Infant grandchild in Foster Care Hawaii - Help get her out!

[1stGranny]

Just found out that my son and his wife are divorcing. Because of acussations made by both against the other - I'm not there but he filed drug charges against her and then she filed abuse charges against him - my granddaugther was put in foster care. Can she stay with me if I go there - I hate the thought of her with strangers!

She is less than 1 month old, I can stay in their apartment because they are both staying elsewhere. For the sack of my job I would love to bring her back to my home (East Coast) but I am not sure that would happen. If I can't get temporary custody of her can I at least be incontact with the Foster Family!??

HELP Granny!

[prescottmom]

Foster care varies from state to state, but I know in Massachusetts, where I was a foster parent, the first choice was always to place with family. You have to be absolutely criminal record free...any DUI, drug issue or domestic violence will eliminate you as a placement posibility, as will a felony conviction. I don't know if they would allow the baby out of state...they may plan to quickly investigate and place the baby back with a parent, but sometimes things can get really bogged down in the system. Call them immediately, let them know your intentions and than try to call a lawyer. Than get on a plane and get there. Keep going up the chain of command (supervisors etc.) and make a nice but insistant pest of yourself. Good luck!

[Polliwog]

I think you could get her placed with you if you were to go out there and plan to stay there (and can pass the background check.)  They're not going to place the child out of state unless there are serious charges against both parents and visitation is not allowed.  If you aren't going to be able to stay out there long term, do they have close friends or family out there could could take the baby?  And if she does stay in non-kinship foster care, please know that most babies are quite loved by their foster families.  I've been fostering for years and know many foster families.  We love the little ones.

[1stGranny]

I have no criminal background issues of any kind. My stepfather was a State Police officer and I am a Three Star Mom (I have three children active in the Military.) Locally I have assisted friends with babysitting when they have had family issues. One child even calls me Granny.

Thanks for the info!!! I know if my child gets custody - other parent has had drug arrests in the past we just became aware of - deployment custody will become an issue.

I think I am going to begin a phone call campaign today and see if nothing else if I can speak to the current foster parents.

Bless all of you for your responses!

[nextcommercial]

Wow.. I have no idea, but I hope this works out for you.

I know many foster parents, and they are wonderful.  Your grandbaby is in good hands until you get there.

[Smithie]

Please let us know what happens with this! Your son should know the name of the caseworker. It would be very good to speak with her, she will probably be relieved to know that your respectable drug-free self exists and is ready to step up. 

If I were you, I would do my utmost to get out to Hawaii and meet all the people involved in person and make the next court date. You can see for yourself that your granddaughter is OK, and make it clear to all involved that your granddaughter is not unwanted by her family and will not be available for adoption, no matter what. I agree with PPs that the child welfare folks are unlikely to place her out of state for fostering - but OTOH, she may returned to one or both parents very quickly, depending on what a judge thinks of their various accusations. 

The best thing you can do right now is to make sure that your son has a good lawyer. If he winds up with sole custody, then he can grant you deployment custody. Of course, it may turn out that the abuse charges are true. All the more reason to go out there and see what's up!!!

[Maluhia]

There are many great foster care situations in Hawaii, especially in the military community, so let that help your mind a bit. Absolutely call and offer to come and care for the child but know that you will not be able to take the child out of state for a long time if you go, so if the child is in good care with a foster family for a longer period you may want to request Skype/Email contact?  I know of one case where a less than six month old child was given to a grandparent as "next of kin" in Hawaii foster care, he fled with the child out of state and so the workers may not be keen on doing that again.  

[Maluhia]

Also, if your daughter becomes a single mother on active duty the military will work with her on a "family care plan" where she designates who will care for the chidl if she is deployed.  So even if she gets sole physical/legal custody you may be able to back her up to be able to stay in if she so wishes, they also can have her resign her commission/enlistment early due to family circumstances like this if she does not want to have to deploy as a single mother. A good point of contact would be her command ombudsman, but she would need to authorize the ombudsman to speak to you. 

[1stGranny]

Update: I spoke with the Case Worker yesterday who was just great! She answered questions and told how great my granddaughter is! She was also going to ask the foster family to e-mail pictures of the baby. She told me about her interviews so far and asked to speak with my two other children, who called her later and both felt good about their conversations with her.

The case worker told me to wait before coming there - hearing is on the 10th and she will put in her report that I am willing to come there for short term assistance and she was pleased that if a long term solution is needed we are willing to have the baby with us in our home. I truly hope it does not come to that but If long term care is needed for her I want her with family. I do not mean that negatively against any of the great foster families that are out there. People just hear more about the not so great foster families and that is what scares me.

I have not had contact with any of my child's military commanders. I am told they are being very helpful in making the time available to settle of this.

Thank you all for your insight and guidance.

[1stGranny]

Update 2:

I found out last night that the baby's mom was breastfeeding, the milk tested positive for drugs. I hope this helps my son get at least temporary sole custody. I am planning my trip for next week to help care for her until she can utilize base day care. I would love to hear from the Case Worker to discuss how this will effect the hearing on Monday. Flights are almost half price if I can give more than a days or two notice to purchase! There is still the chance I will get there and the courts will leave her in foster care.

