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Getting DD To Sleep....*sigh*

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

Our daughter is almost 15 months old. From the time she was born, I have been the one to put her down for naps and to sleep at night, because I've had to nurse her until she fell asleep. Now, she isn't nursing so often, and after a little experimentation, we've found that other people (like my MIL) can put her to sleep! I am incredibly grateful for this, as sometimes I get really tired and I just want to let someone else do it while I take some (much needed) time to myself. Here's the problem: When DH puts her to sleep, he lays beside her and pretends he's sleeping. He doesn't say a word. She holds his finger or hand for comfort, but she SCREAMS. She screams and cries and occasionaly lets out one of those mournful "Ma-Ma!!" calls that make me almost want to just give in and go in there and put her to sleep myself. His method DOES work, and she's usually asleep within ten minutes (versus the 20 - 40 minutes it usually takes ME) I just hate how she has to cry and get upset before she falls asleep. I don't consider this to be a "cry-it-out" instance, because DH is right there next to her. And he doesn't let her get so upset that it gets out of hand. She hasn't been taking good naps lately (teething) and even though I know she's tired, if I try to put her down for a nap, she won't always sleep. She'll nurse and then keep sitting up and playing with her toys or pointing to body parts and naming them, etc. Sometimes I take it personally that DH seems to be able to get her to do things much more easily than I can. Can anyone relate? Is there something I can do to make things a bit easier?

post #2 of 9

Go for a walk while he puts her to bed. Honestly, it would be SO wonderful to have ds go to sleep so quickly for dh. We just went through 2 hours of "bedtime" & he is still awake. 10 minutes of crying with papa is ok.

post #3 of 9

I don't have an answer, just comiserating.  I posted about how to get your todder to stay in bed.  DD2 won't stay in bed if I or DH lay her down, but there is never a problem staying in bed when there is a babysitter or, just recently, big brother who was home for Christmas.  I feel like WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!!!!  Sometimes I think she's etabished this pattern with me and not with others...I don't know.

post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 

Yes, I feel the same way: why does she only act this way with me and not anyone else? My husband was actually just commenting last night on how she always squirms and writhes and acts out when I try to get her to sleep, but with him she just screams and cries. He will lay next to her and she'll just lay there - no thrashing around and repeated attempts to sit up and/or get out of bed. I was getting really upset because my MIL and my mom (and my dad - and my DH's grandma) have all told me that I need to put her in her own bed because she "needs her own space, and if she had it she wouldn't wake up so much." Maybe I take it too personally, but I always feel like I'm being judged because of how I choose to parent my daughter. I know it doesn't matter because I'll do things the way I feel I should, but it still makes me feel like my choices are being looked down upon. I'm not ready to give up co-sleeping. I love waking up beside my daughter, it's just SO FRUSTRATING right now because of how poorly her sleep habits (and, therefore, mine) are. I guess I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this - even though I'm so NOT happy that you guys are going through the same frustrations!

post #5 of 9

I co-sleep with our 19 mo old DS (No room for DH in our bed). I just started the weaning process at the end of Nov, and would also nurse our DS to sleep for naps and bedtime.

 

The last two nursings to go were naptime and bedtime. For nap times, because DH works, I have had no choice but to get our DS to sleep. I can't leave the bed until he is asleep, and sometimes that takes an hour since I no longer nurse him to sleep. He plays in bed, bites me, hits me, etc and is just rough and tumble until he finally peeters out.  At night, when DH is home, he will put his hand over our DS and just rub his chest until he falls asleep. He cries for just a couple of minutes or less (I think he's just mad because he has to go to bed), but he falls asleep within 10-15 min. I call DH the Baby Whisperer. If I try to do that, DS swats my hand away and stands up in bed and plays. I don't know why he won't try to play while DH is there in bed with him.

 

Because I'm a SAHM, I think he is just more used to me and is more comfortable with pushing the limits with me as opposed to DH. I can't explain it any other way. Any one else know why?

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your experience.

post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkmiscnet View Post

I co-sleep with our 19 mo old DS (No room for DH in our bed). I just started the weaning process at the end of Nov, and would also nurse our DS to sleep for naps and bedtime.

 

The last two nursings to go were naptime and bedtime. For nap times, because DH works, I have had no choice but to get our DS to sleep. I can't leave the bed until he is asleep, and sometimes that takes an hour since I no longer nurse him to sleep. He plays in bed, bites me, hits me, etc and is just rough and tumble until he finally peeters out.  At night, when DH is home, he will put his hand over our DS and just rub his chest until he falls asleep. He cries for just a couple of minutes or less (I think he's just mad because he has to go to bed), but he falls asleep within 10-15 min. I call DH the Baby Whisperer. If I try to do that, DS swats my hand away and stands up in bed and plays. I don't know why he won't try to play while DH is there in bed with him.

 

Because I'm a SAHM, I think he is just more used to me and is more comfortable with pushing the limits with me as opposed to DH. I can't explain it any other way. Any one else know why?

 

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your experience.


This is so funny, because it sounds so similar. The only difference is that DH and I both stay at home. So she's around both of us all the time. I do take on more of the responsibility when it comes to caring for her, but he helps out a lot as well. I guess it's just a totally different dynamic between mamas and daddys. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's just a phase, and it's temporary!!
 

post #7 of 9

We haven't had exactly the same problem, but I definitely feel you - DH and I call it the "Daddy's Girl Syndrome". For example, when I change DD's diaper, she is wiggling, screeching, trying to escape, kicking me, etc. As soon as DH comes into the room and takes over she lays there contentedly and lets him change her. WTF?!

 

I have no answers for you, because we're still trying to figure it out ourselves. Just commiserating :) I agree with a PP, try to go for a walk or put headphones on or something when your DH puts your little one to bed. If she falls asleep and stays asleep, and DH is with her the whole time, I don't see any harm in it, as awful as the screaming must sound. Our DD sometimes "whines" herself to sleep, which I can't stand to hear either, but as long as she goes to sleep I just let it go.

post #8 of 9

I would love it if my DH would even try to get dd to sleep. The only way he's ever done that is by taking her for a drive in the car, which he doesn't do very often (there are times when it's the only thing that works other than taking her for a walk, which isn't practical at night around here because of the cold, rain, and cars.

post #9 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by NevadaMama View Post

We haven't had exactly the same problem, but I definitely feel you - DH and I call it the "Daddy's Girl Syndrome". For example, when I change DD's diaper, she is wiggling, screeching, trying to escape, kicking me, etc. As soon as DH comes into the room and takes over she lays there contentedly and lets him change her. WTF?!



SRSLY. I know what you mean. I hate that! headscratch.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MayasMama88 View Post
She screams and cries and occasionaly lets out one of those mournful "Ma-Ma!!" calls that make me almost want to just give in and go in there and put her to sleep myself. His method DOES work, and she's usually asleep within ten minutes (versus the 20 - 40 minutes it usually takes ME) I just hate how she has to cry and get upset before she falls asleep. I don't consider this to be a "cry-it-out" instance, because DH is right there next to her. And he doesn't let her get so upset that it gets out of hand. 


My son seems to be one of those babies that gets super fussy and cry-y before finally settling down to sleep. Maybe yours is one, to. We do not do the whole CIO thing either- we always comfort and never leave a crying baby alone. That still does not stop him from still doing it, even though we are right there, next to him, trying to soothe him to sleep.

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