DD still uses me as paci ALL NIGHT LONG. Pls Help

[kdescalzi]

Oh wise mamas,

I really need your help. My dd is 19mos and nursing strong. I love to breastfeed her but I really need to NW. The reason I need to nw is because she needs to have my nipple in her mouth all night long. I cannot go out in the evenings because we never know when dd will need my boob!! I cannot even pee at night without her crying like crazy. I am torn bcs she has this intense need to suck and I feel horrible to think I would be taking away her comfort. One night I tried to unlatch her and she was frantically trying to latch onto my arm skin....I mean  frantically!! How do I give myself some personal space/freedom when she so desperately needs to suck?? WWYD? I have an overnight trip planned for July. Ample time to nw but I still feel guilty/freaked out. I have no other place to turn for help/advice but here. All my friends, family, even community nurses here have no gentle advice. PLEASE PLEASE HELP. Tell me what I can do.

[kdescalzi]

Hi everyone... Just wondering if the lack of responses is because I really do have a special situation that no one else has had to deal with. I cannot be the only mama with this problem can I?? Please help...now I really feel alone.

[D_McG]

I don't have any magic advice.  Just be calm, consistent, deal with the ensuing drama.  Calm, calm, comfort.  It needs to stop.  She won't like it but she'll get over it. 

The only no-cry thing that would have worked for my kids was 'wait it out' but that wasn't something I was willing to do.  So we just bit the bullet.  For DS it was best that I stay in the room.  For DD it worked best when I left her with DH for a couple of nights.  

GL!

[ashleypLC]

My second dd (now 3) was the exact same way!!  She would wake up every 45 min-1.5 hours to nurse and if I tried to break her off freak out!  At first I just accepted it because we planned on her being our last but surprise, pregnant with #4.  So I decided I wanted to night wean...it was rough.  I don't want to discourage you but it took about 3-4 months I think?  We first started off just trying to hold her off, offering water, snuggling, etc...she would cry and cry and cry...it was heartbreaking!!  Then we thought maybe if she was in her own bed but in our room and that actually made it a little bit better.  Eventually she was content with nursing to sleep and nursing first thing early in the am but she never stopped the night waking.  Now at 3 she still wakes up a couple times a night for water or snuggling.  She was never great at naps either unless she was being held so I think we just had a poor sleeper (our only one out of our 4 children!). 

Unfortunately the only advice I can offer is to go cold turkey and get ready for some sleepless nights :(  I hope someone else has better advice!!  Oh and I do remember we talked about it a lot not just in the middle of the night but during the day, I think that helped as well.

[journeywooz]

i'm in your shoes.  i have no advice.  we're in middle of nightweaning hell.  i lost my patience last night, out of sheer exhaustion--i'm also a stay-at-home mom so DP really has no idea what i go through.  he kept blaming DD's tantrums all night on me.  if anyone has any good advice, i really am all eyes.  

[Asiago]

A little silver lining but probably little actual help- the other way to view it is that comfort sucking, not only feeding, will prevent return of your menstruation. Also breast sucking increases a child's brain development (brain activity is increased as viewed on an EEG).

I know not much help! My thoughts are with you.

[kdescalzi]

Thank you for your replies. I have still not worked up the courage to start nw. I read about Jay Gordon's plan but there is no way on earth dd would survive without her boop for 7 hours. I may try to hold off on nursing until midnight and then work towards longer stretches?? I don't know what to do. I just feel so alone. When I tell people she still nurses all night long they think I am crazy. How come I feel like the only one with this problem?? Any other tips or commiseration is greatly appreciated.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by kdescalzi 

Thank you for your replies. I have still not worked up the courage to start nw. I read about Jay Gordon's plan but there is no way on earth dd would survive without her boop for 7 hours. I may try to hold off on nursing until midnight and then work towards longer stretches?? I don't know what to do. I just feel so alone. When I tell people she still nurses all night long they think I am crazy. How come I feel like the only one with this problem?? Any other tips or commiseration is greatly appreciated.

you'd be surprised.  I thought the same thing of my son (that he couldn't survive without it for so many hours) but when I went OOT for a weekend and my husband had milk for him in a bottle.. he didn't take any at all and low and behold began to eat during the day :)  When it came to nightweaning I was even willing to give him something at night (milk in a cup or whatever) but he wouldn't even take water.  
 

