"Princess Boy" and letting our children be proud of who they are - Page 3

[Lenisa]

Okay, my question is...Where is the guidance??? So little Joe wants to were pink...My 16 year old daughter wants to dress like a street walker...I put my foot down...It is my job to protect my child and to guide them...My 16 year old may very well like to dress in skirts that leave nothing to the imagination but I, as her mother, can and should disuade her from doing so...I also, having the purse strings, won't buy such outfits for her...

So if little Joe likes pink girlie clothing, so be, but I, as his mother, Number ONE, will not buy such clothing for my SON, and number two will try to find other clothing that he can and will wear until he is 18 and out of my house...OMG!!!    If kids could raise themselves properly OUR jobs as parents would be as easy as we would LIKE them to be...But sometimes WE as adults have to make choices for our kids....

[Storm Bride]

I don't see a boy wearing a dress or pink or whatever as having anything to do with raising a child "properly". DS2 has been out in public once or twice in dresses (ds1 never was, but I don't buy much of my children's clothing, and we didn't even have any dresses when he was little - I'm pretty sure he'd have worn them). That doesn't mean he's being improperly parented, and he's absolutely receiving guidance. He's receiving guidance to let him know that some people have irrational objections to boys in dresses, and then he can act accordingly. Much like ds1 when he had very long hair as a child, ds2 chooses to wear what he wants to wear and not pay any attention to other people's issues.

It makes me sad that is considered an "OMG" issue. Even aside from people who are truly trans, little kids like to play dress-up. There's no difference between ds2 putting on dd1's Belle dress, and dd1 coming downstairs wearing dress up clothes that include a hat and belt and carrying a long strap and telling me that she's Indiana Jones.

[queenjane]

Something i was thinking about the other day, is that i think its a fine line between embracing/celebrating your child's differences and sort of labelling/pidgeonholing them this one thing. I know with my son (who is almost three) he really likes sparkly bright things...he's kind of into fashion, if you will. He loves accessories, belts hats etc. Unfortunately for him, its difficult to find snazzy boys clothes ESP shoes...all the boys shoes at the store were dark blue or brown, but he wanted sparkles. Why do sparkles have to just be for girls??

But i had to watch myself, because i found myself giving him the pink or purple sippy cup and giving the red or blue one to his same-age brother. Or picking out things i thought he'd like, that were more jazzy, then letting him just decide. So i decided not to do that. I give his brother the "girl color" cups just as often (sometimes more often)...and i've found its not really "girl things" he likes, he just likes what he likes. His new favorite things are his buzz lightyear rain boots because toy story is his current obsession. He wears a very specific pair of jeans every single day, and sleeps in them (I have 12 pair, LOL)...they are girls size 4t, flared bottoms, and have these little buttons on the side with a bit of pink thread. He just likes how they fit and how they cover his feet since they are a size too big. Why does this make them "girls jeans"?

To Lenisa...not sure what your deal is...but there is a difference in encourage modesty (not letting your child leave the house looking like a 'streetwalker'), and demanding gender specific clothing. I dont go out of my way to buy "girls clothes" for my son, but if he were to really fall in love with an outfit, sure why not? Where's the harm? Conforming to societal norms is not really something we value in our family, certainly not when it comes to gender stereotypes.

Does your daughter wear pants? Didnt that used to be "boys only"?? Why is that ok?

[limette]

I don't know. I get why there is a need to present these ideas to the public but at the same time I don't get why it's needs to be made such a fuss. Doesn't make sense I know.

My daughters came first. As predicted they received a ton of pink clothes. When I purchased clothes for them (before they could pick them out but after the baby stage) I went for the boys stuff because I buy used and the boys department is less dated. So they have a good mix. My son is currently wearing all the baby girl stuff (pink). When he's a toddler he'll get the older stuff (most of which is red, green and neutrals) and when he gets old enough to pick his clothes out he can wear whatever he wants. I make no issue of it. I don't make gender statements about stuff because very few things are truly gender specific. My girls play with barbies, hot wheels and iron man toys while wearing dresses and rolling around in the mud. All three of them have their own baby doll. They play with and wear what they like.

The most annoying thing about the gender issue is that it's okay for women/girls to do traditionally masculine things but it's not okay the other way around. For a man, being called feminine is an insult. As a woman I find that infuriating. Enforcing that just continues to make men the superior gender when we should all be treated equally.

