A son is a son until he takes a wife..........

[mamapajama]

Just because it came up on another thread, I wanted to throw that stupid phrase out there.  In other countries, the saying changes and you hear things like " A daughter is born facing outwards" which is the opposite of the expression we hear here in the US.  so, I think it depends on the culture you grow up in.  But, today with my crazy boys, I am thinking to myself, after all my hardwork they better better still want to hang out with me when they are grown and married.  I don't think the epxression is true, but it always makes me wonder......

[mamapajama]

Ooops I meant to post this on TAO forum. 

[mom2happy]

Yeah, this phrase gets me upset too.

It wouldn't bother me if it weren't true in so many cases.

My DH is one of these examples. His mom didn't win any prizes though.

I want to be a good MIL, but I am afraid I'm going to feel like someone is stealing my boy!

That might just be now though. I will probably be happy as long as he is happy.

[Cyllya]

If it makes you feel any better to hear an exception to the "rule," my DP and his two younger brothers seem to really like spending time with their family. (His brothers live a lot closer to their parents though.)

As for possible contributing factors.... I've heard that boys tend to be spanked more often than girls. My DP's parents spanked, but did so a lot less than my parents (and I don't like visiting my mom). I wonder if boys are often treated less AP-like in other ways by the typical parent. (Anyone ever read The Bridge to Terabithia? You can tell that the main character--a male child--is pretty bummed out about his father often hugging his sisters but never him.) Do boys tend to be nursed less? IIRC, infant circumcision apparently has an effect on nursing, but I also wonder if moms are more likely to give into pressure to stop nursing because of the alleged sexual connotations. 

[Adaline'sMama]

I find that that whenever I have heard this phrase spoken, it is generally refering to a mother who needs to let go a little. While I agree that there should always be a connection between a man and his mother, I think that there are a lot of mothers who dont respect their son's new wife, therefore not respecting his right to have his own family. My MIL still expects my DH to do some of her household duties. She is unmarried and she often expects him to mow her grass, change her lightbulbs, lift heavy things for her, take out the trash if we are over, ect. I find these things to be insulting, because if he visited her on a more regular basis, he would never have the energy to do those kinds of chores at our house. She clearly feels that her relationship to him is more valid than mine, and even has stated it as "Well, we will always be family." She has divorced twice, clearly has no respect for the institution of marriage (due to her comments, not to her divorce), and completely thinks that my DH should be her son before he is my husband.

I totally understand that a son should go to his mom'[s for dinner, call her a couple of times a week, help out if she needs it, and be there for her. However, I think these things are things a son should do for his mother because he loves and respects her, not because he is expected to do it. My MIL fully expects DH to be more of a son to her than a husband to me, a father to DD, an owner of a business, or a man in society. In our respect, I truly belive that when he got married, she should have let go, quite a bit.

I dont think it necessarily means that your son is no longer your son, just that upon marriage (or moving out, in my opinion) he should be treated as an adult, and more as an equal, as opposed to like he never left your home. At some point children do fly from the nest, and I feel that you have to raise them to love and respect you, not expect it just because you cared for them for 18 years. (sorry for the mini rant)

[gbailey]

Ephesians 5:31 says a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. Some people misinterpret that to say a man is no longer a son when he gets married.