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Any one else crazy anxious?

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 

I feel so baaad.


To start I have an anxiety disorder about vomit and my last pregnancy I threw up every day till week 14, oh and had a panic attack.

This time I started out the first week of morning sickness by having stomach flu.  (my new policy is if you have had stomach flu in the last 2 weeks please stay far away) Then i was feeling less sick and more anxious.  I went to the acupuncturist and stopped feelins sick all together if I eat protein every half hour or hour but I am still soooooooo anxious especially about food.  Eating is so difficult.  I lost 8 lbs which I didn't have to loose and I am super weak.  I feel miserable.  I don't have enough time for my son who is only 3.  My husband is loosing it trying to cook, clean, take care of my son and of me.  We live with my parents who have not really been making it any easier, the cook every so often but also complain to us about the kitchen being messy. 


I feel like I am in such a rut I don't know how to get out of.  I am going to acupuncture again tomorrow which I hope will be magical and just fix everything.  (maybe that is a bit too optimistic)


post #2 of 17
My Anxiety is definitely worse while pregnant. I never had anxiety in my life until the day I gave birth to my first. I think it messed up my hormones or something. Been suffering with anxiety ever since. Im planning to ask about meds at my next appt cause sometimes it's soooooo bad.
post #3 of 17

Give yourself a break. Tell your parents to back off. Appreciate your dh for at least trying. You are growing an entire other person in your body. If that's not a good enough reason to be a little off your game, I don't know what is.

post #4 of 17

I feel you mama, hug2.gif, I have a phobia of barfing too, and stomach flu, and when my daughter was 2, I had a huge, long bout with anxiety that started with a stomach bug going around, that took a long time to sort out. First trimester is really hard for me becasue of this, and I don't even barf!


I will say that my anxiety has been under control for some time. I don't know if it will help you, but what was really helpful for me was practicing breathing into my belly (when we're anxious, we tend to tighten our abdomen, which decreases blood flow to the area, which can increase indigestion/nausea, etc.). For example, I will lie in bed and take ten deep breaths, counting 10 to 0. The other thing that was profound for me, was this: with my anxiety, I found I was trying to control something that was out of my control. I had to practice just Allowing WHAT IS, and when I can just accept what I can't change, it seems to go better for me.


Keep up with your acupuncture if it's helping. Also, try to find a way to have some special time for yourself, yoga class? Hot bath? Massage? Anything you really enjoy, and focus on what you love and what's working.


Hope that helps, sending you love!

post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the replies, its just good to know that there are people out there.  We haven't really started telling everyone yet just the people I have had to see, who would notice there was something wrong with me.


I have struggled with anxiety most of my life and was medicated for it for from age 13 to 22.  In the past 4 years I have really taken control of my anxiety and not let it stop me from doing things.  I went off it before i got pregnant with my first child and have really done almost everything that scared me most in the mean time, flying, morning sickness with my first, other traveling but it is killing me with this pregnancy. 


I spend so much time in bed or huddled up in the office.  I have thrown up 4 times so far this pregnancy so has been making it harder though to some extent I have gotten less anxious about myself throwing up.  Other people doing still makes me have a panic attack though.


The annoying thing with my parents was I was sitting there telling my dad that we where having a really hard time, he has been here, he has seen it and he was saying well the kitchen should just be clean (ei this is my house you will live by my rules, even though we talked before they moved back home about how we would have an open equal adult relationship while sharing this small space for 5 months, they leave in a few weeks now.)


I am so appreciative of my husband and I am telling him a dozen times a day, as well as rewarding him in little ways after the baby has gone to sleep but he is loosing it.  He doesn't go to sleep as early as he could (I know that internal argument between I just need and hour to myself and I really need the sleep and in my book getting more sleep is always good for the whole family but it took me a while to figure that out).  He spent 15 minutes shouting at me the other day about how cruel I am being to him by making him do everything and how selfish I am, etc... It was horrible and my stress levels definitely showed it.  I felt much worse the next day.  Today again he is all huffy saying that it is unfair of me to not just get on and push through this for my family (basically ignore feeling anxious and sick)  It is really not what I need right now.  Plus want to talk about fair some people don't even know they are pregnant for months and I get to be a miserable wreck, that is super fair.  Oh yea and the part where he can't grow the baby this time that's super fair.  oh ya and I wanted to talk about adopting this time so that I wouldn't have to go through this and he wouldn't even have the conversation. 


