For you hospital birthers - marking your child with your preferences

[nerdymom]

I am planning a hospital VBAC, and while I have only had a problem with 1 doctor there (chief of surgery) about my DS's intact penis, you never know what nurses and etc are going to be caring for your  baby.

We are having another little boy, and my plan is to have DH or I with him at all times. Last time I was unable to sleep unless I was drugged, so I kept an eye on the nurses and it wasn't a problem. But that was also at a different hospital. I've been thinking about putting a sign on his bassinet that says "I'm intact, please don't retract and I'm breastfed, please no artificial nipples or breastmilk substitutes." But then I saw this onesie: http://madebymomma.spreadshirt.com/intact-don-t-retract-A6344774/customize/color/20 and it made me think that a custom onesie might be a better choice. Has anyone else had experience with this?

Of course there will be a note on the chart and I will still talk to each nurse at shift change, but this is a military hospital and a teaching hospital, which makes me nervous. And after that story about that one baby being circ'd against his parents wishes...it makes me shudder to think about!

ETA: I suppose, I should clarify my post by asking: "Do you think this is necessary?" and "Do you think this would be effective?"

[texmati]

I had extremely good luck with just not letting my son out of my sight. I had a section with GA, and my husband stayed with him all the time.

That being said... I don't think the onsie would get you very far; except for not circing. Could you have a ped write and sign a note instead?

[nerdymom]

I'm going to speak with my MW and make sure that my chart is marked no vax, no circ, no formula. I guess this is just me being extra paranoid.

[HappyMamaBeth]

I had both of my kids at a military hospital (also a teaching hospital) and they never offered artificial nipples (I actually wanted a Soothie pacifier for my son but they don't even HAVE them there LOL... no NICU at this particular hospital), were very diligent about supporting breastfeeding (IBCLC on staff), and nobody ever said anything critical or questioning about leaving my son intact.  You might be surprised. :)  I would go for the sign on the bassinet AND the onesie perhaps LOL.  That way there's even less of a chance of them missing it.  I mean, we really shouldn't HAVE to do that... but I know the feeling of just wanting to make sure.

[poorlittlefish]

In my hospital, they have a card on the basinette thingy that says on there what your preferences are--breast only, no pacifiers etc.

[Dot-to-Dot]

With my last child, I had all sorts of preferences.  I never once mentioned them out loud because I was too busy laboring, birthing, bonding, sleeping, etc.  It just never ocurred to me to mention any of them.  The nurses all saw my chart with my birth plan and preferneces (which I whittled down to ONE page so it was easy to read quickly and which was attached to my chart as well as taped to the hospital room door by my husband when we arrived).   We didn't have a card on the bassinet.  It was the busiest birthing month according to the hospital (October).  And still, they did everything I asked them to do and not do. 

I can't imagine anyone taking your child out of the hospital room without saying they are doing so...at which point you'd say, "no we don't need you to do that, thank you."  Now I don't know about retracting during a diaper change (I had a girl).  The nurses didn't change our baby's diapers though.  My husband did all of them.  Even I, myself, didn't change a single diaper until we were home.  I didn't ever sleep through anyone coming into the room...it seems like most people I talk to are awakened when people come in the room.  You're just on high alert and sleeping so lightly and very aware of your baby's noises and everything.  I can't imagine someone coming in and changing a diaper without me knowing...again, at which time you'd say, "please don't retract."  Nobody offered me sleeping aids, though!  That might have been nice and I suppose then you WOULD want to make sure there was a card specifying things right on the bassinet. 

I think my experience was pretty run of the mill...I'm sure there are horror stories of hospitals blatantly disregarding your wishes and also hospitals that go above and beyond to make sure you are respected and comfortable.  So, I think the onesie would be cute and a neat thing to have in his baby box or something.  But, info on your chart, a card on his bassinet AND notifying when the nursing staff changes is probably plenty of notice.  Maybe you could bring the onesie with you in case you feel like you aren't being heard or respected.  But chances are, you won't need to use it as a patient advocacy tool.

