Stretched too thin....

[poorlittlefish]

Hi Mamas.

I am not sure if I am looking for help, suggestions, commiserations…I don’t know.  I just need to get it out because my DH doesn’t seem to understand and I feel like I have been complaining so much to him lately I don’t want to do it anymore.

My problem is that I am stretched so very thin I feel like I might crack.  I don’t feel as though my life is any more difficult than anyone else’s, I guess I just find it hard to manage the stress and chaos. 

I have 2 little girls, 6months and just shy of 3yo.  They are both great, easygoing, beautiful and well behaved.  I work full time (40hrs per week) and have over an hour commute each way so I leave the house at 6:45am to drop at daycare and get home at about 5:45 each night.  I am breastfeeding and my LO is a big eater.  She isn’t a great sleeper so I am up a lot at night.  My whole body aches all the time from exhaustion.  My house is in total disarray.  I am still holding onto 15lbs of baby weight from #1 and I can’t seem to find the energy to get rid of it.  I end up crutching on junk food.  I feel ugly and fat, I am crabby to my DH and I feel like I don’t have any time to myself.  I refuse to take time away from my girls for some “me time” since I only see them a few hours per day.  I can’t sacrifice that time.    

I just had 10 days off of work to spend with my girls and even brought them to daycare 1 day to clean the house top to bottom.  I was really counting on this time to get rested and feel rejuvenated but I feel worse than I did before my time off.  I don’t know how to make this better and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Things I am already doing to help are trying to eat healthier (protein, fruits, veggies), taking vitamins (Vit. D, Prenatal, Alfalfa, B Complex), cosleeping for half the night.  What else can I do to make things better?  I am trying to find a job closer but who has the time to job search??

Does anyone else feel this way?  What can I do to improve my situation?  I love being a mom and am in that way, living my dream, why am I not enjoying it more?? What can I do to make things more enjoyable?

Thanks for reading this disjointed post and for any help you can give.

[Jend1002]

Yes, I really do feel that way too.  Just last night, DH asked me what was wrong and I told him that I hate the pace of our life.  I had just gotten home from work and daycare pick up and walking the dog with an unhappy toddler and was getting ready to start dinner.  DS has never really slept through the night so there is that ongoing exhaustion that really blows things out of proportion for me.  It is like being on a treadmill - I never feel like I am getting anywhere and the things that I am doing are just to keep things moving because we have to. 

In our house, DH has the long commute to work so I do pick up and drop off.  On the occasions that DH can do one or the other, I feel such a relief.  Is that an option for you?  Can your husband do a pick up or drop off?  Can you squeeze in exercise time at lunch or before work?  I am really really trying to convince myself that an extra half hour of sleep (or more likely just lying in bed awake) will not make me feel better but a 30 minute run really will. 

 Being a mom is absolutely wonderful - I agree with you there for sure.  I struggle with the balance of it all though.  I will be interested to see what ideas other WOHMs provide that lead to more contentment and joy in their lives.

[oaktreemama]

Have you considered a double jogging stroller and taking both girls out while you walk or run? At 6 mos old, baby can be bundled up if it is cold. I think the fresh air will do you all some good. I live in Cleveland, OH and I must say our weather is pretty crappy. We get very little sun during the winter but I go crazy if I don't get outside every day.

What is DH doing to help out? Does he have a long commute? If not why can't he be doing dinner while you get out with the girls? Or, have two nights that are designated easy dinner nights and get the whole family out for a walk. I find I can really reconnect with my husband when we do long walks around our town.

Is your DH offering to help? Are you perhaps suffering from a bit of "I do it best" syndrome when it comes to asking/accepting help with the girls or the house or dinner? I do that a lot. Hubby has really stepped up to the plate once I made my needs more clear.

Can you hire a cleaning service to do the rooms you live in-kitchen, bath, LR, Dr, bedrooms?

That said, I do a ton and am often tired. Working and mothering the way you want to is terribly difficult. I have always been a neat freak, but for a while I accepted that some things just couldn't get done.

[mooshersmama]

Hi there!  I do feel that way sometimes, although I don't have the commute you do, and neither does my husband.

I would take small steps, with an eye to bigger steps in the future.  First, accept that things are going to be tough but it won't be forever.  The sleep thing is huge and that WILL get better (eventually!).  Can you get out and walk at lunchtime?

I know how hard it is but I really think taking some "me" time will help.  When we have so little time with them it seems crazy to cut into that but it is absolutely essential.  Maybe one evening a week?  Or every other week?  What do you do at night after the kids go to sleep?  I know I fall into a trap of zoning in front of TV/the computer but when I just take a nice hot shower, read a book, or sit and talk to my husband for 10 minutes I feel so much better.

I know what you mean about the job search, it takes forever, but I'd keep trying.  Even just one resume submitted a week is a start.  Meanwhile, can you work out any sort of telecommuting with your current job?  I work at home twice a week and it is such a huge help.

Can you listen to comedy or something funny during your commute?  I find that laughing really helps a lot.

Good luck!!

[poorlittlefish]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for your replies. I have a great husband, no complaints there for sure.  He does the pick up from daycare everyday because I wouldn't be able to get there in time.  We work together on dinner and things in that area go pretty smoothly, relatively speaking although we don't eat as healthy as I would like.  I live in MN and the windchills here have been well below zero this week but when it warms up a little (above zero) I might take my older DD out. I do have a jogging stroller and I know that she would love the fresh air.  My baby has been doing the thing where I put her down for bed and she wakes up every hour to eat until I go to bed and then stretches that out to every 2-3 hours. Because of this it has been hard to get out to go for a run since I want to be there to put her down but I agree with what Oak Tree said.  DH can and will help out,I have been feeling that I do it best so I should do it. 

I am not able to workout over lunch as I take a 1/2 hour lunch so I get leave a 1/2 hour early and in that time I pump and eat.  I also am not able to telecommute with this job (I tried negotiating that with my boss but it was a no go).  That is something that I am looking for in my next job. 

Thanks for all your suggestions and I will try to get out and exercise, I think that will make a huge different. 

I appreciate all the support!