preschool adaptation

[phenomom]

I recently enrolled my 3 year old in Kiddie Kollege 2hrs 3/week. She always did well for the play time and then the first few weeks, would cry for me and I would go in and stay for the remainder of the time. On on day , the teacher's assistant is a friend of ours and she comforted her when she was crying so I didn't go in and after about 10 min. my DD was ok. After that day, she didn't cry at all and seemed fine for the 2 hrs.

I then accepted a part time job and switched her to a Montessori preschool, where she has been for about two weeks, every day, for 4 hrs a day. She has had a hard time, my husband drops her off and I pick her up. At first she was crying when being dropped off, after a about a week she was ok being dropped off but the last three times I picked her up she was in the corner (it's like a book niche) crying. The teacher told be she has a hard time transitioning and that she had being crying off and on since an hour after being dropped off. The school was closed for a week over the holidays and we had our first day today. Since she started the new school she hasn't been sleeping as well and frequently talks in her sleep. I told my DD the night before (and throughout the school closing) that today would be the start of school and she was talking in her sleep again, crying saying she didn't want to go. When I got ready this morning she was clinging to me and it was REALLY HARD for me to see her like that, it just breaks my heart. I feel like I'm torturing my child and I'm seriously considering quitting my job because of it.

My husband would really see her in preschool and feels she needs to have some sort of academyc training before entering kindergarten. I don't agree with that and especially don't feel she has to be in preschool for that amount of time, I feel 2hrs/day 3/week is much more appropriate if anything.

I accepted the new job because I need to pay off a debt, although the position I'm holding doesn't really pay much and it will take me about 6 month to pay off the $2000 I owe.

How long do you think does it take a toddler to get used to a new school, routine, life structure? I do believe the school is a good one, I like the teachers they seem caring and I'm getting a "good vibe" from them.

Also my DD is a "spirited child" so I'm wondering if my DH may be right saying that she needs prior experience in a structured environment before entering kindergarden.

Thank you all for your thought and comments.

[phenomom]

Please anybody, how long do you think my DD needs to adapt to the new school or when would you pull her out?

[keeptryst]

Your DD sounds very like my DS - spirited - and a social, curious, happy kid. I put him into a preschool at nearly 3 yrs old and he cried going and coming and absolutely hated it - used to have nightmares about it and finally started stammering. We then took him out of there and shifted him to a Montessori that was much more relaxed. He seemed ok initially, but I could tell he just was not thriving. The sparkle went out of his eyes and he hardly ever laughed. The stammering still continued on and off. I finally listened to my heart, took him out of there, and he's back at home now. I guess I'll just unschool him until he's ready...maybe until he's 5. We'll see.

Anyway, his delicious belly laugh and sparkly eyes are back and he has tripled the amount he used to eat. He's one happy kiddo again and I feel terrible for having put him through the torture...but I didn't know back then what I know now, I did what I thought was best...but hey, we live and learn.

I guess nothing compares to the attention and freedom he gets at home, and from the books I've read, that seems to be the developmental imperative for toddlers that age...at least upto 5 yrs old.

Here's a great column about the relevance of preschool in a child's life that really bolstered me up in my decision:

http://www.naturalchild.org/advice/q12.html

I have friends whose kids love going to preschool, who actually are eager to go every morning and seem to enjoy it all quite well. My belief is that each child is different, in their needs and reactions and development, so let your heart be open to what works for your child, regardless of what everyone else is doing.

[phenomom]

Thank you keeptryst, I'm still "discussing" this with my DH and after finding out we won't get any of the tuition paid back he really wants her to keep trying, the teachers urged me to let her try again, saying that she does very well when she first comes in and that she has made some good friends and that they feel it will turn around soon. So we sent her today but if my feelings don't change about it "soon" then I will pull her out. 

Thank you so much for replying 

[lisavark]

Just wanted to say that I am in the same boat with you. My DD was going to a two day a week Montessori toddler program (which they have since discontinued because it's not really true Montessori to go fewer than 4 days/week) and we all loved it. She cried the first two times I dropped her off...after that she loved it. She adored the teacher and enjoyed the kids. She started when she was only two... 

Now she's in the primary class, and they've been letting her come two days a week just because I felt like neither of us was ready. She'll be three next month, so we are finally trying the five days a week, and it's hard. Today was only the second day so I want to give it a fair shot, but I already called my second-choice school to ask about their two day program. I LOVE Montessori but, well, even if DD seems "ok" with it--no crying, no protests--I am really not willing to send her to school so much at this age unless she LOVES it. If at the end of a month she's jumping out of bed every morning begging to go to school--including on weekends!--then I will keep it up. Otherwise I will pull her out and put her in a different program. She doesn't nap ever so I need a little time away from her for my sanity, but there are plenty of ways I can get that without sending her to school every day, you know? 

