I could have written your post. =\
It's so complex right now. I really don't want to get pregnant again right away. DS2's birth was pretty hard on me and DS1 is going through a really difficult time right now. But we're not using any other than LAM. We used FAM before TTC DS2, so I'm familiar with my normal fertility signs, but post-partum is hardly the same. I don't feel like my fertility is returning but I'm wondering how much of that is an emotional response to knowing the only way I'm having a third is if we have an oops. But I really DON'T want to get pregnant right away. Before DS1 was born, DH said he was getting a vas in Nov. Well, it's Jan and nothing is scheduled.
I'm trying to accustom myself to our family of four (and no more). If we don't have any more kids that's all the sooner we'll stop paying through the nose for daycare. We can start getting rid of baby stuff as DS2 outgrows it. I don't have to really process DS2's birth anymore. We don't have to worry about room for more kids in our small house. I'm enjoying having my body just for me and not being so tired all the time. Some days I'm pretty convinced I don't want any more kids, but I don't know that I'll be as convinced 3-4 years down the road.