Fabulous 40++TTC. New Year and New Hopes - Page 3

[Buzzer Beater]

The hoops to jump through for adoption can be daunting. DH and I were very discouraged as we wanted a baby, and at our age basically nobody will give you one. Unless you know a birth mother. I have the word out to all dd1's friends that if they get pg I want the babe!!! Seriously tho, if you are willing to take on a child with issues, usually known, or an older child, the doors open for you. We even did foster care training but stopped short of the home visit to be certified. A hugely selfish part of me didn't want anything but a perfect little baby for DH- I didn't want that to be his first/only experience with parenthood. And having a DD that is not genetically mine? No difference. If anything, I am more attached to this babe because I CAN be. I have a bigger capacity for love in my 40's compared to my self-centered 20's. Shit, I fed formula and did CIO. I didn't know better and certainly didn't have the instincts I do now. I will have another child somehow, some way... baby or not, perfect or not, just mine...

[BelovedK]

Wow, I am behind in this thread! I haven't checked in a few days. Thanks BB for starting the new thread.

AF finally started for me. I was relieved, except for the fact that it was on the same day as my DRs appt to see what was wrong. Now I have to wait 2 weeks to get another one. AF is a normal one. I am not sure what happened.

I remember you, Stealthee, I was here then , and am still here. I hope you soon bring a new LO into your family

to those of you who are sad

I am not on the list, but I might stay that way. I am 44, and I am thinking that this month is the only month I will really try, and then I am throwing in the towel. The stats the woman on the other thread quoted to me really brought me down, and I likes what Lit Mama had to say, but I am still feeling pessimistic (well, I a hoping that this cycle is the one)

Not sure why I had such a long cycle. I am going to temp this time to see if I O.

xo

[Kristin0105]

Beloved nice to have you drop by. I had a freakish weird 58 day cycle last cycle. So you are not alone. I just never ovulated. I was under a lot of stress, had slacked off on my exercise, and well was about to turn 45. My TCM told me it does not mean it's over and that I can still get pregnant we "just need to keep ovulation in play" She says everyone has annovulatory cycles and unfortunately they become more likely as we age.

I am on CD14 of my new cycle and it seems like a more normal cycle. I am back to exercising daily, have begun meditation to keep my stress at bay, and hope this cycle will be normal. One of my meditation phrases is I will have a new baby ;)  I remain optimistic that I can get pregnant and pay no attention (well not much) to statistics. I know you said you are ready to throw in the towel and we all have our own feelings about when we may or may not do that. If this is your time I hope you are able to find the peace and happiness you so richly deserve. The step into that phase of our lives should be one to celebrate although I know I for one may make that leap reluctantly and with more than a few tears.

As for me I remain eternally optimistic despite my slowly sinking ship ;) Those numbers have no relevance to my life as they do not take individual differences into account. I think the women in this thread are far healthier and more aware of making healthy choices than the average 40+ year old woman. And I think our statistics prove that. I think the success rate among the women on this thread shows that. So here I am foolishly optimistic. I have given up dairy, soy, coffee, and contemplating wheat next. I am wondering about my iodine intake now as I gave up salt so I wonder if I get enough. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I didn't know quite so much and I could blithely go about life drinking my coffee with raw milk and having an occasional diet pepsi. Okay, enough babbling I have a date with my nordic track.

[Buzzer Beater]

Bumpers.

How is everyone today?

DD1's boyfriend came by this morning with his little sisters, four of 'em! Between 5 and 8, one set of twins in the middle. It made my heart ache for another little girl... watching them trudge up to the house single file through the snow with the pom poms on their hats... almost made me cry.

I had a chance to transer 2 embryos when we did IVF. We only had 2 left, all the others had arrested by day 3 and we had to make a quick decision. We transferred 1, and the other one arrested the next day. I sooooo did not want twins, couldn't handle that. And I know that 4 girls under five was a mess for dd's bf's mama- but look at the payoff! 

