DD (technically SD) just turned 7. She has been known to "forget" to wipe after peeing and to change into clean underwear. We give her a shower every night during the week, though we sometimes skip one on weekends or she'll go Thursday night to Saturday morning or noon between showers. We get her clothes out for her pretty much every day. I wonder sometimes if we should be making her get her own, but it's one of those things that's sometimes easier to do yourself - but I'm usually the one of us who makes her do other things for herself. Anyway...she just spent one night at SO's mom's and then the following two nights at her maternal grandmother's (BM is deceased for those who don't remember my story). We instructed SO's mom to please give her a bath or a shower because we knew that her maternal grandmother probably wouldn't. Sometimes she does, but mostly DD reports she didn't, and one reason DD gives us is "she doesn't like to get my hair wet". Don't get me started on how dumb a reason that is, or how if she does a bath or uses a shower cap you don't have to worry about it. We shower her at night (and she only washes her hair every other or every third shower because the hairdresser said it was dry and doesn't need washing every day) and I braid her hair so it's less tangled in the morning. So she comes back from her grandmother's wearing an outfit from there not one of the 4 we packed for her, and I found 2 still-folded pair of underwear so I asked her if she changed into clean underwear while there. She said she forgot yesterday. I was not very happy. For a young girl, she has some odor issues already especially if she does not shower, but in the past when I've emailed her grandmother about hygiene I got a cool, defensive response about her knowing how to care for her own grandchild. We have a very good relationship, but I guess we hit a rough patch there. So in a more recent email, I casually mentioned that DD sometimes forgets to wipe, so washing and changing her underwear is important, but I slipped it into my response to her telling me how the hairdresser said DD doesn't need to wash her hair every day. But I guess the less direct route didn't work very well either. I've tried telling DD herself, several times, to make sure she changes into clean underwear, hoping I could count on her to do it, but I guess that isn't working. So I'm wondering, am I expecting too much of HER, and her grandmother is dropping the ball, or should she be able to do all this stuff herself no matter what her grandmother does or doesn't do? And before someone says she's too young for me to worry about it, one Sunday, when she came back from spending two nights there, I had her change to go into the shower. When she handed me her clothes, the smell from her underwear almost knocked me over! I am not kidding, it was that bad! It wasn't a pee smell either. It was, to be blunt, dirty female parts that haven't showered in a couple days and maybe didn't change underwear. So this is why (a) I get so upset and (b) why I have tried both with her and her grandmother to emphasize the importance of her keeping clean. She spends at least one weekend night there most weekends, so it is not like I want to let it go because she's not there much.
Oh, and as for the shower, do you think 7 is too young to do their own shower? Because she often goes in and then when you check on her 10 minutes later (I will give her what I feel is a very liberal 15 to do everything) she hasn't done anything but play and "wash" the walls. Sometimes she just takes way too long to do things. Still other times, she goes in, does what she's supposed to and gets out in 10 minutes. when she takes too long or goofs off, I admit it, I get mad and then help her do what needs to be done. Again, are we entrusting her with too much for a kid her age?