6 yr says he is bored, maybe wants to go back to school

[Lisa1970]

Oh my 6 yr old!

I love him dearly. To picture him, he has blond hair, blue eyes, and those mischieveous freckles, and a sparkle in his eye, I swear, there is an actual sparkle.

His old teacher last year said he was one of the best behaved children there. There were a lot of behavior problems at our local public schools, so much that they had to bring in a behavioral intervention specialist. Lots of parents still call and invite him over to play with their children and they always tell me that my 6 yr old is so sweet, polite, etc.

Then at home, he won't do anything I ask! He will throw screaming tantrums. A lot of things have gone by the wayside that I had planned. Now, we just sort of unschool with me trying to come up with an occassional thing he won't have a screaming tantrum about. I bought a couple of reading computer games from the Mac store the other day. But everything else has largely gone by the wayside. This includes history and science. They were going out for things like art at the Art House. But I ended that because he would complain and say how awful it was. Of course, by the time it was time to come home, he was trying imitate what he learned there. But he was counting the days to the end (at least he was counting, huh?) 

I just figure at 6, to be unschooled for a while certainly won't hurt.

So last night, I reminded him that today would be a school day. By school day, I mean, he won't be allowed to play Wii until after 6pm and other such rules that I require even when unschooling. His response...was to tell me he wants to go back to public school. Why? Well, apparently, he says, he is bored at home. He says we never do anything. I reminded him that I am always trying to get him to do something. He just says that that is not what he wants to do, at the public school, he got to have ice cream sundaes and popsicles. (because there were so many behavioral problems at the school, the behavioral specialist implemented a bunch of rewards to those who did not misbehave and my 6 yr old earned them all).

I feel a bit frustrated that DS will not do any school work I ask of him. Then now, he suggests I send him back to public school for popsicles and ice cream????? I understand that the school had to do what they had to do to get through the year and contain the kids during the 7 hrs a day they had them, I understand that completely. But I am frustrated that first, my son fights me every step of the way on doing anything academic and he never did anything at school, but now, he talks about going back for popsicles and ice cream. He claims to be bored, but it unwilling to consider doing anything I have for him here. And I do not have just boring stuff. I have things like hands on science and hands on history projects and such. But my son fights me so much and throws huge screaming tantrums. On handwriting, I only ask that he does 2 lines out of the handwriting book, at most, on any given day. Regardless, out of the entire fall, he completed maybe 4 or 5 pages. But then he tells me he is bored?

Going back to school is not really an option. I feel like part of our problem is that he was in school. To top it off, this year, the district pulled some of the teachers from the school and now the classes are over the legal limit. (apparently, enrollment was down at the beginning of the year, but a bunch of people enrolled later on and the district would not add teachers).

So, I guess what I just need to do is keep plugging away. I am wondering though, if I should stop with the unschooling (I gave up and had basically been unschooling due to how difficult he has been) and start just assigning work each day and enforcing it with time outs and other punishments. It just felt like he was so young that I should let it go and try when he is older. But he does not even do the fun hands on projects I have. 

I want to make sure I am clear that I have not allowed noneducational TV or computer games or game systems during the day. He still has to wait until after 6pm even if he is not doing school work. I am just thinking maybe, I need to come down harder on him and force him to just do school work and such.

[lynsage]

It sounds to me like he responded well to the structure at public school and he might do well to have some of that at home. IDK if I'd go nuts with the candy and ice cream rewards, but it probably wouldn't hurt to set up some kind of system where he gets rewarded for achieving goals, because it seems like he's really into that.

I know my DD, who is now in a public kindergarten, seems to do MUCH better in that environment and I was actually quite surprised by the conversation I had with her teacher this semester because she seems to really shine at school and have few behavioral issues, where when we were HSing it was pretty much a battle to get her to do much of anything. I let her get away with a lot of blowing off projects, etc because I wanted to follow more of an unschooling model, and it just didn't work for us.  If we pull her out and HS her again we will definitely be going a more structured route and present a much stronger front when it comes to requiring her to complete certain assignments on a time frame, because it appears to really motivate DD.

[rush2ady]

It sounds like at school he is getting a lot of praise and attention for not doing much other than not misbehaving!  To a 6 yr old, the praise and popsicle rewards could really make him feel valuable and important.  It could be that he doesn't feel as validated at home (your his mom, your SUPPOSED to love him.  It's not the same thing as when another adult acknowledges him!).  So his work at home doesn't have the same value to him.  If that makes sense.  Being his mom, might not mean as much as another adult saying "good job".  You coming down harder on him might be counterproductive!  It might make home-schooling even more of a chore, and less fun and appealing to him. 

It sounds like in some ways schooling him has become a chore for you (not seeing the situation, I am only guessing!  If I'm wrong, plz don't be upset!)...children pick up on that quickly.  Have you been enthusiastic and exited over his schoolwork the way the teachers seems to be all ga-ga when he does well?

If that's not an issue, it could be the lack of energy and commotion that being around other kids has.  He might really enjoy the social aspect of school and be missing that element.  Perhaps finding other home-schoolers in the area and getting together for group activities could help.

