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DH is uncut, he favors circ on DS at birth, I'm still undecided...

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

I don't know why DH favors the choice to circumcise when DS is born, and I am still on the fence.  I don't care, either way, there will be different care for both either way.

 

I've brought it up a few times during the pregnancy, and I wonder if there is a different way to bring it up to figure out a more definitive reason for both of us on whether to leave DS intact like his father.  I don't see the harm in it.  And while Tri-Care (military insurance) will cover the cost of it - why take the extra expense on the government for something that is purely cosmetic?  (And don't get me wrong, I understand there are circles that do it for religious purposes, but I still see it as cosmetic.)

post #2 of 29

Why does your DH want to circumcise your son? Sharing your reasons with us would help us inform your decision.

post #3 of 29

I would guess it is b/c he grew up during a time when most boys were circumcised and the culture (ignorantly) favored circumcised men.  The issue is in his head and though you can't force it out, it is HIS job to deal with his issues rather than force his issues onto his son permanently.  If he thinks circumcision is good, then challenge him to circumcise himself.  If he won't, then that speaks volumes.

 

Tell him that today, less than half of baby boys are circumcised, and that the younger generations know all about circumcision and intactness and prefer intact.  Tell him that his son will not be mocked in the locker room if he is in the majority.  Tell him that you will teach your son to say, "Why are you looking at my junk anyway?" if he is challenged (which he won't be.)  Tell him that all the best sensations he has from his penis come from the foreskin.  And then tell him that though you are willing to discuss his issues with him, your son will not be circumcised as it is not dh's choice to make.

post #4 of 29

As for care, it is SUPER-EASY to care for an intact baby.  You absolutely do not pull his foreskin back ever.  It would cause him intense pain.  You just wipe the outside like a finger and that is that.  Once his foreskin retracts on his own (3 years to puberty is normal), you just tell him to swish it in the water when he bathes.  That is it.

 

Caring for a circumcised baby boy is very difficult.  You will have an open wound on his whole penis and he will be in diapers with poop and pee on it.  This is very painful.  You will have to apply ointment and gauze at every change.  The remnant foreskin will try to heal itself by reattaching to the penis.  You should let it do this, unless it is reattaching in a certain spot, and then this will be a serious problem likely requiring more surgery.  Some doctors tell you to rip back the "adhesions" where it is trying to heal itself.  Can you imagine having a healing wound ripped open several times a day????

post #5 of 29

I second what Galatea said - If he thinks that circ is better, why doesn't he go get cut himself?

post #6 of 29

ITA... there is no special care with an intact baby, aside from knowing that there is no special care. Wipe it like a finger! I'm more worried about how to clean this baby girl. Circing will 100% cause your ds to loose function and sensitivity. Circing will 100% cause your baby pain when they are fresh from the womb. Why do this for a cosmetic procedure?

post #7 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post

ITA... there is no special care with an intact baby, aside from knowing that there is no special care. Wipe it like a finger! I'm more worried about how to clean this baby girl. Circing will 100% cause your ds to loose function and sensitivity. Circing will 100% cause your baby pain when they are fresh from the womb. Why do this for a cosmetic procedure?



Wiping my baby girl freaked me out for months.  Her genitals were so tiny, and poop did get in the folds, and even using a thin cloth on my pinky finger seemed too big.  Girls are so much harder!

post #8 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by K703 View Post

I second what Galatea said - If he thinks that circ is better, why doesn't he go get cut himself?



Yep, the day he goes and gets circ'd is the day I would even listen to his argument for circumcising my boy.  Still wouldn't happen though.

post #9 of 29
Thread Starter 

I want it to be a mutual decision, but I will try to talk him into not doing it.  His daddy didn't do it.  And my nephew had a shoddy job done himself on circumcision, so still has some foreskin that wasn't properly cut away.  He can go in for more surgery, but his mother is opting not to - if they didn't do it right the first time, why would they a second time.

