5 year old taking things that don't belong to him - at home and at school

[busymama77]

Last week, DS came home with various things that he had taken from school.  One being an old cell phone and another a set of keys.  These were both taken from the housekeeping and pretend play areas in his classroom at pre-school.  When DH confronted him about this and asked if his teacher said that it was okay to bring it home, DS said 'yes' and seemed like he really meant it.  The next day, we returned the phone and checked with the teacher on the story that DS told us.  Come to find out, he was lying and therefore, was in trouble that night when he came home.  Dinner, bath and straight to bed. 

Two days later, he did the same thing, this time, it was a set of keys.  We returned them again, that day, I saw a different teacher, told her what happened and told her that we've handled and discussed this very thoroughly at home but to please reiterate it in the classroom.  She agreed. She also told DS while I was standing there that we do not take things that don't belong to us and to please return them where he had found them.  Also that the fact that he took them couldn't allow his friends to play with them and play pretend.

Is how we handled it the right thing to do?  Why is this happening all of the sudden?  A phase - he'll be 5 in a few weeks.  He's also done this at home - with my new cell phone.  He did it a few months back with DH's keys and tossed them out his bedroom window!  Is it just another thing to add to the list of him 'being a boy?'

[averlee]

Maybe I'm coming from left field but it sounds like the phones and keys are "going away" symbols. 

I don't think putting the child to bed would help. If he is acting out a separation anxiety, getting less time with you may make it worse. 

If your child's school day extends to the evening hours, it's possible he's spending too much time in group care. Most 5 year olds spend 2-3 hours a day in school. Even if he's used to it, he probably misses you a lot. It's also possible he's not getting 

Maybe if you give him an old keychain full of old keys an a non-working phone to keep in his backpack, he won't feel the urge to take the ones from daycare.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by averlee 

Maybe I'm coming from left field but it sounds like the phones and keys are "going away" symbols. 

I don't think putting the child to bed would help. If he is acting out a separation anxiety, getting less time with you may make it worse. 

If your child's school day extends to the evening hours, it's possible he's spending too much time in group care. Most 5 year olds spend 2-3 hours a day in school. Even if he's used to it, he probably misses you a lot. It's also possible he's not getting 

Maybe if you give him an old keychain full of old keys an a non-working phone to keep in his backpack, he won't feel the urge to take the ones from daycare.

I could see doing the last option you mentioned, but I worked FT out of the home - both DH and I do, so this is nothing new for DS.  He's been going to daycare since he was 3 months old.  Going less for him, right now, is not an option.

[K1329]

My dd did similar things at 5 - she's now 7 and doesn't do it anymore. I assume it's a "phase", or, that they're learning about ownership, etc. Once, when she was 5, to my horror, after we'd left a party she said in the car "Look what I have" and showed me a 20 dollar bill! She'd found it in the host's home. I explained that we don't take things that don't belong to us, and that being a good guest and not taking/damaging things was crucial to a return invitation. I had her write an apology note and we returned the money, she apologized and gave them the note. She seems to have caught on - it's no longer an issue.