Sorry, no real answers from me, but thought I'd throw my 2 cents!

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

I just figure at 6, to be unschooled for a while certainly won't hurt.

So last night, I reminded him that today would be a school day. By school day, I mean, he won't be allowed to play Wii until after 6pm and other such rules that I require even when unschooling. His response...was to tell me he wants to go back to public school. Why? Well, apparently, he says, he is bored at home. He says we never do anything. I reminded him that I am always trying to get him to do something. He just says that that is not what he wants to do, at the public school, he got to have ice cream sundaes and popsicles. (because there were so many behavioral problems at the school, the behavioral specialist implemented a bunch of rewards to those who did not misbehave and my 6 yr old earned them all).

I feel a bit frustrated that DS will not do any school work I ask of him. Then now, he suggests I send him back to public school for popsicles and ice cream????? I understand that the school had to do what they had to do to get through the year and contain the kids during the 7 hrs a day they had them, I understand that completely. But I am frustrated that first, my son fights me every step of the way on doing anything academic and he never did anything at school, but now, he talks about going back for popsicles and ice cream. He claims to be bored, but it unwilling to consider doing anything I have for him here. And I do not have just boring stuff. I have things like hands on science and hands on history projects and such. But my son fights me so much and throws huge screaming tantrums. On handwriting, I only ask that he does 2 lines out of the handwriting book, at most, on any given day. Regardless, out of the entire fall, he completed maybe 4 or 5 pages. But then he tells me he is bored?

Going back to school is not really an option. I feel like part of our problem is that he was in school. To top it off, this year, the district pulled some of the teachers from the school and now the classes are over the legal limit. (apparently, enrollment was down at the beginning of the year, but a bunch of people enrolled later on and the district would not add teachers).

So, I guess what I just need to do is keep plugging away. I am wondering though, if I should stop with the unschooling (I gave up and had basically been unschooling due to how difficult he has been) and start just assigning work each day and enforcing it with time outs and other punishments. It just felt like he was so young that I should let it go and try when he is older. But he does not even do the fun hands on projects I have. 

I want to make sure I am clear that I have not allowed noneducational TV or computer games or game systems during the day. He still has to wait until after 6pm even if he is not doing school work. I am just thinking maybe, I need to come down harder on him and force him to just do school work and such.

I would not US him.  I don't think (from the above post) that that is where your heart and convictions lay.  Rather, I would gently (and in a relaxed manner ) HS him - and I would be reasonable but firm about it.

I would not use punishments, but I might use rewards (bag over head  alert!  Someone is going to flame me, lol)  Set out a reasonable amount of work. Let him know that after it is done, he may play on the computer or TV for one hour, if you have no other plans.  Start small (say 15 minutes) and gradually increase the amount of work until he is up to about an hour or so.  He can spread it out if he wants, but no computer/Tv till it is done - and no micromanaging.  If he runs off from the table so be it - no drama from you, but no TV or computer until he has done what you set out for him. 

As per him being bored...I understand.  I offer DD fun stuff to do, she declines, and then later complain she din't get to do it.  She does not complain of boredom, but still.  I am thinking of insisting, or simply stating "we are going to the museum today".  Another option is to start the cool thing yourself - they will often join in.  I was hammering something today, and sure  enough my 8 yr old joined me, lol.

I would not enrol your DS in school - I know your older kids are in school, and that you have long standing (and quite grounded) issues with schools in your area.  It might be a recipe for disaster.  I would try and give him, to a reasonable degree, what he is missing.  If he really misses the popsicles, a biweekly trip to an ice cream parlour might be in order.  If it is learning in a group, or groups of kids, a co-op might work.

Good luck,

Kathy

[kittie313]

Wait, your local ps would give the kids popsicles and ice cream if they behaved?  Oh lordy no wonder he wants to go back....... If my local ps implemented something like that my oldest dd would BEG me to let her go back (and she's the one kid who insists that she is NEVER going back to ps ever and that if we try to make her she'll run away from home, she had that bad a time there).

Now, I also agree with pp's who suggested having a predictable daily flow of structured activities to your school days.  I'm really relaxed, but you can see a general feel of a flow to our days here at home.  I have a time period that is ALWAYS when we do lessons, but we follow their lead on how much to do each day during that time.  I have one who doesn't do well with structured formal seatwork (she's more unschooled than her sisters are, which is why I say we are really relaxed) and one who thrives on formal lessons and seatwork and structure with a third just getting her feet wet in lessons (so far leaning toward the structure and seatwork like her one sister instead of more toward unschooling like my oldest) and a 3yo tornado.  Thing is with it, if I take an extended break like we have so far with me being sick for 6 weeks (had mono) and then the holidays right after that, then my girls start to come unglued because the entire routine is disrupted.  Even my oldest and her more unschooled style will get on edge and cranky when we disrupt things because the consistency of me doing formal work with her 2 middle sisters while she does educational games with her 3yo sister (keeps the little one out of trouble and teaches my oldest a bit about patience and keeping at something when it gets difficult, two areas she needs more work in) really helps her to feel secure in what we're doing here.  If I completely abandon our routine, or I change it without a formal announcement that morning that its changing, then chaos takes over.