[FrenchMama]

I'm sorry that you feel so lonely. What a friend of mine did to NW was that she stopped cold turkey one night and sent in her DH to calm her baby down. Since Dad could not BF, after a couple of nights her son just gave up. Her son was younger that your daughter at the time though (about 10 months I'd say), and I am thinking that at 19 months your DD knows what she wants and won't give it up as easily. The other thing with that is that you need to have a DH who is willing to hold your crying baby for hours and not call for help. I seem to have a better time letting her fret for a little while than DH, so I know that this couldn't work in this house...

I have a silly question though...does she use pacifiers? My 17 months old DD says a really firm "NO" when I try to substitute the pacifier for the boob, but she'll take it after a while especially if I have run out of milk.

Good luck...

[kdescalzi]

Thank you for the tips. My dd will only take a paci during the day, wandering around the house. If I try to replace my nipple for the paci, she freaks and wakes up. I tried so hard with the pacis to no avail! 

My dh is not calm enough to deal with dd and her crying. He can handle it for maybe 15-30mins and then he gives up. I have told him that if I was to ever nw successfully, I will need his help. He always seems ok when we discuss it, but if she freaks at bedtime, he will give up. I have no idea how to do this on my own. Any other tips or advise are warmly welcomed. 

[D_McG]

I nightweaned my son alone.  I mean my DH was in bed with us but he wasn't involved.  Just being confident that I was making the right decision was enough to get me through.  He may have thought it was the end of the world but as an adult, I know better.  I knew it was necessary.. good, even.  He was 22 mos and I was weaning fully (had already day-weaned).

[petitchou]

Ds2 is 19 months and we are going through the same thing.  No, you are absolutely not alone!  If he would just unlatch and let me roll over in between nursing, I think I could handle even the frequent waking but he has to be attached all.night.long.  I'm starting to get so frustrated with him because I'm so tired and sore and I hate hissing at him to just go to sleep in the middle of the night.  Sometimes I just want to be able to roll over, ya know? ;)

I night weaned ds1 about the same age loosely following Jay Gordon's plan.  He was already unlatching on his own so we skipped the first step.  We set a light on a timer to come on at 5am and told ds that he could have 'num-nums' when the light came on.  It took about a week for him to stop waking up and asking to nurse during the night.  It was really rough for a few nights and yes, he did scream, but at that point I was pregnant and absolutely had to stop the night nursing or I think I would have gone insane.  I was always right there with him, singing to him and holding him.  He loved hearing about trucks and I remember laying there with him making up songs about all the different trucks until I wasn't making sense anymore and would drift off and then he would wake up and I would start all over again.  Very tiring but in the end, he started sleeping. 

I think we will do something similar with ds2.  He went through a phase a few weeks ago where I think it was his molars bothering him (he has all his teeth except his 2 year molars) but I'm pretty sure we're past that and he just wants to comfort nurse now.  I'm hoping it will be just a little easier with him than with ds1 (ds1 was much more high needs) but I'm not sure about that. 

[Lineymom]

I think it can be done gently without tears... or very little tears.  It has been a few years but with my older two I nightweaned at about 15-18months and 22months.  I remember reading Dr Jay Gordon and using a little of that as well as Dr Sears' "nummies go night-night."  I also found that they nursed less if they were simply closer to DH in the bed than me.  I know we did not have any sleepness nights because sleep is always my number one at night, attached to a toddler or not, lol.  So, I know I would've gave in before staying up.  I remember that they really understood the whole "We'll nurse again when the sun is up and there is light outside" as I reminded them while nursing them to sleep for the night.  So, I still nursed them to sleep, but not back to sleep if they roused in the night and they soon didn't.

