20 month old still wakes every hour or two

[atinygiraffe]

I am in desperate need of advice, I don't know what to do with her!She has never slept well, and still needs to be nursed to sleep. It wasn't as big of a deal before because we co-slept and I could nurse her without fully having to wake up, but we've recently moved hewr to the toddler bed in her own room (which she has done fine with and doesn't seem upset about it) but now I'm frustrated at having to actually wake up and get up and squeeze myself next to her (in a converted crib mind you) to nurse her back down and sneak back to bed every hour or two.

Any advice for how to get her sleeping - if not through the night, at least not waking so frequently? CIO wouldn't work as she can just get out of her bed. I don't want to shut her in the room because I do want her to feel welcome to join us in bed if she needs to (which she sometimes does - when she cries, I go nurse her back down, but when she wants in our bed, she quietly wakes up and comes into our bed on her own, and we are okay with this). I really don't know what to do at this point. I thought she'd sleep more/need to nurse less when she wasn't right next to me smelling milk all night long, but that doesn't seem the case.

[jcent]

Is there any other way you can ever get her to sleep?  Like rocking or walking etc...  My dd is only 13 months and still in our bed but I have friends that have had success in night weaning.  One option would be to offer her water only, tell her your breasts are sleeping now, and then rock her or just lay with her.  Another option would be to send your dh in to comfort her.  Some people find that more effective, as your LO wouldn't associate nursing with him, but is more likely to result in tears.  Night weaning doesn't always equal STTN though.

If it were me, I'd just keep cosleeping; at least then you didn't have to actually get up.  :)

[crunchy_mommy]

I don't know, my solution would be just move her back into your bed until she's sleeping longer stretches???

My 23mo still wakes up every hour or so throughout the night, although occasionally lately he'll do a long stretch in there (not consistently, though, unfortunately!!) I know one suggestion given to me was to look into food sensitivities, though that doesn't seem to be at play for us. He does seem to sleep much better when we run white noise (usually the humidifier) and keep the room a couple degrees warmer than I'd like -- he doesn't like staying under the blankets so I guess he needs the extra warmth. That's all I really have to offer, I hope you get some sleep soon, I know I just don't function well since I haven't slept in 2 years....

[crunchy_mommy]

Oh one more very bizarre thing -- if I nurse him ONLY on the left side all night long, he wakes much less frequently. I suspect this is related to my right side chronically producing way too much milk. If I accidentally (or intentionally) give him the right side even once during the night, that means he'll wake more from that point on.

[lactatinggirl]

First off, read The No-cry Sleep Solution. It helped us a TON when Peanut was still waking that often. Also, you might feel less frustrated if you're able to fall asleep in your LO's bed if need be? We took a twin-sized mattress and just stuck it on the floor. Zero fall safety issues and I can fit on it comfortably if need be.

[atinygiraffe]

Thank you for the suggestions. I would totally continue to co-sleep but DH insists she sleep in her own bed. He was sleeping on the couch and saying he didn't feel welcome in bed, and since it was the "family bed" I decided to honor his concerns as part of the family. We already run a fan in her room as we always had one going in our bedroom to continue to give her that soothing noise, it does seem to help as she drifts off pretty easily, it's just STAYING asleep that is the problem. Also, I don't think too much milk is a problem as my supply has dropped a lot due to nursing less frequently and me taking Vitex trying to help along PPAF (a WHOLE other issue), and we usually only nurse on the left because he is in a toddler bed, and it's easiest for me to squash myself in there laying on the left side, and she does her big nursing of the day (morning) on the right to help alleviate the fullness on one side.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I've put it on hold at the library, and hope to get it soon.