Thanks for the hugs it actually really helped.  I have never really felt that fond of Internet hugs but I think that is what I needed.

my husband complained at me for wanting to go back to bed and do relaxation exercises after I through up this morning.  uhhhhhhh  That whole excepting that what is just is would be good for me I think.  This is one thing you work on very hard in 12 step programs (I am a part of alanon) but have not been going to meetings maybe I should be.  I think I have also decided that I am out of the realm of what I know how to deal with and I need to ask for some kind of professional help.  Which would be super easy if we had any money but we don't.  I will ask the medical midwife I am seeing tomorrow if there any options though medical (it is super confusing to do anything through medical).


eastmillcreakmama I loved your blog, that is what i have dreamed of doing with my husband though we have never had the funds or the guts.  I have started to change my mind a bit since I butchered a pig a week before Christmas after I had started having some morning sickness but that my go as the images of dead pig start to leave my everyday thinking, accompanied by a queasy feeling.


I think I need to push myself to get some excesses outdoors.  If my son would stay in a stroller I could go for an easy walk but my Patience is so short I feel like I will loose it with him if I have to wait for him to smell every flower.  Maybe it is worth giving it a try. 


Anyways thats for the responses, I have been feeling absolutly horrible this morning but have gotten some breakfast down while typing that is changing that.

post #6 of 17

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. My daughter woke up with the stomach flu this morning! ACK! I'm doing pretty well, it's a testament to how much work I've done with this issue. And that I think I've been sick without all the symptoms for the last two days. Hang in there, it does get better.


ALso, in my research about fish oil as I was begining this pregnancy, i read that it has an effect on anxiety, and that preg. and nursing depletes the omega-3 that helps. So, if you can stomach it, take your prenatal fish oil...I haven't been able to, it's been contributing to nausea, but I think this may have been a factor when I had my major anxiety period when my daughter was 2.


Good luck, mama!

post #7 of 17

I have emetophobia.  When my kids get a stomach bug, I freak out.  Morning sickness is especially terrible for me.  I gag, but stop myself before I throw up because I'm so scared to throw up.  It's been really rough this time around. 

post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 

eastmillcreekmama I hope your DD is better soon with a minimum of throwing up, it is supper harsh when you also feel crappy.  I have found that it isn't as bad for me when my son throws up as with other people.  Not to say that I like it at all.  My DH was a hero on one of the days I was feeling really bad, my son complained of a stomach ache (means he is going to throw up) he looked very sick and had been on my husbands back in the ergo looking half asleep for hours.  All I saw was my husband walk quickly to the bathroom.  Except he missed a spot on the bathroom floor I didn't have to deal with anything.


I will try and get back to taking my fish oils, though it doesn't sound very appealing right now.


suburban hippie I can't believe you have 4 kids,  I am envious.  I would love to have 4 but I think I am going to call it quits after number 2 because being pregnant is so hard for me.  I do throw up though.  I have never been able to not throw up.  My sister has it too and she hasn't thrown up in something like 14 years.  I seem to be able to make myself throw up just from being anxious about doing it.  That's really no fun and I did yesterday and today.  I hope you start feeling better, I think things are looking up for me and I am only due 6 days before you.


Success today, I didn't throw up this morning.  I got into a relaxing bath.  Well that's what I told my 3 year old when he was getting in too.  Doesn't really make for a relaxing bath when your dad uses all the hot water and your son sits in the bath dunking crackers in and playing with your boobs.  Eventually my husband took him out and the hot water came back and I did relax ate some crackers then some breakfast and no throwing up, yay.

