Bitter Sushi Ladies: January Edition - Page 22

[miriam_bat_avraham]

Jane-- woo hoo!!! I love good news!

Music-- Wow, more good news! That sounds amazing! I've only seen the movie but I love it.

Monkey-- oh man, feel better :(

Everyone else-- I'm just going to send tons of hugs and mental support because I didn't multiquote properly and I forget what everyone wrote, heh. Sorry :(

On the topic of infertility being a taboo subject-- I've gotten to the point where, despite being a previously private person, I'll talk about the facts of the issue (if not the details or the emotionally vulnerable parts) with pretty much anyone who happens to skirt the topic-- ie, someone asking "So, when are you guys planning to have kids?" in reference to the fact that we've been married for almost 2 1/2 years with no babies. And with people I know pretty well, I'm comfortable saying things like "Yeah, it's been a very trying process" or "It's been difficult for us" or something of that nature. I guess it's because where I normally feel like talking too much about my body or feelings is TMI, in this case I feel like myself and this whole league of women out there need this support, for people out in the world to know what's going on. They need to know that this is A Thing That Happens A Lot and not just, like, once in a blue moon you meet a nice couple that can't get pregnant. And I get the impression people don't think about things like secondary infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss, it tends to all get lumped in with people like me, the "first-timer trying to get pregnant but for some reason it's not working" cohort. They need to know we're ALL out there, and that woman they see at work who's been married five years and has photos of her sister's kids on her desk has had 4 miscarriages and has IUIs scheduled in the morning before she shows up at the office, and not just that she "hasn't had kids yet" as if maybe she's unsure if she wants them.

And people have the right to keep it private, too, I don't think any of us "owe" the world our stories. Women get put out there enough as it is. But for those of us who are comfortable, I think it can help. Every person that is surprised to find out I have fertility issues is another person who might, in the future, think twice about what they say to another woman while assuming things about her fertility.

In other news, I was supposed to have an ultrasound tomorrow but I rescheduled it for Thursday because Snowpocalypse #4 is slamming us right now. And also my mother-in-law is in the hospital again. So we're kinda busy around here, heh. The nurse I spoke with said that based on my history, I'm unlikely to miss the window for an IUI by having the ultrasound a day later, and I'm inclined to agree.

I wonder how weird it will be when I finally get pregnant and I get to just be pregnant for a while. How weird, to not be TTC... it's probably like the first few days after a major haircut, when you reach up in the shower and you're shocked all over again to find that there is very little hair up there! I bet I'll feel like that for the whole remaining eight months.

[lilmom]

Jane- woo hoo! So excited for you!

AFM, acupuncture got cancelled due to snowstorm this morning. So, I'm not sure when I will get to go, since she is pretty hard to get in to see apparently, and I have very limited options for babysitting for my DS. But, I was totally ok with it because DH got to stay home today and the 3 of us were able to have an amazing day playing in the snow!!!

About talking about infertility..I am super private about it. I don't think everyone has to be, or should be, and I guess I might be contributing to the problems out there with people not talking about it. But I just feel so sad, and ashamed, and so..personal about it. If someone gives me the old "So, when are you having another one?" I usually just say, "We've been trying for a long time" and 9 times out of 10 the person asking just doesn't say anything else about it or they say something like, "Oh well sometimes it just takes time" or something like that. I don't get into the details. We have intentionally not said a word to DH's family because, for one thing, they are totally nuts anyway, but for another, they will see it as failure and will not be kind. They saw my difficult pregnancy with DS as a failure on my part, or in some cases, refused to believe it was really happening. MIL told DH that it was not possible for me to be that sick, that I must be faking it all so that I could take advantage of him by not working. So, you see what I am dealing with there. They don't need to know.