 

Thanks for the input, ladies.  I'm also going to check into some books on it, to be more informed on top of it.

post #10 of 29

DrMomma.org and their facebook group peaceful parents has tons of info and a book section on their website.  You might also want to google the Whole Network, depending on what state you live in they probably have a chapter group in your state.  Saving Penises offer awesome information packs for I think only 13 dollars, shipped.  There is a wealth of information out there.

post #11 of 29

My brother was intact and circ'd his son.  I honestly think that it was he equated foreskin with poverty.  My mother always told him that she just couldn't afford to get him done, so he was left intact.  He never wanted to play sports due to his fear of being teased.  He also has mentioned "issues" that probably have to do with my mother forcing his foreskin back as an infant.  She was shocked that I didn't have to do that with mine, so I guess she did it to him.  I have no idea how you'd get that foreskin back, but apparently it was done.   I remember zipping his foreskin up in some pj's when he was 2...I hope I didn't cause his "issues."

 

So, remind your husband that it's not a sign of poverty (it's 50/50 now) and the care of the intact penis is much gentler now.

post #12 of 29

You don't have to make the decision now or even when the baby is born. One of my sons was circumcised but because he was premature and too little for it at birth we had it done later when he was a little over a year old. It was done under general anesthesia with pain medication after. We lived at ellsworth then and went to an off base urologist, tricare paid 100%. There is only one urologist in rapid city, it took a couple months to get an appointment but he did a good job as far as I can tell although he did it 'high', I didn't even think to ask for it to be done 'low' as dh's is.

post #13 of 29

My husband is not and we chose not to circumcise our son. It seems to cause hubby no additional work (and he's never had an issue in his entire life with a foreskin).

 

I personally just could not do that to my baby son. Just the thought of my tiny baby going through that... I just couldn't do it..It is always done by the resident of your obstetrician, it's never done with any sort of anesthesia. I will say this, I had a daughter first, in the hospital, and she was preterm, so she had to be under the bilirubin lights in an isolette in the nursery. So when I'd go nurse her, every hour and a half, they put me in the circumcision room - a soundproof room with the circumstraints that they put the baby boys in, and just looking at that thing, I thought, thank goodness I have a girl! When I was pregnant with my son, I decide early on to not circ. I also will agree it's harder to care for and clean a girl than a boy ;)

 

Also just an observation, from mamas who did not circ, most of my friends who did offered up these "pee pee teepees" to me, and I've never used one - he's only done it twice, as a newborn, and not since. Is this mainly because an uncirc boy would feel the cold more when his diaper's off? I use cloth diapers and disposables so it doesn't seem to be a diaper difference.

 

Ann

post #14 of 29






 



Quote:

Originally Posted by elus0814 View Post




You don't have to make the decision now or even when the baby is born. One of my sons was circumcised but because he was premature and too little for it at birth we had it done later when he was a little over a year old. It was done under general anesthesia with pain medication after. We lived at ellsworth then and went to an off base urologist, tricare paid 100%. There is only one urologist in rapid city, it took a couple months to get an appointment but he did a good job as far as I can tell although he did it 'high', I didn't even think to ask for it to be done 'low' as dh's is.







And therein lies one of the biggest problems with infant circumcision. Baby penises are tiny, and foreskin isn't "extra" skin. It's all there for a reason. The urologist had no way of knowing how much foreskin will actually be needed to accomodate your particular son's ADULT erection. So while it may all look like he "did a good job", only your son will know once he's grown whether or not it's a "good job". "High" circumcisions can result in painful adult erections, tearing skin, painful scar lines and crooked penises where the skin pulls on the side where more was taken off.



 



The answer then really should not be "wait till your child is older" but "wait till your child is an ADULT, so he can make the decision for himself." After all, he is the only one who has to live with the results, for the rest of his life.



 





 


Edited by Anastasiya - 1/5/11 at 5:29pm
post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by anns View Post

Also just an observation, from mamas who did not circ, most of my friends who did offered up these "pee pee teepees" to me, and I've never used one - he's only done it twice, as a newborn, and not since. Is this mainly because an uncirc boy would feel the cold more when his diaper's off? I use cloth diapers and disposables so it doesn't seem to be a diaper difference.

 

Ann



My son rarely peed when I changed him, but he did it.  As far as I know peeing when diapers are off is more an issue of timing - do they need to pee or not?  If they do, they will since they don't necessarily know not to pee on us lol.

post #16 of 29

Do your research. Don't just do it because you don't see the difference or think its just cosmetic. Research.. Is it just cosmetic? What is the difference? 

