I need a village! - Page 2

[treeoflife3]

village?  I could start with a friend.  I'm awful with being social though... new people and places make me extremely uncomfortable and I'm just awkward anyway even when I'm comfortable.  I'd love a village... more kids for kiddo to play with, adults to talk to.. but I'm awful at finding people.

[HannahW]

I am lucky enough to live next door to my parents and grandparents! I love my "village"! Istill do most of the care of my dd, but it is nice to know I have back up if I really NEED it.

[lovermont]

I also have a playgroup that is amazing and acts as our village. We often say that we wish we lived within walking distance of each other but we're fairly spread out - about 20minutes from the person the furthest on one side to the furthest on the other side. - Maybe more like 40 minutes? We usually meet at a playground in the nearest big city during warm weather and when it's colder we're scrambling for a location to meet. Someone usually offers their home but it can be overwhelming if several families decide to come on one day. We also do family dinner nights that are usually pot luck, mom night outs, and are always exchanging, clothes, ideas, diapers, advice, etc. Playgroup days are all day affairs - 6 hours usually. It's amazing.

It all started when I posted on MDC saying I'd like to start an Attachment Parenting Playgroup - everyone who is interested meet on this day at this time at this playground. And it's worked. We're going on our three year anniversary and it's still strong.

[MamasBoys]

Originally Posted by megannt 

How did you find this?! I would love that. Mamas just aren't meant to do this alone.

Where in Washington, Megan? ;)

[umsami]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

Check to see if there are co-housing communities near where you live. That's the idea of them!

Also, my mom always put ads out looking for senior citizens when were babies to be our adopted grandmas since our real grandmas weren't near. There are a lot of seniors who feel the same way you feel --- and would love to be around a baby. Can you put up a flier at your town's senior center? Village grandma could be waiting for you!

That's a great idea youngspiritmom.

[Jessica2fruity]

If you're in the Phoenix area, then check out the Arizona Birth Network. Even if you're beyond having babies, the people who come to the Birth Circles are frequently of a more natural bent. We have a wonderful community here! http://azbirthnetwork.wordpress.com/birth-circles/

[TamarHolmes]

A village is great, but first we need members. PLEASE is there anyone in San Diego that wants to be my family's friend? (Hey, I figure the direct approach works well when my children do it.)

Seriously though, if any of you families  are into

 alternative parenting methods and won't think me too much a "hippie" then contact me. Perhaps we could build our own tribe, our own village from there. Someone has to do something on a larger level though. No parent (or two parents even) was made to do parenthood by themselves.

[Neela0207]

First, I miss Dharma & Greg.  And that was a great episode!!

I would love a village...community!!  There is a wonderful network in my area of like minded families, but I remember reading an article about a dozen or so members of the same family living (in their own houses) on a HUGE plot of land somewhere.  Kids always playing in the dirt path...an adult always around.  How great?!?  We could get close to that...it was actually my husband who suggested we find a decent plot of land and move in with my parents!!

[Caracas]

I have given up on that dream...

[TeenBean]

I know that I am very lucky, since I have found my "village". I live in a small community in northern Canada, with only about 400 people. Every where we go people say Hi to my daughter and know her by name, and she knows their name. We have community potlucks here fairly often, and when we go my daughter can walk about and visit with everyone. I can have a break and don't have to be constantly watching her because I know everyone else is keeping an eye on the kids that show up too. We have a playgroup that meets twice a week, and about 5-10 parents and 15-20 kids attend. It's a small town, so the Recreation Centre is only a 10 min walk max for everyone. My parents also live here and are such a big help to me. Other moms in the community also take turns and care for each others kids to get a break and a day to themselves to read, craft, nap, etc.  I am fortunate and very grateful :)

[lightinmyhands]

Tree of life, I am also uncomfortable and awkward around new people/in new environments, I can totally sympathize.  I want the kids to have peers and for me to interact with other adults, but it is just so difficult meeting people.  

[Mommy2zs]

The healthiest people on earth are the ones whose lives are lived in service to eachother. Caring for eachother. I think we need to get away from big city mentality ( keep to ourselves) because we have seen where that leads. I think there needs to be a movement towards community mindedness. You don't have to move to a commune unless that's what you truly want. You can engage your neighborhoods just like the community gardens. Although for me a small intimate group seems more appealing than a large community.

