Fabulous 40++TTC. New Year and New Hopes - Page 25

[WaturMama]

Thanks so much all the dear messages!

ContactMaya, I LOVED HOW YOU WORKED AROUND CAPS ONLY EXCLAMATION POINT

Stealthee and Kristin, I have always loved when the pregnant mamas spend time here, too. Absolutely I will be here--hopefully with a sticky bean sticking. This is my MDC home. And I have to find out what happens with all of you!!

Karalina, how frightening about your ds's concussion. It was frightening just reading it. My heart goes out to you. My sense is keeping saying all of it--going straight through something is always faster than going around it.

Gumblossom, (((hug))) when you dh suggests you wait until November it doesn't sound like he is getting how this is for you. That sounds really hard to hear. I wonder if he knows what the stats are at this age? Not that I'm a fan of the stats, but maybe that will help him understand your dilemma (is he a numbers guy?) and see that you are just making it possible for a little one to come if it really wants to. BD the day before you ovulated is good timing, especially if you had good cervical fluid. I'd call it a chance for sure. Fingers and toes crossed for you! When my dh asked me to wait I was "only" 40-41. We had tried to get pg twice before that, once resulted in ds, and once resulted in my first miscarriage. So I wasn't even worried about the time it would take to get pregnant again (ha!)--more just worried about the age gap widening between ds and a potential sibling, and those thoughts about how old I'd be at high school graduation, etc. It was still quite stressful, but I think that made it a different kind of stress. I hate to say this, but we almost never bd then. I would not use contraception--it was just too sad and disconnecting. It was really an awful time for our marriage :(. Wish I had something better to offer you there. I hope you and your dh find a better solution.

Litmama, (((hug))) sorry AF visited. I love hearing about your readings and thoughts about them and look forward to the next installment.

AFM, my nausea, tender boobs, and cramps are all going up and down. Also have had some serious fatigue. The tender boobs are not as intense as some recent pregnancies that I guessed were chemical pregnancies, so that was worrying me some. I am working on remembering that every pregnancy is different. And then, the really alarming thing was that dh was smelling less of the hormone breath yesterday and this morning. So I took a 2nd HPT this afternoon at 18dpo. My hand was literally shaking when I dipped in the test strip! And huge, huge relief, still 2 lines and most definitely darker than at 16 dpo. Can't find a "huge relief" smiley, so I'll use this fitting one:. Tonight I was thinking about "Am I expecting a baby?" Right now I can't say I am really expecting that to happen--maybe so, maybe not, but I have taken a significant step towards it, and I am very grateful to be pregnant right now. Also, I am not the only 40+ in the Dec due date club! There are 2 or 3 others. I am the oldest though. It is bizarre to me that I am the oldest.

[WaturMama]

P.S. I forgot to mention, I'm a full-fat dairy consumer--mostly yogurt and cheese. When I drink milk it is raw, Jersey cow milk. It seems to me that maybe different dairy plans work with different people's bodies--I mean full fat dairy or no dairy. I think homogenized, pasteurized, reduced fat milk is a highly processed food.

[SpiralChrissy]

Hi. I'm just wondering if I could possibly join you. I'm getting ready to 40 one month from today. I can't believe it's coming that quickly. I have always been happy about my age and aging. It's never worried me and honestly, forty sounds just great to me, except for the fact that I want one more baby before I'm finished and I feel time slipping away so quickly!  My DS is 7, going on 8. I've wanted a second for several years but have had a lot of difficulty convincing DH to join me in that journey. Even today he goes back and forth about it. My greatest hope is that I'll just get pregnant regardless of all this discussion--that we'll just to it and it will just happen!!! That's what happened with #1. I got pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex, so I say let that happen again:). Anyway, we've been 1/2 trying for a bit but now, with time barreling down upon me, I feel like we've really got to get on this. DH doesn't seem to see the need to rush, even though he's older than me. (Gumblossom, I can completely relate to your struggles in this are and feel your heartache. We should talk!!!) Anyway, sometimes it feels like the planets have to magically align for a new baby to come my way--try at the right time, get DH to commit at the right time, race against the clock, etc. But, I still want to try and I thought getting some support from you wonderful MDC women would be wonderful.  