[enigo]

Hi guys,
I don't post much these days, but I had to reply to Beloved
I read a while back that it is perfectly normal to occasionally not O. Even 20 yr olds do it! Besides I personally know of 4 women who had babies naturally at 44-45. (Each was an accident) I've always heard cycles start to shorten rather than lengthen, so I think you're still OK.

I'm getting pretty disheartened lately myself. Seems I am doing everything "right", but so far no go. I even realized that I have another birthday coming up in a few months....again?!


Edited by enigo - 1/10/11 at 4:56am

[WaturMama]

Hi everyone. AF was an expected but unwelcome visitor today. Though if she had to stop by, I appreciate that she came 15 dpo. Turns out we just missed the foster/adopt orientation meeting in our area and there isn't another until February. For whatever reason that is the route I am finding myself most drawn to--there are reasons for it and reasons against it, but it is a gut type thing, which is the way I think expanding a family ought to be.

BelovedK, wishing you well on this new cycle beginning.

BuzzerBeater, I so know the feeling of my heart aching watching large families. I do love the pompom image.

Ds had a great time with his close-in-age cousin who was visiting from out of state recently. And dang it was helpful to have another kid entertain him/tire him out/laugh with him at goofy little kids jokes (mostly scatological). My original vision was to have 2 kids so much closer in age. Back to a recent topic, that "family planning" term hurts my heart. It gave me the idea I'd be able to do that--so *not* how it has turned out for me. Somehow it seems helpful to say the truth: many people do get to plan their families and many people don't.

Edited by WaturMama - 1/9/11 at 8:18pm

[fuller2]

First, please change my age to (ugh) 43.  (Also spotting today as AF approaches...& temp has been crashing over the past few days.  Pretty bummed out.)

Second, I found this thinking it had to be some medical term I'd never heard before, and was going to post it as a sort of inadvertently-funny thing to to lighten everyone up:

Fertil Steril. 2011 Jan 4. [Epub ahead of print]
The effect of medical clowning on pregnancy rates after in vitro
fertilization and embryo transfer (IVF-ET).

Friedler S, Glasser S, Azani L, Freedman LS, Raziel A, Strassburger D,
Ron-El R, Lerner-Geva L.
Infertility and IVF unit, Assaf Harofeh Medical Center, Zrifin,
Israel; The Sackler School of Medicine, Tel Aviv University, Ramat
Aviv, Israel.
Abstract

This experimental prospective quasi-randomized study examining the
impact of a medical clowning encounter after ET after IVF found that
the pregnancy rate in the intervention group was 36.4%, compared with
20.2% in the control group (adjusted odds ratio, 2.67; 95% confidence
interval, 1.36-5.24). Medical clowning as an adjunct to IVF-ET may
have a beneficial effect on pregnancy rates and deserves further
investigation.

Then I googled the term, and it turns out that "medical clowning" is really what it sounds like!  (Did they tell jokes in Yiddish, I wonder?)  I guess this means we all would do well to find something to laugh about it all this.  Luckily my sig other is quite the comedian.

http://www.isrealli.org/taking-medical-clowning-seriously/

[Stealthee]

Hello everyone!    Wow, I love how active this thread is, even though I feel very behind now.

WaturMama:  Sorry that AF arrived.  A 15 day LP is great, though. 

Enigo:  Thanks for spreading some inspiration,  A friend of mine also just had an ooops pregnancy, but she's *only* 40.

BuzzerBeater:  Sorry about your lost calenders.  At least you DH cleans!  Maybe it was a ploy so you two will just have to BD everyday since you don't know where you are in your cycle.  LOL!

Hi BelovedK!  I remember you too.  I hope that this next cycle is the one for you.

Kristin:  Happy Belated B-day!  I'm also a Capricorn.  I love your positive, optimistic attitude. 

Beachlover:  I hope you are doing okay.    OPK's and HTP's at the ready!   Are you trying again right away? 

