Closet extended nurser or are you open about it?

[bright_eyes]

Do you let others know you are nursing your older child or are you a closet extended nurser?  I wish I could be one of those people who could care less what others thought about extended nursing and wanted to help changes people's attitudes by it by showing them it can be normal and fine, but I am way to self conscious about it.  Very few people know that ds, at 4 1/2, is still nursing.  If anyone in my life doesn't already know ds is still nursing (mostly my friends that know me very well), I don't dare tell them.  I don't know why I feel so worried about people knowing, but the thought of people finding out makes me feel so anxious.

I am curious about how other moms who do CLW deal with this?  Do you hide it from people or are you open about it?

[SubliminalDarkness]

I don't hide it, but I don't go out of my way to make it known, either. Some people know. Some people don't, because there's no reason that they would. 

[woodchick]

My 4 and a half year old nurses once a day or so.  Many people in my life know, but I suspect that many don't.  She doesn't ask to nurse anywhere but at home and doesn't really talk about it, so it doesn't come up in conversation much.  DD2 is 22months and is nursing as well. I don't think most people even guess that DD1 might still be nursing.

I have a couple of friends who are nursing their 4yos, so that puts me in good company.  I don't bring up CLW most of the time, but I'm not embarrassed by it.  If it comes up organically that I'm more than happy to share my experiences.

I am, however, careful about how I talk about extended nursing with women who are pregnant or just starting out on their nursing careers. Especially if they are hesitant about breastfeeding.  Just because we have chosen CLW, I don't want to make them think that they have to go this long or that I will think ill of them if they wean earlier.

[SeekingJoy]

I am fairly private about it. Somewhere around 2 yrs old, I stopped talking about nursing. Gradually before then I stopped nursing her in public. As she made her way to 3 and then turned 3, we stopped talking about nursing even in front of close friends.

There is only a single group of MDC mamas that I talk about nursing with IRL. My mom, brother and best friends probably know I still nurse, but with a few exceptions, I don't talk about it. I wish I could be more open about it, but I have found that in a weird way it diminishes my credibility with new nursing moms, who I really enjoy supporting and it is really important to me to support.

[goldenwillow]

I am grateful to read your posts. 

DS is 18 months and I don't plan on weaning him until he weans himself, at whatever age.  DH and I joke that that isn't gonna happen anytime soon it seems, fine by me.  Got a ton of crap during the holidaze that we were still nursing. 

I don't make a big deal out of it but don't hide it either. 

[Marissamom]

DD is 19 months, and I'm open about the fact that we're still nursing if it comes up, but DD hasn't nursed in public for a while, so it doesn't come up very often. so family and close friends know, but people we spend less time with probably don't. I've honestly got more reactions because I'm nursing through pregnancy than from her age. 

[myk]

i was very open about it until DD1 was 2.5 or so. after that i decided it wasn't anyone's business. no shame, just didn't come up most of the time. i stopped NIP at about that time as well. very few people knew i was still bfing at 3 and 4.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness 

I don't hide it, but I don't go out of my way to make it known, either. Some people know. Some people don't, because there's no reason that they would. 

Yup this is me as well.

[kythe]

I also admire people who can be open about ebf, but I don't feel I live in an environment where that can be done.

I stopped talking about nursing after about the first year or so. I didn't have a lot of support, but the subject came up frequently in the early months because it is apparant to friends and family when you breastfeed often. I responded to people's comments by pointing out that the AAP recommends breastfeeding for at least a year. But once that year was up, if people weren't really on the bandwagon yet, it's not going to get any better. We just became more private about it.

[Vancouver Mommy]

I can talk to a couple of close friends and my sister about the fact that ds still nurses. He will be 4 in April. Although I am quite private about it, he does not hesitate to assertively state that he would like to nurse. Sometimes over and over and over and over again. This makes me cringe when we're visiting my parents but for the most part I just try to move him along to another activity. Although I've talked to him about privacy, he really doesn't get it and has no reason to feel shame about nursing. Sometimes I think he'll expect me to meet him in the playground at recess after he starts school.

[averlee]

I'm still nursing my 3 and a half year old. I've found I can't hide it. I'm sure people think I'm a total weirdo but maybe they're too shocked to say anything, because I've got very few, almost zero, negative comments about it.

[ar2974]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness 

I don't hide it, but I don't go out of my way to make it known, either. Some people know. Some people don't, because there's no reason that they would. 

Yep.  Lots of people think I'm nuts.  I couldn't care less.  I have a newborn and I mentioned to the pediatrician that I had a 4 1/2 year old who was still nursing.  He started saying, "well, in my opinion...." and then stopped and said, "I'm sure you don't care what I think and didn't ask anyhow so I will stop now".

[AtYourCervices]

Nobody IRL knows that my 4 y/o DD still nurses. Not even my husband. He thinks she weaned a year ago when she turned 3. It's a non-issue. However, a few months ago DD got hurt and was crying. I was holding her and she pulled down my shirt and started nursing. My husband stared for a few seconds then said "We don't want her to start THAT back up again." I remained silent. DD nurses anywhere from twice a day to once every few days.

[octobermom]

 My current nursling is only 10 months but I nursed my first 4 years. I never per say hid the fact but I found after around a year or so people really just stopped even asking. We personally stopped NIP between 15-18 months and cut down a lot after a year.. Not because I was so much insisting on the stop but because we just had other ways of dealing with hunger and I could comfort in other ways as well. I did also choose to protect her from stares and rude comments so IF nursing was a necessity we found some place priviate... However on the occcasion someone asked I was honest.