Ok, that's me. Sorry to rattle on when I don't even know if it's o.k. that I join you yet! 

Best wishes to everyone.

SpiralChrissy

[Shelley71]

Originally Posted by SpiralChrissy 

Hi. I'm just wondering if I could possibly join you. I'm getting ready to 40 one month from today. I can't believe it's coming that quickly. I have always been happy about my age and aging. It's never worried me and honestly, forty sounds just great to me, except for the fact that I want one more baby before I'm finished and I feel time slipping away so quickly!  My DS is 7, going on 8. I've wanted a second for several years but have had a lot of difficulty convincing DH to join me in that journey. Even today he goes back and forth about it. My greatest hope is that I'll just get pregnant regardless of all this discussion--that we'll just to it and it will just happen!!! That's what happened with #1. I got pregnant the first time we had unprotected sex, so I say let that happen again:). Anyway, we've been 1/2 trying for a bit but now, with time barreling down upon me, I feel like we've really got to get on this. DH doesn't seem to see the need to rush, even though he's older than me. (Gumblossom, I can completely relate to your struggles in this are and feel your heartache. We should talk!!!) Anyway, sometimes it feels like the planets have to magically align for a new baby to come my way--try at the right time, get DH to commit at the right time, race against the clock, etc. But, I still want to try and I thought getting some support from you wonderful MDC women would be wonderful.  

Ok, that's me. Sorry to rattle on when I don't even know if it's o.k. that I join you yet! 

Best wishes to everyone.

SpiralChrissy

Welcome Chrissy! I know what you mean about turning 40. It freaks me out, especially since I've never been pregnant. I feel like an idiot not knowing what's going on with my own body at this age.
 

[LitMama]

Hi Mamas!

Karalina, how is your sweet DS doing? Oh my goodness, what a frightening experience. My heart nearly stopped when I read your story and imagined how you must have felt! How are YOU doing? Although I've never had an experience quite like that, I know (I imagine we all know) that feeling of having a close call and the vivid sense of preciousness that brings. I hope he's healing well and that your time taking care of him was healing for you, too.

Gumblossom, oh... big hugs for you ((( hugs ))). First, can I just apologize if I came off sounding too harsh about the dairy comment? I'm sorry if I sounded flippant and disrespectful toward your TCM person... I'm sure she was coming from a genuine place, and my feeling peeved about it was my own baggage. I agree with what others have said about dairy probably being a very individual thing based on our ethnic and cultural backgrounds and how our own bodies process it. And heck, anything's worth trying for 3 months! (I say, as I pour myself a glass of rice milk). And then, my heart is just really going out to you with what you and your DH are going through, it sounds heart- and gut-wrenching. Although that is not an issue in my current marriage, I did go through that with DD's father (not why we split up, though), and I remember well the frustration and sadness of that disconnect. It sounds like you're communicating well about it, though, and you are understanding his concerns (time for self and money?). I'm sending some prayer your way and hoping you and your DH can continue the communication and that he will feel find compassion for your concerns, too. I love the idea of your gratitude journal.

WaturMama, yay for darkening lines! And yay for sticking with us here on the TTC thread! I love it when the pregnant mamas stay around... I like to imagine us at different places on the same continuum. Up and down symptoms and lots of fatigue sound healthy and good! You know, it's weird... I have had much stronger and much earlier symptoms during my chemical pregnancies than I had with my one healthy term pregnancy. The last couple of times I had chemicals, I felt intensely pg by the time I tested positive. But when pg with DD, I did not feel a thing until I was 7 or 8 weeks. I remember my doctor asking me, "Well, do you feel pregnant?" and I hemmed and hawed and said, "I guess so." I had had one tiny implantation tug, one tiny boob tingle, and then nothing for weeks. And that was the sticky baby. Go figure. So tell me what it is about Jersely cow's milk that you like, and how you know you're drinking it? I buy our local Strauss milk (not raw, but non-homogenized) which I feel is pretty healthy, but I don't know what kind of cows are producing their milk.