[tzs]

i don't think i birthed at a particularly progressive hospital but no one would have ever taken the baby from the room without permission (and even in situations where they could have asked...like dd needing bili lights....they offered in-room first) and i changed every diaper....in fact, they'd probably look at me funny if i'd ask them to do it. she didn't leave my sight and that wasn't by my doing at all.

they also had a little card with preferences that they taped to the bassinet and nobody seemed to bat an eye (no paci, no formula, no sugar water, etc....) maybe you could make a very simple one of your own?

i always wonder about these stories about sneaky things being done to babies...it doesn't seem the norm at all...in fact just the opposite. for example, the nurses couldn't have given my babe formula for kosher reasons in addition to the BF'ing and they were very respectful of our different religious practices and requests. and it would seem like you'd have to really hound them even if you wanted your babe to be taken out of your room to the nursery. 

[nerdymom]

Thank you all for your perspectives. Last time I had a HB transfer to a strange hospital, it was a stressful and overwhelming situation. This time I'm planning a hospital birth and since my experience at the hospital last time was far from "normal" I just don't even know what normal looks like!! It is refreshing to hear so many positive things though. It seems like I hear a lot of negatives regarding hospital births.

[Liora]

I plan to have a card for the bassinet.  I birthed my DD in a birth center and had no problem having her with me at all times.  No one ever had to change her diaper other than me and DH.  This time though, I have chosen to birth at a major hospital due to a great NICU (that I pray I won't need!) and between that and TWO babies I am more worried about my wishes being followed.  I'd rather make myself a broken record than have my infants permenantly damaged in any way.  Honestly?  love the onsie and am totally considering it! 

[mclisa]

I have a note hanging in the bassinet that states:

No circ

No pacifier

No formula

No Hep B

[kriket]

I have been thinking about this too. My experience with DS wasn't negative, but it could have quickly gone that way if I wasn't thinking about it. They were good about vaxing (except the final paperwork said he was, but when I asked a nurse, they said he wasn't it was just a form letter for the parents that was pencil whipped, her chart said he wasn't vaxed) anyway, they were pressuring me to FF. There was a new soothie in his bassinet every time he came back from the nurses/pedi, they kept asking me how much he ate, that if he wasn't nursing enough they would have to give him formula. Finally a nurse tried to guilt me saying his sugar had to be a certain number, or they would be forced to give him formula. I said "well, take his blood sugar and if its low I'll do it" of course his sugar was fine....

Anyway, I saw this one and was thinking about it http://www.cutiepoopsandbottoms.com/i_285/Infant-Nursing-Onesie-and-Cap.htm

I kinda think it's a little.... rude? I don't know the feeling, a little "la-de-da look how crunchy I am, I am going to be the perfect mom because I know it all" Know it all is what I was thinking of, it sounds a little arrogant. But at the same time, I wouldn't be thinking about it if I didn't already have a hard go in the very same hospital.

[nerdymom]

Originally Posted by Liora 

I plan to have a card for the bassinet.  I birthed my DD in a birth center and had no problem having her with me at all times.  No one ever had to change her diaper other than me and DH.  This time though, I have chosen to birth at a major hospital due to a great NICU (that I pray I won't need!) and between that and TWO babies I am more worried about my wishes being followed.  I'd rather make myself a broken record than have my infants permenantly damaged in any way.  Honestly?  love the onsie and am totally considering it! 

Originally Posted by kriket 

I have been thinking about this too. My experience with DS wasn't negative, but it could have quickly gone that way if I wasn't thinking about it. They were good about vaxing (except the final paperwork said he was, but when I asked a nurse, they said he wasn't it was just a form letter for the parents that was pencil whipped, her chart said he wasn't vaxed) anyway, they were pressuring me to FF. There was a new soothie in his bassinet every time he came back from the nurses/pedi, they kept asking me how much he ate, that if he wasn't nursing enough they would have to give him formula. Finally a nurse tried to guilt me saying his sugar had to be a certain number, or they would be forced to give him formula. I said "well, take his blood sugar and if its low I'll do it" of course his sugar was fine....

Anyway, I saw this one and was thinking about it http://www.cutiepoopsandbottoms.com/i_285/Infant-Nursing-Onesie-and-Cap.htm

I kinda think it's a little.... rude? I don't know the feeling, a little "la-de-da look how crunchy I am, I am going to be the perfect mom because I know it all" Know it all is what I was thinking of, it sounds a little arrogant. But at the same time, I wouldn't be thinking about it if I didn't already have a hard go in the very same hospital.