Maya:   You sound like a great mom! 

Gardeneraholic: Welcome!

Gumblossom:  Thank you for the spirit babies link.  I hope you are doing okay. 

LitMama:  Thanks for the link.  I have a lot to share about TTC over 40, but I'll put in another post,  I  need to look a couple of things up and I can't at the moment because there's a baby asleep on my lap.  :)

Karalina: Thank you for sharing your vision.

Music.mama:  Good luck with the 2ww!

Fuller:  Thanks for the link.  How funny!

AFM, I'm feeling ridiculously hopeful.  It looks like I finally ovulated!!!  Our timing wasn't great this month, but just getting my cycles back on track makes me happy.  

[alittlesandy]

Well, I'm back on board after my Thanksgiving miscarriage. My first cycle after was normal, so we decided to try again naturally this cycle. I'll give it until I'm 40 (at the end of March) before seeing my RE.

So now I'm in the two week wait!

[WaturMama]

Hi everyone, I'm having a strange period--heavier and clottier than usual. If it hadn't been for the BPN (on 12 dpo) and the 14 day luteal phase, I'd think it was an early miscarriage. I took the baby aspirin this time and I am of course getting older all the time (I'll be 44 in a couple months). I'm going to talk to my TCM practitioner tomorrow. In the meantime any illuminating thoughts would be appreciated.

[LitMama]

Hi All,

Welcome back, alittlesandy! Glad that your body is back in the swing of things again.

Buzzer and Waturmama, thank you both for the info on your experiences exploring adoption. Buzzer, it's really really heartening to me to hear you say that it feels so good and right with your DD #2. I do think our capacity for love and nurturing deepens with age. Despite not having transferred the two embryos (I can understand the ambivalence, I think I would feel that, too... it's just so delicious to fall in love with one baby), it sounds like you are on your perfect path to your next LO. And may I just say, your new picture of DD#2 is just absolutely scrumptious? What a biscuit!

Kristin, I'm really digging your optimism, please keep the good vibes coming our way! I think you summed it up very well when you pointed out that the statistics do not take individual differences into account. And we on this board are living so many of the positive differences. I hope you had a good birthday!

Enigo, thank you for the inspiring stories!

Fuller2, thanks for the chuckle! I've been thinking about trying to bring more opportunity for laughter into my life. Just imagining my RE juggling and wearing a wig is enough to make me giggle...

Stealthee, thank you soooo much! I'm very excited to hear what you have to share with us!!

Waturmama, your thoughts on "family planning" are really poignant. I remember not only fretting about the timing of my 2nd and 3rd while I was still in my 30s, but as recently as a year ago, when this new journey began for me. I believe we sat out at least one or two months because the timing of the presumed birth would have been inconvenient for my academic schedule. It's a bittersweet feeling to know I didn't need to worry. Now, DD has psychically figured out what we are up to... suddenly there are many questions about younger siblings (perhaps it's because I recently gave her "It's So Amazing" plus the classic Peter Mayle books on puberty, etc.) and SHE is the one who's concerned about family planning. She's worried that an 11 or 12 year difference is just too much, and says she'd like us to instead consider adopting a child her age.

Now, about your clotty AF... is it possible you have a cyst? I know that in TCM, a cyst is considered to be stagnant blood, and AF with thick, dark, clotty flow is also stagnation. There seems to be a connection for me -- when I have one, I have the other -- so just thought I'd put that out there. 