Stealthee, how are you? Any symptoms or other news from luteal-phase-land?

Welcome, SpiralChrissy!

AFM, I had to have more surgery (this morning... outpatient... I'm at home in much pain but resting comfortably and just finished watching The Business of Being Born online... the upside of being convalescent). I'm bummed out that this means I'm back on antibiotics and can't take my TCM herbs for a week. But, otherwise doing well. Actually the fact that I watched this video is an interesting sign... for the longest time, I would now allow myself to indulge in any books, web sites, films, etc. that felt like they were on the other side of this journey. I guess I was afraid of the longing they might elicit, and the sense of peering through the window at a world I was excluded from? Watching this today I did not feel excluded, though... I imagined myself in the stories, birthing along with these women. It's part of my practicing "the art of allowing" (thanks once again to Ask and It Is Given). I have to say, it feels fantastic! I realize now I had really been feeling hopeless. Now I am beginning to feel this will happen, it is happening, I am on this continuum and it is only a matter of my baby joining me at the right time. WaturMama, I want to thank you for nurturing that hope! If you can do it, so can we. 

I'm going to try to make a vision board of my future pregnant/mothering self this afternoon...

[Stealthee]

Hello Everyone! 

Litmama:  Thanks for keeping LOA on my radar.  I very rarely do any of the exercises from Ask and It is Given anymore and I know that it would benefit me to do so.  Self discipline is just not one of my strong suits, but I am endeavoring to make some positive changes in my life.  I am also, BTW, another one who did not spend her (extended) youth building a lucrative career and amassing wealth.  We've got a pot to piss in, but just one.

Karalina:  Oh my gosh!  I'm so sorry that your son was hurt.  That must have been a terrible experience for the whole family.  I'm glad that the time afterward allowed you to spend some quality time with him, though. 

Enigo:  Enjoy your dairy cycle!

Gumblossom:  Oh, I hear you about TTC making you a little crazy.  My DH told me that he didn't want kids when we first started dating, which was fine with me at the time.  5 years later or so, I got hit with baby fever and I actually did once artificially inseminate myself with his swimmers without his knowledge.  I'll spare you the gruesome details.  Anyway, it sounds like you had good timing this cycle, so fingers crossed!

I never read The Secret, but I saw the movie which was based on the same principles as Ask and It is Given.  

Waturmama:  I hope you are well and enjoying your pregnancy.  I'm so glad that you are going to stick around with us for the next 36 weeks or so.  :)

SpiralChrissy:  We are without a threadkeeper at the moment, but everyone 40+ is free to join us and I think we can forgive you one month.     Welcome!

Shelley71:  Welcome! At only 40, you're a young one on this thread.  I got pregnant with my first at 40, and delivered him exactly one month after I turned 41.  

AFM:  I'm 12 DPO and 90% sure that this isn't my month, but I won't give up that last bit of hope until AF shows up.  If nothing else, my cycle seems pretty much back to normal and hopefully my LP will last a couple more days.  A question:  Did your PMS symptoms change after you had a baby?  I've heard that some women have less painful periods after giving birth. I've felt like my period is about to start for days now with nausea, cramping, breast swelling and tenderness.  I haven't had PMS like this since I was a teenager.  For years before I got successfully pregnant I had one, sometimes two days, of very mild PMS symptoms which would sometimes carry on through the first day of my flow.  I might think I was pregnant except for all five times I've been pregnant, I've had very distinct non-PMS type cramping which I haven't felt this month.  Maybe I still have a chance to join Waturmama in the December DDC?

   Dust to all!

ETA:  Now I'm 100% sure.  AF has arrived.  I feel surprisingly okay, emotionally.  Physically I'm feeling pretty bleah.  My poor DS is getting a low-energy, boring mama today.