post #9 of 17

i have pretty sever anxiety normally from ptsd and for me this pregnancy my anxiety has been way worse. through the rough worse. mostly it has been because of spotting though i have had little nausea. he lack of nausea has made me more anxious combined with spotting. as of today i know all the spotting is from probably the most benign cause there can be (cervical polyps) so my anxiety is somewhat less but really i am still a bit of a mess. if you can exercise even a little there is a lot of evidence it can be very helpful with anxiety. i had stopped exercise because the spotting made it too scary even tho no one told me i had to stop i just was unable to do it. i am going to try and start up with it again now though. there is a book called spark" the new science of exercise and the brain and it explains all about how exercise can help with anxiety thee is a chapter on it. it seems like the safest way to treat anxiety while pregnant so that is what i am going to try. i still have a ton of anxiety though. i hope when your parents leave stuff will improve a lot. i ope stuff will improve before they leave. my husband has really picked up the slack for me as well this pregnancy but he also has an anxiety disorder and he managed to have a pretty big panic attack this morning. anxiety really sucks.

post #10 of 17

I am suddenly super anxious too. I can't, and never have been able to, stomach any multivitamin.  I take the ones that have ginger to control nausea, take them with food, etc.  I still vomit within 5-10 minutes of taking them.  I started taking them at night so I could sleep through the nausea and it was working great.   The other day I forgot to take them at night so I took them the next morning and out they came, in 5 minutes.  So I took them again that night and couldn't sleep because I was thinking "OMG I need to get to sleep, I need to sleep so I don't throw them up".  I couldn't fall asleep and out they came.


So now I am trying to wait till I am almost asleep, but half the time I sleep till morning and forget to take them. UGH. 

post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 

maisie, my midwifes said last time not to worry about the vitamins if they are making you feel bad.  Better to have a healthier mama who can eat a balanced diet than a mama that is sick more.  I tried taking my prenatals before I got pregnant and couldn't even tollerate them then and they are the easiest to digest.  New Chapter Organics, whole food vitamins but they have soy and oats in them which I react to.  Maybe you could try something whole foods if you aren't all ready. 


mama daba, that is hard with DH having anxiety too, mine does too but to a lesser degree, no panic attacks. Glad the bleeding is nothing bad.  I think you are really right, working out is the way to go I am finally eating enough that I feel strong enough to do it too.  I am going to try and start with a walk with my almost 3 year old so it shouldn't be super taxing but I think once I get started it will feel good and I will keep wanting to do it. Well if you are feeling like it is hard getting inspired maybe we could try going for a walk together, I only live about 20 minutes from west marin in the east bay and my son is only a couple months younger than yours.


I have been feeling much better the last few days.  Have not thrown up today or yesterday.  I have been getting in the bath instead which really calms me down and makes me realize that I definetly need a birth tub again this time. Hope other peoples anxiety is also looking up.

post #12 of 17

Hi Bumbold,


So glad you are feeling better and not throwing up. bouncy.gif My daughter is better, and my stomach ache/cramping/runs are much better too, thank goodness, and I still feel pregnant. 


I was also feeling much worse from the New Chapter Organics prenatal vitamins. I suspected it was the soy/oats too. Last pregnancy, I took the Rainbow Light vitamins and I tolerated them well, but since I've been grossed out by vitamins, I haven't even been able to try anything else.


I thought I would be through my first trimester nausea once I was done with my intestinal thing, but today, I'm feeling first trimester-ish. Ho Hum. Only another week or so I expect, and I will be feeling great.


Hang in there ladies! We'll make it through!

post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 

So, I have stopped throwing up on a daily basis it seems.  Now I have hit the flip side of being anxious for weeks and am really depressed and increasingly anxious as well, though not feeling specifically sick any more.  Every time I sit down to eat I get anxious.  The only thing that seems to help is to sit around watching TV because I am distracted.  I know this isn't really dealing with the problem so I am trying not to do it too much. 


I went to a yoga class yesterday and it wasn't a great class and I felt very anxious about having to get out of the house and get to a specific place at a specific time so I didn't eat enough and had to leave early to go home and eat.  I had kind of planned to leave early any ways because I am still feeling pretty weak and the accupuncturist said to go slowly.


What I really like to do is go to the gym.  I feel like I should just do it.  There is one a block from my house, they have a physical therapist there I can ask to tell me what to do and what not to do. And I can just take is super slow, my stomach muscles hurt this morning after half a very easy yoga class that I hardly even did any of the things in.  I didn't feel like the teacher knew what I shouldn't be doing.  I guess I need to go to a pregnancy class or to a teacher that I know I like. 