I do have a few friends I talk to about it occasionally with. I talk to my mom a little bit, but she isn't super encouraging. She just doesn't say much. Sometimes I think she thinks I am just too old and that it won't happen. : (  (this is because she had a hysterectomy at my age due to some problems and she relates everything to her experience)

One of my friends I used to confide in recently got pg with #2 super easily, after ttc a year and a half for #1, and I know this is wrong, but I feel like I can't talk to her anymore. I've now surpassed how long it took her with #1..and #2 came easy for her, and I don't know..I just don't feel like I'm in the same place as her anymore..

Hope everyone is hanging in there..sorry for my lack of personals..

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by Sweet.Bee 

LessTraveledBy, I always get a second line on my OPKs. It's faint, but still there. How sensitive are your tests?

The thing is that I have done opks around when I know I will ovulate and have had many snow white ones, then a faint line for a day or two. Then back to white. BUT now it seems I have had the faint line for 4 days (same tests always), so I am wondering if for some reeason I always have a faint line early in the cycle. I realize that a faint line is not really a positive, but it is all I have ever got. Every other sign (temps, mucus changes, cervix, mittelschmerz) suggests that I ovulate. Who knows. Last time I went to the gyno was a year ago and everything looked fine, but it was cd 7 or something. I think I may try to book a time right after ovulation or something. I guess I could have something like LUF where ovulation does not, in the end, happen, but it seems unlikely. But how I would love a reason other than immune issues. You know, something that could be fixed.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by collieflower 

For those of you who supplement with progesterone:  when do you start? My clinic told me to start 72 hours after O. But they said to do this by subtracting 14 days from my longest cycle.

That is pathetic advice! Some people take progesterone because they have a luteal phase defect, and this advice would have them start it before ovulating, making them not ovulate. Ugh!

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by blueyezz4 

Tear - Hi!    Good to see you and I hope you are doing well my friend!  I miss you over on the IVF thread, but so glad you aren't there anymore!!

Hi sweetie,
I miss you too! I look so forward to the day that you get your sticky baby!!! I haven't been posting much at all recently. I think I just am not really sure what to say, because I've felt crappy but I'm thankful for that and I don't really know what I would say on the DDC. So I haven't been on MDC much: mostly just lumping around and driving my DH crazy. Anyway, hence my absence. I'm thinking of you and sending love!

Jane, yahoooooo girl!!!

[BelovedK]

Hi Tear, I miss you too, but am so glad you graduated

[collieflower]

Originally Posted by slylives 

Hi - it's been a very long time since I posted but I do recognise some names! Could you please move me from the "Current BSLers" to "BSL BFPs". I am now 21 weeks with a healthy critter. I was fortunate to conceive on our first round of IVF, which was something of a shock. (Long story - we had a very low fertilisation rate and the embryos did not seem to be developing well. Even my RE was already talking about "changes in the protocol we can make next time". But this little critter burst ahead in developing and here we are, 5 months later.

I wish you all peace in these challenging TTC times. I hope I'm OK to post here every now and then.

Hi Sly! It's so good to hear from you. I am so, so happy that things are going well and that you are 21 weeks along. It was a bit of a sad reminder for me, because I was 1 week behind you with my last pregnancy and would have been exactly half way through by now. I'd done such a great job of repressing  until I actually thought about the dates.  Anyway-please do post once in a while and keep us updated on how you are doing. Success stories are good for the morale!
 

[Laggie]

Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy 
The thing is that I have done opks around when I know I will ovulate and have had many snow white ones, then a faint line for a day or two. Then back to white. BUT now it seems I have had the faint line for 4 days (same tests always), so I am wondering if for some reeason I always have a faint line early in the cycle. I realize that a faint line is not really a positive, but it is all I have ever got. Every other sign (temps, mucus changes, cervix, mittelschmerz) suggests that I ovulate. Who knows. Last time I went to the gyno was a year ago and everything looked fine, but it was cd 7 or something. I think I may try to book a time right after ovulation or something. I guess I could have something like LUF where ovulation does not, in the end, happen, but it seems unlikely. But how I would love a reason other than immune issues. You know, something that could be fixed.