Edited by Stealthee - 4/13/11 at 4:48am

[Stealthee]

Hi Litmama, we cross-posted.  Wishing you a speedy recovery.  Definitely take advantage of the downtime- a very good opportunity to make a vision board.   Your comment about avoiding media concerning pregnancy, birth and babies reminded me how I waited until my son was about a month old until I finally saw "Juno."  I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it, but I sobbed hysterically through the last 10 minutes.  Postpartum hormones in full force.  I also deliberately didn't see "The Time Traveler's Wife," even though I read the book after a recent m/c.  I was a little annoyed at the friend who lent it to me who knew what I was going though at the time. 

Edited by Stealthee - 4/12/11 at 3:03am

[Kristin0105]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to check in and say I have offered to take over as threadkeeper. I'll be starting a new thread later in the week once I have some time and come up with a spring time name. I am hoping it brings good luck to us all. I would like to find out where the goddess is so I can update the list and we can get some info. on her travels.

Good day to all.

[WaturMama]

Kristin!!   I love that you will be threadkeeper--the thread will be in good hands and heart with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and that it bring you lots of fertile luck.

Welcome SpiralChrissy!! May the planets align for you soon!

Litmama, I hope the pain has gone and the surgery did what needed to be done well. I love thinking of you over on the other side of the bay watching "The Business of Being Born"--may it bring you lots of good baby energy.

Stealthee, sorry AF arrived, but glad to hear you are feeling okay emotionally. My PMS symptoms did change after pg. Overall they got to be less, in my case. They do seem to evolve more in this post-baby part of my life.

AFM, I am 5 weeks pg today. My 2nd m/c was at 20 dpo (the other 2 were much later in the first trimester, well the first was really 2nd trimester but I knew it was coming), so this is now my 4th longest pregnancy! A nice milestone for me.

I was exhausted today. I got a nap in, which was lovely.

I took 3 hpts at 16, 18, and 20 days and they all got beautifully darker. After an overall positive, relaxed attitude in the last few months and especially in this last luteal phase, I was surprised to find that after the initial excitement and glow of the bfp, though I have had my moments of joy, it has been hard for me not to worry. And then I have worried about the worry. Sigh. Last night I had the big aha that I had a very positive/hopeful attitude the last pregnancies which turned out to be m/cs. It made me understand why I might worry and relax about it a little and also realize those positive feelings certainly did not create those outcomes. They can't hurt anything. Today was better. The early u/s in a couple weeks will be a big one for me.

[Stealthee]

Waturmama:  Yay for darkening lines!  I'm glad to hear that you are having moments of joy with this pregnancy already.  Of course it's hard not to worry, but at least you are less worried about the worry.  (I was ignorantly happy during most of my pregnancy that ended in m/c (10.5 weeks) and pretty worried up until 20 weeks or so with the successful pregnancy.)  Looking forward to hearing about your ultrasound.  I'm sure you will breathe a big sigh of relief when you see that little heart beating away. 

Kristin:  Thanks for taking over the thread keeper position.  I'll keep an eye out for the new thread next week. 

[lotus1]

Making myself crazy... I decided not to wait to TTC after early m/c last month. Had normal period shortly after. Now ~8 DPO I think. Having mild nausea (I have had HG 3x). Got a bHCG yesterday of 2 (not pregnant range), but that was only 7DPO. One week after the m/c beta was down to 1. I know that I should wait until day 11 (Friday?) to test again but I can't stop thinking about it.

Any tips on how not to obsess?

thanks!

[saoirse2007]

got the ultrasound numbers today, just have to wait for the second set of blood work for any results....

nasal bone: seen

crl: 69.1mm

bpd:21.3

nt:1.7

googling it is making me crazy!!!!

[gumblossom]

Lotus, I have no suggestions  about not obsessing. I'm also 7 dpo and am having a load of symptoms but don't want to be hopeful. I've been there so many times before only to be disappointed.

