Need help about nursing my 17 mo at night

[FrenchMama]

So my DD is 17 months old, I usually put her to sleep at around 8.30-9 in her crib. She sleeps in her crib until about 1am lately. At that time I have been trying to nurse her and put her back down, but she stays for about 30 minutes and wakes up. If she wakes up, I take her to bed with us.

When she first comes to bed with us, she wants to nurse. If I try to give her her pacifier she wants nothing to do with it. I have no problem nursing her, but I am not producing much. The first couple of times that she nurses when she's in bed, she seems satisfied and goes back to sleep, but the subsequent times, she gets frustrated and starts calling for "tete" (breast or nursing inFrench) over and over. After a while she'll take it again, sucks for a while (I don't t that anything is coming out at that point) and falls back asleep. She does that a few times a night, then wakes up happy like a lamb, and doesn't want much breakfast at all.

My problem is that I work full time and need to sleep at night. But I would love for her to self wean when she is ready. I don't know what to do. I wonder if she just needs to eat more before bed so she won't need to nurse as much during the night, but from what I read here, it seems normal for a nursing toddler to ask for the breast many times at night. I would love for her to just stay in her own crib, although I don't mind taking her in bed with us....if she let me sleep.

She has slept through the night (9 to 5) a couple of times, so I know that she is able to, and I was even able to nurse her only once at 3am last week and she stayed in her crib until 5.30, but most nights I just don't get enough sleep.

Any input would be valuable. Thank you so much!

[annettemarie]

I'm going to move this out to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy as it is not strictly a child-led weaning issue.

[Katrinaquerida]

I am anxious to see what input others will have! My 20 month old has been doing the same thing lately. She will Yell at me when the milk runs out "I want more! Nurse More!' I have tried offering water, which works sometimes...

[LizzieRed]

I have this same issue with my 2 year old.  She shares our bed, and I wanted her to start sleeping through the night on her own, but her nursing at night has increased in the past year instead of decreasing.  She used to wake up to nurse 3 times each night.  Now she will sleep from her bedtime (around 7:30 pm) until midnight or so, then nurses for milk, then wakes up again around 2am and nurses continually until morning.  It is driving me crazy - but when I don't let her nurse at night she throws crazy tantrums.  It is like she is not really awake and I have trouble reaching her and calming her down with anything besides the breast.  Pacifiers just serve to make her really angry. 

I share all this for two reasons - one, I'd love to hear how other Mom's have handled the night time transition when their toddler doesn't want to stop nursing.  Two, I'd like to say to FrenchMama that I would suggest night weaning as soon as you can.  I wish now I had night weaned much earlier and nursed only during the day (my 2 yo only nurses at night now, and rarely asks to nurse in the daytime).  My daughter has gotten more and more habitually attached to the breast at night and now I feel totally stuck!

[KLM99]

I can relate too with my 15mo.  He has never been a good sleeper and has always slept with us and nursed pretty much on demand.  I work outside my home full-time and lately I've been so exhausted that I feel like I'm a danger to myself and others :)  Last week we were all home so we decided to try a variant on Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan, which backfired horribly.  We spent two nights not nursing, and DS would wake up every half hour wanting to nurse and pitch a horrible fit when I said no.  I basically rubbed his back and sang to him all night with him screaming.  By the third night I finally realized it was not the right thing to do and went back to nursing him and then ever since he has refused to sleep unless he is right on top of me and latched on.  And when I move at all, he wakes up and wants to nurse.  No one is getting any sleep and I'm dying for the days before when he would wake up to nurse just 3-4 times a night and then go right back to sleep.  Ha!  I also feel miserable that I have affected him this way.  Such mommy guilt. 

Since then I've just been trying to adjust expectations.  "It is not realistic to expect to sleep through the night at this point in my child's life.  It is not realistic to expect to sleep through the night at this point in my child's life.  It is not realistic to expect to sleep through the night at this point in my child's life.  It is not realistic to expect to sleep through the night at this point in my child's life.  It is not realistic to expect to sleep through the night at this point in my child's life."  Repeat.  But I'm still exhausted.  And would love an hour or two to myself in the evening (or with my husband, who I think is starting to get resentful that I'm basically ignoring him).

[FrenchMama]

I am sooo glad to be reading your answer right now KLM99. What you did was EXACTLY what I had planned to do during my Christmas break, and because I never felt rested enough to spend a whole night up with DD, I never did it. I am so sorry that it backfired on you this way. You must be exhausted, I feel for you.

So how has anyone else weaned the nighttime feedings then I wonder?

[AndtheStars]

I'm in the same boat with my 17 mo DS.  I have nothing to offer but sympathy. 

[FrenchMama]

Update --  It might be a little early, but i thought I'd share anyway to maybe give other mamas who are on the same boat a glimpse of hope. On Sunday night I was reading posts on this forum and a few moms mentioned that they were letting their toddler know before nursing that they would count until 10 or 20 and when they reached that number "tete" would go away. DD is 17 months old and she understands a lot, but I thought that maybe that was a stretch...I decided to give it a try anyway.

When she woke up at 1, i took her to my bed and explained what was going to happen. I counted to 10, unlatched her and she turned around and FELL ASLEEP! I was shocked! We did the same thing at around 3 something. When I got to 10 at 5.45am she wouldn't have any of it for about 30 seconds. She started hitting me, crying and then she asked for milk. We went downstairs to get some milk and she begged again when i got back to bed. I conceded and told her that I would count again...when I go to 6 she unlatched and fell asleep!

I did it again last night and it went the same way. She got the point and when we get to 10 that was it (except at 5.30 when I got kicked again for a few seconds for some reason!) While i was feeding her her regular feeding before bed last night, once I started getting empty, she started, as usual, going from one breast to the other which drives me crazy. After a while I warned her that I was going to start counting. I started counting and when I got to 4 she unlatched and stated "All done!"

I might be jinxing myself by writing this so early, but I thought that I should share this with everyone, because I REALLY didn't want to just let her cry while holding her all night and telling her that (for some incomprehensible reason to her) she couldn't nurse. I feel that this is a great compromise. I am not too sure where to go from here, but tonight is night #3 so I'll see how it goes tonight and think about the next step tomorrow.

Wish us luck!!

[KLM99]

Wow awesome!  Hope it works tonight!  I will definitely try this in a few months (mine is only 15 months and I don't think would have any idea of what I was saying) :)

[mkksmom]

I have been doing a very gradual version of the Dr. Jay Gordon night weaning.  I will nurse her for a while but not let her fall asleep nursing at this point. I think it's helping some. I am getting some 3 or 4 hours stretches instead of every 2 hours. http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html