need a father role model too so it's hard.  It's a difficult decision, and one my own family is likely facing at the end of this year.  My dh and I may choose to live semi-apart for 3 years or so. I may live with him for 1-2 months every now and then over the course of the year.  

From what I've seen, the absolute best way to trim costs is for the single one to room with a family or someone else.  And then for the family to live simply.  It can be done, it's just a very dificult decision to make and one that should be looked at from all angles.  For me, I will consider every single option before separating our family, but ultimately I may not have a choice.