Saoirse - I don't really know what any of those numbers mean. Seeing the nasal bone is a good thing, right? And is that last measurement for the nuchal fold? Because if it is it is a good one.

I had really awful odds when I had twelve week screening tests with my little one. I ended up going for an amnio and before the amnio the professor did a really good scan and told us there was no reason to have an amnio, and he is perfect. But I know how googling can make you a bit crazy.

I hope you get great results really soon.Waiting is hard.

Waturmama, glad to hear your tests are darkening. I know if I am lucky enought o get pregnant again I'll be dealing with worry too. How can we not worry? But I can see you've got the right attitude about it.

One thing I learned from my miscarriage is that I will try to enjoy every minute of my next pregnancy. I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy my last one more.

I'm going to try to wait til Monday (11 dpo) to test, but I can't promise anything.I often break at 9 dpo!

[WaturMama]

Lotus, I have not been successful at not obsessing during the luteal phase, but I have gotten better at being with my obsessions in a more positive, pleasant way. We've all had a lot of discussion of that earlier in this thread.

AFM I was much less worried today. Maybe I needed to go through all of that. Also, I put my hand over where I believe my womb to be, and I really felt some energy there! I relaxed a lot when I did that. My thought was that the little one is quietly busy growing. I am supporting her/him. I hope to be supporting that being in his/her endeavors for a long time.

Would those of you with luteal phases that are plenty long take progesterone if you were pg? My luteal phase is usually 13-14 days. Progesterone was not the problem in the 2 pregnancies that made it this long and resulted in m/cs. In fact with the first one I tried everything I could think of that was safe for a nursing Mom to bring on a m/c naturally, and it still didn't happen after a month of trying. I was nursing a lot more then than I am now. But both the midwife I'm talking to (never worked with her before) and my TCM practioner think I should consider taking progesterone, maybe test my levels, just as a precaution. It seems logical, but my whole aim has been to keep this lower stress for my family, so the money and time and bruising for the test and taking an additional something don't fit with that. Plus, it doesn't seem all that necessary. That "take every precaution" thing is not the energy I've wanted to have. My gut says don't do it, but my mind is having a hard time letting it go.

[WaturMama]

I'm letting the progesterone thing go. I talked to my TCM practitioner who knows me much better than the midwife (who I haven't worked with yet). She thinks it is only to protect against a tiny possibility and not sure if it does that. She heard me talk about it and supported me to trust my gut. (I am so lucky to have her!) So I'm letting it go. I think given my history if my progesterone turns out to be low that is not the only problem. Plus I've had some break through bleeding around the time of my period for every other pregnancy and not for this one, so if anything this is the rock n roll progesterone one. Grow baby grow!

[Karalina]

Waturmama- i would say test your levels of prog. and then supplement if needed. After my mc, i wish i had had everything tested and would have done whatever to keep the pg, of course. You have tried so hard to get here- I would gather the nec. info and go from there- I always like to act in a way that i won't have regrets later. But if your intuition is telling you not to-- hmmmm.... wonder where that is coming from? i often wonder if it is my intuition- my true intuition-- or if I am taking everyone else and everything else into the picture-- and letting that cloud my intuition. I tend to put everyone else's needs and wants above me and my needs-

Saiorse--- yay for your test---

And waturmam- yay for your darkening lines

Gumblossom- hang in there- i will be anxiously awaiting in testing you do!

Kristen- thx for taking on the board monitorship!

Litmama- yay for you on your continuum-- may your baby join you soon!!! I love your optimism.  Hope you feel better and better from your surgery-----

ASM-- my thyroid and hormones all came back great- my adrenals a bit low- so supplementing with DHEA and I am on my thyroid nascent iodine-- more energy but a weird empty frail feeling- going to try to go see my dr. in santa cruz soon-- I have to get to the bottom of this low energy-- has anyone ever had REALLY low energy after a mc? If it's not my hormones what could it be?

