Just so you know where I'm coming from...I was raised Catholic, then spent a solid amount of time in the Episcopal Church. My DH is Episcopal. I go to a UU church, have earth based leanings and believe in a feminine deity... Mother Earth, sort of, but more than that... so I'm somewhat undefined about what I am, religiously speaking. And while I have been pretty open about things with DH, I haven't so much with extended family... I just don't think I'm ready for those conversations, yet.
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Anyway, I have been in very similar situations. Over at my parent's house for a meal, and the meal time prayer comes along. Now a blessing isn't a big deal, because we are in the habit of saying a blessing before the meal. And I'm not even worried about it being a Christian or non Christian blessing (since DH is Christian). But what has bothered me is that a few times, my dad has encouraged DS to "fold your hands, bow your head and say 'dear Jesus, thank you for our food. amen.'" THAT'S the point at which I become uncomfortable. DS isn't 3, yet. And I just feel like telling a child that young to say that, is teaching empty motions. Plus, it feels like indoctrination to me. So a few weeks later, maybe even a few months later... I mentioned just in casual passing that we don't ask or make DS say mealtime prayers because I felt like it was teaching him empty actions, but that we don't mind modelling and him learning about different forms of prayer by seeing other pray and by being with others when they pray. I was way more casual than that when I said it, to the point that I don't even think they realized that I was saying it because of something they had done. But they haven't ever asked him to pray since then.
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Other thoughts that bother me about prayer hands are that, even among people who pray, praying doesn't require prayer hands... a person can be bowing their head, kneeling, standing, sitting, dancing, heck they could be picking their nose and still be praying. It drives me batty in a group of people when they say, "it's time for a moment of silence, please bow your heads." Or "Let us bow our heads for a moment of prayer." Like, why I can't I look upward to pray? Or straight ahead? Why do I have to fold my hands and look at my toes? Do I really have to close my eyes? Is it any less of a prayer because I happen to be looking at the trees out the window? (oops I got off on a tangent)
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The last thought that I had, is that I think that it's possible for a meal time blessing to work with atheist values. Like if your LO ever asks about meal prayers at grandma's house, you can say something like "grandma believes that there is a god and she likes to thank her god for her meal. We believe there isn't a god. But when grandma stops to pray at her house, we can pause and feel thankful for our food and for the people who helped provide our food."