When I started researching I really just thought it was some extra skin until I researched its function. My main question, what does foreskin do?-  http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html

 

I also found a very informative article that was published in Mothering magazine. http://www.luckystiff.org/circumcision/information/The_Case_Against_Circumcision-6.pdf

 

 A study done in 2007 concluded that- "Circumcision removes the most sensitive parts of the penis and decreases the fine-touch pressure sensitivity of glans penis. The most sensitive regions in the uncircumcised penis are those parts ablated by circumcision. When compared to the most sensitive area of the circumcised penis, several locations on the uncircumcised penis (the rim of the preputial orifice, dorsal and ventral, the frenulum near the ridged band, and the frenulum at the muco-cutaneous junction) that are missing from the circumcised penis were significantly more sensitive."- http://www.nocirc.org/touch-test/bju_6685.pdf

 

  

A great article for moms- http://tlctugger.com/Archives/EmpoweredWoman.htm

 

Very informative articles- http://www.thewholenetwork.org/the-active-intactivist.html

 

http://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/11/50-reasons-to-leave-it-alone.html

 

Be sure to make a fully informed decision- http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/are-you-fully-informed.html

The article links at the bottom of the article are great!

 

The most shocking information I found was the function, and how it effects sexual function. The history of it being done in the U.S was also shocking.

 

Famous with foreskins, Hugh Hefner is on the list! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2ypLFNP-8M


Edited by JulianneW - 1/4/11 at 11:57am
post #17 of 29

http://www.noharmm.org/separated.htm 

 

I think this is the article you both need to read. It was published in Men's Health Magazine.

 

http://mensightmagazine.com/Articles/Northrup/lovecirc.htm 

 

This one is by Dr. Christine Northrup and is also important into you need to understand.

 

 

 

In the past, if a (American) boy was intact and not provided any information- he might have grown up feeling stigmatized even if he was not purposely targeted.  He may have "picked up" enough attitude about our cultural bias to feel that his natural body was some sort of curse or social detriment.  I get that... but the thing is- just a TINY bit of information can go so far toward disarming all the myths and prejudices and giving a man a sense of self esteem and gratitude for his parents having protected him.  It may be too late for him to get those lessons proactivley- but there is nothing that would get in the way from giving your son those great lessons and having the ammunition to counter the negatives... circumcising a child doesn't fix those problems- it only adds to a horrible sexist status quo that has no rightful place in our lifetime.. and certainly not carrying on 80 years into the future on the body of the next generation.  The natural human body has a design that has a reason, this may not be fully understood by even men who have the anatomy- I know that circumcision has had a negative impact on my own ability to enjoy sex because of the way it changed the dynamics of how our bodies work togehter.  The older I get, the worse that problem becomes. 

 

The circumcision rate has dropped greatly in just the past decade, the cultural dynamic our children will be raised in will be different from the one when we were children. 

post #18 of 29

My view is that I do not want to make any permanent decision for my kids that I do not need to make.  It's something that once done, cannot be undone.  So I did not circ my son.  

 

If and when he comes to me and says he wants a circ, and he is mature enough to understand the meaning of this choice, I will take him in and get it done.  

 

So I would pitch it to my husband as something your son can decide on later.

post #19 of 29

the "mutual decision" should be your SON's decision, not his parents'. it is his body.

my DH is circumcised and favored circumcising our son. i stood my ground and said no. it is my understanding that in most hospitals, the mother is considered the "patient" and the mother's signature is required to do the surgery. this would make it YOUR decision, ultimately. when in doubt, don't.

don't perform unnecessary, painful, cosmetic surgery that will amputate the most sensitive part of his erogenous tissue.

not to mention the possibility of infections and other problems that are completely preventable by not having the surgery.

just say no. it's easy.

post #20 of 29

I would make him watch a video of a circumcision. And honestly if you're able to "not care one way or the other" that tells me you likely haven't watched one either. I can't even make it through an entire video of a procedure, so I'd be damned if I were going to allow something that horribly unnecessary to happen to my son.

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