My son nursed for the first time in a few weeks yesterday and I loved it.  I think he was disappointed because there was really no milk there.  It was pretty painfull but I have really been missing sitting just the 2 of us having our quiet bonding nursing time.  ROTFLMAO.gif


My husband wants to take my son on a 12 hour train ride this week to be away for 2 nights and 3 days.  I cry every time we talk about it.  We have never been appart for more than 8 hours and that has only been recently untill a few months ago he had only been away a few hours and he still nursed all day long.  I just can't believe how much he doesn't NEED me all the time now.  My husband is a great involved dad who I can often recongnize as being a better parent than I am but I feel like he should still need his mommy.  I don't want to shelter him though if its just about me and not about him at all. 

post #14 of 17

bumbold send me a pm if you want to go for a walks ometime. i think i am more than 20 minutes from any of the east bay but i would love to meet up someplace and go for a walk and my son probaby would love it as well









and i am having all sorts of issues with the editor trying to post this. it may end up looking odd. anyhow i have also had a lot of depression. i can't imagine if my son went away from me for several days eek. my son keeps saying he is to old to nurse and nursing less and less and i get very sad about it. i know how that is.

post #15 of 17

Hi Bumbold,


I remember how hard it was to go away from my daughter when she was a bit younger. I've still only left for one weekend and she's 4 and 1/2. BUt I will say that the break was amazing for my anxiety, just to have time to rest and go completely on MY schedule without taking care of anyone else. If you can muster the courage, I encourage you to let your son and husband go together, and then you can have special time for yourself. They will be fine, and probably have a really fun, exciting adventure, with lots of stories to tell. Use your time to catch up on whatever you need to do at home and for yourself!


Hope that doesn't sound too pushy...


post #16 of 17

Hi Bumbold, wondering how you're doing.  When is your due date? The last few days I'm feeling better, so I think i'm through the nausea, and hoping you are almost there too!


post #17 of 17
Thread Starter 

Thanks, I did let the boys go to LA and they have been having a great time.  They are acctually coming back today and I am a little nervous because it has felt really good to be alone with no responsibilities.  I haven't been working full time and have called in sick quite a lot, so I went and bought plants for the front garden with my mom.  My parents insist on having a gardener so I don't even have to stress about putting them in, we bought a ton.  All I have to do is arrange all the plants wher I want them to be and they will get planted.  Just hope the dear don't eat them all.  They have done a number on the ones we have already bought but I picked a bit more carefully this time.  I saw both midwives, and the cnm gave me a perscription for antianxiety meds.  I have yet to pick them up from the store because I am having a really hard time deciding weather I should take them or not.


I really don't want my baby to get those drugs but I also don't want my 3 year old to feel so neglected by me and I don't want my husband to feel so pushed to the limits by the pregnancy.  Though I feel pushed to my limits.  They set me up with a councelor who I will go see today. 


I went to yoga, to a better class which made me feel great. 


But then again today I am not feeling so good.  I managed not to throw up yet but have been feeling pretty rotten.  I had some trouble eating yesterday but none the day before that.  It kind of seems like every 3 day or so I have a hormone spike and feel crapy for that day and maybe the next and then I feel better for a while and then it happens again.  I keep thinking I am done with the morning sickness thing but then I am not.  I still don't know what I am going to do when DH goes back to school on tuesday.  I just kept hoping that I would feel totally better.


My mom has really been babying me which has been pretty weird.  I have liked the part of hanging out with her but when she made my snack in my son't lunch back and brought me some "wa wa" to go with it I wanted to get away which has not been possible.  When ever I say that I miss my son or its weird being away from him she tells me how its weird for her to be away from me.  They live half the time in Europe and I have to say they don't call much when they are away, so I am not so sure about that. 


I am due august 12th.  I thought I was due earlier and so joined this group when I couldn't find the august group but have since had an ultrasound that said the 12th.  So I am 10 weeks yesterday.  I keep thinking 2 more weeks and maybe it will get better.  Is it worth taking the drugs?  but what if it doesn't get better?


I am really glad you are feeling better and it gives me hope that its not far off for me too.

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