AFM, I'm CD1. My pg symptoms disappeared a few days ago, the same day my beautiful triphasic chart plummeted below the coverline. It seems my high temps and symptoms were caused by my own natural progesterone. Interesting. When I realized that, I had a good cry, and DH and I had a wonderful talk. He really believes we are going to have a baby, and I just really love him for that optimism (among other things...). Today I'm feeling good. I'm encouraged by my weirdly textbook cycle, with O on CD13 and a 15-day luteal phase, by the EWCM, and by my AF. I've had lots of stagnant blood in the past, but this time it's fresh and bright and smooth. I have a lot of colleagues expecting babies right now, and that energy feels encouraging. I also ordered a fertility yoga/meditation/visualization CD (from the folks who run Pulling Down the Moon, a holistic fertility center in Chicago and DC areas) and am putting together a packet of meaningful meditations/poems/prayers I can incorporate into my day. Anyway, it just finally feels like a new year.

[Kristin0105]

Well, so much for my belief I was going to have a normal cycle this cycle CD17 here and no ovulation yet. I had ovary twinges I thought I was headed that way but not yet. I am doing a great job sticking with my exercise plan and ignoring my stressors ;) I am working on remembering my meditation and being mindful of all I have to be thankful for. Today I had an acu appt. scheduled with my fav. acu who hs been out on maternity leave and we have an ice storm. I am holding out hope that it warms up enough so that I can keep my appointment but in the meantime I am headed out to go sledding with my lo. Litmama remaining positive is really the only choice I have. who wants to be gloomy and down? It really will not help me get pregnant but remaining optimistic and thinking young and positive might just get me there and if not at least I can enjoy what I have. I don't want to look back and feel I wasted x number of years being dissatisfied with myself. So when I start to feel down I remind myself how lucky I am. Even though I have a lot of negative stuff around me I can't let it hurt me or my LO. At least that's my plan!

[halifax40]

Belated Happy New Year everyone. Looks like I got left off the list this time around, hope I am still welcome here. 

Lots of catching up to do, sorry for anything I miss.

Kristin - You have such a great attitude, it is so easy sometimes to get caught up in feeling bad about what one wants and doesn't have and to miss out on the joys and pleasures that one does have. Hoping that you O soon and that all that positive energy comes back to you with a BFP!

LitMama - Sorry AF showed, but glad to hear that you had such a healthy sounding cycle, and are in such a positive sounding place right now. The fertility yoga/meditation sounds interesting, if nothing else it should be a good way to relax, and hopefully it will have farther reaching effects. Best of luck.

WaturMama-  Hopefully your odd period is just a one time thing, lots of things can throw our bodies off. If there are answers to be found I hope you find them soon and that it is something that can addressed.

alittlesandy - So sorry about your miscarriage, glad to see you back and ready to try again. Hoping you have success soon!

Stealthee - Glad to hear your cycle is back on track, hope you get your success before your deadline :-)

fuller2 - Sorry for impending AF, I know how much it can bring one down when one sees that spotting start. That is a funny article about the clowning....there is so much we still don't know about how our mind and our moods can affect various things in our body, certainly humour is a most pleasant "treatment" to add to the mix!

BelovedK - I am so sorry you are feeling like "throwing in the towel", but I do understand how the trying and dashed hopes each month can wear a person down. The stats are discouraging, and there is no doubt the odds go down with age, but most of the stats come from fertility centers where many of the women they see have other fertility issues so I am sure it brings the stats down, I wonder what the stats are of the general population or of those that are healthy and consistently trying? Regardless of what you decide I am wishing all the best for you.

Karalina- So sorry for your loss. As you can see from my signature I am no stranger to loss...I am sure our experiences have been different but I can sympathize, wishing you all the best in your healing and whatever lies ahead.

gumblossom - So sorry for your loss as well. Be good to yourself and here's hoping to luck for you in this new year.

music.mama - Best of luck to you!

beachlover - So many losses....I know the heartbreak all too well. I hope you are being good to yourself in this sad time. I see you are hoping to try again as soon as you are able, I will be hoping for your BFP.

I am sure I have managed to miss a few people and I am sorry for the brief comments, but there is just way too much to properly do justice to.