Basically, the bits that I bolded from you two are the two parts of me that are both speaking at once. One side says "anything that might help keep him from pain" and the other is "you know you detest know-it-all moms, don't be one please."

[~Amy~]

I honestly haven't felt the need for any signs or anything.  DS never left my room (except for the initial check/weighing while I was in recovery) the entire hospital stay and they certainly never came in and took him while I was sleeping or anything.  He slept on my chest anyway, so I would have noticed if they had tried.  No one except DH ever changed any of his diapers and circs aren't even performed in our city so that wasn't a concern at all.  As far as artificial nipples, formula, etc go, at my hospital, once you tell them you're BFing, that's it.  No mention of anything else, no pacifiers available (I'm taking my own this time!), no bottles offered, etc.  I had to sign a form declining the Hep B vax, but that was simple and I wasn't ever questioned about it again.  

[Marissamom]

With DD she never left my room, and slept in either her dad's arms or mine, so there was no possibility of her getting a paci or bottle (and her crib card did state that she was breastfed). we had no hep b and no vit k on my birthplan and it went in my chart (plus since we were with her it's not like they could have done it without her noticing). there were a couple of diaper changes that were done by the nurse or pedi while they were checking her, but mostly DF and I did them. honestly, the chance of something happening if you are rooming in is almost nothing, but definitely having something for the crib in case he goes to the nursery or NICU is reasonable. 

[lifeguard]

I never felt the need for a sign. Dh & I agreed ahead of time that under no circumstances was ds to be separated from us (dh had strict instructions that no matter what happened to me he was to stay with the baby). Once I was back in my room & settled (dh stayed with ds for the first hour as my 3rd degree tear was stitched) ds never left me - I literally held him the whole time.

And no one but us changed his diaper.

[gummibears]

I just got lucky with DS. He slept in my arms the first night there (he cried when he wasn't in my arms) and he stayed in our room the whole time unless they had to do some testing. He, too was breastfed and not cut and they didn't mess with any of that. Maybe we were just lucky?

[outlier]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

I never felt the need for a sign. Dh & I agreed ahead of time that under no circumstances was ds to be separated from us (dh had strict instructions that no matter what happened to me he was to stay with the baby). Once I was back in my room & settled (dh stayed with ds for the first hour as my 3rd degree tear was stitched) ds never left me - I literally held him the whole time.

And no one but us changed his diaper.

I gave birth in a large teaching hospital, and this was my experience exactly, right down to the degree of tear.  I even made dh take a nap when I was between 6 and 10 cm to make sure he was alert and ready when the time came.  I figured it was much more likely ds would accidentally get a vitamin K shot since that's so routine for all babies (especially boys, since they'll need it for their circs ), but with dh right there all our wishes were respected.  The only part that made me nervous was all the newborn exams.  Most of the time it was done by a medical student who was being supervised, and I made sure I was right there for all of them.  Thankfully they never once tried to touch his penis.

[jeminijad]

Originally Posted by poorlittlefish 

In my hospital, they have a card on the basinette thingy that says on there what your preferences are--breast only, no pacifiers etc.

They had that where I had my DD. It didn't stop an old battleaxe of a nurse in the nursery when they "had" to take DD in the middle of the night for some testing (to do with a wierd antibody I had) from giving her a bottle of formula, less than 24 hours after birth, when she had already passed mec twice and was not dehydrated.

Those cards don't do much if the baby gets out of your sight.

[mossimo12]

Would you only have one onesie made up?  My concern with a onesie would be what if it gets wet or soiled?  What if it is cold and the baby needs a sweater or is wrapped in a blanket and the onesie is not seen?  I think a card on a basinette and/or in your record would be better noticed.

[nerdymom]

Originally Posted by mossimo12 

Would you only have one onesie made up?  My concern with a onesie would be what if it gets wet or soiled?  What if it is cold and the baby needs a sweater or is wrapped in a blanket and the onesie is not seen?  I think a card on a basinette and/or in your record would be better noticed.

good point. the nurses always swaddled DS any time they helped me with him. I was pretty sore, barely able to sit up and unable to stand up for a day so once when DH was out getting a cup of coffee one of the nurses did change his diaper once.