I wasn't sure if I should post this here or in mental health. Dd is ten months old (my first) and it's been so, so hard...this whole time I was just comign around to the idea that I have ppd...which I think I do...the problem has been it's been mostly anxiety, mixed in with some ptsd-type symptoms around our birth experience. I posted a little while ago about feeling fine then not fine...like I get triggered by stressors suoer easily and then I have harming thoughts....but a new piece of the puzzle surfaced recently...I really need feedback.
I've been going to the naturopath and trying 5 htp...as well as support for my thyroid which is low. I wa staking the 5 htp in the morning and one in the evening. It seemed to be helpign a bit with keeping me mopre "up". For those who don't know 5 htp wouldact similarly to an anti depressant, it stimulates you to produce mroe serotonin... anyway, a few big stressors happened over the holidays...namely we all got sick several times and I ended up not sleeping for entire nights even once dd was able to sleep because my body was so "jazzed" the naturopath had me try taking the 5 htp in the evening as it can help with sleep and it seemed to help me sleep more soundly but if I didn't take melatonin, I couldn't get to sleep, my mind would race even more than it has been and I felt as if electricity was flowing through my veins. I realized I was feeling like I couldn't stop...I had a million great ideas (they actually were good ideas, not bizarre or anything, just too many where I was jotting them in a journal and felt overwhelmed by them), couldn't stop chattering even more than usual, felt irritated with dh for trying to hug me sometimes because it made my skin crawl when I ahd so much to DO. I couldnt stop, I was sewing up a storm...this is even before I lost so much sleep, I was "excited" about gettign so much done with dh on vacation. This isn;t the first time i;ve felt this way either and it seems even weirder in contrast to how I felt so low while dh was working so much and I was stuck home alone with baby.
I had been wondering this whole time why the counselor at the health unit insister I wasn't depressed...when clearly I was unstable... I have always worked with my highs and lows or sometimes just felt normal...but since dd's birth they are pretty nuts. I feel I can't control my reactions...stupid things make me snap. And scariest of all, I sound like my mother who was/is super unstable and had ppd after all thre eof her kids. I took an online test and scored high...i'm wondering can ppd trigger biploar (2)? Is that what this could be? or is it anxiety/ocd??? I'm scared ebacuse I know the meds for biploar are maybe not as safe with breastfeeding and I am committed to breastfeeding....also, would 5 htp...a serotonin increaser maybe make me worse? As in...this is the most "manic" I remember being.... help/resources please. would this explain why I am sometimes coping fien and other times swamped with true ppd symtpoms??