[Maluhia]

Once you are there your son can go to base legal with you and give you power of attorney for care of his child so that IF you become the short-term care provder (while they finish his checks and so forth) you will be able to take her to the base medical clinic, etc.  It is a free service and if you go in explaining what you plan to have happen (ie. make the documents expecting to have temporary custody) then when you are at the court hearing you can show that you are perfectly able to take baby to regular doctors care, etc.  He can also get you a dependent ID Card that will allow you to drive on/off base with a letter from his command, this may be useful if you want to stay with the baby in the military housing that ex-wife vacated (and he I assume is in the barracks during investigation as is normal?).  Use those services he rates - free legal at Navy Legal so that from the moment Foster Care gives you the baby you can do everything with the benefits.  Also, be prepared to be the person to drive the baby to supervised visitation at the place on Nimitz as with a restraining order he will not be able to, or if he does the baby would have to be there for 30 minutes betwen his drop off and her supervised visit.  Better you as you can wait on your designated side of the building and baby does not need to be with the social workers without her grandma for too long. 

[1stGranny]

Thank you so much for the details and guidance! I'm excited, nervous, anxious, etc. about this whole trip! I can't wait to see  my son and granddaughter but wish they didn't have to go through all of this. I don't want to get dragged into the legal issues of the parents fighter over who is a better parent and all of that. I just want to be the safe caregiver for my granddaughter. Sorry, little rant there - I truly appreciate all of your help. I will keep you posted to the events once I arrive there this weekend.

[LROM]

I totally understand you not wanting to get dragged into the legal details of the situation, but I second the PP who recommended you at least talk to a lawyer in Hawaii who specializes in these kinds of cases, just to know your rights and what your son needs to think about doing.  I'm sure the Power of Attorney thing sounds like a hassle, but if his ex is determined to make it difficult for him to have the baby too, it's best that there be a legal paper trail to you so child welfare in Hawaii can have an easier time placing the infant with you if it comes to that.

In other words, it's a good idea to try to talkt o someone who can tell you all of the likely scenarios that could happen and how you should best position yourself to deal with them (hopefully it's looking good for your son to just have custody, although was his wife a stay at home mom and who would keep the baby then?)  Even if mom is found to have used drugs while parenting (sounds like that's already been established through the breastmilk finding), she still has rights to visitation (unless the courts decide otherwise) which would mean even if your son wants the child placed with you out of state, the mother has a right (and a very strong right) to object to that and insist that the baby stay in Hawaii.

I hope in the end it turns out you don't have to think about all this and yoru granddaughter is safely and stably placed somewhere great (with you or otherwise) and things go more smoothly than expected.  But for me, I always like to have the best idea I can of just how badly things can go as well and at least start some preliminary thinking about what my options might be and what I need to be ready for.

Good luck, let us know what happens!

[1stGranny]

I think if we follow the old saying

Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst - We will be better off!

Being prepared legally is the best plan for whatever the outcome. The soon to be ex does not have family in Hawaii either - maybe a trip home for some support would be good for her too! Just a thought! I would never want to keep a child, any age, from a parent but that parent HAS to behave in a manner that is best for the child. No drugs is a pretty basic rule. When the safety and well-being of a child is involved there is no three-strike plan. The child's rights take over. My granddaughter deserves better and will get better treatment.

[prescottmom]

You are absolutely right! Unfortunently, even tho the child welfare department states that they agree, sometimes their actions make me question that. There is a chance that they will insist on keeping the baby in Hawaii just so that the parents rights of visitation are protected, even if it means that the child resides in foster care instead of with family. Unlike TV, the wheels of the law turns very slowly, and court cases are bumped, rescheduled, and postphoned for a variety of reasons all the time. Contact the Dept of Social services (or whatever they are called) in your state and see about the possibility of an inter-state compact, where Hawaii would agree to allow your states agency to oversee the placement on their behalf. This always takes a long time to set up, unfortunently. Another thing is if the parents realize how long the process is going to take (since the mom was tested + for drugs, she's in the system for sure) and that the baby may be in care for 1-2 years, they may agree to place the baby in your care, which will hasten the process. Talk to your daughter-in-law, if you're friendly, or try to establish a good relationship with her to expedite this. I'm not trying to sound negative, but 15 years of working as a fosterparent showed me all the pitfalls of the system, I once had a foster child whose aunt and uncle stepped forward for her, they  were capeable and respectable and yet it took 7 months for them to get her, even tho they lived in the same state!   Stay positive and friendly with the social worker, but if she says you don't need a lawyer, don't believe it, you do!  Best of luck

[1stGranny]

Went to Hawaii, Social worker stated she would tell the courts that I was willing and able, and in Hawaii, to care for the child - got there and she told me she would include that in her next report. Drugs were found in the home, I reported to the police, Social worker was notified - she questioned my daughter-in-law who admitted the illegal drugs were hers. Social worker refused to report to the police. I thought that was part of her job.

Positive: Foster parents are a military family and we really liked them and feel comfortable with them caring for baby for the time being. EPIC representive meet with us and explained that the Foster care was for no more than 60 days! Something no one else told us. Baby is beautiful and is really a good baby. I was allowed three visits with her while I was there.

I hope to make another trip back to Hawaii and resolve some of these outstanding issues.

Thank you to everyone for their assistance & guidance!!

[Smithie]

Thanks for the update!

60 days until what? What happens at the end of the 60 days? 

[1stGranny]

From what the EPIC rep told me, she has to be returned to the parents or placed with family on or before 60 days in foster care. Obviously I am hoping the Mom has to complete a drug program before she has any type of custody or unsupervised visitation.

[Polliwog]

What is EPIC? 

[1stGranny]

EPIC is a non-profit group that facilitates family conferences to include all the support systems the familes have in place.