[WorldsBestMom]

 I can understand if  the little boy seems to be displaying feminine behavior. What can you do as  a mother but to love your child. However I am definitely not going to buy a book to give to my little boy to read about a little boy, who wants to be a princess or  seems to be extremely fascinated with girlie suff. As far as I am concern, a Princess is a girl and a Prince is a boy. What confusion  would that be to show my little boy this book and say look, "here is a little boy who wants to be a princess". No Way. At the end of the day,  what we can do is  sensitize our kids that there are some kids who are  of the same gender  who may not act the same as they do but they should be treated with respect. No need to be rubbing a boy princess in to the psyche of our children. He is not the first boy to be fascinated with girlie stuff. How about a book that teaches children how to treat and repect other kids of the same gender who may act different. As we know kids will tease other kids when they don't understand a certain situation.

Not because a girl can wear pants that means it is ok for a boy to wear a dress. To prove what really? When he gets older and is living on his own he can wear a dress or a tutu if  he so please. Hey he can wear  it to College or work if he chooses too. Even better if his girlfriend or his boyfriend is okay with it.  As a matter of fact how many of us would date a man who came to us wearing a dress because his parents raised him to be comfortable in it because that is what he only wanted to wear when he was little.

Kids will be Kids, they will be curious and dress up and all that,and some may have their preferences and its obvious they are going through a stage/Phase but as parents we should teach them what is appropiate and what is not. If they still want to do what they feel comfortable with and live a certain lifestyle,  especially when they reach teenage years then we have to allow them and let them make their own decisions. We did our best, what more can we do, than love them.

Interestingly in the future if Princess Boy should start acting like a Prince when he reaches teenage years and see those pcitures of him posted all over high school or posted on the internet he would just be mortified. So again we have to becareful as parents and thats my OPINION.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by WorldsBestMom 

What confusion  would that be to show my little boy this book and say look, "here is a little boy who wants to be a princess". No Way.

I'm not sure why there'd be any confusion, or what it is you're getting at. It's not hard to explain that such-and-such little boy likes princess clothes, and it's also not hard to explain that a princess is, by definition, a girl.

Not because a girl can wear pants that means it is ok for a boy to wear a dress. To prove what really?

Why does it have to be to "prove" anything? Most (I'm tempted to say all) of what my kids wear is about appropriateness for the weather/circumstances and about their personal preference. DS2 isn't "proving" anything when he wears sweatpants and a shirt with a jeep on the front, and he's also not "proving" anything when he wears his sister's princess dress (or when the two of them switch clothes and respond to each other's name for an hour or so).

I also don't see what the "because a girl can wear pants" thing is about. Girls didn't use to be "allowed" to wear pants. It was frowned on, and completely inappropriate. In my own lifetime, I've had a friend's grandmother call me a hussy and a slut, because I was wearing jeans with heels (1.5" pumps - nothing sexy, believe me). If some people hadn't let their girls wear them, anyway, then it would still be wildly inappropriate for a girl to wear pants. These gender rules about clothing are very, very arbitrary, after all.

As a matter of fact how many of us would date a man who came to us wearing a dress because his parents raised him to be comfortable in it because that is what he only wanted to wear when he was little.

I have no idea. I've only ever met one man who publicly wore dresses, and I don't know him well. I wouldn't date him, but not because of the dresses (it's because he gives every impression of being a major adrenalin junkie and that's just not my style). Whether or not I'd date a guy who came to me wearing a dress would depend on a huge number of factors. Of course...whether or not I'd date a guy who came to me wearning pants would depend on a huge number of factors, too.

Kids will be Kids, they will be curious and dress up and all that,and some may have their preferences and its obvious they are going through a stage/Phase but as parents we should teach them what is appropiate and what is not. If they still want to do what they feel comfortable with and live a certain lifestyle,  especially when they reach teenage years then we have to allow them and let them make their own decisions. We did our best, what more can we do, than love them.

I guess I don't see what being appropriate or going through a stage/phase has to do with a little boy wearing a dress (or lace, or sparkles, or whatever). Mind you, I let dd1 go out in all kinds of bizarre getups when she was younger (still would, but she doesn't do it, anymore). I can't imagine myself caring about the opinion of people who would care about that, yk?

Interestingly in the future if Princess Boy should start acting like a Prince when he reaches teenage years and see those pcitures of him posted all over high school or posted on the internet he would just be mortified. So again we have to becareful as parents and thats my OPINION.

This, I actually agree with. I think sticking a child publicly with an identity that is only one small part of who they are, when they're still very young, is a really, really bad idea. And, yes - it could definitely bounce back on the child.