[mommy212]

I'd love a tribe! Right now I am am scared to have another baby, partially for financial reasons but also because my husband is away alot (army) and I am terrified of taking care of two kids alone (1 is hard enough!) Anyone in the Tacoma/Seattle are want to get together? We are new here and even just some like-minded friends would make life so much better

[lightinmyhands]

mommy212.....  I've got a 7 year old and one that's nearly 2 and one on the way and my dh just switched jobs a few months ago and is now constantly working, he's hardly ever home during their waking hours and so I am mostly caring for the kids myself (though don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have the financial support to be their caregiver and teacher) but it's really, really, really hard.  If I would have known he'd be gone this much, in spite of the fact that he doubled his salary, I don't know if I would have gone for it.  You are right, one is difficult enough by yourself, two is really, really hard alone.  We all need/deserve a village!  how do we make manifest our desires?

[Janeen]

I totally agree with all of this. I never realized how LONELY being a parent can be. No matter where I live, I'm dealing with near constant loneliness. I'm not the greatest at making new friends. It's hard for me and it doesn't help that my husband follows a very strict, non-mainstream religion so many of the things that tend to join people together (like holidays), I might be able to participate in but my kids aren't supposed to and my husband would never join in so it's incredibly isolating and it's even worse during the holidays. I spent 14 months in South Korea which was even worse because I was SO lonely all the time. Being the wife of an ESL teacher did not make it easy to find friends (especially other parents). I returned to the US and to my hometown to have our second daughter because I figured that having family and friends nearby would help. One friend has been great, she even took me in for the summer. But I had a friend who was all gung ho about having me live near her basically blow me off after her relationship with my nephew ended (yes, she dated my nephew who was 10 years younger than the two of us). My older sister moved away to another state. And, the biggest blow of all, a very dear family friend died the end of last month from lung cancer taking what was pretty much the ONLY grandparent my girls knew (DH's parents are both dead and mine are not at all accessible, let's say). That doesn't leave much and now my friend is going to be moving away too taking away the ONE friend I actually did get to spend time with. I tried to join a parenting group but got kicked out when I couldn't get to many of the events. We don't have a car and if the play date or event wasn't on the busline, I wasn't able to go. Not that anyone understood that or tried to help. Most I don't think could even understand that we honestly just cannot afford a car at this time (and for sure cannot afford the upkeep of one).

I don't know. There are times I think that if I had known then what I know now about parenting and marriage, I wouldn't have taken on either. As lonely as being single was, sometimes I honestly feel even more alone married with kids.

[MamaSquish]

It's amazing....so many of us out there feel the need for these same things, yet it seems so hard to achieve IRL. I myself am a new SAHM with a 4 month old son. My partner is a fulltime student, and we live in an extremely rural area with antisocial neighbors. The nearest town is 45 minutes away. I grew up in a house that was constantly full of people, in a big, warm, Mediterrannean family and now I'm finding this isolation almost unbearable. We have no friends, no family (with the exception of my partner's father, who lives with us and spends every minute of his free time sitting in a recliner staring at television-not a big help there) and no one to help with our baby. Where is our tribe? All my life I had this vision of a house full of friends, family, children, music, and community...but now it seems like it might never happen.

[mommy212]

If anyone the the tacoma, washington area wants to meet up and see where it goes, send me a message!

edit: I started a thread called "Tacoma area playgroup?" in the Find your tribe forum. Please check out if you are interested.

Edited by mommy212 - 4/22/11 at 10:25am

[lightinmyhands]

i too had imagined a house full of friends/family/children/community....a bustling atmosphere of shared work/joys/ and sorrows.  I never imagined I'd feel like I was occupying my very own private island with my 2 girls (and another soon to come).  I hate to admit to agreeing to this, but yes, as lonely as single life sometimes was, marriage and children is proving to be much much lonelier.  And as many of us join in this thread and comment that we too feel just as isolated/lonely, it is seeming near to impossible to achieve irl.  There just has to be others like us in our local communities, people who can gather, come together and create these tribes we so desperately desire.  

[treeoflife3]

I started a park play group thread for the clarksville tn area.  Views, but no replies.  *sigh*

[Momma Moo Martin]

I completely understand the need for a village.  As a pp mentioned, we truly are meant to live in a community and not in such isolation.  I dream of the MDC mommas deciding that enough is enough and sending out smoke signals for all of us to gather and live together in the coolest (and larges) co-housing community ever!!!    I doubt that will happen but I would be just as happy with a smaller community as well.  :)   

Lightinmyhands, where in Missouri are you located?