AFM- I got a +HPT on January 2nd (at 11dpo, don't know why I tested, I usually don't test early) and will be 5 weeks tomorrow. I am walking on egg shells. In the past year I have been pregnant 3 times, a missed M/C at 11 weeks, a chemical, and a M/C at 7 weeks, I want so badly to be happy and confident about this pregnancy, to just embrace this chance, but given my history I can't help but feel like it won't last. I feel like I am in limbo as I have no way to know how this will work out...and I really feel like this could be a last chance. Since my last M/C my cycles have been shortening quite dramatically. I am so scared. 

[Buzzer Beater]

Originally Posted by halifax40 

Belated Happy New Year everyone. Looks like I got left off the list this time around, hope I am still welcome here. 

Lots of catching up to do, sorry for anything I miss.

 my bad, Halifax, you're super welcome here.

[halifax40]

Buzzer Beater- Thanks! I appreciate that. I have been so afraid to post my BFP, but I know it will be what it will be, my posting or not doesn't affect that. Glad to be back on this group, not telling people here until I am more confident, so it is good to have some support.

BTW - It may be more fitting for me to be under "hopefuls" right now as I feel so tentative, but you can move me to the BFP list, I just hope I get to stay this time.

[contactmaya]

Halifax, congratulations! I know that most of us love to hear about bfp's on this board, thats encouraging. Im so excited for you!

Kristin, belovedK, and any others that feel like throwing in the towel-i feel the same way (waturmama, like you, i turn 44 soon :-) )

The funny thing is, i keep plugging on. Taking low low doses of dhea, green tea, epo, yada yada. I just cant help but keep trying. I ovulate, i even feel it, and i have a decent luteal phase, what more could i ask?

I cant bear the thought of not having another child, i just dont really know why, i mean i know, but i still dont know.

Making some progress on the donor embryo front. One minute im totally against it, then in the middle of the night, im all for it. I'll share any helpful information  when i have it. 

The 'family planning' thing.  Yep.  Even planning is a luxury these days. I remember posting in that section   a year ago, hopeful of adding a third to my family. Seems like a lifetime ago. 

My kids are going through the scatological phase too, so funny....

Stealthee, thanks for your kind words.

[Buzzer Beater]

Originally Posted by halifax40 

Buzzer Beater- Thanks! I appreciate that. I have been so afraid to post my BFP, but I know it will be what it will be, my posting or not doesn't affect that. Glad to be back on this group, not telling people here until I am more confident, so it is good to have some support.

BTW - It may be more fitting for me to be under "hopefuls" right now as I feel so tentative, but you can move me to the BFP list, I just hope I get to stay this time.

Will do- trying to pay attention NAK... congrats on your bfp!!!

[WaturMama]

Halifax40, always good to see you here! Congrats on the BFP!!! Much as my heart goes out to you with all the ups and downs and unknowns, I am also so happy for you that you keep getting the BFPs--it sure keeps your chances up that you are so fertile. Sending tons of good wishes northeast that THIS is your sticky babe.

AFM I'm not having such heavy bleed today. That is a relief.

[WaturMama]

P.S. Halifax40, I think you certainly belong on the BFP list right now. That is the reality. As someone who has been shy about asking to be moved there in the past, I'm now of the camp of just go with reality and enjoy while you are there--plenty of folks don't get removed until their baby is born--may that be the case for you this time.

[halifax40]

Buzzer Beater and contactmaya - Thanks so much!

WaturMama - I so appreciate your words, I think I needed to hear that. Tentative as it may be, you are right, I am pregnant and though I know I can't shake the worries and I don't know how this will turn out, I will really try to enjoy this as much as I can. It is funny to me that I have now been pregnant 4 times in the space of a year. After my 19 week loss in 2008 I went a full 19 cycles without even a chemical pregnancy. I had pretty much lost hope. I just hope this one will stick...each loss has been so hard. Like yourself I will be 44 soon (in May) and with my shortened cycles I don't feel I have much time to work with if this doesn't work out. Thanks so much for the warm wishes! Glad your bleeding is normalizing.