[LROM]

This is just my opinion from my experience, but it seems to me you're probably gonna have to make a choice about night-weaning if it's really about getting her to sleep through the night.  When we transitioned my then-21 month old to her crib for the first time (had co-slept every single night up to that time), the fact that my milk supply was decreasing meant she was waking up MORE often to nurse instead of less.  I would still be getting up multiple times a night to nurse her if I was still BF, but now at 24 months she sleeps all the way through the night 1 out of every 3 nights; only wakes up once and either puts herself back to sleep or I can get her back to sleep without nursing 1 of every 3 nights; and that 3rd night she wakes either multiple times or just once but gets very worked up and it takes awhile to put her back to sleep but she does get there and doesn't wake up again after it.

If I was still BF her at night, I know she'd never sleep through the night and would wake up all the time, as she was before we transitioned her.

So I guess I'm suggesting that you probably are facing a choice between continued night feedings and frequent wakings until she grows out of it or your supply goes away (and either of those could take 2 more years or 2 more months to happen), OR choosing to night wean now and waiting it out til she gets used to it and can sleep through the night.

FWIW, it's really clear to me that my dd sleeps better now that she's in her own bed and not getting up every couple of hours.  She generally seems even happier during the daytime now, and only really freaks out once in awhile at night.  (2 yr old temper tantrums in the day are a different story!)

[altoidmandy]

My experience was like LROM's...we had to night-wean to get my son to sleep longer stretches.  We actually switched to my husband comforting him at night, which was hard at first but now he wakes up and says "I need Daddy" which is very sweet.  We probably started when my son was about 21 months and now at 24 months he sometimes makes it through the whole night, and sometimes wakes up once or twice to have daddy come in and hold his hand while he goes back to sleep.

It's probably a little late for this since you already have a toddler bed, but we have a full size bed in my son's room and it makes all the difference.  If he is having a rough night my husband can just crash with him for a few hours.

[penstamon]

Oh I wish I had good advice but our DS is still a frequent waker at almost 18mo.  I did NW him at 15.5 months and then move him to his own bed.  The NWing went fine but did not change his waking.  Currently DH sleeps with him in his bed (full size) once DS has woken after we go to bed.  I had been sleeping with DS but he sleeps worse with me and I am getting bigger in pregnancy and uncomfortable.  Over time DS is starting to learn to put himself back to sleep like 1/10 of the time and at least when he wakes all DH has to do is touch his back or shush him.  It is far better than a few months ago and everyone sleeps more now.  I have been toying with the idea of introducing a lovey and/or a nightlight but so far no item has sufficed as a lovey.

OP, I think NWing may help in your case at least to get your DD on the road to learning how to fall back to sleep through alternate methods.  I think LROM put it well.  You may also want to find a way to sleep next to DD in her new room - new mattress, on the floor, whatever- so you can get some more sleep next to her when you need it.  That would also give DH a chance to help at night, which is important IMO whether or not he WOH.

[LifewithSage]

I love Dr. Jay Gordon.  I've used his method of night weaning and changing the family sleep pattern a few times.  It's hard and does result in some crying, but you're always right there comforting and offering hugs and support.  We're using it right now to transition my 20 month old to his own bed and its going very well.  He is still waking once per night, but is happily back to sleep in about 15 minutes.  This is a HUGE improvement from waking every hour and screaming for us to bring him back to our bed....

It's so hard when you're functioning on so little sleep... I hope you find a solution that works for your family soon!

[T-man's Mama]

Up until recently, I could have written your post. After nearly two years of this, I finally had it and we have now successfully nightweaned over the past 4-6 weeks.

Edited by T-man's Mama - 5/27/11 at 8:41pm

[atinygiraffe]

In the last couple of weeks we've tried a couple things, including the supernanny approach, and they all ended up with hours upon hours (usually around 4 hours) or blood curdling screaming. It got so bad that Alia was afraid to sleep in her bed and refused to be in her bed and begged to sleep in the "big bed", so we let her back in and then we moved back to her bed, again with me nursing all night long so that she'd at least feel comfortable and safe in the bed again. So we're back to square 1. She's in her bed most of the night, but still waking every hour or two. sigh.

T-Man's Mama - thank you for posting this, I will definitely talk with my hubby about possibly doing this, at least for a couple of weeks until nightweaning is accomplished.