I say how easy this was, but I have a 14mo, so I may pay my dues with her, but we are not ready.... I like that she keeps AF away!

[lactatinggirl]

My DD did a similar thing when she was younger (she's now 22 months). It wasn't every night, but probably 2 nights a week she would stay on All. Night. Long. and I would get awful sleep because of it. We actually moved her to her own bedroom (with just a twin-sized mattress on the floor) at about 18 months and she immediately started sleeping longer. Now it's a rare night when I can't get her to sleep easily and sneak out of the room. I think that me being right next to her made her want to nurse every time that she fussed even a little. 

[Lineymom]

Originally Posted by lactatinggirl 

My DD did a similar thing when she was younger (she's now 22 months). It wasn't every night, but probably 2 nights a week she would stay on All. Night. Long. and I would get awful sleep because of it. We actually moved her to her own bedroom (with just a twin-sized mattress on the floor) at about 18 months and she immediately started sleeping longer. Now it's a rare night when I can't get her to sleep easily and sneak out of the room. I think that me being right next to her made her want to nurse every time that she fussed even a little. 

There is something to that because the other night DH said that DD just barely made a light wimper in her sleep (I don't even remember) and I immediately scooted over to her and latched on even though she would've kept on sleeping!  It is so automatic and instinctive I guess!

[carlye828]

I keep hearing about this night-weaning thing.  I think it’s imaginary.  Hahaha!  I never could do it.  DD is 27 months and still sleeps with me and still nurses on demand, at least 3 times, a night.  Which is MUCH better than it used to be.  About 6 months ago, we were where you are.  She was attached all night.  She’s also a 3rd degree twiddler.  It was exhausting.  I got no sleep.  So, I can offer you no advise there, as I just tend to wait out the rough patches.  

BUT!, I can tell you that she spent the night with my mom at that time and she was fine.  She didn’t even cry.  I think if they know you’re not there, they can go without it.  It was harder for me, MUCH harder.  Do an overnight trial run and be available to pick her up if she’s not OK.  Then at least you know you can go on your trip relatively stress free if you bomb at night weaning.   

[Maurer]

I dont know if this will help or not, but my son was the same way.  I never went out because he nursed all night and I never knew when he would wake up.  We coslept too.  Then magically and I mean somewhat magically, at the age of 2 he just went from nursing all night long to sleeping through the night.  We moved him in his own room at that time.  I was exhausted after not sleeping for 2 years straight and it was just like he was ready to move into his own room.  We never did cry it out and I think it just involved 2 nights of whining for few minutes each time.   We adjusted his bedtime to earlier and that help tremendously.  He slept longer going to bed earlier. 

From that point on he slept so well.  He still nursed a lot during the day and that didnt really start to slow down until he was 3.  We still co-sleep a few nights a week now and he is three and half.  He nurses for about 10 seconds here and there during the day and its hard to believe that is all he nurses after spending so much time night nursing for 2 years.

Of course if he is not feeling well he starts nursing more again. 

The moral to my story is that somehow it just all works out and they will eventually nurse less during the night. 

I hope you get some sleep soon. 

[Mommy2anangel]

Hang in there mama, and plenty of hugs. I was in your shoes a few months ago, and still a couple of nights a week. My dd is 26 months and still nurses during the night, now 2 or 3 times. We bedshare and I got to the point where I was so exhausted from the constant night nursing. Now thankfully, it's not as often, and I do get some sleep.

Something you can try-
do not sleep facing her. If she nurses to sleep, when she is completely out, gently get your nipple out of her mouth and turn. She'll feel your warmth and maybe that will comfort. And if she starts fussing a little, don't respond promptly. I only turn and offer if I can tell she's fully awake, or if she sits up and starts pulling me to turn over...lol.

Also for me, I know that when she really wants to nurse through the night, she was getting teeth in, or fighting something off.

The turning thing does helps some nights and I get more hours of sleep which is honestly so much better than none.

Hugs again!