I had almost rationalized not ttc- we were at a lovely park with a tropic feel on Monday- the kids were happily playing in the sand and the sun was shining down on me- I started dreaming of vacations and places we could travel- we love to travel and have been to Thailand, Costa Rica, hawaii, and lots of camping travelling etc in the US with kids--- I am finally at a place for the first time in all my motherhood years- that i am free to play with and freely interact with my kids-- I'm not carrying a baby or toddler or nursing--- I CAN GIVE them lots of ATTENTION which even tho i am a SAHM, attachment parenting and having little ones for 11 years makes it a bit immpossible for me to truly focus and be present for each of my three-- much less have much left over for DH and none for me. (which almost everyone who knows me thinks THIS is the reason for my low energy)  I am actually pretty sure I am going to a hotsprings sat night for my first night ever away from the kids   (11 years!!)

of course I could raise the next baby differently- to allow for more independence but i know i won't-- i love the holding and carrying anf nursing as much as the baby!!!! So iwas lying there in the sun, thinking "Ok , i can do this- i can let go of the dream of another baby-- I can focus what i have on my three precious ones I already have"  then after we went to a new part of the palyground--- this man came walking from the parking lot carrying a baby facing frontwards-- the kind of baby that looks just like my babies look- chubby and cherubic--- and I felt the familiar feeling of my heart being pulled right out of my chest-- and he walked slowly all the way around the sidewalk and then right beside me-- within 6 inches of me-- so I could fully connect with that darling baby-  and i just burst out crying  and thought WHY IS THE UNIVERSE DOING THIS TO ME???? It was just too weird to be coincidence---  so now I am ALL confused---

then my DH called from work and said he was thinkign about getting a vasectomy!!!!!! WHAT???? we have been ttc for 4 months now after the mc----------hmmmmm..... I am utterly confused but eberytime I think i won't have another bbay to hold and love- i feel panicky and think iw ill just die ---- but then I think in my head that i should just be done with it and move on to the next stage of life -- the one where you get rid of all the bbay stuff and focus on your bigger kids-----

But please if any of you know anything about low energy after mc- please let me know.................

lots of love to all of you-----

[WaturMama]

Hi Karalina, you may not have seen my 2nd post before you posted that. One thing that was really nice was that when I talked to my TCM practitioner about what my gut said, she said, "you really sound clear when you say that." I just think it would be really odd if progesterone suddenly became a problem for me and that was the only problem. In my internet obsessing I read that progesterone is not released continuously, it is in bunches so the tests can be misleading (I only read that one place but it did *seem* reputable). I don't think this is the right path for everyone, but I think it is for me. One big goal I have had is to keep life simple for my family. I want to save the energy I put into things for things I think will matter more. I'm glad to say I'm settling into this choice.

Interesting to read what you wrote about travel because I also recently went through a "it would be so nice to travel with ds" wave of worry! On the other side I know both ds and I want another babe more, and we can travel with her/him eventually and in some ways soon.

I think the universe is being so clear to you, to then send that guy by with the baby so you could feel your heart pull so hard. From out here what you want seems so clear. So sorry to hear about your dh's announcement. That sounds very upsetting and stressful. But when I get in the mode of trusting the universe, I bet there's some great learning for you both here that will just bring out more love. I hope you find your way with it soon. I don't believe the universe gives us big wants to then force us to give them up, so when I say find your way I mean your way to bringing that baby that is pulling at you right to you. (((hug)))

[WaturMama]

I just realized I forgot to answer the question about low energy after miscarriage. Two things come to mind: rest (I'm sure you know, but maybe helpful to hear anyway) and increasing iron intake--goat milk and rye flour are two good lesser known sources of iron.

[Kristin0105]

I was thinking Iron too. I used to be super tired and once I started on floradix it helped, also exercise helps me have more energy.

Still thinking of a title for the new thread, accepting suggestions.....

[saoirse2007]

Kristen-this is bad...please don't hate me...I have been trying to come up with some thing springy for you but the only thing stuck in my head was

"The bees do it - even women with wrinkly knees do it"

In my defense I have had hardly any sleep due to an ucky belly and making that up made me giggle