It's partly because I think she's really young for this but it's also because *I* miss her! Never thought I'd say that, since she is SO attached to me that generally I feel like I get way more than enough DD time! But four hours a day, five days a week...that's a lot of time. 

Is there any way you could work from home or something to pay off the debt that wouldn't require paying for school also? (Or, I don't know, maybe your Montessori school is free? Ours is crazy expensive, which is another factor in my thinking about pulling her out!) 

[LifewithSage]

I just wanted to say that my DS1 (will be 4 in May) was the same way when we attempted preschool 6 months ago.  The teachers all kept telling me to give it a few weeks, but I just felt as though if he were truly ready for preschool that the transition would be an easy one.  We took him out and decided to give it some time.  Well, about a month ago DS1 started asking if he could go to school to make friends.  So, I re-enrolled him in the same preschool.  Tuesday was his first day and there wasn't a tear shed (on his part, I cried like a little baby because he's my oldest LOL).  Then that night when I was putting him to bed he asked if he could go back.  It was such a relief!  He only goes on Tuesday and Wednesday and he was SUPER disappointed this morning when he was told he wasn't going. 

I guess the moral of my story is, if your DD is having trouble with it right now it doesn't mean that she won't be ready for it soon.  I think it really is best to follow our children's cues on these things and not push them into a situation they are otherwise not ready for.

[phenomom]

So after they told us we wouldn't get our tuition back and that they felt she was just getting comfortable there and my hubby pressuring me bit, we brought her back. That is I dropped her off. The staff told me that they where going to change some things around they felt would make it a bit easier on her. So when I dropped her off she was crying a bit but I felt I need to leave her there to "give it a fair try" before taking her out. When I picked her up I was surprised to see her not crying. In fact she seemed content. She also didn't cry AFTER seeing me. She was VERY happy to see me, but continued eating her lunch. She didn't sleep great at night, but it could have been stuffy nose. Anyway, this morning, when I told her we where getting ready for school she was surprisingly up for it and went to get ready. When I dropped her off and kissed her goodbye her face changed and I thought she might be changing her mind about it/cry but right then the teacher came and greeted her and she seemed fine. And when I picked her up, again she was fine. So I think maybe having them change some things around and having me drop her off instead of my DH helped a lot. Since she had a hard time transitioning, they started telling each child personally that it was "clean up time" instead of making a big announcement and that seemed to have helped her. So they just changed a few of those things around. So as of right now she is still in there and I'm just going to keep an eye on her and if she goes back in showing stress again in any way, I will just take her out. We did go through with the cancellation just in case, if things stay well, I can re-enter her for the next month. 

Thank you all for your replies. Oh and Keeptryst I showed my DH the article and after reading it he agreed with me that if she goes back to showing distress, we will just take her out and try again in 6 months or so. Thank you all again. 

[lisavark]

Good luck to you and your DD! My daughter told me this morning that she loves preschool and wants to go every day!--she's said that before in the afternoon when I pick her up, but she's never said that before in the morning when we were on the way there (she's REALLY not a morning person, lol). So I'm feeling a lot better about it too! Still pretty weird to have all this "free" time to do my own stuff, though...haha. 

[Courtney-Ostaff]

My 3-yr-old daughter is a pre-school drop-out. We waited 16 months for a slot at the local university daycare.

The first day, she was psyched to go, and then really happy to see me. The second day, she refused to go in unless I went with her, so I did. While waiting for breakfast clean-up,  I was appalled at the fact that the 5 of the 7 boys in her class were beating the crap out of each other.  When I mentioned it to the assistant teacher, she just looked at me. Later in the day, before lunch, the boys were beating the crap out of each other again -- head butts, kicks, etc. -- and she just told them to be quiet!!  I was exceedingly uncomfortable, but my daughter didn't seem to notice.  Then, the third day, my daughter wanted me to go, but I said I would just stay a little while. We saw a new girl, so third day it was too -- and she had to be peeled off her parents.  The staff were all lovey-dovey with her while the parents were there, and then as soon as they left, they just sat her on the floor to cry.  The teacher told me that I just had to leave, "rip it off, like a band-aid" and my daughter would be OK.  I waited to see what they did with the little girl. After 45 minutes of still crying, she asked me for a hug, and I was giving her one, when the teacher told me to "set her down" that she'd "just have to learn how to deal with it."  

I turned in our cancellation that day.  Those 3 days cost us $240 because you pay by the month, but I haven't regretted it.