It sounds like you're in a hard spot right now. From your signature, it says "newly" single mama -- how much do you think that is influencing her behavior?
Have you been through the 'standard' checklist of behavior triggers:
-is she getting enough sleep? I've got a spirited 6 year old who becomes unmanageable/melodramatic when she's not had enough sleep (tomorrow is going to be a nightmare because her sleep schedule is way way off)
-Is there anything in her diet that she could be reacting to? Artificial dyes, sugars, dairy and wheat are often culprits, but there are other things too.
-Is she getting enough (any) positive attention? With 4 kids and one parent, I'm not sure how you can make sure that that happens, but I wonder if it's a call for attention?
What things that you've tried have worked the best (even if they haven't worked fully)? It sounds like punishments and time outs don't work for her. I have a friend with volatile kids and both learned to patch a door/wall from the holes they'd kicked into them. That might be something she should learn.
Have you tried a 'cooling down' spot? My kids get 'timeouts' but we no longer close the door and they're free to come out when they are cooled down. Yes, we did have to spend about 2 months standing outside dd's room trying to remain calm and sending her back in, but now when we ask her to go to her room if she must whine, she does so, and usually comes back out relatively quickly. Sometimes she finds something to read/do in her room and stays for a bit.
What happens if you just say "we're leaving in 5 minutes, and if you're not dressed, you're going in your pjs/whatever you're wearing"? The logical consequence of not getting ready in time is leaving when you're not ready to go.
Finally, is it time for outside help? Her 'pickiness' about what she's wearing, her apparent rigidity and her lack of response to discipline that works for most typical kids makes me wonder if there's something else going on. Does she learn differently? Does she have sensory issues? Does this behavior carry over to school?
A good book that you might like is: The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan. It's got a chapter on "The Defiant Child" which might help you.