Changing from joint to sole legal custody

[MariesMama]

Right now I have sole physical and joint legal custody of my DD.  My ex does not contact me or return my calls, so I can't include him in any parenting decisions.  Should I file for sole legal custody, just to make it official?  Is there really a big difference if he's not around anyway?

[Halfasianmomma]

I`m not 100% certain about this, but I believe sole legal custody would give you the power to travel with your child without needing your X's permission.

[MariesMama]

Hmmm. You make a good point, but my caseworker told me over the holidays that I was free to travel anywhere I liked. I have DD's passport, and her BC has no father listed. I've flown several times with her with no problem.

[Halfasianmomma]

oooh ok, I didn't know he isn't listed on the BC. In that case, getting sole legal would just cinch things nicely. I'm kind of neurotic about things like this, but if you CAN get sole legal, seeing as the father is totally uninterested, why not go for it? I wonder if you having sole legal would mean that you could determine your child's guardian in the event of your passing (another obsession of mine...my DD would go to her abusive alcoholic drug user of a father, hence I need to stay alive and well).

[MariesMama]

I don't even think he knows that he's not on the BC.  I had to get a court order to even get a paternity test (even though he was at the hospital when she was born), but I don't think he realized that he needed to go and get the BC amended as well.  It's been very helpful though - I didn't need anything else when I got her passport, the blank BC was enough, though it was before he was legally her father anyway.

I didn't think about the guardianship aspect.  The way I have it set up now is that my will states that my mother is DD's guardian.  Nobody knows how to get a hold of ex to even tell him if anything were to happen. 

In our state, I am supposed to be consulting with ex on medical, religious, and educational issues.  Honestly though, I haven't even bothered to attempt to contact him about any of that in almost two years.  He stopped responding to my phone calls and so I gave up.  I tried to contact him last week with no luck whatsoever.  It's just a hassle.

[NolaRiordan]

My hunch is that you may just stir up trouble by pursuing this. If you're really able to operate as if you had sole custody I'm not sure that I would rock the boat at this point.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by MariesMama 

Hmmm. You make a good point, but my caseworker told me over the holidays that I was free to travel anywhere I liked. I have DD's passport, and her BC has no father listed. I've flown several times with her with no problem.

How does he have joint legal custody if he's not on the BC?  That doesn't make sense.  If he's not on the BC, then he's not legally considered her father at all.  Is there a court order?  Or just how things have been?

[Momsteader]

With  my ds I had a similar situation (though his dad was on the BC). I just left it as is and documented that I couldn't contact him in a notebook and when I went to go for termination of his right so my new husband could adopt him, that was all helpful. And it would be the same if he came back on you and said you hadn't contacted him, you could show you couldn't.

I'd personally not 'rock the boat' as recommended by PP. Just go with what you've got :)

[MariesMama]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

How does he have joint legal custody if he's not on the BC?  That doesn't make sense.  If he's not on the BC, then he's not legally considered her father at all.  Is there a court order?  Or just how things have been?

Paternity was established several months after she was born.  Her birth certificate was already issued (he skipped out on signing it while we were at the hospital) with "father" left blank.  DD was born in a different county than where we lived and where custody was established.  So for her BC (the paper itself) to be amended, he would have to go to the county where DD was born.  He never did.  We have custody papers that state that he is the father, but as far as travel documents go, she has one parent and that parent is me.

I think I'll keep the status quo for now.  I don't think that the courts will let me file for sole legal custody since he can't even be served or come to the hearing, anyway.  He's several states away.

[soso-lynn]

You should ask your lawyer about it. In some cases, if the other parent cannot be found, the court could proceed without him and give you full legal custody.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by soso-lynn 

You should ask your lawyer about it. In some cases, if the other parent cannot be found, the court could proceed without him and give you full legal custody.

yup! while the iron is hot i would strike. since he cannot be found i would follow up with a lawyer and file for sole. of course it depends on your state and how easy it is. it wont change anything immediately. 

so that later on - which many dads (at least IRL in my experience) have suddenly appeared later on and gone in and out of the child's life - you are covered and it IS established in court that even legally your ex couldnt be found. if EVER that situation arises you have your bases covered legally.