Its funny how that works though.  I've actually heard my oldest tell me once during my illness back in Oct. and Nov. that she wanted to go back to PS because we don't do anything anymore here.  I had to get her really sat down with me and talking, digging to find the root of what was up there, and discovered then that she desperately needs a consistent predictable routine in order to function.  We had one last school year and she did amazingly well with it, but this year we just couldn't get into a routine and I know its my fault for not making myself do it.  So maybe try having a bit of structure to your day.  I'm not saying at 10am you do 20 minutes of math drill then have a 10min snack followed by 30min of silent reading, or whatever.  Maybe just a flow routine, like how I putter and distract myself with chores until lunchtime, then we school in the afternoons with a predictable order to every lesson, then after supper dh takes over and gets them settled and into bed while I do my college homework.  Add in a little structured work like maybe have him read to you daily for 5min and you read to him a chapter or two from a book (get a Sonlight catalog and use it as a book list, I bet he'd LOVE the read alouds for core K and core 1 and most are available at any library, just read a chapter a day), then maybe add a little bit of math games or something and some time together looking and researching something he's interested in.  If you do it consistently every day then he'll feel more at ease with schooling at home.  Of course, at first you may have to FORCE him to do some things while you are getting used to the new flow to your day, like telling him 20 million times to make his bed and put toys away when its a chores time or to pay attention while you are reading (oooooo a great book to start with would be Homer Price by Robert McCloskey, oh my GOSH is it funny!  Its a SL core 1 read aloud and the first story we're reading right now, he has a pet skunk that he named Aroma and oh the adventures!  You should try some of the Homer Price stories to get him engaged, they are clean fun and I bet he'd love them).  But it will come in time and I bet he'll quit complaining that he's bored and wants to go back to ps so much if you have that predictable routine to things.

Another thing I do (especially with my 7yo girl) is keep a chart of how they are doing with their attitudes and everyday stuff.  Each girl has one, and she gets a chance to earn stickers to put on it by doing chores happily, being helpful without our asking, not complaining *too* much about schoolwork (BIG one for 7yo dd when it comes to math and reading), being a good sibling to each other, stuff like that.  After they earn 20 stickers on the chart they can cash in for a $1 sundae with mom or dad at McDonald's, or they can keep saving them for bigger treats (7yo dd is saving her stickers for a Pizza Hut and bowling date, that is 200 stickers for each but we'll let her cash in at 300-350 probably since it is a combined treat that she wants).  Yes it is bribery to a degree, but it also helps us to teach them a bit about saving up for something bigger that they want instead of instant gratification (and oh goodness 3yo dd gets a sundae every week with mommy LOL she just loves going out and doing that and doesn't care bout the bigger things).  Its kind of similar to what your ps is doing there, but not quite as instant.  And when dd1 was in ps for K, I made the deal that if she was on green at least 3 days in the same week we'd go on friday after picking her up to get apple pies from McD's on our way home for all the kids to have. (they all thought that was cool that she could earn them all something sweet like that for being good).  I'm a big fan of using things like that as a motivator to help a child to develop the skills they need to be responsible adults later (and we usually pick small things like the $1 ice creams, or a small toy from the box we keep handy)

[mattemma04]

Maybe he needs more structure like from an online public school? When I hsed I did a mix of computer learning games.workbooks,and hands on activities. I still struggled with my 2 to get them to do their work.Some days were better than others. Perhaps some out of home activities/field trips will help.

[chaoticzenmom]

My 10yo is doing the same.  We're taking a tour in 2 hours.  When I read other people's stories I usually respond "oh, give it a try, it's not permanent and you can always pull him back out."  but I think I'm going to cry and I'm a nervous wreck.  I'm so worried that he'll be bullied or fail or something.  Not sure.  My son also is very easy and I know he'll have an easy time in school.  He's just so nice though.  I worry that he'll lose that.  I know he's bored at home even though we do a lot.  He's extremely social.  We'll see how the tour goes, but I have a feeling we're going to go shopping for school clothes and supplies tonight.

Anyway, I'm there too and it's so hard.

[pigpokey]

My suggestion:

Drop your academic lessons for the year and let him deschool until next fall.  I think he needs some distance from the sugar.

Set up some fun weekly activities that you do together, such as free play at a gymnastics center, going to the pool at the Y, ice skating, bowling, etc.  Do these on a predictable weekly schedule.  If he is interested in another discipline, a sports or art, get him involved in that.

If he doesn't do chores, get him doing some daily chores this year.  Something simple he has to check off, like emptying all the trash cans into the kitchen trash and taking that out.  This will also prepare him for daily academic requirements next year.

Remove all non-beneficial gaming from his environment, leaving him only with games that have direct skill or academic benefit.  E.g., Rock Band, Wii Fit, Tetris Party Deluxe stay.  Lego Star Wars goes.  Since only good games stay, he can play them during the day.  It's better for his body clock to be looking at bright screens during the day anyway; night screen use interferes more with melatonin production.