Deanna

[motherhendoula]

Originally Posted by ar2974 

 

Yep.  Lots of people think I'm nuts.  I couldn't care less.  I have a newborn and I mentioned to the pediatrician that I had a 4 1/2 year old who was still nursing.  He started saying, "well, in my opinion...." and then stopped and said, "I'm sure you don't care what I think and didn't ask anyhow so I will stop now".

KEEP THAT PEDIATRICIAN!  

[peaceful_mama]

I'm a little of both.  If I was ever asked directly for some reason about one of my older ones nursing (by "older" I mean like past the age where they themselves stopped needing to nurse all the time in public)  I would never deny it, but I never went out of my way of course to tell anyone who didn't already know, and I thought a lot about how embarrassing it might be if so and so found out.  I also listened to hubby and didn't allow my daughter to continue nursing even though *I* would have been totally fine with it, in some situations.  I saw it as such an all or nothing thing, and I think he might have too....either they *are* nursing or they are *not*.....yesterday my 2 year 2 month old little boy nursed for the first time since he chose to stop due to the lack of milk in my pregnancy.

I thought about this with major anxiety during my pregnancy and didn't even realize what the feeling was really.  I even asked at an LLL meeting--just a couple people I know not the whole group--who had nursed longer if they thought my baby would "stay weaned or not."  I just didn't know.  I knew what I thought his dad didn't want him doing, and his dad had some reasons, but I knew full well the reasons he was giving me were crap because I could see it all around me in my friends' children who had nursed longer than mine.  It came out that simply, HE has never seen siblings nurse together.  Whether they actually do that in his country?  How the heck would I know?  I've never been there.  *I* don't ask the women if they still nurse their toddlers or not.  Would I want to know?  Well, maybe, but it's just not all that important in the grand scheme of things.

I stopped allowing my 23 month old baby girl to even attempt to nurse at all because I thought her daddy wouldn't like it and it would cause a fight between us.

Yesterday, my 26 month old still-a-baby-too boy decided he was going to nurse himself to sleep.  The poor little guy has been reprimanded by me for even touching me there because I just couldn't stand the pain of his little nails there.  (not that they were long, I just had this ugh feeling when he did that, and I couldn't handle it.)  I sometimes didn't even want him to come up and sit next to me because I didn't want him to touch me there.  (with the new baby, sometimes it was about the baby not getting hurt too.)  I thought during my pregnancy that one reason he might have quit was seeing my reaction to the pain...sometimes i just could not help flinching when he would latch on.  But I told myself it was the lack of milk, and it likely was.  I also DREADED the thought of the work it might be to have 2 nursing babies, the time it might take whatever.  work?  i fell asleep!

My little girl had some of the same behaviors and would try, but in the middle of the family, she was easily distracted to do other things.  I thought it was just part of her exploring the difference between herself and the baby.  It probably was.  Did I handle it right?  Well, she'll be 4 years old tomorrow (TOMORROW!) and she does not nurse, she has not nursed since sometime after her brother came, she did nurse a couple of times that I enjoyed after he came, but I didn't allow it to continue at ANY time.....because of what her daddy said in some conversation when he saw her trying to nurse in front of him.

is my ds2 going to continue nursing? i dont know.  but i understand now.

[MamieCole]

DS1 nursed until right before he was 3. He only weaned because my milk was gone due to pregnancy. I didn't take out a billboard advertisement, but I didn't hide it either. By that point, the only place he asked to nursed was at home, so if we had people over and he asked to nurse I happily said yes. Once when he was about 2 1/2 we had some friends over. DS asked to nurse and I put him on my lap and started nursing him. My friends were like "Soooo...he's still nursing huh? Is that, um, normal?"  Knowing my friends as I did, I knew they weren't trying to be rude, they were actually curious. I replied "Well, in this country, it certainly isn't common, but it most certainly is a normal thing for human offspring to nurse well beyond 2 years if left to their own choosing." They were very interested in hearing more. They asked more questions, I answered them honestly. One thing I remember the wife asking is "Why haven't YOU stopped?" and I said, without hesitation "There has never been a reason to stop. I haven't been forced to be separated from him for a long period of time. I haven't been diagnosed with a serious illness that requires me to wean. It isn't uncomfortable for me. It has been a one-day-at-a-time experience that has taken us to 2 1/2 years. It's been a natural progression and there hasn't been an indicator from myself or him that we should stop. It has never occurred to me to stop."

Then her husband said "That's awesome. A little weird, but awesome." 

I couldn't agree more. 

[ar2974]

Originally Posted by motherhendoula 

Originally Posted by ar2974 

 

Yep.  Lots of people think I'm nuts.  I couldn't care less.  I have a newborn and I mentioned to the pediatrician that I had a 4 1/2 year old who was still nursing.  He started saying, "well, in my opinion...." and then stopped and said, "I'm sure you don't care what I think and didn't ask anyhow so I will stop now".

KEEP THAT PEDIATRICIAN!  

OT but I love my pediatrician.  He is conventional but not a rush-to-the-prescription-pad type and is very open and accepting of parental input.  His mother is a midwife, lll leader, started one of the oldest doula services in the country, and wrote a book on home birth so I think this makes him much more accepting of "non-medical" ways of doing things.

[Vancouver Mommy]

My doctor recently asked me if I wanted to schedule a baseline mammogram. When I told her I was still nursing my 3 yo her response was "well, he must be very well attached.".

[contactmaya]

I tell people my 5yo nursed for the last time  the day before his 5th birthday (and once since) I nurse my almost 3 yo in public, and tell anyone who asks, that he still nurses :shrug