Have you tried testing at different times of day? My doctor said to test in the morning but my tests said to wait until the afternoon... My "positives" have been almost as dark as the control. I know that they are supposed to be darker than that but I know when I am ovulating from all my other signs.

I just came back from vacation in San Francisco, which was awesome. Today is Day 1 though - I guess "relaxing" doesn't produce babies after all . I'm currently trying to deal with having clinic 1 transfer our records to clinic 2 - Clinic 2 is saying they don't have results for tests that I know that we did, and I don't want to repeat everything. bleh. I am sure it will get sorted out, but I have to be persistent without being a bitch and that is a challenge for me.
 

[BelovedK]

So, FF is now saying that I didn't O My charts have always been so good, and now./...

I saw an Ayurvedic DR the other day, and we are working on my general health and metabolism. He was going to give me herbs for my reproductive system and thought he would start me in Feb when I see him for my follow up. I have a diet, and he wants me to get off of coffee (hard, but I am slowly working towards it. )

I am kind of upset, like there is something wrong with me and it is too late. If it is something with DH, then this is it, it will never happen. He won't do a SA. He figures that we should let nature take it's course.

Still feel like a LOSER with a capital L-O-S-E-R I usually don't feel this bad. Most of my friends are younger, maybe I am a fool for thinking that I can have a chance. I can't seem to stay away though. I have tried to leave several times because no one is here from when I was first here (correct me if I am wrong) I hope everyone graduates soon, but I amsure I will still be here. I have these BFP fantasies, and just feel so silly because it just brings me down in the end.

I guess I will try and focus on my dancing (like I have started to do), losing weight, and my other creative pursuits.

[LessTraveledBy]

Originally Posted by Laggie 

Have you tried testing at different times of day? My doctor said to test in the morning but my tests said to wait until the afternoon... My "positives" have been almost as dark as the control. I know that they are supposed to be darker than that but I know when I am ovulating from all my other signs.

Yes, I have tested throughout the day. Never a truly positive. I am wondering if that is something I should ask a gyno about. Somehow I am afraid that she would say I am not ovulating, even though everything else points to that I do.

Beloved, so sorry that you are down. Just a thought... Would a post coital test or something be enough to test your husband, also. You know, something that would not require anything out of the ordinary of him. Since it is a test to see how the sperm does in mucus, do they test only movement or can they test everything else, also? If anyone knows I would appreciate an answer to that, as that is a test we could do, also.

I don't think I actually ovulated, although I had the mucus, cervix signs, crams and everything. It is rather curious. Maybe it happens every cycle and I just have not noticed before.

[musicoholic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BelovedK 

I guess I will try and focus on my dancing (like I have started to do), losing weight, and my other creative pursuits.

 Yep...  I'm the same.  I'm concentrating on firstly on my husband and son....  and coming up with new ways to encourage my students to be creative.  Which means I have to be creative first.  And taking out all my frustrations at the gym.  Definitely helps to take my mind off "stuff".  It's not perfect by any means - but it's helping.  Slowly.

Would anyone like to take over the new thread for Feb?  I'm not on as much anymore (not on holidays any more!) so will be hard to keep up.

[kparker]

For us only the closest family knows about the infertility.  For everyone else who has gone on and had kids around us and asks us what's up (we've been trying for 2.5 yrs)  we just say we're working on it.  It's easier to fake the situation since we did have a period of time when my husband lost his job for a few months and I wasn't working either, then only I had the job but it was only 8 hrs on a weekend.  I think a lot of people assume we put things on hold then to allow for fiances, when really we had no choice since you can't spend thousands on infertility treatments when you aren't making anything.  It sucks.

But things are finally coming to a close, or rather, a start!  Tonight we're administering my trigger shot and our first IUI is Saturday morning.

[rcr]

I am posting a February thread now. Should be up in a few minutes. I am hoping for threadkeepers luck, since this is my IVF cycle.

ETA - here it is: February Thread